MINTY THRILL
Chapter the First
The White Rabbit Rides Again
"Late?" I groaned, and threw open the closet door, "Late?? That's so… unoriginal!" I felt like someone had just stuck a neon 'cliché' sign on my back.
Frantically throwing articles of clothing aside, I looked for something clean. I didn't get the time to wash my clothes all that often, and even when I did, it usually consisted of dunking it in the toilet then covering it with toothpaste.
Lacking anything better, I grabbed a big pink Barney T-shirt, Hello Kitty runners and a pair of shorts so short I felt like my butt would go on protest.
"I can't believe I'm doing this…" I said mournfully, "I wore these last week!!"
Regardless, I was ready for action. What kind of action is best not said. I threw open my door, ran out into the hall and barrelled down the stairs, almost hitting Mrs. Veshuan with a clothesline along the way.
Too bad I missed, I thought spitefully.
Once down at the ground floor I kicked the front desk aside for good measure, and crashed through the front entrance to the fresh morning breeze of Burake Town. And in the afternoon, no less.
I scrambled onto the sidewalk, and made a mad dash towards Professor Gum's dinghy. …That's right, a dinghy. Burake Town isn't all that noticeable, so Gum lacks the funding and perks of being a professor. Then again, he's also a captain and a licensed minister, so maybe it's just him.
The lake was in view. I squinted, and could see Professor Gum circling around in his boat, singing a shanty. "Professor Gum!" I bellowed, skidding to a stop, "I'm here! I'm here!"
He peered lazily at me, and snorted. "Arr…" he scoffed in a gruff voice, "I'm sick of all ye damned landlubbers comin' to me classes late. I oughta make you walk the plank…"
I gave him a bemused look, and, defeated, he ripped off his eyepatch.
"Fine then!" he whined, "You kids never let me have any fun."
Without his pirate gear, he looked like any professor would. 47, wearing a slightly dirty white coat, and balding. His thick beard must've been where he stored the rest of his hair.
"Anyway, you're too late, Tony." He continued, "You were supposed to be here at 6. …Not 6 times 2!"
"I did not come here at 66 o'clock!" I shot back.
"Sorry kid, but I'm all out of Pokémon." He sighed, and looked at me. Surely he could see the disappointment and sorrow in my face. I was trying really, really hard to show it. After a moment, he perked up and smiled awkwardly, "I do, however, have one thing that'll take you closer to being a master than just a Pokémon!"
He reached into his deep coat pocket, and thrusted out a strange rectangular red contraption, which fit neatly in his hand. He passed it over, and I glimpsed at it. It looked familiar, and after a brief moment's thought, I got it.
"This… this is a Pokéd-"
"That's right, Tony!" he interrupted, "This is a Pokédatsu-brand novelty clock!"
I frowned, and flipped open the cover. There were several foreign markings on a fading screen. I looked up to see Gum rowing frantically away.
"Of course, I'm not sure which country it's from, but at least you'll always know when it's Chio Chio o'clock!" he cackled.
"Aww Hölle!" I snapped, dejectedly. That bastard had just scammed me out of a Pokémon. I turned around, and began to walk away. Annoyed, I threw the clock over my shoulder.
It sailed through the air, before I heard a very audible thump, followed by a scream and the sound of a body hitting the water. There were a few frantic gargles, then silence.
I gulped as to what it was, and ran for my life.
"What a gyp!" I said, sitting on a stump near a restaurant, "I'm cold, alone, and missing Jeopardy!"
Above all else however, (well, maybe a smidgen less important than missing Jeopardy) I had failed my mission to become a master, and attain my Mintythrill.
My quest was over, in a tender…
I peered over at the town clock.
"Eight minutes. New record." I muttered.
Before I could leave home and sob into my pillow, I heard a rustling from the bushes. Not taking into account the possibility of it being a cat or a hobo, I determined that there was a Pokémon in that thar foliage.
"This is it!" I said, excitement welling up, "The rare and elusive-"
A sesame seed bun rolled out from behind.
"Sandwich?"
A blue-green claw stretched out from behind the bush, and pulled the helpless sub back behind the bush.
"Now either that sandwich is evading capture," I deduced, walking toward the bush, "Or…"
I looked behind the bush, and there it was. A small blue dinosaur/frog/scaryass thing with the big green thingo on its back.
"Bulb-is-sore!" I said anxiously.
It looked at me, one eyebrow raised curiously. "Bulb-A-saur." It argued.
"I can't believe it, this is my chance to get a Mintythrill, all I gots to do is trade off this Bulb-is-sore." I bubbled, and the Bulb-is-sore stood up.
"Bulb-A-SAUR." It protested, this time louder and angrier.
I picked up a rock, and raised my arm, ready to throw. "You're coming with me, Bulb-is-sore," I threatened, "Any attempt to resist is futile!"
It stomped its foot angrily. "BULBASAUUUUUUR!!" it bellowed, and chewed up a piece of sandwich. It hawked it up in my direction. A piece of chewed up lettuce and saliva hit me on the cheek.
"Nooo!" I gasped, stumbling around, "Healthy Food Spit! Bulb-is-sore's special attack!!"
I wiped it off hurriedly, and winded up my throw. "Gooooooooooo rock!!"
Bulb-is-sore watched my arm swivel around, and yawned. Finally I let it go, and the rock soared majestically… right onto my foot. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I started to whimper.
The Bulb-is-sore shook its head as though it was going to be sick, and charged at me at full speed.
"Tackle attack!" I gulped. It was easy to remember an attack when you thought of it as a modified spear.
The Bulb-is-sore picked up speed, and I looked around frantically for something to fight it off with.
"Um, urg…" I gulped, "Go… foot!"
The Bulb-is-sore leapt up at me, and I did all I could. I kicked it in the face, leaving a clear shoeprint in its face. It landed on its feet, and started stumbling around dizzily.
"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuurrrrrrr……" it groaned.
If it was so sore, I assumed it was male. A female Bulb-is-sore probably would've slapped me by now. Creative plus number one.
He shook his head rapidly, before pointing a claw at me accusingly.
"Saur, bulba, saur, bulb… saaaaur!" He snarled with such feeling I felt as though I should go at war for him.
He looked back down at the remaining sandwich, then back at me, a wicked smirk crossing his face.
I began to sweat as he chewed on the sub, churned it up in his mouth, and turned to a large fence. His mouth puffed up, and he shot a barrage of sesame seeds at it.
They went right through the fence, and left a message. It read, 'I'm going to kill you, sucker'
If nothing else, this Bulb-is-sore was a very good speller.
He turned back at me, and though some would question the logic behind such lethal sesame seeds, I decided not to dwell on it, and instead started running.
In retrospect, it must've been a very unusual sight to see a fourteen-year-old lad prancing around town in short shorts bellowing for his life as a very angry frog chased after him firing sesame seeds.
I ducked a seed that would've otherwise hit me in the head, and began to panic. I had to think quickly; otherwise I would've been killed quite literally by bad food. I spotted a nearby tree, which had a Weedle crawling along a branch. They were easy to remember; I filled Mrs. Veshuan's room with them one time.
I snatched the bemused bug, and grabbed the pen from my pocket. I pointed it at the Weedle's throat. Or what seemed like its throat anyway.
"Come any closer and the bug gets it!!" I roared.
Bulb-is-sore looked at me as though I just said something very stupid. From the look on his face, I came under the bold impression that he didn't care whether or not I killed the damn bug.
"Well… I'll make you care!" I shouted, and took the Weedle in both hands. I swung it madly like a club, and managed to conk Bulb-is-sore on the head.
He stumbled around, before fainting. I cheered, and put the dazed Weedle down.
"We beat him, Weedle!" I cried with glee, and looked down at the bug. Its nose was bleeding, and its horn was broken right off.
I picked the white horn up in one hand, and Bulb-is-sore in the other.
"Well," I muttered, offering my sympathy, "You're a Caterpie now!"
Victoriously I made my way back to the apartment. If there was anything I had learned from school, it was that when there's no Pokémon Centre around, you should always go home for your mother to heal your Pokémon.
I busted through the front door, and looked around like a lost little boy. "Mom?" I called, "MOOOOOM?!"
Then it hit me. My mom was in Kentucky. And my dad worked at Kentucky, for that matter.
"Aww Hölle!" I snapped, and set Bulb-is-sore down on the floor. Pondering briefly, I decided to use absolute desperation manoeuvres. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself and knocked on the door of the closest thing I had to a mom…
"Whaddya want, Chambers?" Mr. Michaels hacked as he threw the door open.
I gazed disgustedly at him. He was grossly overweight, had a big bulbous nose, and shot spittle every word he spoke. He wore dirty shorts and a sweatshirt that read 'I'm Dead Sexy'. He had only a few greasy strands of wiry red hair, as well as some chin stubble. I held my breath to avoid his horrible stench. If he were a Pokémon type, it'd be Poison…
"Mr. Michaels," I started, "I need you to be my mommy and heal my Bulb-is-sore."
He had that 'mental institution' look in his eyes, but leant against the doorframe gamely. "What's its name, huh?" he smirked, "I'll heal it if I like its name."
I gulped again. Bulb-is-sore's name? There's something I forgot to do.
I thought through a quick list of names in my head. Frog… Toad… Frog 'n' Toad… Bush… George…
"Leaves!" I blurted out finally, "His name is Leaves!"
Mr. Michaels rolled his eyes, unimpressed.
"A pile of leaves… looks a lot like money!" I said quickly, appealing to his second-favourite thing, after himself.
"Hey hey!" Mr. Michaels cackled, his layers of fat jiggling as though they were laughing too, "Alright, I'll do it. So where is it?"
I scooped up Leaves, who seemed to be regaining consciousness.
"Right here!" I shouted with a grin, hovering Leaves around Mr. Michaels' face. There was a low snarl, as Leaves came back to. Mr. Michaels just barely ducked a barrage of sesame seeds from the struggling Bulb-is-sore before it fainted again.
Mr. Michaels looked at his hole-filled wall, then at me, seething with anger. "You want me to heal it, you little worm?"
He picked up Leaves by the throat. "Ding ding ding-aling," he mocked the Pokémon Centre tune, "And that's all you're gonna get from me!"
Again, a snarl emanated from the Bulb-is-sore.
"Hey!" I grinned, "It worked!"
Looking up furiously, Leaves shot off his last round of sesame seeds. He nailed the windows, the nearby fish tank, the bowling trophies, all the while in Mr. Michaels' hand.
Mr. Michaels turned very pale as glass and water began scattering all around him. Leaves fell to the floor, and let out a small chuckle as he ran out the front door. I thought it wise to follow him, and stood out in the street, panicking.
"Aww Hölle!" I finally let out, "You killed Mr. Michaels!"
Leaves looked up at me, and shook his head.
"Aww Hölle!" I continued, "You didn't kill Mr. Michaels!"
We headed toward the edge of Burake Town, and I tapped my chin pensively.
"Problem with all this is, I still don't have a Mintythrill…" I muttered, "So what do you say, Leaves? Will you join me in my quest, and be steadfast in your efforts to help me locate and capture my very own Mintythrill?"
He shook his head, frowning.
"Alrighty then…" I said, thinking. "Will you join me in my quest so you can break things and steal stuff?"
To this, Leaves nodded confidently.
"And so, we're off to Dezu City!" I shouted, pointing ahead. "Look out, world! I'm out to get my Mintythrill and be the best trainer since Jane Fonda! Here comes Terrible Tony!!"
Leaves cheered with all his heart.
"And his Bulb-is-sore!"
Annoyed, Leaves fell to the ground, and let out a loud sigh. "Saaaaaaaur…"
"No time for apologies my friend." I grinned, "We've got a Pokéthing journey to do!"