Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling does not write about Benign Cheeses of Healing. Nor does whoever wrote 'Finding Nemo'.
A/N Not updated for ages, don't kill me. I've been working on a big project (James' Greatest Mistake), so that's been taking up my time. Now I'm just writing, not posting so I should be able to update more often. I think there are another 3 of these waiting to be typed up, but I may add more. Enjoy!
Are You My Conscience?
Sirius Black was in trouble. Again. Filch had caught him writing Padfoot Rox on the trophy cabinets in permanent ink. Sirius had run for it and the chase had begun. Skidding to a halt, Sirius threw himself into a cupboard, and attempted to quieten his heavy breathing before Filch came. Rapid footfalls came closer… closer… and went past the cupboard. Sirius relaxed a bit, counted to fifty (giving Filch time to go away) and was about to open the door when a voice spoke.
"Sirius Black." Sirius spun round, trying (and failing) to see who was there. "Who are you?"
No answer.
"Are you my conscience?"
The voice seemed to think for a moment. "…Yes! I am your conscience. You don't listen to me much, do you?"
"Nope!" Sirius did not seem even remotely abashed.
"Well," the voice continued, "you are listening to me now, aren't you?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, where you saying something?" Sirius had been staring into space. The voice sighed. "Hmm, never mind. Anyway, listen carefully. You know that prank you were going to play on Lucius Malfoy?"
"Yep. You aren't going to stop me from doing it, are you?" Sirius broke into fake sobs. "James is going to kill me! We've been planning that prank for weeks!" The voice sighed again, louder this time. Sirius rather thought it was getting annoyed. "No, I'm not going to stop you doing the prank. BUT, I think the prank is today, right?"
Sirius nodded, wondering why his conscience didn't know, "This afternoon."
"Well, wouldn't it be fun after you've pushed Malfoy into the lake, to fall in yourself?" Sirius frowned, trying to think of something wrong with this. The voice held its breath, and Sirius' face brightened. "OK!" He bundled out of the cupboard and tore off down the hallway. "Don't tell James!" yelled the voice after him.
A minute later, Lilly bundled out of the cupboard, crying with laughter. Her friend, Rebecca, was waiting there. Before Rebecca could say anything, Lilly stopped laughing (kind of). "It went great Bex!" she gasped, "He totally fell for the whole 'conscience' thing!"
"And what's he going to do?"
"They were going to prank Malfoy this afternoon…"
"You didn't stop them, did you? Aw, Lills, you spoil all the fun. I'd quite like to see that idiot pranked, actually."
"Shush, Bex. Anyway, I said, after he pushed Malfoy in, to fall in himself. And he just stood there and said 'OK'!" Both girls started laughing again.
That afternoon, as planned, Malfoy was pushed into the lake. The girls held their breath; would Sirius really be stupid enough to… SPLASH! Sirius had fallen in. The girls screamed with laughter. Everyone around the lake was laughing as well, but they were laughing the hardest.
Sirius emerged dripping wet from the lake to see the two girls laughing. Fresh tears of mirth came to their eyes to see his wet fury. They knew they would pay dearly, but that moment was worth it.
MM: If you want to trick a marauder, pick Sirius. He's the most gullible.
Sirius: Oy! James, what about Wormtail?
James: Oh, Ok, pick Sisius because all Peter will do is stutter and hide.
Pete: Oy!