Chapter 8

Sully considered his next step carefully. Had Michaela meant her words literally; that she couldn't be with him 'right now'? He had stayed away for more than a day; was this still too short a time, or already too long? Knowing that there was only one way to find out, he rose to his feet.

Since he just couldn't say how long it had taken him to clear his mind, he had to judge the time first. The day wasn't sunny and thus he passed his lean-to to reach the edge of the clearing. Though looking up at the sky, his gaze only met dark clouds. All he could do was guess the position of the sun, which told him it was around noon. Not wanting to waste any more time, Sully gestured for Wolf to follow him and set off towards the homestead.

Hurrying towards his destination, he had no idea that Michaela had taken stock of her life again last night, and that her mind was already set.

All day, since she'd watched him walking away, Michaela had gathered more arguments for why she should follow the reasoning of her mind rather than the desire of her heart. It was more difficult suppressing the latter than anticipated, yet recalling a conversation with Dorothy she remembered that she had had doubts about her courting right from the start. Now it had turned out that she indeed wasn't suited for it. Maybe she had already lived on her own for too long. Maybe it was time to take Sully's point of view and just accept that there were certain things she couldn't change.

She was a mother, and had still a lot to learn about. And she was a doctor. She wanted to be a good one, and for this she had to stay up to date with the newest knowledge. Both of these tasks were already time-consuming enough. She didn't need a relationship in addition, which she was destined to fail anyway. After their falling out the other night she knew what she'd always feared: she didn't meet Sully's expectations.

He had a compassionate heart; it was one of the reasons why she had fallen in love with him. What if another young, attractive woman in need of help came to town? What if Sully was attracted again? This time he had chosen her; what about the next time?

As far back as she could think Michaela had had to fight for what she wanted. She didn't want to fight to be loved. She didn't know how and was quite sure that it would be a futile effort anyway. No one could force love. Life had already given her a wonderful gift: the children. She shouldn't ask for more. Yet being honest with herself she knew that there was something equally important: she needed to get back on safe ground. Only this way could she protect herself from being hurt again. Although her heart protested with a painful contraction, she still confirmed her decision from earlier: she shouldn't have a relationship with Sully, and so she wouldn't.

Her sleep afterwards had been fitful.

However, Michaela was mentally prepared when she heard Brian calling excitedly from the yard, "Ma, Sully's back!"

She was making lunch with Colleen inside the house, and simply asked her daughter to set another place. Ignoring the quickening of her pulse, she turned towards the door as Brian pulled Sully into the room, Matthew right behind them.

"Look Ma, Sully's back!" Brian reiterated happily, looking at her expectantly.

Holding her son's gaze, Michaela bent down, laying her hand on his shoulder, "Yes, he is. And I'd like you to wash your hands so we can start eating, alright?"

"Sure, Ma." The boys smile was infectious, and so she returned it.

Straightening up again she glanced at their visitor, greeting him politely, "Hello, Sully. If you want, you could have lunch with us."

"I'd like that," Sully replied, trying to keep their eyes locked to find out where they stood with each other.

He didn't succeed though for she pivoted and joined Colleen by the oven.

Sully wasn't sure what to think of the way she was acting and asked tentatively, "Ya ain't mad that I've been away, are ya? I mean, ya said…"

"Of course not," she retorted, glancing at him. "You don't have to answer to me. Please, sit down."

Although neither her voice nor expression gave anything away, it was as if the temperature in the room dropped. Michaela seemed to be the only one who didn't notice, and her tone remained even as she turned towards Colleen, wondering, "What about the biscuits, are they done?"

"Sure, Dr. Mike." Colleen's voice was calm, yet the secret look she exchanged with Matthew was puzzled.

Brian, having taken his seat across from Sully, anxiously gazed at his grown friend. Sully, however, with all three Cooper kids looking at him now, was clearly unsettled as well.

Brian wanted to speak, yet Colleen, standing behind his chair, instantly covered his mouth with her hand. It was obvious that Dr. Mike didn't want any discussion, which meant it was better to act as if everything was normal. They could talk to Sully later.

The children didn't have to wait very long for the opportunity. Hearing a rider approaching the house, Michaela quickly went out onto the porch, recognizing the telegraph operator.

"Horace, what's wrong?" she instantly demanded.

Looking concerned, Horace explained, "You gotta come quickly, Dr. Mike. One of Loren's customers fainted at the store."

That was enough for Michaela to rush back into the house. Grabbing her medical bag and taking her coat from the hook, she informed everyone, but no one in particular, "I have to go to town. I'll be back for supper, I hope."

Dr. Mike had barely left the room when Sully felt Colleen and Matthew's eyes on him. Brian looked at the food on his plate, pushing it around with his fork. Sully realized that the boy hadn't told his brother and sister what he had seen. Actually, he was thankful for that. Not wanting to go into too much detail, he looked up at the older Cooper kids and said simply, "I've done somethin' stupid."

While Colleen furrowed her brow in confusion, Matthew thought he might know, "Catherine?"

"Yeah," was all Sully replied, but he didn't have to say any more. The farewell scene by the stagecoach suddenly made sense to the siblings. They glanced at each other, but didn't make any comments. Not because they didn't feel they had the right to do so, but because both had been in Sully's shoes not so long ago. While Matthew recalled how he had unintentionally made Atlantis, the girl from the circus, think he was interested in her, Colleen remembered how terrible she had felt when she'd kind of stolen the boy her best friend Becky had been fond of.

Sully watched the children carefully as they continued to avoid his eyes. Not sure what was going on within them, he repeated the promise he had already given Brian, "I'll do anything to get things back to normal."

Searching the young faces before him, he could read their skepticism. Yet instead of being discouraged, it only made him more determined. He had never had the intention of giving up on this family, and he wouldn't start now. He knew that he might need a lot of patience though, for he had recognized what Michaela had decided while he was gone: the door of her house continued to stay open for him, but she had shut him out of her private thoughts and feelings.

……………………………………………………………

And patient Sully was indeed, starting as if from the scratch. He took Brian fishing and helped Matthew with his new house. He would bring meat and fish to the homestead and stay for a meal when he was invited. It was as if he was secretly allied to the Cooper kids, for they never failed to ask him to eat with them. He never stayed too long though, not wanting to test Michaela. She always accepted his presence, responded when she was asked, but rarely talked to him of her own accord. If she met his gaze, her expression didn't show any emotion. Sully couldn't remember when it was that he had last seen her smile let alone laugh.

He knew better than to push Michaela, and seeing how tonight she only picked at her food absentmindedly, he was sure she was concerned about Matthew. The oldest Cooper kid hadn't shown up for supper, and his younger siblings were unusually quiet. Not wanting to interfere in family matters, he wiped his mouth with the napkin after glancing at Michaela, announcing, "I best be goin'."

Both children looked up at him, startled. Brian, not wanting Sully to leave, turned anxiously to his Ma, hoping it would be today that she finally asked their friend to stay.

To everyone's surprise, Michaela actually reacted. She reached for Sully, not only with words, but even by touching his arm so as to hold him back. "Would you like some more coffee?" she suggested, already rising from her chair.

Astonished, Sully followed her with his gaze, but didn't need one beat to instantly agree, "Sure." He wasn't thirsty at all.

Of course he knew that this wasn't about coffee; for the first time she'd asked him to stay, even if she didn't say it directly. His heart skipped a beat with joy, but of course he didn't show it. He didn't hesitate to take his chance to show her that he cared and knew about her sorrows.

"Ya worried about him?" he asked, holding up his cup for her to fill with more of the dark-brown liquid.

Still deep in her troubled thoughts, Michaela replied, "It would just be nice to know where he is."

It wasn't important that they reacted differently to Matthew's gambling when the young man eventually returned home that night; Michaela with disapproval and Sully rather with understanding. It didn't even matter that Sully accepted Matthew's gift, although he realized that Michaela was right when she refused hers, and that he should have done the same. It wasn't the disagreement that counted, but Michaela's openly admitting that she wanted to have Sully by her side.

This was the sign Sully had waited so patiently for. The first step in the right direction, from his point of view, was done.