Author's Note Nine in numerology is associated with pushiness and confidence, but despite of the confident nature, those with number nine's in their life have very vulnerable souls.
Oh Drama Queen. What drastic thing have you decided to dress in today?
Disclaimer ...
She woke with the first light of dawn. Casey eyed into light past the window of the living room. She didn't even waste a moment trying to smile for she had nothing to smile about. In the kitchen Casey could hear someone cooking eggs. Reluctantly she lifted her body and went to the kitchen.
"Hi Casey." Her Mother said softly, not turning from the sizzling eggs.
"Hi." Casey said quietly. She went to get a glass and got some water from the faucet. The liquid slipped down her throat chillingly, waking her senses and making her feel her heartache. She weakly set the glass down. "Mom?" Nora turned and poured the finished eggs into a bowl.
"Yes?" She answered, not looking up but not sounding bitter, just shaken from last nights events.
"Is Derek going to school?" Casey asked, staring at her glass of water.
"No. I think George is going to take him to his old doctor when Derek's blackouts were acting up." She nodded her head at Nora, but Casey knew that her Mom wasn't looking anyway.
"Am I going to school?" Nora stopped moving and looked at Casey. Casey could feel her mothers' heart throbbing. She set the bowl of eggs down and pulled Casey into a tight hug. Her face remained emotionless, not caring about the warmth her Mom still had left. Casey was drained off all her happiness and warmth and it was replaced with confusion and disgust.
"You've been through a lot, and I won't let you go to school if you won't be able to function properly. I'll have Emily get your schoolwork for you." Casey pulled away from her Mom.
"I might not do it, so it might be pointless to get it from her." Nora gave a weak smile.
"Of course you'll do it. You always do." Casey closed her eyes and gave a heartless smile. She opened them and left the kitchen. "You don't want anything to eat?" Nora called out.
"No."
George waited till Derek was up and then took him to the car, not answering any of Derek's questions. He didn't know what happened last night, but he kept rubbing his chest. It was obvious he was in pain, but Casey could feel no sympathy. The heaviness in her heart became like a home of despair and those who are in emotional turmoil can't really care about another's misfortune.
She laid in her bed all day, looking at her room.
Who will I give my computer to if I die? Probably Lizzie. She always wanted one but I got it because I'm the oldest…well I was until Derek came in the picture. My desk would go to Marti because she doesn't have one. At some point she will need it. My mirror? Lizzie. My doll collection? Marti. She can tear them apart, it's not even important. And I was so worried that she would try to steal them and take them out of their boxes. My notebooks…notebooks!
Casey reached around the side of her bed and pulled out the two notebooks that Derek had given her to read. She flipped the top notebook open.
"I will get out and kill you Derek!"
"I will do it first!"
"Can you guys stop being that way? Think about others…not yourself."
"I want Casey. She's so perfectly shaped. I wonder what it would feel like to just, shove it all in there."
Casey's stomach turned.
"Don't you guys go near Marti."
"Marti is a kid Daphne. We aren't going to mess with children. They have no breasts."
"I can't believe he did that to me…"
Casey began to random scan the pages. It was filled with tales of torture and promised torture. Most of his personalities were either in pain or seemed to want to cause pain.
"I'll kill Derek. Come out and make him slit his own wrists. Come out and let him enjoy the pain. It's his fault I'm here. Because he couldn't handle it."
"Why kill Derek when we could kill them? They are always in our way. Always making things difficult for us. Especially her. She needs to die. And if she doesn't off herself soon I'm going to strangle her. Won't it look nice seeing her face turn blue?"
Casey slammed the first notebook closed, her breath caught in the back of her throat. After finally releasing her breath she opened the second notebook.
"It felt wonderful. She looked so lifeless knocked out. I'll be sure to help myself to her again. Should the time ever come."
"NO! Why can't you make him stop! I want Daddy to make him stop hurting me."
"No one loves me."
"Marti is so adorable. She learned how to speak a few phrases in Spanish."
"I'm gonna kill him."
"Turning blue, Casey it's you. Always you, I'll torture you."
She shakily flipped to the center of the notebook.
"Why don't you guys work to become each other? We need to reunite and be just Derek!"
"NO! NO WE DON'T! Quit saying that! I like having a mind of my own. I don't need Derek controlling me. He likes power, he won't use what I can do to it's full potential."
"Yeah! I agree with Fredrick. Derek didn't even want to have sex, and if I wasn't here to get it for him, he would still be a lowly virgin. No experience at all. And he wouldn't have had the pleasure fucking Casey. I gave that to him. It's his to keep. He wanted to be a player, but then not play the part? NO!"
"Stop fighting, you're just like him!"
Casey couldn't understand, and didn't want to understand the parts that she could. Someone wanted to kill her. Damien wanted to rape her again.
I won't let it happen. I have something to control. My life. I control if I live or die and I won't let some nutcase tell me he's going to kill me.
Casey closed the notebook and pulled a piece of paper and pencil to her desk.
"Dear family,
My possessions go to whoever wants them. I'd prefer it if the Barbie dolls went to Marti and the books to Lizzie. Everything else is up for who wants it. Derek can have my underwear, as he had always wanted to get in them. You finally did. Congratulations."
Casey abandoned the piece of paper and logged into her online journal. A total of nine entries. She clicked on her home page and deleted her password. Anyone who wished to read her journal now could. Quickly turning off her computer she returned to the letter.
"I'm not bitter anymore. I feel happier. I have my solution! I figured I'd do it before Sunday when I'm supposed to take the pregnancy test though. If I know then it might stop me, but I've made the decision. All I ask is that you don't hate me. I love you guys. All of you. You were always there for me and now Derek needs you. Make sure you are there for him. Make sure. He doesn't need me torturing him and his personalities and I can't deal with what they want to do with me.
I don't want to live in fear anymore."
Casey set the pencil down. She wasn't happy with the letter. She didn't want to end it today though. First she wanted to hand out a couple of her smaller possessions to people, and say her secret goodbyes to them face to face.
Fumbling through her drawers she found a keychain that had a picture of her and Lizzie in it smiling radiantly for the camera-man. For Lizzie. In her closet she found a box of binders and post-its. To Edwin. After an hour for looking for something for her Mom she found a necklace that was given to her as a kid. It was a golden angel with her birthstone in the center. For Mom. The first Barbie doll that she had received, she had decided, was the one that she was going to personally hand over to Marti. George can…have…I don't have anything that I think George would want or use. I'd give him a watch but all mine are girly.
Casey sighed. It felt nice having a plan that wasn't going to confuse her.
To Derek I leave my blood. Most of him will enjoy it, or so I've read. He personally won't…but once he's 'united' with himself I guess most of him will enjoy it. She sat on the bed. Her heart went missing, and her wrists pulsed hard. Maybe her heart didn't go missing. Maybe it just tore in half and went to both of her wrists.
Derek didn't get home till late. The details of what happened at the doctor's office were kept to a minimum, and Casey didn't care to hear anyway. She didn't go down for dinner. Though Nora did come upstairs to tell her that Edwin, Lizzie and Marti were going to be spending time at their uncles' house. Well, Lizzie's step-uncle. He lived the closest and they could still go to school without much changing.
Casey was glad that they wouldn't be in the house when she did it. That is the last thing a child should walk in to see.
After dinner, and after she knew that everyone was in their own rooms, she went to give out her presents and secret goodbyes.
She opened Lizzie's door and saw her reading a book. Casey smiled and closed the door behind her.
"Hey Liz." Lizzie looked up at Casey, said nothing and looked back at the book. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to go to some Uncles' house that I don't even know for a week. Maybe a couple of weeks. Mom wasn't sure how long." Lizzie said dramatically. It never occurred to Casey that Lizzie was childish. She knew that Lizzie was a child, she even knew that she acted naïve when it came to relationships, but never had she noticed anything so childish in Lizzie as she found this statement to be.
"Lizzie. It will be worse if you stayed here while Derek is trying to get better." Casey said sweetly as she sat down.
"You aren't leaving, why is that? How come you can handle it, and I can't?" She bit her lip and looked softly at Lizzie.
"Don't be so sure about that." Lizzie set her book down. Casey pulled the keychain out of her pocket. "Here, this is for you." She handed it to Lizzie, and Lizzie took it softly in her hands. "For the whole time you and I aren't together…if you need me…look at that. Talk to it if you need to. I'll always feel you." Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows. "We're sisters. We're permanently connected." Casey felt her eyes getting hot and pulled Lizzie into a hug so she couldn't see the tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong Casey?" She asked her in the crook of her neck.
"Nothing Lizzie. I'm just confused." They held the hug for a few moments. Casey suppressed her tears. "I love you Lizzie. Never forget it." Lizzie nodded and they separated from their hug. Casey gave her a smile and left the room.
She went to her room and grabbed the Barbie doll, then went to Marti's room. There was a light underneath Marti's tent. Casey crawled under the tent and sat next to Marti.
"Hi Casey!" Marti exclaimed sweetly.
"Hey Marti." Casey took Marti into a hug. "Have fun at your Uncle's house okay?" They let go of their hug.
"Okay. I usually do, even though he's boring. They have a really nice dog." Casey smiled and handed the boxed Barbie doll to Marti.
Marti's face lit up with delight and grasped the box tightly between her arms.
"Thank you Casey! This is the best present EVER!" Immediately she pulled the Barbie out of the box and tried to undo the twist-ties. Casey helped her get the Barbie off of the cardboard and handed the brown hair, blue eyed doll over to Marti. "Casey, she is so pretty! She looks just like you!" She smiled heartwarmingly at Marti.
"That is me. And as long as you always have that doll, you'll always have me." Casey felt a deep need to be symbolic, and leaving pieces of her to have them remember her by seemed the perfect way to do it.
"Thank you!!" Marti exclaimed again, playing with the doll. Casey looked sadly at the display, got up and left the room.
After grabbing the binders and post-its, Casey headed up the attic stairs.
Edwin was seated on his bed, working on his homework.
"Can I help you with something Casey?" Edwin inquired, sitting up. Casey shut the door behind her and walked forward.
"These are for you." She held out the binder and post-its. He looked confused, but thankful at the same time. Edwin took them from her and set them on the side of the bed. "I thought you would like them. I know you can use them for that spy and statistic stuff you do." She eyed the super-sleuth suitcase he had in the corner of his room that had kind of caught Derek and her sneaking out a year ago.
"I like them. Thanks. I was actually about to ask Dad for another binder because my old one tore cause it's so full of random information." He pointed to a black binder on his desk. The papers were sticking out at random spots and the seam was ripped.
"You're welcome. The blue binder has my name in it, so if you want to mark that off it's fine." She said distractedly. He eyed her suspiciously but asked no questions. "You're going to your uncle's so I thought I would say, you know, goodbye." His eyebrows arched downward and kept analyzing her.
"We're not leaving till tomorrow morning."
"Well, I figured that but, I'm staying in bed. I won't see you off." Edwin crossed his arms.
"Well, bye Casey. Thank you for the supplies." She smiled and awkwardly reached down. They shared a rather awkward hug. After they pulled away, Casey straightened her shirt.
"Promise me that you'll make sure my sister stays okay. No matter what happens and no matter what happens between you two." Edwin nodded his head sincerely. Casey turned and left the room.
When she shut the door she took a deep breath. It was all the goodbye she could handle for now. As she returned to her room she glanced at Derek's bedroom door. A shiver barely twisted her, and she collapsed onto her bed and quickly fell asleep.