Tomoyo's eyes opened, and she blinked. She was someplace white. She stared blankly at it, trying to remember why she had fallen asleep in a place with a white ceiling. Her ceiling at home was a pretty sky blue.
Memory returned.
I felt so abused. I really believed that he had manipulated me for his twisted puposes. Everything he did was always so calculating, that I thought him incapable of a sudden impulsive act like that. The only other explanation was that he was trying to fool me into something, but I wasn't sure what. But I also felt slightly guilty. It wasn't like me to lose control so badly. It wasn't like me to demand that he tell me his secrets, either, not when I knew so well that people like us kept secrets for reasons. But I shoved these thoughts away, because above all, I felt lost, and I had no idea why. I allowed myself to feel all this for a moment, because I always did right after waking up. Then, as always, I sealed thoughts of sadness, imperfect thoughts, away behind my polite smile.
"Daidouji-san, you're awake?" somebody said.
She blinked and looked to the side of her bed. A smiling nurse was hovering over her slightly.
"Am I in the hospital?" Tomoyo asked, already knowing the answer.
She nodded. "Yeah. You probably just needed some rest, so you didn't need to be, but your boyfriend was so worried. He's quite a catch, by the way," she said with a conspiratorial wink. Tomoyo decided the woman was just a little too perky. "He cares for you so much! He was freaking out when he got here! And he looks great too!"
"He's not my boyfriend," Tomoyo said politely.
With a laugh the nurse replied, "I know. But I'll bet he will be soon, it's so obvious that he loves you. Nobody can hide that from me, so I would know. If it weren't for the lack of rings, I would have said you two were married already with the way he acted!"
Eyes widening, Tomoyo coughed suddenly in surprise, and then spent several moments staring into space.
Somehow, I could tell that she spoke the truth, even as perky as she was. And my mind went blank. I was so full of emotion that I wasn't sure what to feel. He… loved me? Was it possible? I simply couldn't believe it. I felt ecstatic, surprised, guilty, and wistful all at once.
The nurse giggled. "Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, I'm Mika. Do you know why you're here?"
"I can guess," Tomoyo murmured, looking down as she snapped out of her reverie.
"Can you?"
"I'm probably here because I collapsed due to an overdose of stress, emotion, and overworking. Combine that with my lack of sleep, the mental strain of the moment, and the fact that I was soaked from head to toe at that point, and you have some trouble, no doubt," she replied dryly.
Mika nodded sternly. Her perkiness was replaced by seriousness, so quickly that it startled Tomoyo. "That's right. You've been asleep for a good twenty-four hours, Daidouji-san. You should learn to take better care of yourself, Daidouji-san. You're allowed to leave the hospital as long as you rest while I clear it up with the staff and try to take more breaks to freshen up in your work. It's not healthy to be so stressed."
"I will, Mika-san," Tomoyo promised solemnly, looking distant again.
The guilt in particular was stifling. He had been right the whole time. I didn't listen, and ended up getting myself in this mess. Now I was forced to accept the outcome, and everything I'd lied about to myself was looming overhead. I realized all at once how foolish I'd been. I wanted to talk to him, to apologize. To tell him what I needed to say.
"You're thinking about him?"
Tomoyo looked back at Mika curiously.
"I told you, nobody can hide matters of the heart from me," Mika said, rolling her eyes. "He left you alone after he was reassured that you would be fine, saying he had things to do. Then he gave me this little letter for you."
A letter wasn't his style. I was immediately suspicious. The lost feeling that I couldn't understand grew. I didn't know why I felt lost, but I was beginning to dread the fact that I might find out the reason.
Tomoyo quietly reached out and took the note.
"I'll leave you be. But tell him, alright? He's the one. I know it. I'll go clear things up with the staff," Mika said dismissively. She smiled cheerfully again, and left the room. Tomoyo shook her head in amusement. What a character, she thought.
Her thoughts turned back to the small folded piece of paper in her hand. She slowly unfolded the note, and read the familiar elegant script.
.o0o.
Daidouji-san,
I hope you'll forgive my sudden departure. I left this here so that I might inform you of a few things I want you to know.
The truth? I don't know why I kissed you. It was pure impulse. And now, I wish I hadn't. It was never a game, never. I wouldn't deceive you in such a way. But as for honesty, perhaps I should have given you some. You're right. I'm sorry for hurting you so. I just cared. I care for you in more than just a friendly way. However, I don't intend to act upon that. I will not say anything when there's a risk of hurting you.
I've said more than I meant to. I'd say even more, but I don't think I can find the words. I want to explain, but it's simply too hard to write at the moment.
I need to clear a few things up, so I will be in England for a couple of weeks. Please try to care for yourself in my absence.
Hiiragizawa Eriol
.o0o.
Tears pricked at her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away, and set the letter down. Shaking, she put her head in her hands.
"Eriol…"
He had left. The lost feeling made sense now.
Her head rose, but no trace of tears remained. A spark of determination had lit in her bright eyes.
And I knew what I had to do.
.o0o.
Ah! It usually takes me, what, one or two complete start-overs to get a chapter right, excluding any small revisions? I wrote the beginning of this chapter differently at least five times before finally getting it right! (sweatdrops) Review, please! Oh, and here's some food for thought, people… Why England, when he's lived in Hong Kong for the past years? Think it over. Imaginary cookies if you happen to guess why correctly!