Watching from a distance was by no means fun. How he longed for action, for a taste of Weiß once more. But his fellow members were efficient enough to remind him that their time would come. That patience was indeed a virtue.
M2: Patience
Omi was working diligently on something Aya couldn't understand. He stood over his shoulder staring down at him. Omi didn't seem to mind being watched. He would write something, then move away and sketch something, then move back and write something else. Then he'd take a break and drink something, and then go back to writing.
Every now and then, he'd get on his computer and type out what he wrote, then go over it and correct it. Then he'd go back to sketching. Once, he took a pack of rubber bands and created a slingshot, then wrote a little more, then sketched. Aya was on the verge of asking, but he hated it when people inquired about his actions. He decided to leave Omi to his work.
Around eight, Aya called it quits. He had absolutely no idea why Omi had asked him to stay there all that time. They hadn't spoken to each other; Omi was completely preoccupied the whole time. But he expressed concern whenever Aya went to leave and so Aya stayed. But Aya grew tired. He stood. Omi looked over to him and frowned slightly to himself.
"I'm taking a bath," Aya said, and left the room. He leaned over so as not to hit his head on the way out. Omi had been acting strange ever since he'd woken up. Aya was more than concerned, but Ken and Yohji spent their time convincing him that Omi just needed more time to adjust to everything. Maybe they were right. But why was it taking so long?
Aya reached the first floor and knocked on Ken's door. Ken called for him to come inside and he did. Ken was sitting on the floor watching TV, pushing a soccer ball back and forth between the wall and himself. He looked over to Aya, asking 'what?' with his expression.
"I'm about to take a bath. If you have to go, go now."
"I don't have to go," Ken said. Aya didn't press the matter, but he knew what would happen. Ken was the type to say, 'oh, I don't have to go', but as soon as Aya would get comfortable, he'd come knocking. Yohji told him the same thing, but Yohji knew how to wait. Aya went to the bathroom and ran his bath water.
He wasn't ashamed of the fact that he used bath salts and oils. To him, it wasn't a big deal. He spent a lot of his time being angry, and spiteful. But when it came to relaxing, Aya could beat the best of them. Or so he thought. That night, instead having the usual clarity of mind, he was plagued with thoughts of Omi, and of Weiß in general.
Omi was struggling and Aya didn't know how to help. He wanted to help, desperately. In a way, he wanted things back to normal. He told himself over and over that the only reason he joined Weiß was to get even, and that was true. Now that he'd gotten his revenge, what reason was there to stay? It couldn't possibly be because he liked…to kill? He asked himself this question numerous times. For justice only, he tried to assure himself. But there was something unbearably irresistible about handling his sword.
There had to be something else. He refused to believe that it was because he liked to take lives. Was it…because of Omi? Omi, who'd spent months in a daze, who'd finally been allowed to come home, who'd finally remembered who he was? But...he didn't really remember, did he? He remembered the basics of everything, but there was still a lot he didn't recall.
Omi was wondering around in an innocent stupor. We're assassins, he'd said. Assassins. Aya knew from the way Omi said that that Omi hadn't believed it on the inside. He was in denial, and was pretending not to be. How come he couldn't see himself when he had his memories? Why was he trying to keep those memories hidden?
Aya sank into the water, stopping when the water level was just under his nose. He looked over at his feet resting on the back ledge of the tub. He was concerned about all of them, about their welfare. Kritiker had left them a healthy sum of money to get started. Birman told them that it was up to them whether they wanted to reestablish Weiß, or to move on instead.
They hadn't really discussed it since moving there. They each did a little work on the side, something Aya had convinced himself was just an excuse to leave very little time to think about what they really wanted to do. Aya was sure none of them knew what they wanted to do. He knew for sure that he, himself, didn't know.
And the situation with Omi was killing him. Why couldn't he just remember? Aya was very distraught over that. Omi's input would make the decision making much easier on all of them. Omi's opinion always mattered to Aya. He, though young and sometimes naïve, was intelligent. No one could deny him that. But the fact that his memories were hindered hurt Weiß, or whatever was left of it. And it stalled the progress Aya hoped to continue when Omi came to.
Someone knocked on the door. Aya frowned and lifted his face from the water. He rested his head on the ledge of the tub and didn't say a word.
"Hey…Aya…" Ken said. "I have to pee." Aya remained silent. "Um…Aya…? I'll only be a minute…" More silence. "Fine, be that way." Aya heard Ken's door close. He shook his head and closed his eyes. He tried to relax, and succeeded. He was able to get himself into that dreamlike state, where he bordered on just resting and almost sleeping. It was that state he liked best—not so far into reality that he was filled with the usual anxiety, and yet, not so far out that he was unaware of his surroundings. He stayed that way until the water went cold. At that point, he stood and got out of the bath.
Later, when he was all dry and clothed, he stood watching the garage from his bedroom window. The house they'd chosen didn't have the best views, but it served its purpose in other ways. Not only that, but it was the only one they could actually afford with the amount they'd been given by Kritiker. At least according to Yohji. Aya had the feeling Yohji made it so that they'd have a lot of spending money left over. It was a good thing he did, because they were able to furnish the house as they wanted, and still had a good amount left for bills and various miscellanies. They worked for a sense of purpose, not really out of necessity. However, there was still so much missing from his current way of life. Aya never experienced longer days than the days of present.
Aya went over to his bed and laid down. Ken was always the first to turn on the air conditioning, and he always had it on the highest setting. It was freezing in Aya's room, which had two vents through which heat and air came through. He wondered every time he laid down to bed whose bright idea it was to have two vents in a room as small as his, and he also wondered if there was a good reason for it. Either way, he was cold, even with both of the vent covers on.
He settled beneath both his sheets and his comforter, as he did in winter, and melted into a comfortable warmth. The warmth was why he didn't complain about the cold; it was what helped him sleep at night. He had no trouble getting to sleep that night. It was the dream he had that was the problem.
He was in his old apartment, down at the flower shop. He was sitting on his bed near the window, reading. It was nighttime, and the moon was full outside. He spent a large amount of time reading, especially Momoe's old novels. Those were the ones he liked the best.
After finishing a chapter, he lowered the dog-eared book and sat it in his lap. He looked out of the window and past the balcony to the moon. It was so bright and yellow. Aya smiled to himself. There was much in nature to appreciate.
Hello. Aya perked, and turned to face the room. Empty. Surely, he heard someone's voice. Where were they? Aya stood up. There's no cause for alarm. It's just me. Aya turned to the window. There stood the enemy. Aya's fists clenched tightly as he stared out at him. He refused to let his guard down, however. The enemy was coming closer.
"What do you want?" Aya asked aloud. The enemy raised his hand and opened the window, miraculously, from the outside. He wore a knowing look on his face, his thin wide lips lifted in a smirk Aya despised. He came through the window, kneeling on Aya's bed.
"What do I want?" the enemy asked. He stepped from the bed and stood with his weight on one hip, one hand on the raised hip and the other in his hair. The enemy always posed, always dramatically. It was disturbing. "It doesn't matter what I want…" The enemy came closer. "You want him back, don't you? You want him home." Aya twitched in his sleep, and his dream became different.
"He's home now…" The enemy shook his head very slowly, tapping his finger to the side of his eye in the same speed. Look into his angeleyes, one look and you're hypnotized. He'll take your heart and you must pay the price. Look into his angeleyes, you'll think you're in paradise. Then one day you'll find out he wears a disguise. Don't look too deep into those angeleyes… Aya shook his head, but the song remained.
"Like it?" the enemy inquired. "He's home, is he? He's not home. He never will be. He's…gone." The enemy chuckled. Aya growled.
"Omi is…"
"Omi?" the enemy asked. "Omi is not his name. Tsukiyono Omi, your beloved and trusted partner in Weiß, Bombay, is dead."
"Fuck off!"
"Don't get angry with me…" the enemy said, stepping closer. "I'm not the one who changed him. I'm not the one of pushed him away. I'm not the one who let him perish."
"Omi is alive!"
"You killed him, didn't you? You had the opportunity to save him, and you failed him." …one look and you're hypnotized. He'll take your heart and you must pay the price. Look into his angeleyes, you'll think you're in paradise. Then one day you'll…
"Stop it!"
"Stop what?" the enemy asked, face twisted in anger momentarily. "I'm not the one with the guilty conscience. I hear that song play because of your evil heart, because of how you've allowed him to suffer. Doesn't it feel beautiful, the fear of what will happen if Omi ever knew you let him down and you had to face him? It felt good watching him sink beneath the surface of the water, didn't it? Struggling to breathe, struggling for life." The enemy laughed. "I'm so envious…" …sometimes when I'm lonely, I sit and think about him, and it hurts to remember all the good times, when I thought I could never live without him, and I wonder does it have to be the same…
"Damnit!" Aya exclaimed, grabbing his head.
"Love it!" the enemy ordered, and he laughed his obnoxious, cocky laugh. "As long as your heart remains guilty, you'll hear it. As long as you think of him, seeing his large blue eyes wrought with fear," the enemy paused to cackle, "you'll hear it. And you'll love every second of it." Aya yelled out and swiftly right hooked the enemy. It connected, and the enemy seemed to enjoy it. "Yes!" he said. "Hit me! Make me suffer for your incompetence!"
"Omi…" Aya said, breathing in and out roughly. …don't look too deep into those angeleyes… "Omi…" …one look and you're hypnotized… "I tried to…" …you'll find out he wears a disguise… "I had him!" Aya said, and punched the enemy in the gut. The enemy laughed that laugh, and Aya grew even angrier.
He could see Omi struggling for breath on the platform, nearly lifeless in his arms. 'Aya…kun…' Aya saw the wave, he saw it heading right towards the platform, but it was too late. The wave hit and Omi was flushed from his grasp. 'Omi!!'
"I had him!"
"You let him die!"
"He's alive!"
"Tsukiyono Omi is dead!" Aya grabbed the sides of his head.
"I'll kill you!"
"How?" the enemy demanded. "You couldn't do it then. None of you could do it then. And you even lost a teammate in the process, how pathetic."
"I will end this!" Aya exclaimed and he lunged towards his katana near his bedside. He quickly unsheathed his sword, but the enemy was already at the window.
"Don't fret, boku no koneko. I'll come for you soon. Then that will be two dead kittens, and just two more Weiß to destroy." Aya scowled as the enemy leapt back on the balcony ledge, and then down towards the street. Aya, chest heaving, collapsed to his knees and stabbed the katana into the floor.
"Omi…" he whispered, and he lowered his head. "Omi…I'm sorry…"
Whenever Aya awoke from that dream, he felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and even though it had changed, that feeling still ate at him. He sat up and pushed his sheets down. He looked around the room. It was bright outside. Good. He didn't feel like going back to sleep. He got up and raised his shades. Yohji was out back with the grill, a beer bottle in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other. He also had a cigarette in his mouth. Aya wished he wouldn't smoke while he cooked, but getting Yohji to cook was a miracle in itself. Aya didn't see it as his place to complain. He looked over to his clock. It was almost nine. He nodded to himself as if verifying something and left his room.
He moved through the house and went out through the back. Yohji had just lowered the cover of the grill. He set the tongs down and sat in one of the lawn chairs he'd set out. He looked up and saw Aya coming towards him as he sat. He lifted the beerto him. Aya nodded to him and sat in the other chair.
"Sleep well?" Yohji asked.
"I had a nightmare," Aya said. Yohji shook his head.
"Wanna go out with me tonight? I'm sure you'll meet someone who'll give you sweet dreams."
"No thanks."
"No? That's too bad." Yohji leaned back in the chair and took a sip of his beer.
"What's Omi up to?"
"Probably sleeping."
"I was referring to what he was working on all day yesterday." Yohji raised his head in acknowledgement.
"I came home around one and he was still up, typing or something."
"Do you know what he's doing?"
"I have no idea. I asked, I said, you know, you're 18 now, there are places you can go now. He's not interested in that, though."
"Why should he be?"
"Hell, I was at his age. I'd like to think that one of you guys is normal."
"Normal?" Aya asked. Yohji nodded. "What do you mean by that?"
"You know. Like a regular guy. Like to go out, chase some tail. Socialize at least once a week. Hang out with pals. Anything."
"Ken hangs out with his friends," Aya said. Yohji nodded.
"But those guys are obsessed with soccer."
"Soccer's their passion."
"Why waste all that energy on one thing?"
"You waste all your energy on women." Yohji took a long drag of his cigarette.
"But at least I get out," he said, "outside of work. And I don't spend my time entirely around guys."
"What if Ken regards men the way you regard women?" Aya asked. Yohji's lips pursed and he looked over to Aya, lowering his head to peer over the rims of his glasses.
"What are you saying?" he asked.
"What did it sound like?" Yohji smiled coolly and looked away.
"To each his own, I suppose." He shrugged. "Though…I don't know where the attraction comes in. Men are pigs." Aya shook his head and looked away. He didn't think he'd ever understand the mystery that was Yohji. He folded his arms.
"What are you making?" he asked.
"Something to eat." Aya looked at him. If he had something in hand, he would have thrown it at him.
"Oh, is it so?" Aya asked. "I didn't know people barbecued things they didn't intendto eat." Yohji chuckled and drank more of his beer.
"Ribs," he said. "I wanted to have a little party, but I got impatient."
"We could still do that. Maybe this afternoon, when Ken comes back."
"I'm hungry now."
"We have other things to eat, you know."
"Well sure," Yohji said. "But if I felt like eating that stuff, I wouldn't have gone through all this trouble to grill."
"It's not like you won't eat it later. We have plenty of stuff to serve along the side, now that I think about it. All we have to do is set it out."
"I guess you're right," Yohji said. "We could have a little party or what not."
"Right." Aya stood. "I'll go see what we have, and if Omi'll get up yet."
"Yeah," Yohji said. He stood and went over to the grill. Aya went back into the house. In the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and pulled out some of the vegetables and fruits. He set them out, wondering what he could make of them. Omi would know. He went through the living room and up the stairs to Omi's room. He knocked on the door.
"Come in!" Omi called from inside. Aya opened the door. Omi was laid out on his bed, and his bed was made. Both of his windows were open, and he had a fan blowing on him from his computer chair, which had been wheeled over to him. Omi sat up when he saw Aya. Aya stayed at the door. "Ohayo, Aya-kun."
"Good morning," Aya said.
"Smells good," Omi said. He let his feet hang over the bed. "You cooking?"
"Yohji is, but there's more to be done. Why don't you give me a hand?" Omi looked excited.
"Sure!" he said. "Just let me get dressed. Are you about to get in the shower?" Aya shook his head.
"Later," he said. "You can go ahead."
"I already showered this morning, if you need to go in. I just need to freshen up." Aya didn't exactly know what it meant to freshen up, but he nodded and left the room. Omi joined him in the kitchen about ten minutes after Aya had gotten out of the shower and dressed. Aya had several ingredients laid out, but he didn't know what he wanted to do with them. Omi, as Aya knew he would be, was full of suggestions. It was one thing about him that wasn't the same as before. He'd become obsessed with watching cooking shows on TV, and liked to whip up dinner whenever he could. The difficulty with this was that he wasn't the best cook before the incident, and he was a great cook now.
Omi made potato salad, fruit smoothies and coleslaw to go along with the ribs. Yohji threw some chicken and sausage on the grill. By the time everything was ready, Ken had come home. He planned to go out with his buddies to eat, and had come home to change and grab some money, but when he saw what his housemates had done all day, he changed his mind. He was showering when Omi and Aya brought all the food out back. Omi set the table up, and everything was ready by the time Ken came out back.
It was just the way Aya wanted it. All the guys together, enjoying each other's company. They hadn't spent a lot of time together, and Aya only felt at peace when they did. He also felt at peace when he saw his sister, but there was something missing at those times. He felt complete around Omi, Yohji and Ken. He felt whole. He felt like he had purpose. He knew that once he and his sister became reacquainted, he'd feel that way when he visited her, too.
He wasn't sure what he was afraid of when it came to Aya-chan. She seemed happy every time he watched her, but he knew there was something that saddened her. He wondered if it was his absence. He wanted the moment to be right when he approached her. He just hadn't found that moment yet, that was all.
"Aya-kun?" Omi asked, pulling him from his thoughts. "What do you think?"
"What do I think?" Aya asked. He hadmissed something.
"Yeah," Omi said. For some reason, his eyes seemed inexplicably large and pleading. "Do you think I could get a dog? Huh? Do you think?" Oh. That was why.
"You can get one if you want," Aya said. "Who am I to stop you?" Omi smiled.
"So you guys don't mind? I mean…I didn't want to just bring one home without saying anything."
"Sure," Yohji said. "But I'm not taking care of it."
"I wouldn't do that to you," Omi said. "I'll accept all responsibility."
"I'll give you what you need," Yohji said. "A ride and everything." Omi smiled again. "Thank you," he said.
"Omi," Aya said. "Getting a dog's a big responsibility. You have to give it a lot of attention, especially in the beginning. Are you ready for that?"
"Well, sure. I always have a lot of time on my hands."
"What about if you decide to go back?" Aya asked. "Have you thought about that?" Ken held up a hand.
"If we could manage a flower shop while doing what we did, I think Omi can handle taking care of a puppy."
"I just want you to be aware of it," Aya said. He scooted back in his chair. "I want you to think about that before you make your decision. You never know what will happen." Aya picked up his plate, ready to get a fresh one, when he turned around and saw someone he didn't expect. "Birman…?" he said. Ken, Yohji and Omi went quiet as their attention turned to her. She walked over to them, her highs clacking on the pavement. There was a smirk on her lips and she carried a manila folder.
"Hello, boys," she said. "Enjoying your afternoon?" Yohji stood up, went over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"I suppose you've come to make it better?" he asked. She looked at him, and they gave each other the looks they always gave each other in that situation. Aya was scared by the familiarity of it. Birman held up the folder.
"Don't tell me that's what I think it is…" Ken said.
"Are you hungry, Miss Birman?" Omi asked. "You want to eat something? We have plenty." Birman smiled at him.
"I'm glad to see you up and at 'em, Bombay," she said. Omi looked confused, and then nodded as he remembered. Birman looked at Ken. "I think this is exactly what you think it is. You fellas got a minute?"
"Birman…" Aya said. "We haven't discussed it fully yet. I was hoping to do it tonight, when we'd all be home."
"Well, then," Birman said. "My timing is perfect."
Please review,
kaj