Okay first off I really have to apologize to everyone. I wanted to have this posted over a week ago. I'm so sorry. ITL and I have both been having email issues. Hopefully they are resolved. I promise to get cracking on the next chapter asap.

Is anyone else getting ticked at FFN for consistantly changing their parameters and making it harder and harder to upload properly?

Second off, I finally got around to some M/L stuff! Yeah!

Dutch, Maria656, lkaplon, Mari83, jennyjen, Moriania, Jeanette, and of course Insane Troll Logic - You guys so rock. I have never written for a fandom that has such great reviewers. I can't say thanks enough, it really helps me plough through the chapters.

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed. I can't say how much I appreciate it.

My many thanks to Insane Troll Logic I'm so glad you helped me fix my chap. I really felt the same way, but was having trouble deciding where to cut!

Okay, lastly - Merry Christmas to all who celebrate. I wanted to do a Christmas fic, but my job sucks and hasn't given me enough time to finish it. Maybe I'll get around to finishing it and post it shortly after the holidays. To all who celebrate the other holidays, I wish you a very merry holiday. And Happy New Year to all!

I'm done now, you can get to the story...

Chapter Five - Stepping to the Real

Logan stared blankly at the wall.

He was paralyzed… He would never walk again.

The thought was inescapable. He wanted to howl in fury and pain. He settled for making a fist and punching the blankets. He wanted to bring his hand down hard on his legs, but had changed the course of his arm in mid-flight. He wouldn't feel it anyway.

How had he lived like this for almost two years? It seemed like a bad nightmare, and some part of him was still waiting to wake up. The other part was numb.

Before the tests Beverly had left to make sure his paperwork was in proper order. Original Cindy said she was hungry, but was reluctant to leave him alone. He told her that he needed the time alone and would be fine while she got some food. She had given him a questioning look before accepting his desire for some time alone.

He hadn't had more then a few minutes to himself before the techs came in and took him to the CAT scan and the MRI machines. Being in the machines wasn't comfortable enough for any introspection. This was the first chance he really had to process all of the facts that he had learned.

He was paralyzed… He would never walk again.

The thought repeated itself in his head like a mantra. Out of all the ends possible he had thought up when he began Eyes Only, this wasn't in any of his scenarios. Dead, certainly… Seriously injured, probably… Identity discovered, eventually. Yet he had never imagined his life without the use of any of his limbs.

Shaking the thoughts away, Logan focused on what Original Cindy had been able to tell him about his life. He was surprised that she knew he was Eyes Only. He still couldn't believe that Max was such a part of his life, that even despite this virus, they were still struggling to stay close. Original Cindy did warn him that Max was very nervous to be around him for fear of killing him.

Max… Part of him was thrilled at the idea of seeing her again, but another part was terrified. He didn't know how she had changed or even looked at him. How could she see him as anything more then a charity case - the cripple in his wheelchair?

He let out a sigh. His thoughts had done a complete 360 degree turn and he was back to the same thoughts he was trying to avoid. The clock read 10:00 in the morning. He was past ready to get out of this hospital.

Since avoiding morbid thoughts didn't seem like an option for his mind, he slowly took stock of the changes in his physical appearance. His hair was longer then he remembered and he was surprised to find an increase in muscle definition in his upper body. A sardonic grin came over his face as he realized that the wheelchair would have done that.

He avoided looking at his lower body up until now. He drew a deep breath to prepare himself for the sight of how atrophied and shrunken his legs became… He was shocked to find that there wasn't much change at all.

Original Cindy had told him something about an exo-skeleton that he had been using to walk. Though Beverly had told him that he would need practice and qualified help before using it. He tried to imagine walking without feeling the ground or his legs and the thought seemed less then amiable. The only other option was sitting on his ass for the rest of his life. Compared to that the Exo didn't sound as bad. The only other option was giving up.

His thoughts were interrupted by Beverly knocking at the door and walking in.

Max followed Beverly down the hall towards Logan's room. A few minutes ago she had resolved to help Logan in any way she could, but with each step closer to the room, her resolve began wane.

"Beverly, I don't know if I can do this," Max said glad that her voice didn't shake.

Beverly turned and looked at her with kind eyes. "Max, I know this is tough, but Logan's going to need someone to look after him, and before you say it, no I don't think that Alec or any of the others will be fine. He needs someone familiar. Besides you were there before when he was learning the mechanisms of using the wheelchair and walking with the Exo. You'll be more helpful then anyone else."

"It doesn't change the fact that I can't touch him." Max said as the anger slowly boiled inside. She was angry at Beverly for thinking she could do this; angry at the idiot Manticore scientist who concocted the damn virus; and most of all angry at herself for causing the man she loved so much pain.

Beverly's tone didn't change, but her expression hardened slightly against Max's pessimism. "I think I have a temporary solution to the touching issue. It's not ideal, but it's what we've been using to protect against viruses for years. I'd like to explain it more to the both of you." She looked into Max's eyes and Max allowed herself feel a slight glimmer of hope.

"Okay, I don't know if it will be worth anything, but I'm willing to try," Max said and nodded in the direction of Logan's room. "Do you want me to go in with you or wait a few minutes?"

"So long you promise not to run away, I'd like to have you wait. I'll need a few minutes to show Logan the results of his tests and answer some of his questions."

Max nodded in agreement and sat in a chair beside the door. A smile crossed her face as she noticed Beverly's glance backward to ensure Max was still seated. The momentary thought of fleeing did cross her mind, but the guilt of what could happen to Logan kept her firmly planted in the seat.

She was able to overhear most of Beverly's conversation with Logan. Part of her felt like an eavesdropper, but she told herself that she would find out most of what was going on anyway. Max heard Beverly talking to Logan about the damage to his brain and why she believed he had the amnesia. Though Beverly admitted to not being familiar with these circumstances she was fairly confident that his memory would return with time. In the meantime she would consult with a neurologist to see what more could be done.

When Logan asked about his legs, Max almost cried. He had almost lost it when he was shot and told that he would never walk again. Her mind wandered to how he would react this time. Things were different, he was different. Her mind recalled the day she had Vertes file in her hand and saw all of the negative psychiatric diagnoses… The overwhelming feeling of fear that had overtaken her as she saw the gun on Logan's desk… How he pushed her away when she only wanted to hold him.

She sighed as she heard Beverly's footsteps approach the door. This was going to be a lot harder then she thought.

"You can come in now," Beverly called as she opened the door and looked at Max.

Max took a deep breath to steady herself and walked into the open room.

As far as the physical impressions went, Logan looked good. His eyes were bright and his skin had returned from the sickly pale and the blotchy coloring of the virus to his natural tone. She sent out a silent thanks for Joshua's help. She tried to find her voice, but Logan beat her to the punch.

"Apparently you did come back to see me," Logan said with a small smirk. "Well once I actually ate your cooking, I figured it wasn't such a bad deal." Max felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

"I told you I wasn't a half-bad cook." He raised his eyebrow in suggestive manner.

She had a feeling that he was trying to see where exactly they stood.

For a moment she was unsure how to answer, but decided to hold the light-heartedness for just a few more moments. "You saw the contents of my cabinets once and asked how I had survived this long."

Beverly quietly cleared her throat. When both heads turned toward her she began to speak. "Logan, I began to tell Max about some of the precautions you will both have to take because of the virus." She paused noticing both faces fall at the reminder of the distance they needed to keep. "I think I have something worked out though. It involved the safety precautions that we use with highly infectious diseases."

Beverly explained all of the procedures including Max having to wear an infectious control gown and mask if she was going to have to come in close contact with Logan, and both using gloves if there was a possibility of limited contact. She was also running some tests to see how long the virus on Max's skin and body fluids lasted outside the body. When she finished both looked at her with some skepticism.

"So how am I going to handle rehab?" Logan asked.

"I'm going to find a trainer to help you for the next few weeks," Beverly answered and then turned to Max. "I'm still going to need someone to stay with him."

Max was hoping that Beverly wasn't suggesting they stay in the same apartment together. She didn't want a repeat of him touching her and winding up in the hospital near death ever again. "Beverly, I'm too much of a risk."

"Yes, but Logan is going to need someone to help out until he is comfortable with his situation again. His body may be adjusted but he's going to need to re-train his mind." Beverly answered.

"Excuse me, but do I have a say in any of this?" Logan said abruptly cutting into the conversation.

Max knew that expression well. It was stubborn mixed with a hint of daring. The way Logan was staring at her, daring her to contradict him and wanting to win the fight, she realized that she would never be able to stay away from him for long. She had forgotten over this past year what he had been able to inspire in her.

"Logan, when you were first let out the last time, you had a wonderful PT who helped you a lot, but I don't have a prayer of finding someone like him again," Beverly explained.

"Bev, why can't we call, Bling?" Max piped up. "He knew Logan and all of the other things. It would be good to have him back."

Beverly frowned. "I called him this morning. He can't, Max. He would love to, but his fiancée is going to have their baby any day now, and he needs to be there to support them."

"Who's Bling?" Logan asked, lines of confusion marring his features.

Max quickly fielded the question, knowing that Beverly was still in the dark about Logan being Eyes Only. "He was your old PT, he knew about all of the things you were working on for Eyes Only and had been able to help you quite a bit."

"How much does everyone know? What did I do, post a bulletin?" Logan seemed to be getting agitated.

"Logan, maybe we better talk about this later." Max said quietly.

He nodded in agreement and turned to look at Beverly, "When can I leave?"

I really hope this scene was okay. I tried really hard to figure out the type of tone I needed to take considering the changes that these characters have undergone. If you think they are off please PM me and let me know. It get's tough sometimes and you guys are my best judges.

Happy Holiday's again to everyone!