I woke in my room. I was confused of how I got there, and it only made matters worse to see how dark it was outside. Disorientated, I put one hand to my head. It was pulsing with pain, and I moaned softly, exhausted and frustrated.
"Bella!" someone called out, jumping over to me at once. I gasped, half in hope, and half in fear, but they were both put out when I realized it was only Jacob.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded, tired and annoyed. He didn't seem to hear me.
"Bella, oh Bells, I'm so sorry!" He pulled me, no, a more appropriate word would be crushed, me against him, lifting my feet right off the floor. I was puzzled. "Bella, I never should have snapped at you! I was so frustrated with Victoria and-- but no, that's no excuse!" I was dizzy now, my world sliding in and out of focus. I couldn't piece together what Jacob was saying. I spared a look at him, and saw tears streaming down his face. "Isabella…"
"Jacob, stop…" I shook my head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but for some reason my brain was uncooperative. "What… what exactly are you talking about, Jake?" He released me, setting me down softly in my computer chair, like I was breakable. Was I?
"Bella… Bella, honey, what's the last thing you can remember?" He bit his lip, worry and concern clouding his features. He hesitantly traced his fingers along my hands, gripping it lightly. I realized a little late that I was crying too. 'But why!' I thought furiously.
I turned my focus to his question. I had gotten bored, lonely, and disappoi- no, just bored and lonely. I had taken a ride up to the cliff to hear Ed- no! Just to entertain myself was all. And then…
"Riding to the cliffs," I said, not wanting to think anymore. I realized now that thinking would only bring more pain. Jacob, however, looked more upset then ever.
"I think you should get some sleep, Bells." He picked me up and plopped me down on my bed, staring down at me, concerned.
I frowned. "But I'm freezing," I whined, shivering and pouting.
Jacob looked more then worried now; he looked panicked. "I'll sleep next to you to keep you warm, okay?" He tried to smile, and it wasn't mine or Sam's. It scared me, but I didn't want to think of why. Just more pain.
I curled up against my wall, closing my eyes. I felt Jacob's warmth and it was okay. It was okay for now. I started to drift off, my thoughts wandering without restraint. It was then that I remembered. I remembered everything. What's more, I realized whose smile that had been. Edward's. If that weren't bad enough, it wasn't his normal smile. It was the wrong smile. The crooked grin, but the horrible one. The one that always came just before bad things.
I turned and screamed into Jacob's chest before slipping back into the blackness. This time, I welcomed it.
0o0o0
I woke up again, and this time sunlight was shining from my window. No denial was in me anymore, just pain. I'd let it go too far, my memories, and- no, I had to stop thinking about that.
I slowly crawled out of bed, cautious. I was alone. It made my pain worse, somehow, and I shuddered. I wished for Jacob now, and I was scared he might be gone. I ran down the stairs, two at a time, and into the kitchen. Jacob was sitting at the table, and his tired expression lit up instantly when he saw me.
"Bella," he whispered, and he sounded exhausted. He stood up from his chair, and looked torn as to whether he should walk over to me or stay where he was. This hurt me more then anything and my bottom lip quivered, not escaping his notice. He was at my side in a second, holding me in a warm embrace. I shook my head.
"No, Jake, no more crying. Not now. I'm sick of crying." I composed myself for several moments, then smiled at him, which felt wrong. Back to square one.
"Where's Charlie?" I asked, looking around to see if maybe he was in the living room. Nothing.
"He got out of the house. He said he was scared you might…" He laughed quietly, no humor in it. I sighed heavily. Charlie knew all about my hysterics. "Well, you know." I nodded. I did.
"Let's go do something." I nearly begged, my eyes betraying just how much I needed it. He nodded immediately.
"Anywhere. London, Ireland, you name it, we're there," he promised.
I laughed awkwardly. "I was thinking La Push? Safe, and a million things to do." The first part was true, anyway. He smiled, sighing in relief.
"That makes things a lot easier," he laughed, smiling at me cautiously. I tried to return it, but it was less then half-hearted. He looked worried by my attempts, so I gave up on that.
"So where are we going?" He grabbed my hand, walking me slowly to the truck. He was jumpy; every time I took a step he put his arms out, in case I randomly decided to drop dead.
"Anywhere but the beach," I joked, but the statement made my stomach churn. I'd come to hate that beach. It had turned into a waiting place for me.
"Bella," he sighed, turning to me and placing his hands on my shoulders. Apparently, I was still a pass-out risk. "Hun, are you sure you're ready for all this? I'm perfectly okay with staying here and watching a movie or something." I shook my head viciously. Movies could easily remind me of… him. No movies.
"I'm ready, Jacob. Honestly, I have one little pityfest and I get your attention for days. I should cry more often." I laughed. He didn't seem to find this as funny as I did.
"Let's just drive around and look for something, okay?" He started the truck and pulled out of the driveway, relief coming in waves when Charlie's house was out of sight.
I sighed and leaned back into the seat, closing my eyes and listening to the rain plop on the windshield. I hadn't even realized it was raining when we were outside. I felt my hair. Wet. Great.
"I have an idea. The rain isn't too bad, and I have an umbrella, so how about we go to the park?" I gave him a skeptical look. I felt five again. "It'll be fun, c'mon. Besides, you're the one who wanted to get out of the house, remember?" I nodded.
"The park it is, then. Bring on the fun." I rolled my eyes and Jacob smirked.
We got to the park, and he threw the umbrella at him, earning himself a dirty glare. I opened it up and stepped out of the car, already dreading this escapade. He came over to me, taking the umbrella out of my hand, and struggling to keep an enormous wolfman and a tiny albino underneath one umbrella. He refused to let me get wet, so half of him got drenched.
I struggled with him, trying to get him to cover himself too.
"Jacob, would you just!"
"Bella, it's fine!"
"You're soaked!"
"It's fine, Bella!"
We ended up snapping the umbrella pole in half.
I grimaced at it, then at him. I stomped back to the truck, but it was locked. Jacob dangled the keys in his hand, smirking. I ran over, jumping up to reach them, and he held them just out of my reach. My hair stuck to my face, wet and disgusting, and I could feel how squishy my shoes where everytime I jumped. I glared and him and folded my arms.
"I'm not doing anything until you give me those keys," I said stubbornly. He shrugged and picked me up, and I kicked at his arms, doubting he could feel a thing. I fumed and glowered at him.
He set me down on a swing and I sat there defiantly, refusing to do anything. He rolled his eyes and went behind me, starting to push. I nearly fell facefirst into the woodchips before I grabbed the chain, whipping myself upright.
"Jacob!" He grinned and pushed me faster, my stomach dropping with the swing. I was clumsy, not good at these things. There were very good reasons that Renee never took me to the park when I
was little. "I can't do these things, you know that!" I felt myself laughing despite myself, and Jacob's smile grew even bigger when he saw me do this.
"You're doing fine. Geez, Bella, it's just swinging. Not exactly rocket science." I blushed, embarrassed, and kicked my legs a little bit, willing the swing to go higher. I ended up kicking him in the face. He stuck his tongue out at me, and I suddenly glad I had a werewolf for a friend rather then a human.
He stopped pushing me abruptly, and froze. I paled at his expression, a mix of terror and revulsion. "What is it, Jacob?" I asked, my voice a whisper. He stopped the swing, and turned to me.
"Stay right here. I will be right back, okay?" I nodded, the rain pouring harder on us now. He ran off into the woods, shaking as he did. I realized what this meant. Victoria.
My feet collapsed, and I was glad I still stood right next to the swing or I would have fallen flat on my butt. I clung to the chain, gasping for air, the hole in my chest now filled with fear.
A big, russet-colored wolf ran over to me, and I understood immediately. He bent down and I got on his back, wrapping my arms around his burning hot neck. He started to run, and I tried so hard not to think about what it was like. In fact, if I did make the comparison, he was running even faster then… he, used to. I couldn't hardly even see anything it was going by so fast. But then I saw a flash of bright red, and at that same moment Jacob stopped. We were trapped.