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Chapter Nine: Worry

Peter

"I wish that you would reconsider this, Peter." Edmund said to his brother.

"What is there to reconsider?" asked Peter who was trying on armor. "I should have gone to battle the Giants ages ago, but first I was concerned about Ethnee and then … well, I've been very selfish these last months, Ed. I've just been wallowing in my grief."

"I don't think you've been that selfish," Edmund told him, sincerely. "Your wife died. Who could get over that easily? I do not think anyone begrudged you for it."

"Then they should have. I am High King of Narnia, responsible for all. I cannot be thinking of myself. From now on I will not think of myself."

"I know that you want to be a good King, but are you sure that this is the way? Would you sacrifice your happiness, your peace of mind for Narnia?"

"I would sacrifice my life for Narnia."

Edmund bowed his head. "As would I. Or at least I would die for Narnia. Refusing to live my life is another matter."

"I'm not refusing to live my life!" Peter burst out. "Narnia is my life," this made Edmund sigh. "Anyway," Peter continued, "they've needed me in the Northern campaign for a long time. Any good King would do the same."

"Any King but me," Edmund said, looking down at his feet. Edmund seemed quite reluctant to stay here in Narnia when others were risking their lives. It was an admirable quality and Peter was proud of his brother for it, but he was beginning to tire of Edmund's constant insistence on going with him.

"We've already discussed this, Ed. I need you more here than I do there."

"I still say you are trying to protect me," Edmund sighed. "I would feel so much better if I were with you. Lucy would make a better ruler in your absence than I and I think I could help much in this war."

"You cannot hide it, Ed," Peter said, looking fondly at his younger brother. "You wish to go because you are worried about me. As though I were a child that needed looking after! Did you know that even Lucy offered to go with me?"

"I did not. But I would feel better if she did."

"What, and risk your sister's life?"

"Lucy is good with the bow and brave enough to best any man in battle. And I know that you would make sure she was in far less danger than you. I know that battles are dangerous, but Peter, you don't – you don't want to die do you?"

This surprised Peter. "Of course I don't want to die! What are you on about?"

"I know you are not suicidal, but sometimes I think you would not care so much to die. Ethnee's death nearly killed you, I think."

Peter turned away from him. "I can make no guarantees on my safety. You know that. This is a war, Ed. But I have no desire to throw away my life needlessly."

"What of Catherine and Jonathan?"

Peter did not look at Edmund. "What of them?"

"Are you not worried about leaving them?"

"What would you have me do, Edmund?!" Peter practically yelled, turning on his brother. Edmund drew back, alarmed and Peter realized that he had raised his voice. It was unusual for him to loose his calm in such a way, but Edmund had touched on a sore point. "It is my duty to go," he said in a forced calm. "Even if I were not a King, men with families have always gone to war. Why, our own father went off to war back in that other place – England. You don't think he was a bad father, do you?"

Edmund shuffled his feet and didn't answer.

"You do?"

"No. I know he had to go. It is just – sometimes I think if he had been around, I might not have been such a little prig when I first came to Narnia. It just upset me a lot at the time."

"I remember."

"Sometimes I think that I may have turned out different, if he had been around."

Peter thought he knew what Edmund was alluding to, but he had resolved that he would never talk directly to Edmund about that young man he had sent away. As far as he was concerned, it was an indiscretion that was left in Edmund's past. He tried not to hold it against his brother – many young men were unsettled and maybe it had just been Edmund's way of rebelling or of being young and stupid. It was an odd way, surely, but his brother had never quite fit into the mold. At any rate, Edmund seemed very happy with Marna. Peter had his doubts at first, but they really made a wonderful couple.

"It is better that I should be gone now," Peter said finally, "when they will not remember my absence and are little more than babes in arms. I have a feeling that I shall have to deal with this problem sooner or later."

Edmund looked at Peter keenly. "You do not plan on coming back soon, do you?"

"I cannot say," he replied evenly. "I know that you will take care of things, should I come back sooner or later or never. I have complete confidence in you and Susan and Lucy."

"Hopefully Susan will be home soon," Edmund said, trying to laugh. "I always resented you two telling me what to do, you know. Now, I do not know how we will make it without you."

--- -- ---

Catherine had given him a little yellow flower and kissed him bravely on the cheek when he told her that he had to leave. He had touched the curls gently and nearly cried, but held back because he did not want to upset the child.

They had handed him his son and Peter had kissed him on the forehead. Peter realized that he hadn't been to see the boy nearly enough. He did not think that anyone had noticed. Many men did not take much notice of their children until they were at least old enough to talk. The truth was, every time Peter looked at Jonathan, he was reminded of his own failure. He had truly failed Ethnee – failed to keep her safe, to make her feel loved and protected.

Peter rode away from Cair Paravel at a swift gallop, not looking back.

Susan

Susan was with child and not liking it much. Torim was so concerned over her health that he made her stay inside most of the time. Terebinthia was not at all like Narnia. Susan had spent her first few weeks in the land in the capital and port city of Elondos. Elondos was bigger than any town in Narnia (though Torim told her, nothing compared to most Calormen cities), but it was a positively filthy and poor place. Even the walls of the palace, which was not nearly as nice as Cair Paraval, were covered in dirt and scum. The city also seemed to be full of unsavory people and Susan had been told that it was not safe for her to walk the streets without an armed guard – even in the "good" sections of town.

When Torim had found out she was pregnant, he had whisked her away in the night to a small castle, far inland, that was remote and nearly a ruin. It was almost as though he were afraid for her or running from something, but when Susan told him this he had laughed heartily with his men over the "fancies of women", telling her that he thought the fresh air of his country estate would be good for a woman with child. The castle was very run down and was surrounded by the remains of what looked to be a village. At present, only a few cottages were inhabited by servants at the castle. Despite wanting her to get "fresh, country air", Torim did not seem to want her to go outside very much. As her husband seemed to own very few books for a King, Susan spent her days embroidering with her ladies-in-waiting.

Susan hated embroidery. She preferred to be around people. She rarely got to talk to anyone other than her ladies-in-waiting, the Terebinthian ones being very dull and her two Narnian girls hating this place almost as much as she. Of course there were the servants, but they were very taciturn. Torim was gone much of the time and Torim's men paid her no more mind than as if she had been a piece of furniture. This was not at all the way that Susan was accustomed to being treated. Torim refused outright to send her back to Narnia. Voyages were not good places for childbearing, he claimed.

One day, out of sheer boredom, Susan was looking through some old scrolls in a storeroom that seemed to tell the history of Torim's house. It looked to her like a great many of Torim's ancestors had killed relatives to gain the throne. This quite alarmed Susan.

"What are you doing?" Torim's voice came from the doorway sometime later. Susan nearly jumped out of her skin, for she had not been expecting him and his voice sounded odd. Not harsh, exactly, but there was an underlying ominous tone to it. Susan shivered.

"I just found these scrolls here, and was glancing through them. I thought it would be good to know my son or daughter's family history."

Torim gave her an odd look and walked towards her, picking up a scroll and then flicking it away from him in disdain. "I have oft thought the same, Queen Susan," he said, very distantly, "but no one seems to know anything about your House. It is as though you and your brothers and sister appeared out of the air."

"We came from another world," Susan said, a bit upset that he had been looking into her family history without informing her.

"So I have heard often enough. I am not sure what it means. So," he said, changing the subject, "you have read my illustrious family history?" his voice was a bit sarcastic.

"Just a bit."

Torim laughed without mirth. "I dare say that your gentle heart was shocked."

"I do not know what you mean," Susan pretended ignorance.

He let the point drop. "Did I ever tell you that my House has connections to Narnia? I am descended from that old line of Narnian Kings. The ones before the White Witch"

"You are?" Susan asked in shock.

"As is King Lune of Archenland whom I believe you know. Isn't it strange? That line died out in Narnia, but lived on and prospered in other nations."

"It is good to know that our baby will be descended from those old Kings," Susan said, recovering from her surprise.

Torim came over and kissed her on the cheek. "Yes, it is. You don't know much about those old Kings and Queens, do you? I think our scholars know more about them than you know in Narnia! I can get you a book on the subject, if you like."

"Thank you," Susan said, laughing, "but I think that my brothers and sister would be more interested in that type of thing than I. I always hated history as a girl."

"Please stop pretending that you are vapid. I know better. You wanted to know about your child's lineage and I am telling you," Torim took on the air of one about to tell a story. "My ancestor, Elon, was the first settler here. He was a Narnian lord – with a rival claim to the throne. He originally came here with a few of his followers to build up a resistance, but once they found that the land had silver, the lords figured that they could do as well here as in Narnia."

"What happened to the silver mines?" Susan asked. She had seen the ruined remains of one of these mines. Susan was increasingly realizing that Narnia, while it may not have been richest nation, was a place with much hope. Things were still steadily improving in Narnia and it was the most prosperous that it had been in hundreds of years. Terebinthia was very different. Everywhere that Susan looked, she saw former glories. Terebinthia was a nation in decline, one that had probably been in decline for generations.

"They dried up," Torim said, shortly.

"So you became pirates?" Susan whispered, unable to keep some disapproval out of her voice. She had heard ever since she came to Narnia that Terebinthia was full of pirates, but she had never taken it terribly literally. She thought it exaggeration – there were those who said that Narnia was nothing but witches and sorcerers. Of course she knew that there were some pirates in Terebinthia, but she had not realized, until she arrived with Torim, that nearly everyone seemed be connected with pirating or smuggling in some way. Susan was quite sure that some of Torim's closest advisors were pirates.

Torim turned from her, angrily. "There was a famine. Nothing really grows here, on Terebinthia. We should be a center of trade, situated as we are between the Lone Islands and Narnia, but sailors and merchants prefer to stop in Galma. Elondos has gained a bad reputation, especially in recent years.

"I think that people from other nations would have more respect for you if you put a stop to all the pirating. Even people in your own land would –"

"They would flay me. This is not Narnia, Susan. What you call "pirating" is the bread and butter of many here. I have executed many of the most notorious pirates that my brother allowed to roam free. What more could I do?"

Torim's elder brother had been King before him, as Susan had learned. "Nothing, I suppose," she said fretfully. "It just troubles me Torim. I wish that I could have my baby in Narnia, or at least not be locked away in this ruin!"

"It was necessary," Torim said, crossing his arms.

"You thought I was in danger, did you not? But from who?"

Torim sighed, but ran his hand through her hair with a certain tenderness. "There are those who are not happy with my rule. Those who would go to great lengths to see to it that my heir is never born. You are safe here. You would not be in Elondos and certainly not on a ship to Narnia."

Susan smiled at him and kissed him gently. Torim put his hand on her big belly. "I will trust your judgment, my husband," she told him. "In her last letter, Lucy wrote to me that things are well in Narnia, but you can hardly blame me for worrying!"

Edmund

It was Edmund's son's presentation to Narnia and Marna was introducing Edmund to her lover. Jolie was a pretty blonde girl with an elderly husband and Marna's face glowed when she looked at the young woman. Edmund couldn't help but be a bit jealous.

"Ah, but you two are lucky," Jolie had exclaimed when she was handed the baby, Gwain. "Old Normas and I have been trying to have a baby for years now, but I'm afraid he's not quite up to the task of giving children." At this, she laughed in what Edmund thought was rather a rude way. Normas was a Narnian lord, after all. But Marna laughed along with her.

"Give Gwain to me," Edmund said, abruptly. People had been fussing over the baby all day – he must have been handled by hundreds.

Jolie raised her eyebrows at his tone and Marna glared daggers at him. He handed the baby to Marna resignedly and went off to talk to someone else – anyone else.

He bumped into Lord Kael. Kael was a rather pretty lord, a couple of years younger than Edmund who, it seemed, could not keep from bumping into Edmund tonight.

"King Edmund," he said, blushing bright red and nearly dropping his drink. "I am sorry! I know this is the second time tonight …"

It occurred to Edmund that Kael was behaving in the way that very girls behave when they find themselves in the presence of a man that they fancy. Edmund quickly banished this thought from his mind.

"It is fine," Edmund laughed, helping him to steady himself. "You are quite the clumsy one, though, are you not?"

"I -- I am sorry," he stuttered once again. Edmund smiled at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kael blushed again and Edmund removed his hand, trying not to think about the young man's lean, muscled frame and soft brown hair. No, he wouldn't think of that at all.

When Edmund saw Marna again, he found that she was hanging all over Jolie in quite an obvious way. He was surprised that people were not staring. Edmund was becoming very angry. What right did she have to embarrass him like this? Why couldn't she just be satisfied with him? Hundreds of women would be thrilled to have him for a husband. He managed to pull Marna away.

"What do you think you are doing?" he snapped at his wife.

"What do you mean?" she laughed, completely caught up in the joy of the occasion.

"Could you be anymore obvious?" he whispered furiously. "You are humiliating me."

"No one thinks anything of two women friends hugging or kissing one another, Edmund."

"At your age?" Edmund asked coldly, knowing that she was a bit sensitive about her age. "You don't see me – you don't see me behaving like that."

"Well, maybe you should!" Marna said loudly, exasperated. Several people glanced around to see what the King and his wife were yelling about. Marna lowered her voice. "There is a young man who has been watching you all night, and I think that you've noticed him as well." She looked over in Kael's direction. "You might need to retire early this evening," she said, winking at him in a way that rather embarrassed Edmund.

Edmund blushed. "Stop it! I couldn't –"

"At least talk to him!"

"What about Gwain's presentation?" Edmund asked lamely.

Marna looked over at where the red-headed baby was sleeping fondly, but she rolled her eyes at Edmund. "I think he will understand as he is only a few weeks old." She gave him a peck of a kiss. "Sometimes I worry about you, Edmund. You deserve to be happy."

"I suppose that I could at least go talk to him," Edmund conceded, biting his lip nervously.

Lucy

Lucy was ambling through the forest, near Cair Paravel. Gwain's presentation to Narnia had been last night and Lucy had barely been able to pay any mind to most of the guests because a young lord had been hanging on her every word. He had been very handsome and witty Lucy had laughed with him a good deal. She had been rather alarmed, however, when the man had insinuated that he would like to see her bedroom. Her heart beat fast when his eyes were upon her and for a brief second, she fantasized about saying yes. She couldn't remember a man ever looking at her as he did – with desire. Even Ikram had not – though they had kissed and held hands enough. Roydon certainly had not.

Lucy sighed as she picked the petals off a flower she had taken from the forest. She still often thought of Roydon and wasn't even sure why. He had been handsome, but there were handsomer men in Narnia. He had been nice, but there were nicer men. He certainly had never shown much interest in her, other than as a friend. But Lucy still poured over his letters almost everyday.

Lucy heard a branch break behind her and she turned around, not at all alarmed. She could never feel unsafe in this forest. She saw that Mrs. Quirrel had found her and she smiled at her squirrel friend who she hadn't seen in a few months. Mrs. Quirrel talked with her pleasantly for a good long while about Edmund's new son and about how well things were going. Lucy was pleased to hear that her family had not had any more trouble with humans. Eventually, Mrs. Quirrel got around to asking about Roydon, who was, of course, her good friend.

"He seems well," Lucy told her, thinking of the last letter Roydon had written her. "Though of course it is difficult for him – he had never been in a battle before he went north. I worry for him sometimes."

"When do you expect him back, dear?" Mrs. Quirrel asked.

"I don't know. The war goes well now, my brother tells me, but Roydon hasn't told me that he plans on coming home anytime soon in his letters."

Mrs. Quirrel gave a long sigh. "There was a time when I thought you and he – well. You never can tell with young people, I suppose."

"No," Lucy agreed. "You never can."