Chapter Seven: Leaving

Peter

"And so negotiations have completely ceased?" Peter asked the centaur general who was handling things on the Narnia's northern border. He and Peter were walking hastily to the war room.

"How can we continue to negotiate with them, Sire? They have come onto Narnian land and attacked our citizens."

"Quite right, quite right," Peter sighed. "I just hate to see it come to this. It will be a difficult campaign."

"Not too much for us to handle, I think. Especially with such a brilliant general as Your Majesty leading us."

"I would hardly call myself a brilliant general!"

"You are too modest, Sire. You . . ." He stopped, for they had turned a corner and found Ethnee standing outside of the war room. Peter knew, upon looking at her, that she knew what was going on and that she was thoroughly upset. She looked as though she had been crying.

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" Peter asked the centaur. "Please tell the others that I shouldn't be more than a few minutes."

"Of course, sire," the creature bowed and left him.

Peter stood looking at Ethnee for long moments. "Come, dear," he said, "let's go talk." They found a corner. Peter stood, awkwardly, not knowing what to say to his heartbroken little wife. "Ethnee …"

"Peter, I know," she said, her voice shaking a bit, "you are going off to war. Don't – don't worry about me. I'm going to try to braver Peter, I really am."

"Ethnee …"

"No, no. I've been talking to my sisters about bravery. About how women have to be brave in different ways than men. I – I'm afraid it's not in my nature, but I am trying."

"I don't know what to say, Ethnee," Peter was really quite touched by this effort on her part, but it made him feel even guiltier about leaving her.

"I'm going to have another baby, Peter," she said, tears flowing from her eyes in earnest now, but she tried to smile, all the same. "It will be better this time. I promise."

"You are with child?" Peter asked, his heart sinking. He remembered how it had been with Ethnee last time, how much she had changed. She had become sick in both mind and body.

"Yes, yes," she said, trying to give him another smile. "Don't look like that, Peter! I am going to be better this time. I know I've been selfish to you." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and shivered a bit. Peter looked at her, so small and defenseless. She needed him more than Narnia right now.

"I'm not leaving, Ethnee," Peter said, dully.

"You're not?!" she asked, her face brightening instantly. "Oh – oh but Peter, I know that you must. You really must. You can't let me stop you."

"Ethnee, I'm not leaving," Peter said more decisively this time, wondering how he was going to pull this off. "I have plenty of people who can take care of the situation for me."

"You do? Oh, Peter!" Ethnee flung her arms about him in joy. She looked happier than he had seen her look in a long time. He knew that he would have been able to handle the situation better from the front line than he could from Cair, but he also knew that if he left Ethnee alone for another childbirth, that it could be the death of her.

Susan

"I've decided that I would like to have Calorman silk for my wedding dress," Susan proclaimed to her younger two siblings over breakfast. Peter wasn't present or she certainly wouldn't have said this as Peter thought that she spent rather too much money on dresses. Men just didn't understand that amount of effort and money that were required to make women look the way their lovers and husbands wanted them to look. "At first, I thought that I would have purple for my dress as that is the most fashionable color in Narnia at the moment. Torim said that Terebinthian brides usually wear orange, but I look dreadful in orange. I finally settled on white – you remember – brides in our old world used to wear it and I look very nice in white."

Edmund yawned very rudely and even Lucy was unable to look interested.

"We aren't sure how many people will be there," Susan went on, deciding that it would be good for her brother and sister to understand the effort that went into planning a wedding. "We want to open it to the whole kingdom, but we aren't sure where we will have enough room."

"Susan," Lucy interrupted, "have you thought about where you will live once you are married?"

"Well, Narnia, I suppose."

"But won't Torim want to live in Terebinthia?"

"Well of course I shall have to visit Terebinthia," Susan said, throwing back her hair. "Torim said that the people will be very eager to see their new Queen. We thought that sometimes I could visit him in Terebinthia and sometimes he could visit me in Narnia, and that way we could be together much of the time."

"I see," Lucy said.

"Did you finally set a date?" Edmund asked.

"No. But not until next year, certainly. I am still angry that you are getting married before me, you know, Edmund. Why, you are practically a child!"

"I'm not a child. And my getting married before you is due entirely to the fact that Marna does not require yards of Calorman lace and foreign entertainers for our wedding."

"Calorman silk," Susan corrected him, absently. "Oh, Ed, do let me help Marna pick out her dress. She doesn't seem to pay much attention to fashion and I know that I could find her something that would show off all that pretty red hair."

"Absolutely not."

"Ed!"

"I've been given orders by Marna not to let you anywhere near any of her dresses."

"You can be overenthusiastic sometimes, Su," Lucy put in.

"Why I never! I'm afraid that you've ended up with a wife who is just as rude as you are, Ed," Susan said, but with a good-natured twinkle in her eye.

"I certainly hope so," Edmund said, lightly.

Edmund

It was Edmund's wedding day. He couldn't help but be nervous. He fidgeted as he regarded himself in the mirror, pale and drawn, dressed in a tunic of purple velvet. He didn't regret agreeing to marry Marna as it did not seem likely that he would ever want to marry anyone else. He was most nervous about the wedding night. He had slept with girls before and it didn't sicken him, exactly, but was only rather unexciting. Marna was good looking enough, but she often treated him as a big sister or even a mother would and this was not at all conducive to the idea of making love to her.

Edmund ran his hand through his hair for the millionth time. He was a wreck.

"Edmund," a voice said behind him. It was Peter. Edmund turned to look at his brother and he thought that Peter must have read something of the conflicting emotions on his face for the next thing his brother asked him was "How are you?"

"I'm fine. A little nervous about the ceremony," he conceded.

"Ed, I know that I've said this before, but I don't understand why you are doing this."

"I should think you would be happy," Edmund muttered, unable to look at his brother. "Did you not want me to get married?"

"Well … yes. But Marna is so much older than you and it just seems like such a rushed and such an strange match."

Edmund didn't say anything to this. Peter, of course, did not know about his "arrangement" with Marna, so it probably did seem strange to him.

"Do you love her?"

Edmund shrugged and didn't answer.

"Ed, listen," Peter said, slowly. "I didn't mean to make you rush into marrying someone you don't care for. I know I've been pushing you to marry, but that was only because I was trying to get you on the right track. For your sake, not mine. Please don't marry Marna unless you're sure. If you don't think you love her, I'm sure we can find you a young woman who you do love – it's not impossible, you know."

Edmund sighed. Peter still didn't understand. There was a time when Edmund thought that perhaps he could find a young woman to love – he had now come to believe that it would never happen.

"I'm sure that I want to marry Marna, Peter," he said, firmly.

Peter hesitated, but then spoke. "Is it because she – well, she's so boyish," he had difficulty getting the words out, as though the verbal acknowledgement of Edmund's weakness hurt him. "I mean, is that why you enjoy being with her?"

Edmund blushed. "I don't think anyone would mistake Marna for a man, Peter."

"Well, no. But she does seem boyish all the same. She's so strong and athletic and stubborn."

"I never thought of her as boyish before," Edmund said thoughtfully, for he truly never had. "She's so nurturing."

"You are sure you want to marry her?" Peter asked.

"Positive."

"Then I wish you well."

--- -- ---

It had been a small wedding with only the most essential family and friends present. Marna was accepting the congratulations of her guests when she was nearly bowled over by her sister.

"Oh, Marna," Ethnee gasped, hugging her tight, "I'm so happy for you. And you will always be here to take care of me now, won't you? I always knew that someday we would all get married and separate, but now you, at least, will always be here for me."

Ethnee had been a big factor in Marna's decision to marry Edmund, though she didn't tell him about this. She was becoming increasingly concerned about her sister who did not look well and who seemed to have become rather forgetful of late. "Come and sit down, Ethnee," she said. Ethnee's pregnancy was beginning to show and she was quite flushed. "Of course I'll always be here for you. But you really need to learn get along on your own a bit."

"I know," Ethnee sighed, as Marna directed her to the nearest chair. "I promised Peter that I would be a better wife but I'm not strong like you, Marna. Edmund is lucky to have you."

Marna sighed. Ethnee didn't know about her arrangement with Edmund. She didn't even know that Marna didn't care for men. Ethnee hated new bits of information, especially ones that forced her to have an opinion. Anyway, Ethnee had always been horrible at keeping secret as she was rather a favorite of their father's. Kiara and Lyla both knew and neither of them had taken it well.

"Forget about being a good wife," Marna told Ethnee. "I'm more worried about you wellbeing and your child … well children. You must take better care of yourself."

"Don't be ridiculous, Marna. I do take care of myself. I never really do anything." Ethnee sounded so sad and serious about this that Marna had to hug her.

--- -- ---

When Edmund went up to his room, it was almost a shock to see Marna lying in his bed wearing very little clothing and reading one of his books.

"Come to take my virtue, have you?" she said, not looking up. "Well you took long enough about it." Then she grinned at him and he saw that she was teasing and some of the tension was broken. He had, in fact, been hesitating coming upstairs. "I don't mean to make you feel awkward," she said, "my ladies insisted on undressing me – apparently its some sort of bridal tradition. Who would have guessed?"

"I know," Edmund said, who now remembered this and was surprised that Marna wasn't aware of it. He came and sat down beside her on the bed. "Are we going to – you know?" he asked, managing to not sound too embarrassed.

"We don't have to tonight if you do not wish it," she said. "But we'll have to soon anyway – I'm not getting any younger, you know. It might as well be tonight, if you will."

Edmund shifted uncomfortably. She was still so business-like!

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking more closely at him. "You have been with women before, correct?"

"Yes, of course," he said.

"Then there should be no problem," she said biting her lip and Edmund saw that she was nervous also.

"There isn't a problem," Edmund said, as much to convince himself as her. He moved as if to kiss her and she froze. "I-I should kiss you, shouldn't I?" he asked, unsure.

"Oh – oh, yes, I suppose so," she stammered.

He tried to kiss her again and again she pulled away. "Now what?" he asked beginning to get irritated.

"I –I am not sure," she stammered. "What about if I kissed you instead?"

"Oh. Good idea," he said, relaxing, for he now felt that the pressure on him was removed.

Lucy

Susan looked at the young man who was bowing before her and sighed. After the announcement of her marriage, several men had come to her in absolute despair. She was rather surprised that this particular young man seemed so upset. She had known that he admired her in a vague sort of way, but he hadn't been nearly as persistent as many of her suitors and she had thought that he had perhaps his fancy for her had faded.

"Lord Roydon," she told him very formally. "I am marrying King Torim in a few months time and nothing will change my mind. I am sorry if you admired me, but –"

Roydon had gone so pale that Susan was really alarmed. "I suppose that there is nothing that I can say to you, then. You must know that I am in love with you, but I won't burden you with unwanted feelings. I won't bother you again."

He turned to leave, but Susan stopped him with a hand on the shoulder. "You would not be happy with me once you really knew me, I think. We are not the same sort of person at all. But you really are a nice young man and a very noble knight from what I understand. Perhaps there is some other lady you could set your sights on?" Susan now remembered that Lucy once had a fancy for this young lord. Most likely her sister had outgrown the attraction by now, but she did think that Roydon wouldn't be a bad match for Lucy.

"No, there is no one," Roydon said, his face the picture of sorrow.

--- -- ---

Lucy found Roydon in the armory polishing his sword.

"My lord," she said to him, very formal, "I heard that you were to leave us."

Roydon smiled at her, his face gentle and somehow sorrowful. "Yes, your brother needs knights to see to the giants in the North, my Queen."

"And you volunteered? Forgive me, Lord Roydon, but you have never seemed the type of man eager for a battle."

Roydon colored. "You think me a coward, my Queen?"

"Of course not. It is only that there are some men who love battles well and are good in combat. But you, if you will forgive this insult to your pride, you were never exceptional in any of the tournaments though you were certainly as noble and courtly as any knight in Narnia." Lucy stopped herself before she began gushing over him like schoolgirl.

"Ah," Roydon sighed, and he dropped his formal tone. "I know that I am not the best of knights, Lucy, my friend, but I would like to prove myself in battle. I have never been to a battle."

Lucy closed her eyes and told herself that she would not be weak and beg him to stay. The last thing a man needed at a time like this was a woman clinging to his coat tails! Especially a woman who was not his kin or his love. Lucy had thought, now that the sting of rejection had loosened its hold on her young pride, perhaps he had come to mean less to her and that she could in fact love him only as a friend. She saw that it was not so. If only she were a man and could ride into battle beside him!

"You are doing this to impress my sister?" she asked, a bit incredulously. Surely he couldn't still be pining after Susan when Su had never shown the faintest sign, so far as Lucy could see, that she even liked him at all. Besides, everyone knew that Susan was to be married very soon.

Roydon's face broke and Lucy saw real anguish in his eyes. "Impress her? No. I know that Queen Susan is betrothed and I would not dishonor her even if I had that power. But Lucy," and now his voice faltered, "every time I see her I – I –" he could not go on. "I must leave", he said a moment later. "I must get her out of my head."

Lucy did not think this running away, but only felt very sorry for Roydon and embraced him sincerely. "I wish that you would forget all your troubles, Roydon, but I fear that everyone wants someone or something they cannot have."

Roydon looked down at her and something like amazement, a new sort of awareness came over his face. Lucy released him and turned to go. Roydon stopped her and he dropped to one knee. "I would have the most jolly and generous and brave of Queens bless me before I go into battle, Lucy."

Lucy was rather shocked. She was often asked this sort of thing by the Narnian creatures, especially the Talking Beasts who seemed to think her their special champion, even among her siblings, but men rarely asked her this. Why should they when they had a King as striking and battle-hardened as Peter and a Queen as beautiful as Susan to do this sort of thing? Roydon was really the last person in Narnia that she would have expected this of, as he still seemed to think of her as being quite young, but she kissed him on both cheeks. "May you go with my full blessing, Lord Roydon and, one hopes, with the blessing of Aslan," she tried to make her voice both kind and regal, but her brow furrowed worriedly. She realized that they were both fully grown up now and that this put a new wall between them.

"Thank you, my Queen," Roydon said and seemed ready to leave, but changed his mind at the last minute. "Lucy," he said, a bit shyly, "may I write to you while I am away? I know that most subjects would be glad to bear a letter to a Queen of Narnia if they were coming back this way and I have no relatives who would care to receive a letter from me anyway."

Lucy smiled at him. "Of course you may write to me, Roydon."