Title: Where'd You Go
Author: AbayJ aka Ashley Marie
Disclaimer: I own nada, Dance, Dance belongs to Fall Out Boy.
Rating: K to M
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst/Songfics/WIP/AU
Fandom(s): J-Lu & Journey (Hints: CarSon, CarJax, LuSam, Skate, Liason, LnL3, Jaxis, NiCo, LnL2)
Archiving: Just ask.
Summery: Two couples deal with the reality's of life and how they can get past of so much pain and so many years of lies.
Author's Note: Next chapter in my story. I sat up the two main characters in the first chapter, Courtney and LuLu, and in this, I verge into the others of this story.
Author's Note Two: This chapter has been revised and beta-ed. I just want to thank to Tiffany for all of her work. Thank you so much! All remaining mistakes are my own!
Part One: Dance, Dance
She says she's no good
with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out "A joke of a romantic"
I paced the floor as I looked at the door. I had woken up with a shock, a dream had came to me and it told me I had to be by the phone or I would miss something important and I wasn't about to let that happen. I had had dreams like these before but I hated having them because they always meant something bad. Something I couldn't stop or help which gnawed at me. I was nosey, very nosey and I always put my nose where it didn't belong, it was part of who I was.
Taking a calming breathwhich had no affect, I sat down next to the phone and stared at it. In my dream, it rang and my best friend, my dead best friend, had been on the other side, which was crazy. People couldn't call from the dead, I mean I believed in ghost but this was going a bit far. I had even tried to ignore the dream for an hour and stared at my husband, willing myself to fall asleep but it had done no good. Something just kept eating at me and finally, I had given into it and here I was. Staring at the phone, waiting for my dead best friend to call.
I think about going upstairs but I stayed where I was. My brain and heart decided they were going to fight and my conscious would have nothing to do with it. Leaning back against the couch, I grab the remote and flip on the news. CNN was a beautiful thing, and I watched it, seeing all of the pain and disaster in the world. It gave me a sense of calm.
"Carly, what are you doing up?"
I hear the voice of my husband and I turn in my seat and wave to him.
"Go back to bed Jax, I'm fine."
I say and lean back against the seat and glue my eyes to the TV. The only person that knew about my dreams was Jason, mainly because he was the one I trusted the most in this world. I wasn't about to tell my husband because I knew; I knew he'd think I was crazy. I push those thoughts away again, I squint my eyes at the stocks that were scrolling at the bottom of my screen. Deciding to think about my stocks and my boy's college education instead of the phone call or dream.
Stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's: "It can't get much worse."
Vs. "No one should ever feel like..."
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
"Is Jake up?"
I ask as I walk into my penthouse, the woman who was the mother of my son was sitting on the couch, a basket of clothes on the table in front of her and I try to block a memory that rose to the surface. It was of another woman doing the exact same thing but she was a blond instead of a brunette and she hadn't been folding baby clothes, instead she had been folding her clothes. Shaking my head, I put my coat on the desk and my gun inside of it.
"No, you just missed him."
She mummers and scans the TV and when she didn't see anything interesting, she looked back down at the clothes in her hand and I shake my head. Heading towards the kitchen and opening the fridge, pulling out a long neck, and leaning against the counter. Me and Elizabeth living together had been an idea of hers for Jake's best interest and the more and more it continued, the more and more I hated it. There were no feelings of the romantic kind left between us but part of me knew it was worthdealing with. I was with my son and that was what was important. Taking another long drag from the beer , I look up at the ceiling.
I was locked in a prison of my own making but as long as I had Jake, I would deal. I had before and I would again. Straightening, I take the last long sip of the beer and then toss it in the trash. Walking towards the living room again, I say nothing and start to head up the stairs.
"Don't wake him."
I hear the voice and I turn and I see her eyes not looking from the TV and I nearly groan. It felt as if I was living with my mother instead of the mother of my son. Shaking my head, I continue to walk up the stair. Opening the door to my son's room, seeing he was sound asleep and I think about going in there and picking him up but I wasn't looking for World War Three, so instead, I head towards the bathroom and take a shower. Trying to wash something that couldn't be washed away. At least, I knew if I stayed in here long enough, I'd be tired enough to just fall into my bed and go to sleep. And dream of another time and of another place, where happiness didn't seem so far away.
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how
Misery loved me
You always fold
Just before you're found out
Carly looked at the time, it was nearly three A.M. now and she knew she should go to bed but she still didn't move, instead she flipped from CNN to TV Land. Smiling when Lucy's famous "Well" came through and leaned back against the couch. Pulling the blanket from the side and wrapping it around her. Glancing at the phone one more time.
"If someone is going to call, then call."
She says and then shakes her head and looses herself in Lucy's crazy plan, wondering if she tried it, could she make it work.
Drink up its last call,
Last resort,
But only the first mistake and I...
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
I looked at the door and willed it not to open but I knew it would as soon as I heard the footsteps but that didn't stop me from wishing it was my neighbor instead of my husband. Shaking my head, I flipped on the TV, landing on an old re-run of I Love Lucy and I held my phone in my hand. Still waiting for the call because I was a fool. Shaking my head, I try to lose my head in Lucy's latest hair brain scheme and the voices of Ricky saying "Lucy, yous gots some explaining to do."
"Well, now there is my lovely wife."
A voice tears me from my peace and I look at him and roll my eyes because I wasn't in the mood for him or his drunken blabber. Shaking my head, I just look at my phone for a moment and then back at him and how he stumbles towards me. I raise my hand up to stop him.
"If you want something, I'd suggest going back to your other slut, because tonight, you're getting nada from me."
I say harshly and lean closer to the couch. Folding my arms on the arm of it and laying my head on it. The phone against my skull so I could feel it vibrate the first time it did. Trying to zone out again, I look back at the screen but when I hear more foot steps, my face drawn back to Logan. He gave a laugh and shook his head.
"Jealous are we?"
He asked and I wanted to throw something but I didn't, because I wasn't jealous. How I could be jealous of someone I didn't love, because I didn't. Any feeling I had felt for him died when he asked his father to get me back for him. He was worse then Scott, at least Scott had been man enough to try to get my mother back himself and had fought my father instead of hiding behind someone else.
"No, I'm not, I'm just not in the mood."
I say, my voice as even as I could muster with this anger flooding my veins.
"Oh, no your jealous because I went and got it from someone who gives it freely instead of begging for it from someone who thinks it's a favor to her husband if she gives it up to him."
And this time, I hadn't been able to control my anger and I had picked up the ash tray that had been on our end table. It was one of my bad habits now, smoking. I knew it was bad for me but sometimes it was the only damn thing that could calm me. I picked it up and aimed it at his head and he just ducked and laughed and I felt even more like a possession than his words had made me feel like. And in a way, I was his possession; I was the reward to the Prince after all the king's pawns had iallen in place. I was something that he wanted but didn't love. Holding back sobs and tears, I stare at the tv, not blinking and trying to calm the pain. Wishing he would call so I could vent and sob out all of the pain that he could make go away.
"Yeah, you're jealous."
Was the last thing I heard before I heard the bedroom door slam and the tears began to fall.
Why don't you show me
The little bit of spine
You've been saving
For his mattress, Love
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how
Misery loved me
I looked at the man who was my father and I felt his rage, his rage at me as he lifts his hand to punch me again. I was used to this, but I was done, I was done dealing with it. So I reached my own hand up, took his fist and twisted it behind me and then pushed him away from me. I wasn't the weak child he thought I was, I was the man he could never be.
"Stay the hell away from me."
I say to him coldly and reach down to grab my coat, and shrug it back on. I had to get back to PC. I had things that were unfinished and I had someone waiting for me, someone who cared about me, unlike the man in front of me. I still felt a sense of duty to the man. I shouldn't but I did. Heading towards the door, I stop when I hear his voice, and some where along the line, it had taken a cold glint to it.
"You should have died instead."
It didn't hurt anymore because I was used to it. He had always told me I should have been dead instead of my mother. I should have been taken away instead of her but she had risked her life to save mine. My great curse. Shaking my head, I look at the man and tilt my head to the side.
"I know Pop, I know..."
I say with a sarcastic edge and keep going towards the door but onceagain I pause when I hear him. This time a sense of dread falling over me, something cold gripped my heart as if it was going to squeeze the life out of me.
"Since I lost the woman that was my everything, maybe you should loose the same."
He says and I turn my head, he was serious and his eyes were as cold as ice. He wouldn't hurt her, I wouldn't let him. I wasn't going to fall for his threats. I had too many times before and tonight, I finally became the man I wanted to be. She had helped me in that sense and I wasn't going to go back. No matter what the old man said.
"You come near her Pop, and then you'll be the one sleeping with the fishes."
I say harshly and I walked out, ignoring the shots and curses thrown my way, heading towards the door in a dead run. Knowing I needed to get to LuLu before my father really thought of doing what he said he would.
You always fold
Just before you're found out
Drink up its last call,
Last resort,
But only the first mistake and I...
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
I was lying on the bed, watching some soap where a wedding was taking place and I remember my weddings. All of them had something special about them. AJ's and mine had been peaceful and magical, the start of my life. Jason and mine had been beautiful and everything a wedding should be. Happy, and only with our family. Jax and mine had been a large white wedding, like any little girl would dream of. They all had been perfect. Closing my eyes, I think about them and the happiness I felt with all of them.
Then I heard a large boom and I was thrown from my bed. My mattress landing on top of me and later I would know that was what saved me. Once I felt it was safe to come up, I looked up from where my mattress was and looked around. My prison was gone and all that was left was a few walls and bodies bloody and battered. Pushing the mattress off of me, I get up and look around. Stalling for a moment not quite believing what was going on. I knew I had been on a high floor but now I was on the ground. Walking towards the outside, I walk on to the real earth. Seeing the building had collapsed into a hole and I take a breath. Knowing Tommy and his family were down there.
I stop the pain and I see people coming up the hill the house was one. Tommy had been my survival, that was all, and this was my chance at Freedom. Looking around my room that was barely there, I grab a knapsack and begin to fill it with things from my room. I gabbed three bottles of water and a little food. Then I look at some of the bodies. I knew it was wrong, but I had no choice. Digging in one man's pocket, I pull out a wallet and grab the credit cards and the money. Canadian money. At least I had a clue where I was. Putting that into the knapsack, I see the people advancing and I knew I had wasted enough time. Putting the knapsack on my shoulder, I open the closet door and it falls from the hinges. Grabbing a change of clothes and a pair of shoes I look at my prison, then I run.
I run down the hill and people who had been coming up, look at me, some tried to stop me but I pushed forward, mumbling something about my child. They let me go after that and I continued to run. Down the hill and into a city I didn't even know existed. Once I reach level ground, I take a breath and look back up the hill, seeing fire trucks and ambulances make their way up.
I turn and head towards the town center. There were a few shops but not much. I continue to walk until I see something that was almost like an Oasis. A phone. Smiling, I run towards it and I try and think who I could call. I had always been horrible with numbers but one that stood out was my best friend's. Taking a breath, I dial the collect number and tell the operator who I was trying to reach. Then I heard the ringing and I felt as if I was saved.
Why don't you show me
The little bit of spine
You've been saving
For his mattress, Love
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how
Misery loved me
It was now four A.M. and I knew I had to go to bed or I wouldn't be able to get the boys up for school. Dream or no dream. Standing up, I head towards the bathroom and open the cabinet. Pulling out a bottle of sleeping pills, I took two out and went back out into the living room. Pouring myself a glass of water from the bar. My hand lifting to meet my mouth but before it reaches my lips, I hear a ring and the pills fall to the ground as I run for the phone.
"Hello."
I say as soon as I answer. I hear a woman come on, asking me if I would accept a collect call and I said yes, probably a bit to frantically and when I heard the voice come on the line, I fell to the seat.
"Carly, Carly are you there?"
It said and I begin to cry because I knew it was her.
"Courtney..."
I say in a half laugh and half cry.
Why don't you show me
The little bit of spine
You've been saving
For his mattress
(mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form
Of you crawling into bed with me