Chapter 5

Michaela had barely turned back so as to continue rubbing the piece of undergarment along the washboard, when Catherine emerged from the inside of the house again. She had slipped a light cape over her new dress, ready to go and look for Sully. Usually, she would have waited patiently until he came to see her, but she was so excited that she needed to share the good news with him immediately. Quietly, she approached Dr. Mike who appeared to be deep in thoughts.

"I will go and tell Sully," Catherine informed the doctor, her eyes shining brightly.

Somewhat startled, Michaela flinched, giving the cloth in her hand an unintentionally forceful rub. Looking up she grew uncomfortable, seeing the anticipation on the young woman's face. Michaela had no idea where Sully might be, and that was why she returned her gaze to the tub, eventually conceding, "I'm sorry; I don't know where he is right now."

Eagerly gesturing with her hands towards her chest Catherine assured that there was no reason to worry, "I know where I will find him." They had passed a few of his places when he took her fishing a few days before. She nodded, affirming one last time before she turned and hurried from the yard.

Michaela stood frozen in place momentarily. Yet, her newly built protective shield already started working. The thought that she had only been allowed to see Sully's lean-to after he admitted his feelings for her was just a fleeting one. It didn't matter anymore. At least that was what she kept telling herself.

……………………………………………………..

Sully had roamed the woods all morning. He was still so angry with Michaela that he wasn't ready yet to face her. He hadn't expected that jealousy would blind her so much that she would start questioning him. She of all people should understand why he tried his best to help Catherine back into a world that was so different from the one she had lived in for many years! How could she expect him to not feel for a woman that had been through losing her family twice already in her young life? Catherine's outburst at the creek had shown him that she'd dearly loved her Indian people. His heart had gone out to her when she told him she wanted to go back to her tribe. It was horrible for him to tell her that it was gone for good.

He didn't even dare imagine the effect it would have on him if soldiers would wipe out Black Kettle's village. The Cheyenne gave and were still giving him the kind of security only a strong, loving family can offer. The ties of brotherhood between Cloud Dancing and him were as strong as if their veins actually carried the same blood. The medicine man hadn't only taught him to cherish everything Mother Earth had to provide for them but also how to live with each other. Sully had never had a male guide in his life before he met the Cheyenne. He was far too young when his father died, which meant he wasn't able to teach him anything about being a man.

Sully had formed his own rules by watching the men he met on his way out west and later when he had worked in the mines. The result of this kind of education was that he knew exactly how he didn't want to live his life. The only thing he was sure about was that he would have his own family one day. He wanted to do it right, and he had been twenty-four when he finally met the right woman. And still he had made a mistake, one that Cloud Dancing pointed out to him later: although he was a loving husband, he had allowed that stubbornness had separated Abigail from her family… Well, at least Loren was now talking to him again.

A twig snapping behind him made Sully halt in his tracks. Standing motionless he listened, but when no other unusual sound followed and Wolf stayed calm as well, he relaxed. Looking around he noticed that he was at one of his places at the creek. Since he was still worked up he thought it a good idea to sit down a bit. The sound of running water—but even more, watching it flow—always had a calming effect on him. He gestured for Wolf to stay close and lowered himself on the small bank.

After the short distraction by making the decision to stay here, Sully returned to his earlier train of thought. Of course the Cheyenne had rules as well, but what he appreciated most was the easy way they were around each other. Catherine came from this world, too. No stiffness, no false pretences. She welcomed the comfort he offered as naturally as he gave it, because she needed it. Just as she felt at home with him, it was easy to interact with her.

He had known that she wanted to kiss him when they were in her room at the clinic. Replaying the scene in his head, he acknowledged, only hesitantly though, he should have stopped her when she started touching him. But Catherine was so vulnerable at that moment that he simply didn't have the heart to reject her. His kissing her back was meant to show her that she'd found a kindred spirit indeed. He had pulled away in time though so she could realize this wasn't the kiss of a lover. He had thought she understood that.

For a moment he let his mind travel down a path that he would never take in reality: how it would be to share his life with Catherine. He would provide for her, protect her, and she would take care of his welfare in return. He would never have to worry that she doubted him. Her depending on him would make him feel like a good man. That's how marriages worked for the Cheyenne.

He had already had a similar life, with Abigail. It had been a good one. However, he was positive that he would never be able to get back there, not after he'd met a woman like Michaela. She was smart and strong, beautiful and stubborn. She challenged him almost every day. Without her, he would have never succeeded in freeing Cloud Dancing from Custer last year. The Cheyenne would already have lost much more lives if Michaela hadn't taken care of them, in addition to their medicine man. Thanks to her, the Cooper kids had a mother again.

He wouldn't give up on her, not even for more caresses or devotion another woman might offer.

Sometimes, his patience was wearing thin though; he just wished Michaela would finally relax when they were together. She should know by now that he would never go too far before they were married. Although they'd never talked about this step by addressing it directly, they both knew it was marriage they were heading for. He was still sure of that, despite their falling out last night.

Thinking about their argument, Sully remembered how it had started: Michaela confronted him with the fact that Catherine would stay with him. He hadn't expected her misinterpreting his actions. Growing nervous he picked up a dry stick that lay next to him. Absentmindedly, he patted his hand with it while he considered how to react when he saw Catherine the next time. Again he wished that Michaela had dealt with this problem right there and then when Catherine had announced her plan. Today, however, he was able to acknowledge that this was rather wishful thinking from his side than Michaela's task.

Actually, this time he didn't understand Catherine. In the contrary to him, she could get one of her families back…

Hearing someone approaching him from behind, Sully tensed up. Yet as he turned and realized that it was the woman he was thinking about right now, he began straightening to his feet, throwing the stick into the water. He wasn't even standing yet, when Catherine started to speak, her expression showing that she anticipated him to be as happy about the news as she was.

"I talked to Dr. Mike. She told me I can stay."

His thoughts from a minute ago still on his mind, Sully instantly asked though, "Don't you want to see your family?"

Yet Catherine was prepared for this reply and explained, "You are my family now."

Sully, however, didn't budge, not wanting to get into this, "You have real family. You should give them a chance."

It was as if Catherine didn't notice that her news wasn't met with enthusiasm. She rather made her intentions even clearer. Pressing her palm against her chest she locked her eyes with Sully, not concealing her love for him. "My heart," she began, closing the distance between them, "is with you."

As to underline her words, she laid her hand over his braid that hung down his chest. Following her gesture with his eyes, Sully at last covered her hand with his. He needed a moment to collect some courage for what he knew he had to do. He had no other choice but to be honest. "My heart," he eventually said with his voice slightly cracking as he pulled her hand away from him, looking her up and down, "is with Dr. Mike."

Sully hated to see the hope leaving her face, being dashed by his words.

Catherine turned her head away from his compassionate gaze so she could take the blow, maintaining her composure as she had learned it. Sully was the man so it was his decision. "Good woman," she at last uttered.

Sully had watched Catherine, devastated by the thought how much he had hurt her. Hearing her now even acknowledge Michaela made him feel only worse.

"Yes," he replied and wanted to add that she was a good woman, too. Yet he didn't, knowing it wouldn't help in the least. "I'm sorry," he assured her instead, and Catherine, looking at him again, knew that he meant it.

However, without Sully by her side, staying at this place didn't make sense. She would leave.

Sully wondered whether he would ever know enough about women so he could avoid situations like this. Not only had he made Michaela jealous and angry, but he had added to Catherine's pain. It had never been his intention to make her think they would spend the rest of their days together. All he'd wanted was her to know that she was welcome and could make a new start. Finding her family in Baltimore was the best way of doing so.

Catherine still held his gaze. Despite the words he had just told her, she clung to a tiny rest of hope that he would reconsider his choice. But he didn't. That was why she at last said, defeated now, "I will go back."

Sully wasn't sure if she was aware that her words held a double meaning but he still assured, "I'll take ya."

When Catherine gave a short nod in agreement and turned so as to leave this place, Sully swallowed hard. He felt incredibly guilty and was amazed how bravely Catherine took the punch he'd just given her.

They didn't talk on their way back to the homestead. Now and then, Catherine stopped. Knowing there weren't woods like these at the place where she'd grown up, she wanted to cherish the sight, the smell and sounds for a last time. Every time she halted in her tracks Sully, with Wolf on his heels, waited patiently till she was ready to continue. He knew what she was doing and it made him feel for her only more.

However, as they finally reached the homestead it was deserted. The tub before the house was still filled with water, and Sully recognized one of Michaela's skirts still in it. This could only mean that she had been called to an emergency. What should he do? He didn't think it right to leave Catherine all by herself right now yet there was no need for him to make the decision.

On the way back to the little house, Catherine didn't only say goodbye to the woods but contemplated what Sully had told her. She understood now why Dr. Mike had been so strained in the morning, and it made her appreciate the doctor's offer to stay only more. Not wanting to cause more discomfort for her though, Catherine realized she shouldn't spend the night here again. If she had to leave, she wanted to do it as soon as possible. Thus she eventually turned to Sully, asking for his help a last time. "I'd like to go to town."

She expectantly looked at him. Understanding her mute wish, he instantly assured, "I'll talk to Horace 'bout your ticket."