Author's Note Is it good to know that unpredictability is just something predictable that looks unpredictable? Is it good to know that you are calm when others aren't but are not calm when others are? Does this all mean we enjoy chaos but are too blind to see it?

I feel odd about this chapter. It came to me in a sort of...choppy way. It disrupted my -flow-, but hopefully it's not obvious to you guys. If you guys see/feel anything odd let me know, alright? Because I could use that information to help me in the future. I, being a library of information, I'd take any constructive criticism into complete consideration. So yeah. You guys know that. READ!

Disclaimer

"Dear Journal,

I am so trapped. I walk into one trap after another. First the trappings of my heart, where I cannot stand to stay boring and plain…then being trapped behind devil's eyes and now this entrapment. The entrapment of my soft heart. I shouldn't have agreed to help him. He thinks I've forgotten and moved on. Apparently he wasn't there. So I can see how the rape of my soul doesn't seem as bad to him as it does to me. He fears for himself and himself alone. Not for me. Why should he care? I'm not the one blacking out and going crazy.

Noel fought with Derek today over what 'Derek' had said to me last Friday. Why does last Friday sound so far away? Maybe because it was before what happened. I wonder what Noel would do to Derek if he knew what happened Saturday. If he hit Derek just for saying something wrong to me…It makes me wonder. I won't tell Noel what 'Derek' did though. There wouldn't be any good intention.

Though I do feel a certain happiness toward Noel now. He was like my knight in shining armor, defending my womanly honor.

Casey sat straight in her computer chair, a smile lit upon her face.

If he asked me out on a date I would most definitely go. Going out, as boyfriend/girlfriend? Still questionable. I don't really know him. I know his sister more than him because he doesn't talk much. His sister probably talks enough for the both of them really. I think Emily apologized to me, but I can't be sure. And I really do feel bad but it is true. Peter is just a rebound. Emily knows the ins and outs of relationships with other people but couldn't be more clueless about the true nature of hers.

A part of me wants to hold her at a distance. Not because I don't want her to be my best friend anymore, but because I don't want her to know too much.

Plus, I haven't been enjoying my life these couple of days and my solutions are getting darker. I don't think of it in words, but I feel it. When I look down and see my skin. 'Derek' so easily broke through, why not me?

-Casey"

She logged out and turned the computer off. After a deep breath, Casey went to her bed and laid down.

The other day she had thought to bleed everywhere. So dramatic, as Casey was anyway, but she had scared herself. As she looked up at the ceiling, she brought her wrists into view.

It would be pointless wouldn't it? Her eyes traced the vein of her right arm down to her elbow. To cut myself. What would I prove? That I could hurt myself worse than Derek ever could? Casey's left hand grabbed her right wrist and squeezed. She held it tightly for a minute. Her right hand felt the suffocation and Casey's face remained emotionless. The lack of interest in her eyes made her feel dangerous. I wonder if that's how the other Derek felt. Looking at me the way he did. I bet he felt dangerous. She kept holding her hand. It was turning a faint blue-violet, but still she did not let go.

"Casey?" A knock sounded after the voice, and Nora entered the room. Casey quickly let go of her wrist and she sat upright. "I didn't disturb anything did I?" She asked, looking about the room.

"No. You just startled me." She brushed the hairs out of her face and looked at her mom.

"Do you mind if I talk to you?" Nora asked, shutting the door and setting herself on Casey's bed. She really wasn't giving her daughter a choice.

"Go ahead." Casey said softly.

"I just got a call from your principal about Derek's fight today, and a call from your counselor about Derek and you." Her eyes got wide at her mom and she instantly took a defensive stance on the bed.

"But he said that I would have to-"

"Have to talk to me with Derek, right. Paul was just making sure that I would give you both a chance."

"Do you mean right-"

"Right now? Right now Derek is being reprimanded by George in the basement."

"What!? What if he says something stupid!" She screamed out, jumping out of the bed and running out of the room.

Nora ran after her but wasn't as nimble as she was. Casey hopped over the stairs, into the kitchen, and down the basement stairs. She heard George yelling at Derek as she flung the door open.

Derek was in George's face, looking quite uncaring and dangerous. Casey shook her head, not in fear, but frustration. They both turned to Casey as Nora ran up to her. She too stopped to look at the two men.

"Casey, go away, I'll deal with you later." Derek said deeply. Nora got a confused look on her face and Casey rolled her eyes.

"Yeah sure you will. Leave. I don't want you here." She said harshly to Derek. George got a confused look on his face that equalled Nora's.

"Fine. But don't you forget." Glaring at Casey, he sat down. As he sat his face changed. Casey covered her eyes, feeling powerful and weak at the same time. Don't you forget? Asshole.

"What is that supposed to mean?" George yelled, full of angry confusion.

"I'll explain with Derek later. Carry on." Casey said confidently, turning to walk away. Nora stood in her way with as furious a face as George's. "Please mom. That's really all I needed to do. He was going to say something stupid." George shut the door and started yelling at Derek again.

"Upstairs Casey." Her mother's voice was forceful, and Casey had no intent to question her directions.

After reaching her bedroom again, she sat down hard and stared up at her mom. She felt guilty, but knew that what she had done was right. They had to say it all together, and as vindictive as the other Derek was she didn't want to chance it.

Nora ordered Lizzie, Edwin and Marti to all go into Edwin's attic bedroom and busy themselves, then shut Casey's bedroom door and looked down at her.

"What was that for?" She asked calmly.

"You'll understand after George is done yelling at Derek. But I have a feeling that there will be more anger in this house before the day is through…" Casey said, not looking away from her mom. Nora shook her head.

"We are really understanding people, but if there is one thing we don't understand is violence. Derek had no right to hit Noel." Casey shook her head yes, agreeing.

"I know he had no right. I don't want to talk about it. It needs to wait. I need to say it with Derek to you and George at the same time." Nora looked around in contemplation for a few moments, and then conceded to an idea within herself.

"Stay here. Okay?" She shook her head yes at Nora and watched her leave the room silently.

There wasn't much left to other than stay here and wait. Her eyes looked down again.

She hated how taunting her blood pulsing through a vein could be.

"Why'd you do it Derek? That's all I want to know." George pleaded, his red face disappearing. Derek put his head in his hands, no longer able to look in his dad's eyes and say 'I don't know.'.

Nora walked into the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind her.

"Why don't we listen to what Casey and Derek have to say together now." Derek head snapped upward and he looked at her.

"Why?" George questioned.

"Because obviously, they aren't going to say anything unless they say it together. At least that's what Casey keeps telling me." George took a deep breath and looked at Derek. Their eyes met and pleaded with one another.

"Okay. Does she come down or do we go up?" George asked. Derek stood suddenly and looked at Nora.

"Can I go talk to her first and then we could both come down here?" Nora looked at George, then turned back to Derek and nodded her head yes. Derek took no hesitation and ran out of the room and up the stairs.

Casey's fingers twiddled gently over her wrist as she was letting her mind run frighteningly wild.

"Casey!" She jumped up, gripping her chest.

"Why have people stopped knocking on my flipping door?!" Casey squealed out. Derek shut the door behind him, taking no care as to her statement.

"Casey, what are we going to be saying? I have to know how to react…I don't know what I'm doing anymore! I don't remember half of what he yelled at me." Casey hated seeing him broken down. It wasn't very 'Derek' of him, but she knew that this was really Derek and he was really broken down and afraid. It was all so hard to fathom in its' entirety.

"Derek, take a breather." She made breath-in/breath-out motions, and let him do so. After a few moments she smiled calmly to let him know that it would be okay. "I'm telling them about your blackouts that you came to me about. You'll describe the blackouts that you've been experiencing. Then I'm sure they will say something, if they don't I'll start talking about the strange way you were treating me. Then I'll tell them about what happened to me on Saturday. I'm sure they will say something to that. Denial, or arguments concerning you…etc…" Casey looked down in thought. What else?

"Then?" He asked impatiently.

"I don't know!" Derek smiled. She looks so cute flustered. "No! Don't you even come back to haunt me!" She held a finger in his face. He looked confused, then, realizing what she meant, shook his head.

"No, I'm just smiling because…well I'm not what you think I am. I'm Derek. Not blacked out." He looked amused at her fear. Casey glared at him and crossed her arms.

"If you think this is funny then you can do this alone." Derek didn't respond. He didn't stop smiling, but his eyes looked hurt. It wasn't obvious to her that she had hit a chord, but he didn't want her to know that she had any emotional power over him. Why would I tell her exactly how to hurt my feelings?

"Well, I think that's really all I need to know. Let's go." He turned to leave.

"But I thought they were coming up here?" Derek opened the door and left.

"Change of plans, lets go." He called back to her. She left her room and followed him into the basement.