Chapter Three Magnetized bodies
Mia's playing it cool. I guess I should probably be following suite but I can't help but feel a little hurt. She's treating me like she's treating Fred. Did FRED ever save her from the big bad Josh monster? Did FRED ever tutor her in Algebra? Did FRED ever get detention for her? Did FRED ever share little kisses with her? Did FRED ever get his heart broken by her? No I didn't think so.
I think I would even be okay with her treating me like she had the night we broke up because at least then I might have some evidence that things with us actually happened. She even looks at me differently then when we were together. She looks at me like I'm just some normal person. I thought maybe she'd look at me the same even just once in a while. Maybe Mia has no heart left.
And another thing, why does she still smell so good all of the time? She isn't supposed to smell that good during one of New York's hottest days with no air conditioner. She's supossed to smell like Fred and me, not like soap. That soap must be extra strengthen because she smells so damn good not to mention that her skin looks so soft and smooth, though that's probably more from lotion. And her hair is supposed to be sticking to her not swaying when she walks. Her legs aren't supposed to be that long. Damn her.
I have basically looked pretty crappy every day since she's been here (4 days and counting) because I've actually been working. I know that that was part of the arrangement, she wasn't going to have to do the heavy lifting, but she doesn't have to be such a princess about it. She was never like this when we dated.
She comes out every day, eats a bowl of cereal while reading about six different types of the newspaper, then goes in the living room and types away on her computer with her headphones in. How can one approach her to help him with that common sign of wanting to be left alone? You can't.
It's also impossible to not dream of her. The blonde hair, the long legs, the strong scent of vanilla. Just waking up from dreaming of her puts me in a horrible mood. Then I see her and I feel so good. I'm not being sarcastic. And so then seeing her and how it makes me feel puts me in a funk. My life is crazy and this circle I keep going through is driving me insane.
Michael is acting weird lately. I get that it's probably hard to see me and to live under the same roof but the second I saw him I was relieved. I know that I dumped him and that I can't exactly ask to be in his life again but I at least thought he would want to talk about what happened but obviously not.
Every time I think about offering to help I look up from my keys and Michael's starring at me. I probably wouldn't be much help anyway since they are doing demo right now and I would most likely take out a support beam. I don't think he realizes he stares at me though, it just sort of happens.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately. The way he used to touch me or how he could go from manly to goop in the matter of 5 seconds. He's really getting me all hot and bothered when he's working to rip out the shelf in the dinning room (which I get a good view of from the living room couch) and I see his sweat drenched t-shirt clinging to his back, but I must not think like that. I must stayed focused on my work. Have I mentioned that I haven't been writing very well? Because I'm not. I can't really write about Michael while he is in the same room. It's a tad bit odd. Not to mention it's not really Michael in the story it's Randal and Randal is nothing compared to Michael.
I still listen to all of his music. Everyday, while I write. I know it's pathetic but it was my one connection to Michael for so long and know it seems like it still is since Michael won't even look at me, unless it's his death stare.
Here's what I have to come to terms with if I'm going to make this work:
Michael wants nothing to do with me
I'm not going to be much of help in this project.
It's going to be extremely hot in this apartment.
I'm still in love with Michael.
I was in my deep state of non-sleep. I was thinking of Mia. Every little detail. It was like if I couldn't remember everything about her all would be lost. It's strange how during the day I detest her but at night all I want is for her to be with me. I wish that her fingers would go through my hair one more time, that I could hold her one more time. I'd settle for our knees brushing together under the table while I help her add two trinomials.
I've tried not thinking of Mia but it's like when you don't want to think of something that's what you are going to think of the most. I'm sure Lilly would have some explanation for this other then I love Mia, because I don't. She hurt me too badly for that to be the case. I must just still be attracted to her. That would explain the constant Mia thoughts. Sure, I just think she's hot and I wouldn't mind having sex with her. Defiantly wouldn't mind that.
At that moment I heard my door squeak open and I sat straight up. Fred only comes in here when he's drunk and he hasn't gotten drunk since he got engaged to Heather. That meant one thing, Mia. Sure enough I saw her shadow fidget nervously before deciding to walk in.
"Hey," she whispered as she came closer to me. "I'm glad you're awake." She was sitting on the edge of my bed, our faces closer then they've been since we broke up. We both seemed to be memorizing each others features. I probably shouldn't be doing that though because the more I looked at her the more I become attracted to her. And the more attracted to her I become the less I will hate her. Then things just become more complicated.
"I think we should talk," she said finally. If I was going to talk to her I couldn't do it while I was in bed and we were both in the dark. The less intimate things are the better. But hey this is a score because I don't think she sneaks into Fred's room to talk.
I led her out of my room and into the kitchen without saying a word. I hadn't talked to Mia since she moved in. Well really talk to her because I did make some small talk about Genovia and Greenpeace.
"Listen, I know this is weird and we are both planning ways to kill Lilly." I pulled a face like right, I'm doing that and Mia smiled, "I know you are Michael James." Hearing her say my name got my attention. She noticed immediately and exhaled before she continued. "I think if we are both going to live here we are going to have to get all the ugliness out now. And so I should start with an apology." I defiantly wasn't expecting that. "I wasn't ready to have sex yet, I know now that I just said I was because I wanted you to stay. You probably realized that. I just was searching for a reason not to sleep with you other then not being ready. I really did think I was…ready." I knew that she was feeling strange, I could tell by the pink in her cheeks just visible from the light coming from the street lamp outside. "Especially since it would be you I'd be having sex with," she said lower then she had said anything else. Then still in the whisper she added, "I wanted to be ready."
I couldn't be mad at her after that could I? Upset, yes. Hurt, yes. Mad, not really. Understanding, not yet. She could have told me that. She didn't even have to offer to have sex with me for that matter. I guess she was waiting for me to answer because she hadn't said anything for a while.
"You hurt me," I said like a weak third grader. "You hurt me worse then you can ever imagine and then the next day you're in the hall way with that stupid guy, that I had accepted as your friend, kissing him." I found myself panting. "You expect me to forgive you after one oh so touching email? Mia, I don't think it can be done."
"You know Michael for one who was so keen about sex being something casual enough to have it with a friend a little kiss shouldn't be a big deal. And besides I didn't mean to kiss him. It just happened. And I haven't been sorrier for anything in my life." She seemed to the point of tears. I can't take her tears, never could really. And she sort of had a point, though I wasn't going to admit to that.
My body just seemed to be magnetized to her, so much to the point that I couldn't not be touching her. Any touch was okay at first then the need to be near to her became stronger and stronger. I started just cupping her cheek then my hand wandered down her face and down her neck. It curved over her shoulders and down her arms. When I reached her hand it was like our fingers lacing together couldn't be more natural. Mia hadn't said a word the whole time but was watching as my hands caressed her skin. Suddenly she looked up into my eyes. Those silver eyes get to me every time. Before I could stop myself my head was going to hers and hers seemed to be coming to me. For one brief wonderful moment Mia and I were together again in a serious of tender and then not so tender, sultry kisses. But Mia pulled away way too soon.
"I think if we are going to live together, we probably shouldn't do that," she said slowly before walking out of the kitchen and into her bedroom. I just sat on the couch until 3 a.m. thinking over what had happened. Not the anger I had felt when Mia had offered her explanation but rather the passion I had felt in those kisses that had ended much too soon.