Emo Farm
I no own Naruto, nope, nope.
I own Hiroku and Hirari, yup, yup.
-rawr-
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"HIROKU!" Murtagh bellowed into the early morning gloom. The residents of Emo Farm cursed him in their sleep, and Hiroku sat up in bed.
"HIROKU! AIKAWA SAYS SHE'S LEAVING!" Murtagh screeched.
Hiroku shot out of her room, her sheets draped immodestly over her naked body, leaving Hirari shivering.
"What?!"
"Are you deaf?" Murtagh said hoarsely.
"No, I heard…why!?" the brunette asked, distressed.
Murtagh
shook his head sadly. "I was going to throw her in the well to see
if she'd maybe catch pneumonia and die…and she was packing when I
got to her room."
"Yes, but why!?"
"I'm pregnant,"
Aikawa said calmly, "And I'm not sure who the father is, though
its probably someone from here: I'm at five months," she paused
to poke her slight baby bulge, "And I've been here for six."
"How could you not keep track of who you slept with?" Murtagh frowned, "There are only so many men."
"There were many drunken nights, and some were in town," Aikawa reminded him, "You woke up one morning in a French maid's dress next to an old guy in clown shoes."
Murtagh shuddered as he remembered. "Low shot."
"I'm leaving because Suwa-kun called. He said he loves me and wants me no matter what; he says I shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistake," Aikawa said dreamily.
"What a line."
"This time, you weren't raped," Hiroku pointed out.
"I was drunk, not by my choice."
Hiroku
sighed heavily. "I'll miss you."
"And I'll miss you,
Hiroku," Aikawa said, using her name without the honorific for the
first time. They hugged hard, and Hiroku waved her off.
"Murtagh, are you crying?"
"No! I just have a itch in my eye!"
"Ahem," Itachi cleared his throat loudly. Hiroku turned to him. "Itachi-kun!" she yelped, "Where'd you disappear to the last few days!?"
"Emergency Akatsuki mission," he explained, "Did Aikawa say she was pregnant?"
"Yes, why?"
He smiled at her ruefully. "I'm pretty sure I'm the father."
"Oh. OH!" Hiroku's eyes grew wide, "What are you going to do?"
"I'll have to go after her," he sighed, "Can't have random Uchiha progeny running around you know."
"She's going to Suwa-kun, her boyfriend," Hiroku frowned.
"We'll see," he smirked darkly, and strode away into the pale pink horizon.
"Damn," Hiroku hissed, watching his ass.
Hirari stumbled down the stairs in his boxers. "Hiroku, gimme the sheets," he mumbled. Hiroku squealed as he unwrapped her, and dove into him to preserve her modesty. Hirari looked pleased, and carried her bridal style back to their room.
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"I don't care," Hiroku insisted, "Someone invite a girl dammit, I have no one to gossip with!"
"Hirari's close enough, isn't he?" Orochimaru pointed out.
The petite brunette shook her head as Hirari scowled. "He already has to be my brother, lover, and assistant manager/host. I don't think he can handle gal pal on top of everything else."
"Sasuke then," Gaara said in a bored tone, "He's such a sissy, you should've heard him screaming yesterday…"
"That
spider was HUGE," Sasuke flared up, "And you were screaming just
as loud."
"You'll notice I didn't hit a high C," Gaara
snapped, "And it was a freaking HUGE spider!"
They all shuddered at the memory of the size of the tarantula.
"I want someone who's an actual girl, not just a bunch of ninny boys," Hiroku said disgustedly. She was the one who'd beaten the monstrous arachnid to death with her zori.
Hirari sighed. "Murtagh, do you know anyone?"
The boy considered it. "Nah, they're all dead or in another dimension."
"In another dimension…? You know what; forget I asked," Hirari muttered, "Sasuke-kun, Gaara-san, Oro? Anyone at all?"
"I could ask Kabuto to give Kimimaro a gender change and ship him over," Orochimaru volunteered. A thousand miles away, Kimimaro woke up screaming.
Hiroku pulled a face. "No thanks."
"I'm sorry Hiroku," Gaara said lightly, "It looks like there are simply no emo girls we know of."
"Wait!" Sasuke yelped, "I kinda sorta know an almost stereotypically gay guy who maybe might be emo!"
"Close enough," Hiroku shrugged, "Invite him."
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"HUH?" Naruto gaped, "Sai got a letter from Gaara? Who's now with Orochimaru and Sasuke on Emo Farm?"
Sakura
rolled her eyes and slapped him upside the head. "We got to know an
hour ago. Stop randomly yelling it like you just found out,
baka."
"Sorry, Sakura-chan," he grinned sheepishly, and
turned to their teammate. Sai was crouched in the dirt, doodling
Sakura (complete with horns, pitchfork, and demon tail) with a twig.
The real girl made an irritated noise and stomped on the drawing. The
ANBU root member looked up.
"What is it?"
"Tell us where Sasuke-kun is!" Sakura demanded.
"I did. Emo Farm."
"But where is Emo Farm?" Naruto whined.
"I can't tell you, Gaara-kun told me not to."
"Sai!" Sakura snapped, "You disobeyed Danzou-san for Naruto, why can't you disobey Gaara?"
"I like Gaara-kun more than I like Naruto-kun," the raven haired boy explained.
Kakashi walked over to them to find two very badly bruised boys and one very dangerously calm kunoichi.
"Sai annoyed Sakura who beat him up, and Naruto tried to stop her, hmm?" Kakashi asked no one in particular. Sakura smiled sweetly.
"Sai knows where Sasuke-kun is and he won't tell us."
"I did. Emo Farm."
"Sai," she said in a voice that reminded them of a honey coated knife, "Please shut up."
"Sai, Godaime-sama has heard of this letter. She says you should go and scope out the situation," the Copy-Nin instructed.
"Whaaaaat!?"
"Sensei,
I wanna go too!"
"Yeah, I wanna see Sasuke-teme, dattebayo!"
"Naruto shut up, I'm going!"
"But Sakura-chan—"
"Both of you shut up!" Kakashi snapped, annoyed, "Sai alone will go because Sai alone got the invitation. He knows how to keep his emotions in check, and his fake smile's gotten much better!"
The boy smiled at his teammates, widely, falsely, and irritatingly.
"No fucking fair," Naruto pouted.
Inner Sakura raged, I'll say! If anyone on the team gets to bring Sasuke-kun back, it should be me! I've loved him longest!
"I'll go pack," Sai quipped.
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I'm scared of spiders, so I made Gaara and all the boys scared too. Woot for Hiroku, she who slays arachnids! Mind you, they are cool. Just scary-cool.