Author's Note-- I've noticed some people get a little confused when I do the personality changes, so I'm trying to make it more obvious for my readers! :D Hope it helps! :D

Disclaimer-- Puh-lease.

After their lunch, which Casey was only half-satisfied with, they headed home. Sunday was a dark reminder of Monday, something that she dreaded at this point in time.

Monday brought the fakeness of heart she had created the previous week, and lies that the now dead 'Liberated-Casey' had left behind for her to deal with. Emily was wrapped up in the world that she had dreamt of her whole life; popular-life, not to mention the way she should be acting was all messed up. Derek had messed her up from the inside out. Just like usual, he didn't have to try hard.

They entered the threshold of their home and scattered. Lizzie to Edwin's room to discuss spy missions, or something to that effect, Nora put Casey's to-go box in the fridge and went to her bedroom to talk with George, and Casey headed to her room.

She locked the door behind her and sat at the computer.

After logging onto her journal she stared off in contemplation. Will writing do me any good? No problem will be solved. Although writing can be an emotional release. Her fingers landed on the keyboard and she began to type.

"Dear journal,

My hands stretch out to reach the shoulders of those who said they'd be there

I find myself weak, I fall helpless, and they slowly turn their faces away

The only face facing me is the face of sore corruption;

He smiles and smirks and I cry and I whimper

Hit me, please, knock me out,

Take me to the place of euphoria you'd want me to want

Do you love it when I yell your name?

Did you want me to not want it because taunting me is so much more fun

And you play like you don't know, while their ears cannot hear

And I play like I don't know because I don't want them to fear it.

Don't let them near it.

Sorry so morbid my friend, I had to get it out of me. I'll try not to think about it. I'll act like it never happened and hopefully it will just go away. I can't confront him or my family. If it happens ever again, and even more times I'll try harder to reach out…but I'm too scared. Maybe I am thinking too much. But that makes me afraid that I'm not thinking enough. And I can't stop thinking because acting like I wasn't thinking about what I was doing was what got me into this mess.

I had a lovely outing with my mother and sister. It was quite enjoyable actually. The food wasn't so good, and I didn't eat a lot of it. I think I ate about two bites of the meat and some of the side food but ¾ of the food was put in a to-go box and we brought it back home. I guess I wasn't hungry and food just sort of sounds gross today."

Casey tapped her finger impatiently on the desk.

"I want to hang out with Emily, but not really. Most of me just wants to sleep for a really long time."

She went back and deleted "I want to hang out with Emily, but not really." and put where the sentence used to be,

"It wouldn't bother me if I never spoke to Emily again. Most of me just wants to sleep for a really long time.

At the moment my brain seems to be feeling heavy and I want to write more and more but all I'll do is repeat myself. I'll save that for another entry. For now, goodbye.

-Casey"

She turned off the computer and grabbed her book bag by the side of her bed. Casey pulled out her homework and crawled onto the bed.

There was only math homework, and surprisingly she got through it quickly.

Anything that takes me away from these terrible thoughts goes faster than it usually does…

Casey rolled over after she had completed the work and fell asleep.

A knock sounded quietly on Derek's door. He got up and opened the door. Edwin's eyes looked red from tears and Derek's eyes got wide.

"What's wrong with you?" Edwin looked down. Derek felt heavy and everything went black.

"Nothing, I just need some advice. Can I come in?" Brooke looked heartwarmingly down at Edwin.

"Sure Ed. Come in." He let him walk by and shut the door behind Ed. Edwin sat on the computer chair and faced Derek. "So bro, what's on your mind?"

"Well, you know how you told me about how you feel with Casey?" Brooke shook his head yes, remembering that she had confided Derek's feelings to Edwin because she was trying to ease Casey's pain as to what Damien did. "Well, what would you say if I had been feeling that way…about Lizzie far before you ever told me that?" Derek's eyes twitched. Not in a bad way, just in a slightly shocked way.

"Really? I never saw that coming." Brooke leaned back in deep contemplation but fell too far into the darkness. Derek came crawling out of his minor blackout.

"You didn't? But what should I do? The other night she spent the night in my room. Nothing happened, but holding her and watching her sleep. She was so peaceful and I want that. And I know how she feels, I just also feel as scared as she does. I'm so confused. Should I pursue her or let the feelings fall to the wayside?" Derek stared blankly at Edwin.

"What? Who are you talking about?" Edwin looked at Derek in confusion. His eyes started to get redder, and Derek leaned further away.

"Tears are worse than hugs, remember this!" He held a pointed finger at Edwin.

"You know what Derek," Edwin stood, angry, "You say you'll be there for me for advice, but once again you don't give me advice and act stupid, and then," Edwin looked down, "You make me feel bad for having emotions. Like it's a sin. Like's it's only reserved for girls. Even then you hardly accept it." Edwin's voice got louder, "What are you afraid to feel?" He flung his hands in the air and got closer to Derek, "Sadness? Sadness because you'll never have Casey?!" Edwin shook his head and stormed out of the room.

Derek's eyes almost flashed into blackness, and he heard a monster laughing in the dark reaches of his mind. His heart rate paced faster and he felt insane.

"What's wrong with me?" He held his head in his hands. "Am I going crazy?" Eyes wide, he stared at the floor.