Author's Note The last chapter is the longest chapter in the entire fic. It was one of the hardest for me to write. I hope no one hates me.

Disclaimer

Casey's death was a shock to the everyone who knew her. They all knew she was intelligent, they all knew she had spirit to spare, but they didn't know what means she would go to escape all her tears.

After a day of sulking around, Nora knew that she had to tell the other children. Derek, George and herself went to the Venturi's uncle's house. Lizzie's heart fell hard at the news, and she turned to Derek more and more with every word that her mother said. In a moment of raw inhibition she jumped and flailed her arms in Derek's direction.

Every hit he felt was painful, more so emotionally than physically though. Edwin pulled Lizzie off of him but her eyes did not stop provoking Derek's inner guilt.

"I hate you Derek. This is all your fault." Lizzie said in a low, quivering voice. The bitterness of her stance intensified the syllables.

"Lizzie, this is no ones fault. This was a decision only Casey could have made." She looked at her mother. "Blaming Derek isn't going to bring her back."

It was all the moments that he wished he was blacked out, that he didn't. Why couldn't he black out now, in this moment where the pain of her death seemed all too unbearable that he could just see and feel nothing for days on end.

To be someone else. To be somewhere else.

After the bathroom was cleaned by professionals, the three younger kids came back home. Only Marti had the guts to go back to school. Then again, it was possible she just didn't understand what going away and never coming back really meant.

Nora was the first to read the letter she left behind. In a family meeting she read the letter to them.

And Casey was right. Lizzie did know what she needed to read the speech to in order for her to hear it, for when that sentence came up she pulled out the keychain Casey had given to her personally before they left the house.

Emily refused to go to school and spent the following days at the Venturi-McDonald household. It seemed to fill the space that Casey had left behind. When Emily was going through Casey's clothes that she had bestowed upon her, Derek entered the room.

"I never wanted to admit it, but she looked damn good in those clothes." Emily turned, but didn't smile.

"Yeah…she did. I never thought I would ever shine as bright as she did." Emily said softly as Derek walked closer. "Even when she was being teased, I was still to the side…not really noticed. Good or bad, everyone saw Casey. It couldn't be helped. Who wouldn't notice the girl who held her head high? Who wouldn't notice the girl who always spoke her mind, no matter what other people thought?" Derek smirked and stood by Emily, eyeing Casey's clothes.

"Even I noticed. I was in love with her Emily." She turned and looked at him. There was a certain amount of understanding and realization in her eyes.

"That makes sense now." Emily half laughed out. "It really does." Derek bent over and picked up one of her maroon shirts.

"I think I drove her to it. With my sicknesses." She set down the skirt she was holding and looked at him.

"Sicknesses?" Derek set down Casey's shirt and sat on the bed.

"Not the flu-type sicknesses…the mental…They think I have MPD." Emily digested the information, but said nothing. "I hurt her. Really bad…" Derek's eyes started to water, but he closed his eyes until the tears went away. Emily sat next to him and put and arm around him.

"I will never forget her, but I will never forget the blood swimming around in the water. I wish I would have never come over here…It didn't do any good." Derek shook his head.

"You're wrong. In her last moments, you let her see how much you cared…and I got to see her just before she went to heaven."

"She destroyed all that she had before her…How can you say she has the opportunity to go to heaven?" Emily said, slightly distraught.

"For girls like her…only heaven exists. God would be a sinner if he willingly sent her to hell…" Emily smiled, but was still a little uneasy with his logic. "You'll be there with me at the funeral won't you?"

"With you?" Derek nodded. "Of course…"

"Sam and Ralph are going to be there too. Sam's real tore up, Ralph didn't really know her. I knew you would be going, being her best friend and all but don't think you have to be afraid of me." Emily grabbed his hand.

"I won't be afraid."

The announcements at Thompson High were grim the day after. Tinker couldn't believe his ears. Max was sent into a spell of self-denial, for he hid behind his popularity knowing that Casey was right about who he really was. Noel felt defeated, and like all that he had tried to do had been a waste because he had wasted a year being afraid of telling her how he felt. All he had now were the what-ifs. He swore to himself he would never be afraid to tell a girl he was interested because time was so short in this world.

The teachers who knew Casey were saddened, because despite her minor perfectionist annoyances, she was a model student, aching for the best grade she could get.

Everyone talked about her. Thinking of all the wonderful traits and skills she had, how hard she tried and how passionate she was. Wondering why she did it.

When a week had passed, and the plans for the wake and funeral were set in motion, they headed to the funeral home they booked.

Casey was cleaned up and dressed in her favorite dress. A pretty white one that she had picked out to wear beneath her graduation robes. Derek eyed her pale face from the front row. She looked fluffy, and gentle, but most of all, at peace.

Emily arrived and placed herself next to Derek. He looked at her and smiled. Never had he appreciated her company more than he did in this moment.

Lizzie and Nora were crying their hearts out, one on each side of Casey's father Dennis. His eyes were red, as though he spent his time crying before he came to the wake.

Sam came behind Derek and pat him on the back. Derek stood.

"Hey." Sam said, not looking at anyone in particular.

"Hey." Derek said, looking down. They both took a seat, knowing nothing more needed to be said.

Ralph never showed, but Noel and his sister did. Derek jumped up and went to greet him. Noel eyed Derek, but didn't dare start a fight here. He stuck a hand out and Derek took it. After shaking hands they both sat down. Noel sat in the back.

When the time came they all lined up to give a short prayer as they walked past her casket. Uniform, they all kneeled beside her, and looked at her empty smile and faded cheeks.

Nora came to her first.

As a mother I should have seen and felt your pain. I will never let myself become blind again. We all miss you Casey. This past week has been terrible. Emily is always over which seems to be good for Derek. He's taken a deep connection to her, maybe because he felt remorseful over what he did to you. I went into his room the other night when he was sleeping and he was muttering things about babies and having a family. I assume it was with you. I ignored his attractions to you. I'm not stupid…I saw it when he first laid eyes on you. I'm surprised he had the ability to keep that locked away in him for so long. You were destined to inspire, I just didn't think you would inspire the change by your own demise. Wherever you are, make sure you are happy…I know you would never do anything unless you felt it had a purpose. I love you.

Casey, I'm sorry things didn't work out with me and your mom. I regret not having more moments with you in my life. I don't know you like I should. I'll make sure I know Lizzie. Why let this tragedy pass and not let us come together? I have a lot of money stored in the bank but for some selfish reason my job has always been important to me when I should have known that it was my family that should've held more weight. I'm going to try and see if I can move and get a job at George's law firm so I can be closer to Lizzie. She needs me, and you needed me. I wish I would have seen that before.

Casey, I want to hate Derek as you hated Derek…I know he did something to you…but I don't think I can hate…I'm in too much pain, and I miss you so much. I don't want to hate my big brother…I can tell he didn't want this. I heard him crying last night as I was heading up to Edwin's room to fall asleep in his arms. He's so comfy you know Casey? I never got to tell you that I finally fell in love. Lizzie squeezed tightly on the keychain. I'll make sure I always treasure the ones I love.

I'm sorry I did those things to you. Not the things that Damien did to you…Though I am sorry for those things…I'm sorry for treating you the way I did ever since you got to move in with us. I shouldn't have done those things to anyone whether I was in love with them or not. And I am in love with you. Thank you…for making sure you said your goodbye to me…because I realize now it was a goodbye. You weren't in love with me. I won't let myself pretend you were, but the fact that you did that for me despite all the anger you had at me…It says a lot Casey, and I can only hope that I can get something good from your memory. I can't wait to see you again.

We were never close Casey. You did help me stand up to the 'big bad Derek' though. Lizzie helped a lot, but you helped too. By standing up to him the way you did everyday, you made me see that he wasn't as terrifying as I thought he was. I won't treat Lizzie the way Derek treated you…he says he was in love with you, but you don't treat the ones you love that way. It's not right, and that's what I've learned from just knowing and observing you guys. I'll miss your cooking. I'll miss your dancing. Remember? We're dance-buddies. Our little secret. Bye Casey.

Hi…Casey, I always liked you as a step-father and I always felt like you would be an incredibly good influence on Derek. Until of course I realized that all you two did was clash. Although I would like to thank you for helping me realize a few things about raising kids, and for helping me see Derek's problems before it was too late…well at least too late for others. I think it may have been too late for you. And I know he hates what's happened, and hates not having you in the house. He's always staring at the chair you sat in at dinner, and he hasn't been sitting in the lazy-chair anymore. He always sits on the couch. Maybe hoping to know what things were like in your point of view. Emily's been coming over a lot. She's really torn up, like we all are, thinking that there was something we could have done. I don't know if there was. Maybe taken more notice of you…took your pain a little more seriously. Bye Casey…

Casey, when you come back I'm going to give you a big hug because nobody could read me a story like you could. I miss your voice, so come back already. Sir Monks A Lot misses you…and Daphne must have left with you because she's been gone since you stopped acting like you. I know you will wake up when your prince kisses you, let me know who it is when he finally finds you. Bye Casey!

My best friend…My BEST best friend. Of all the friends I've had you were the most empowering. Your spontaneity, yet ability to be organized…Your easiness yet difficulty with boys. How you could talk to anyone without feeling like you had to hold back. That's why you couldn't lie. It was your duty in this world to tell it like it was, but still be so incredibly sweet about it. Even though you were ridiculed at some points, everyone seemed to notice you whether you realized it or not. I don't really understand why you felt this was your only option…but I won't forget you. What's the sense in forgetting an important lesson to be learned? I just wanted to let you know that I broke up with Peter. After all you were right...he was just a rebound, and why waste time with those I don't love when I could be hanging out with the ones that I do love...

I know we didn't end up together, but you were brilliant. I knew I wasn't the one. I didn't deserve you, but I never lost interest in who you were. Besides Derek finally told me how he felt about you. And then it all made sense. At least I got the chance to know you. A world without Casey? Now, that's a challenge. I'll truly miss you Casey, and I'll always be thankful for the brief moment in my life where I got to feel how special it was to have you smiling at me.

I was too scared…too ashamed. All I needed to do was admit it. You were too good of a woman to laugh at me for having feelings for you. I wish I would have realized that logic. You've inspired me to do things because I want to do them, not because I was dared or because someone said I should. You've inspired me to not care about what others think because, even though you were sometimes hurt by what others thought, you never really let it change you until Max came into the picture. But even then, you dumped him and changed back. You knew. You had the secret to being who you were all along and that's something I never want to let go of. Ever. I love you. I hope you see me in Broadway, wherever you are.

I didn't know you that well, but I did think you were pretty cute. Even my girlfriend was getting a little jealous. I knew you were straight though, and Noel would kill me if I made a move on you. You had this air around you that seemed so powerful. I wasn't lying when I said that guys looked at you. The reason they never acted on it was because they knew that they couldn't have you. Not because you weren't in the center of the 'popular' circle, and not because Max spread his horrible lies about you and the innuendos we all know never occurred…but because you were a goddess in the body of a not-so-typical high-schooler. They didn't want to ruin you before you had the chance to bloom.

When everyone got their thoughts out above the face of Casey, they followed the family out to the cars.

The hearse carried her to a church, and the cars followed single file down the highway. It was slow, drudging on in a motion unparallel to any other way of moving. Like you could feel everyone, and feel the way they felt, because it was the same kind of sadness.

The sweetest feeling of sadness.