Chapter 19

The sound of a hatch opening drew River's attention from the flight screen. Angel dropped her new doll, pulled herself up on the side of her playpen, and waved to Jayne.

"Hi!" she called. Now he would look up and smile and tell her good morning, and then he and Mum would talk before getting morning food.

That's not what happened. Her friend looked up real quick, and then left. He didn't say "hi" back or anything. Angel tried to lean out to see him, and called him back as best she could. She wished she knew more words.

River squeezed her eyes shut against the hurt. Part of her hoped that he would retract his meanness after he slept on it. Obviously he still meant it, but it made no sense. Not even a week ago Inara assured her that Jayne was sending signals. She felt his want to be with her, his want of her, and Kaylee said that Jayne liked her as much as she liked him. Now he was completely ignoring them. He was almost an empty space in her head.

A screech spun her attention around to her daughter. Angel shook the side of her pen and screamed down the stairs. River went to her and lifted her out of the playpen. "Jayne is dumb. He's not saying good morning today."

As soon as she was out, she tried to wriggle down and go to Jayne. River just managed to keep Angel in her arms, but the girl wasn't giving up. She flailed her arms and smacked River in the face in her determination.

"Angel," River warned. "Stop—stop it!"

This was not how the morning was supposed to go. This was all wrong. And Mum wasn't doing anything about it! Angel was prepared to take matters into her own pudgy little hands if only she could get down.

"He is not coming up here!"

Mal poked his head through the door. "Lil' Albatross? You two okay?"

River had tears in her eyes. "Yes, we're fine."

"Naaoooooo!" Angel screamed.

"Lil' Albatross?" The Captain came to stand in front of her as Angel started crying in earnest. "What's got my two girls so upset?"

River shook her head and started the bounce'n'sway to calm Angel down. "It's nothing. She's just angry because Jayne didn't come up to bid her good morning. He always did before, but he didn't today. Tradition was broken, and she is upset."

"Looks like she ain't the only one," he observed. "You an' Jayne have another spat?"

She shook her head. "Jayne informed me that he was terminating our friendship. He wanted to stop playing house."

"Son of a bitch," Mal muttered. "I knew this would happen. I knew it, but everybody was so sure, an' I listened an' didn't say a word. This is what I get. I'm gonna go an' rip him one. My hand to god."

"No," River objected over her daughter's crying. "Don't. I will not send Daddy to beat up the bully just because he hurt my feelings. I am not a child. I will not beg. He doesn't want me then he doesn't want me. He wants to be stupid…let him."

Angel's thrashing finally wore her patience out, so River put her back in her playpen. "If you insist on being a brat, you can just sit there."

Angel responded with a long wail. River put her hands to her head. She hadn't gotten enough sleep for this. After she left Jayne in the galley around midnight, she curled up in her bed and wracked her brain for what she did to drive him away. When she came up blank, and could no longer stop herself, she cried herself to sleep. Now she was exhausted.

Mal stepped in front of her, and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'll give the two of you a little while to work this out, but if it starts interferin' with how things run on my boat, I'm steppin' in, dong ma?"

She nodded. "Very well. I will strive to not let my personal life influence my performance as a member of the crew." She looked up at him accusingly. "Perhaps you should take your own advice."

"And just what does that mean?"

"You have yet to tell Inara that you love her," River pointed out. "You have avoided her for some time now, and have yet to reach a decision about her continued stay on Serenity. If you do not have a rational conversation with her and discuss possible career options that would allow you to remain together, you are going to lose her again. It will increase emotional tension, and, since she will no longer be a tenant, tension on an already strained financial situation thus interferin' with how things run on your boat."

He scowled at her. "That's enough of that, little witch. I'll deal with 'Nara in my own time."

River tried to laugh. At their feet, Angel continued with her tantrum, more and more upset at being ignored. Mal sighed down at the little girl then looked up at her mama. "You want me to take her down to Kaylee or Zoë for the mornin'?"

She shook her head. "She will settle down after a while. I hope."

"All right. You call if you need a hand."

"Promise."

&&&

Mal clattered down the stairs to the bay. "Jayne! Jayne, you mind tellin' me what the hell is wrong with you?"

"What now?" the merc grunted as he lifted his weights over his head and settled the bar back in the cradle. He sat up and swiped the towel from the overhead beam to wipe the sweat off his face.

Mal stopped in front of his hired muscle. "So, you care to explain yourself?"

"Mind lettin' me know what I'm explainin'?"

"River tells me you two've had a bit of a falling out. Now you've had your fights before, but this one's been goin' on for near a month already, an' it's gettin' obvious. You disrupted the seating arrangements at dinner, you spend most of your time down here in the bay as far away as the bridge as ya can get. Unless of course River and Angel are down in the lounge, in which case you're up in your bunk. Now whatever the hell you got goin' on with River, you best fix it soon."

Jayne jumped to his feet. "I ain't done nothin'. Thought you'd be happy 'bout that, an' now I'm gettin' chewed out for it?"

"I was happier when my boat was runnin' smooth."

"Get off it, Mal," he muttered. "She'll get over it. Things'll die down."'

"An' Angel? How's a one year old gonna get over it? She's made an absolute brat of herself these last weeks."

Jayne scoffed. "Don't go blamin' me if she entered her terrible twos a mite early. Angel's…she's fine. Kids are tough. She'll forget me 'fore long."

Mal shook his head in bewilderment. "See now, this is how I know you done lost your mind. That girl was half your world not long ag—"

"She wasn't! My world made up'a guns, food, an' sex, an' I sure as hell don't need some little bit clutterin' it up. Guess it just took me a minute to figure that out."

"That include River, too?"

"Sure as shittin' it does. I ain't a Reaver, so she ain't food. She might be the scariest little weapon, but she's a bit more high maintenance than Vera so I think I'll keep my gun. An' maybe you don't recall, but you got a rule about not sexin' up crew mates."

"Could'ja do it?" Mal asked.

"Huh?"

"I can't believe I'm askin' this, but if River wrapped in herself up in a bow, came and said 'Take me now,' could you sex her an' then walk away all casual-like?"

Jayne gaped at the man. He shook his head at the audacity and started across the bay to the stairs closest to his bunk.

"You couldn't, could you?" Mal yelled at his back.

Jayne shouted back, "Either way, my sex life ain't none of your gorram business!"

"It is if it interferes with the runnin' of my boat! You fix this, Jayne! Before we hit Greenleaf. Don't wanna be dealin' with your go se while we're wooin' a new client."

Jayne focused passed Mal's voice onto the gnawing feeling in his gut. "Ain't nothin' to fix, you yi da tuo da-bian."

He was doing them all a favor by pulling back before somebody went and did something stupid like holding hands and skipping through flowers. Or holding hands in general. Or putting his arm around her, which almost happened once. They were at the market, and someone jostled her into him. He only managed to save himself by reaching for something over River's head.

Jayne ignored Angel's hello from the kitchen. He didn't look up to the bridge where he knew he would see half of River's silhouette in the pilot's chair when he kicked open the hatch to his bunk. Once inside, he locked the door and threw his towel across the room for good measure. Jayne flopped down on his bed, one foot hanging off the edge of the bed, and ran a hand over his face before putting it behind his head as an extra cushion.

What was Mal's problem, anyway? Jayne thought the man would be happy he wasn't breaking the rules—for once. Not like anyone else on this boat followed the "no crew romances" rule. Not that what he was having was a romance of any kind. He hadn't done romance since he was Riv—the crazy girl's age. Yeah, crazy, that's what she was. It was hard getting back in the habit of calling her that after he finally started using her name. But River was a person. The crazy girl was something he had lots of practice ignoring.

And she was! Crazy. Just because she had her meds and was mostly calm now, didn't mean that she still didn't have some days when you wondered. She did. And he remembered the last time she had a real bad day. She hit Mal, and would have done worse to him if he hadn't been fast enough to subdue her. A xiong-meng de kuan-ren thing like her, who would want that? Sex was one thing. She would probably be—

But she was a ruttin' package, she was. The crazy came along with the cute. The killer woman came with the…well, the woman. Girl-woman. She was really still a child, and had a child of her own to top it off. Kids needed a lot of looking after, and teaching rightly, and good role modeling. Jayne was none of these, nor did he want to be. It was too much responsibility, and he already gave up enough of his life being responsible. He gave up most of his childhood to help his ma around the house and in the little plot of land they had from the mining company to grow veggies to supplement a crappy protein diet. He gave up a good deal of his teen years to help raise his little brother. Once he got out on his own, he set out to live his life as responsibility-free as he could make it. He had his fill of little kids. He was done. He wanted none of his own, and he didn't want to help somebody else raise theirs.

The ship shook as it descended through the atmosphere of Greenleaf. Jayne groaned and forced his mind onto which weapons he would take with them to meet the new client. Since it was a meet and in public to boot, the weaponry should be minimal so as not to scare the man. As soon as he was weaponed up, Jayne joined the other crewmembers in the cargo bay.

"What are they doin'? We ain't bringin' an army to storm the meet, are we?"

"Burns, the man we're meetin' with, likes the whole family man image. I mentioned that my crew was like family, so he invited everyone to meet him at his family restaurant. So Inara, Dewey, and the family Tam will sit at one table while we schmooze the client at table number two."

"An' when the inevitable brawl breaks out?" Jayne asked.

"Simon, 'Nara, an' I take the kids," Kaylee jumped in, "an' let River clean up your all's mess."

Jayne scowled at Kaylee then looked back at Mal. "Mule won't hold all of us."

The Captain nodded, and crossed his arms, annoyed at his mercenary's stubbornness. "I know that. That's why we parked right outside a'town. We're walkin'."

"Cap—"

"Enough, Jayne! Huai le. It's almost as though you don't want them goin' with us."

"I's just got a bad feelin' about it, is all."

Mal turned to River. "Lil' Albatross, you got any bad feelin's about tonight?"

"Other than the general desire to pummel something which has haunted me lately, I have no bad feelings whatsoever," River said.

Jayne snorted. "Kinda worried some little yu jing shen bing gui nu is gonna be the one startin' the fight."

"If this is so, perhaps some bu-ti-tie de nan ought to stay out of her way. Who knows what could happen in the tumult. Fists flying. Could get hurt on accident."

"Mal, she's threatenin' me!"

Simon snapped, "Maybe you deserve it."

"Maybe nobody was talkin' to you."

"Bi zui! Is this what we're back to?" Mal pinched the bridge of his nose. Not long ago, he would have been very happy to hear them start bickering with each other instead of their creepifying happy family routine. What was he thinking? "Both of you, shut up. Jayne, start walkin'. Tams, et al, we'll see you in town."

Jayne marched down the ramp and onto the red dirt of the poorly named moon Greenleaf. It was a tense and quiet walk to the half-bar, half-restaurant owned by the Burns family of New Tulsa. He could tell Mal was getting fed up, and Zoë kept shooting these poisonous glares at him. He wished she would come on out and say what was gnawing on her ass instead of sending him silent death threats.

Things settled down once they met with Theodore Burns, the new contact. Mal and Zoë went into full business mode. Jayne looked around the room, took in the exits, the other people in the small restaurant to make sure no one watched them too closely, and noted the waitstaff for anyone suspicious. He noticed the jukebox in the back corner as a good place to plant a bomb.

He zoned out on the menu after a while. He zoned out on River when the rest of the crew walked in and she took the table closest to the cashier—probably in case they needed a quick exit. He zoned somewhere else when River caught his eye.

River released her breathe in something that was half a sigh and half a snort. He was such a pian ze de sha gua. He was so awful she could just strangle him. She could love him so well if he would give her a chance, but the jackass refused to even make eye contact with her. Perhaps she should write his mother.

"I am going to go order drinks," River announced. "What does everyone want?"

"Sweet tea, for me," Kaylee said as she pulled over two booster seats for Angel and Dewey.

Simon asked if he could get a beer which caused the ladies to raise a few brows. "I know, I know. I've sunk to new lows."

Inara wanted lemonade. Dewey and Angel got milk. River walked up to the bar and gave her table's order. A song started playing from the jukebox, and she started a bouncing, twisting dance in place. A young man a few stools over who caught her eye and smiled. River looked to her right to make sure he was actually smiling at her. When she looked back, he nodded. Yes, you.

He slid over a few seats and said, "Nice moves you have there."

"Used to take dance lessons," she said.

"I can tell. You've got good shimmying form."

"Th-thank you."

"I'm Samuel."

He extended his hand. River shook it. "River."

The bartender set the carrying tray with her drinks on the counter. River thanked him, told him what table they were sitting at, and to add the drinks to their bill. River smiled her goodbye to the man who flirted with her, and headed back to her table.

"Who was that, sweetie?" Inara asked.

"Name is Samuel. He liked my shimmying."

Simon frowned. "That's…nice."

River shrugged, and passed out the drinks. No sooner did she sit down than Samuel from the bar walked over. "I was wondering if you wanted to dance with a partner, Miss River."

"I, uh…." She glanced at Kaylee who discreetly nodded in approval. Inara backed her up, and Simon looked confused. River made one final covert glance over to Jayne. He had moved his chair so that his back was to her sometime during her trip to get drinks. Fine, he was ignoring her. She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I would love to."

Jayne saw her out of the corner of his eye, so he turned to the open space between some of the tables and found River with some guy. The man went to the jukebox at the back wall and dropped some coin in. The song he picked started up. It had a quick beat, and he took River up and the two of them began to spin around the small open floor.

River seemed to enjoy herself. She grinned as they danced. Jayne gritted his teeth. He grabbed his bottle of beer and slumped in his seat.

Samuel made a few perfunctory jokes to put River at ease before he started the get-to-know-you questions. "Haven't seen ya in town before. You on a transport ship?"

"Yes. A firefly."

"Droppin' off or pickin' up?"

"Picking up, hopefully. My captain's still negotiating with a client."

He spun her under his arm, and asked, "How long you folks gonna be here?"

"If negotiations go well today, we will have the cargo by tomorrow."

"So I only have tonight to have dinner with you, then?"

River's body still moved, but her mind was frozen. Should she say no? There was no reason for her to say no, but then she felt odd saying yes.

Before she came up with a suitable answer, a man's voice yelled across the room, "Hey, Sammy! Lunch hour's 'bout up. We gotta head back to work."

"Yeah, I'm right behind ya!" He turned back to River. "Please? Come on, it's just dinner. Not like I'm expectin' nothin' except your pretty face and that smile."

"Sam!" one of his friend's called. "Let's go!"

"Alright," River answered.

Samuel grinned. "I'll find ya 'round six 'o'clock then."

River nodded. She frowned as she headed back to her table. She flopped down in her seat, and buried her head in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Kaylee asked. "Didn't'cha have fun dancin'?"

"The dancing was fun. That's not it."

Inara reached over and placed a hand on her arm. "Then what is it sweetie?"

"I accidentally agreed to have dinner with him tonight."

"You did what?" Simon choked.

"I didn't mean to say yes. He looked so hopeful, and I didn't know what to say, and yes came out."

Kaylee could commiserate. She remembered doing that when she was younger. Sometimes it ended up fun, though. "I think it's a good idea. If you really wanna get over Jayne, this is the best way to do it. Go see that there's more stars in the galaxy. It'll do you good."

"I agree," Inara said. "It will give you a chance to see whether your feelings for Jayne are genuine, or if you were simply drawn to him due to a lack of other options."

Simon snorted into his drink. When Kaylee elbowed him, he shrugged. "I realize I'm the only one who's happy about Jayne calling it quits on whatever the two of you had going. The whole thought of you two together makes me uncomfortable."

"Simon," River gave him a long suffering stare, "would there be anyone I paired with that would not give you an uncomfortableness?"

"See!" Simon pointed at her. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Be quiet, Simon," Kaylee said. "Just sit there in your big brother pants and be glad River's going out with someone else now."

"But," River struggled, "what will I wear? I have nothing date-appropriate."

"You leave that to us," Inara said.

&&&

Jayne was ready to rip Mal's head off. "Tell me you ain't lettin' her go out with him!"

"She's a grown woman who makes her own decisions."

"Since when?" Jayne demanded.

"Since I said so!"

"We got cargo to drop—"

"Gotta get the cargo first," Mal pointed out. "It's not comin' until tomorrow, so you all got the night off. That includes River."

"What if it's a trap by them Academy people to get her back?"

"I think they'd probably be a little more inventive than luring River out on a date, an' I surely think that River would be havin' a wild freak out after Readin' it off him."

Jayne crossed his arms and leaned back against the door jamb on the bridge. "This is gonna blow up in your face, just like always."

"Jayne," Mal paused on his way out, "you are the only one who has a problem with this. You don't want her goin' out with this guy, you go tell her that."

Jayne waited until Mal's footsteps faded out before he stomped down, through the galley, and to the weight bench to work off this inky feeling in his gut. It might have been hours later when the knock finally came on the outer airlock door, and Mal left off the game of horseshoes with Simon to open it up and let River's date inside.

He was kind of short, Jayne noticed. He was wiry, too. His clothes were low class, but they were clean, and his boots were shined up. All in all, Jayne could snap him in half without too much exertion.

Inara's shuttle door slid open, and girly laughter came out. Jayne looked up as River walked down the two flights of stairs followed by Inara and Kaylee. Angel wasn't with them, so that meant she must be up in the mess with Zoë and the brat.

River wore a long, dark red, knit sweater-thing over a white sundress that left most of her upper chest bare. Her hair looked soft and wavy, and the top was pulled back away from her face so that he could see a pair of big gold hoops she must have borrowed from Inara hanging from her ears. There were boots on her feet, but these looked to be some kind of reptile skin dyed red to match the sweater-coat.

The girl was smiling. He could tell from across the bay that she had make-up on. Her lips were pinker than usual. Her eyes were darker. She wasn't exactly Inara gorgeous, or Zoë hot, or even Kaylee cute. She was just sort of...River pretty.

See, this was why women-folk weren't to be trusted. They acted all sloppy on you one minute, and the next they were off with someone else.

River turned to the women standing behind her and collected a gold bag as they wished her luck. She nodded to the Captain and her brother, and slid her arm through her date's when he offered it.

Mal shut the door after them. "They grow up so fast. Makes me all weepy."

"She looked like a whore, but considerin' who did her make-up, that ain't a big surpise."

Picking a fight with near every person in that room was probably not the brightest of ideas, but he felt the need to spread his discontent around a little. He listened to the roar of offense and was about to start in on Mal when Kaylee marched up and cuffed him on the ear like his ma used to do.

"You are dumb!" she shouted at him. "You are the dumbest liu kou shui de biao-tze hr hou-tze de ur-tze I have ever met, and that includes Simon and Cap!"

She talked over their protests. "You keep sayin' you don't want anythin' to do with River and Angel, but you have this big problem lettin' her get on with her life. I ain't sayin' Samuel's her soul mate, but someone out there is, and she deserves to find someone who makes her happy. So you better let her."

"Like there's anyone out there what wants a freakish, witchy, know-it-all, skinny little po fu with a kid of her own? Too damn much responsibility."

"Jayne Cobb, you love responsibility! You crave it."

"You're talkin' out your ass."

"I do recall you once askin' us what the chain of command was. You remember that?" Kaylee pushed. "You said it was the chain you go get and beat us with 'til we know who's in ruttin' command. Every ruttin' time it looked like Mal an' Zoë might not come back from a job, you were the first one to rush in an' try to take charge. Cap'n asked you point blank if you wanted to run this ship, an' you said yes! That's a lot of responsibility, Jayne."

"Like I'd'a asked if I thought I had a snowball's chance'a gettin' it!"

"That's a big ole steamin' pile of bullshit." She planted one hand on her hip and wagged her finger in his face. "Now, I'm sayin' this for your own good. You need to figure out what it is you want, and if River ain't it then you need to stop harrassin' her to make yourself feel better about bein' confused—it ain't helpin' a one of ya. But I think you do want her 'cause you're sittin' here arguin' with me instead of goin' out into town where I know there are at least two bars that prob'ly have whores a'plenty in them.

Maybe you didn't get the message we all did from losin' Shepherd Book an' Wash. Nobody has all the time in the world to figure out what they want. An' ya lose it too soon anyway. Figure it out, Jayne, an' move on." Kaylee teared up as she finished her tirade. "Now I'm upset. I hope you're happy!"

Inara came and guided Kaylee away. "Come on, mei-mei. I'll make you some tea. So much stress isn't good for the baby."

Simon spared a last glare for the mercenary before he caught up with his wife on the stairs and put an arm around her shoulders. Mal opened his mouth to say something, but Jayne got up from the bench and strode across the bay, and headed up to his bunk taking the stairs three at a time.

&&&

It was late, but not terribly late when River returned from her date. She was halfway across the cargo bay when Inara quietly called from the top of the stairs. Inara held her finger up to ask River to wait as she descended.

"Mal wanted to stay up and wait for you," she said. "I finally managed to talk him into going to bed so long as I stayed up to listen for you. He really is such a father when it comes to you and Kaylee."

"Yes," River giggled.

Inara led her over to a crate, and they sat down. "So? Did you have a nice time?"

"It was pleasant. We went to a nice restaurant, and then we walked down Main Street until we found a cinema, and we watched a comedy. He made commentary throughout the whole movie. At first it was cute, but it got annoying. The only thing that saved him was the copious amounts of popcorn and sweets he bought me."

Inara laughed along with her. "Was there a kiss goodnight?"

"Yes. It was more of an obligation kiss than anything."

"Ah, the sordid world of dating." She sighed. It was a world she was never truly a part of until she started whatever this was with Mal. They were still in a fight, but seeing Jayne act like a fool made Mal at least be civil to her. She was still trying to find a way to merge her two very different worlds.

"How was Angel?"

Inara hesitated. "She…got cranky. She didn't want to go to bed without you, and Kaylee and Simon had some trouble."

River sighed. "I'm sorry. How did they get her down?"

"Actually, it was Jayne."

"Jayne?" River's eyebrows rose.

Inara nodded, and pointed down into the lounge. "She was screaming so hard she almost swallowed her tongue. Jayne finally took her and he managed to get her to sleep about an hour ago."

River hung her head and hid behind her hair. "He'll blame me."

"If he does, he's a bigger jackass than we gave him credit for." She squeezed River's shoulder. "Night, sweetie."

River waited until Inara was on the stairs before she headed down to the lounge.

Jayne woke up when the outer door opened and shut across the bay. He could hear Inara and River talking, though not what they said. After a minute, Inara's feet padded back across the grated floor, and the heels of River's red cowboy boots clicked as she came down the stairs.

"Jayne?"

"I'm awake." He settled his arm around Angel so she would not slide, and sat up. "Had a nice time, huh?"

"It was fine. Thank you for taking care of Angel."

"Yeah, whilst you were out havin' a grand ole time, your daughter was havin' a royal fit."

River flinched. "I'm sure it was a great inconvenience for you since playing house is your least favorite activity. Perhaps she could not think of another way to get your attention."

"What?"

"You have been ignoring her. She doesn't understand. She misses you. Used to be with you always, but now you won't look at her. Had to do something go get your attention, let you know she exists. Wants you to see her."

"Don't even start." Careful of Angel, he stood up, and walked toward her. "You are the last one I wanna hear this from tonight."

The air around him was spiked with red. He had swallowed a lot of anger earlier in the evening. River shook her head. "I don't want to fight."

Angel snuffled in her sleep drawing both of their attentions.

"Here. Take her."

Jayne transferred the baby to River. She ignored his smell and his closeness. He ignored the feel of the skin on her throat and the brush of her hair on his arm as Angel passed between them. As soon as River had her daughter, Jayne left.

River put her nose into Angel's hair and breathed deep. She still smelled a little like Jayne. "It's okay, baby. We will be fine."

Translations:

yi da tuo da-bian—big lump of shit

xiong-meng de kuan-ren—violent lunatic

Huai le—Something's wrong.

yu jing shen bing gui nu – crazy woman (roughly)

bu-ti-tie de nan—inconsiderate boy

pian ze de sha gua—stubborn idiot

liu kou shui de biao-tze hr hou-tze de ur-tze—son of a drooling whore and a monkey

po fu—shrew (i.e. bitch)