The first day (Later on...)
Our hero trudges onward, despite the human bloodstains covering his mouth and the similarly bloodied stick he carried... Somewhere on his person. The stick had a habit of hiding every time Link was not stabbing with it. He'd felt weary right from the start of this journey, but after a couple game overs, it seems he'd finally been refreshed. Journeying south, he eventually encountered a very stupid looking cave, single eye looking up, mouth agape in idiocy. Link stared at the dull witted dungeon with confusion.
"Hey, uhm. You're not going to eat me, right?" The cave responded with a mellow gurgle. "Uhm... Right."
Link entered the mysterious dungeon, only to encounter many statues that seemed to be looking at something. He raised an eyebrow and wondered why there were all these odd stone things that looked like their were going to eat him. The brave Hylian went a screen to the left, only to encounter many Gels, the blobs that reproduced by budding or something.
"Hyaa!", he yelled, the wooden stick thrusting through the air with a swishing sound. The stick collided with the blob and it exploded, launching out two other miniature Gels, which immediately scattered in Link's direction very swiftly, which Link found very unfair and frustrating. Link looked up.
"Hey, it's life. I don't really mind it.", he spoke, even though nobody asked him for his opinion. Some people think Link should never talk, as all he says is redundant and, one might say, mind-numbing.
"Well, excuuuuse me, narrator!"
Link fell some of the other Gels and claimed their inexplicably located human hearts, instantly devouring them upon contact. Anyone could get used to it, really. Link felt energized, ready for anything. He swung his sword at an incoming Gel, but missed. Luckily, a phantom sword that mimicked the look of his stick, erupted from the end of his weapon and slayed the Gel. All celebrated, including the Gels, wearing little party hats, drinking red potion in celebration of the marvelous shot. A dodongo was also there, but nobody cares. Dodongo is very boring and nervous at parties.
"HOLY KEESE, WHAT IN THE GODDESSES' NAME WAS THAT!?"
Link ventured further into the dark dungeon, now aware of the mysterious weapon's ability to shoot blinking sticks at foes when he's full of heart.
"NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THAT!?"
'No, seriously, what was that?', sheesh, you give me a headache with your silly questions. Just venture further into the dungeon already.
Link encountered another slew of Gels, but decided not to destroy them all, because he felt merciful, and he didn't want more Gels to explode inexplicably fast from their original form. After going a screen up, he encountered many Darknuts.
Our protagonist looked up to the orange clad warriors with a sparkle in his eye.
"Hey! I have an action figure of you guys! I love them because they're really cool and they have the little sword and!... Are you listening to me?" Link was crestfallen; his action figure heroes were totally ignoring him, instead choosing to wander stupidly through the room.
"Hey! Do you like collecting too? Hey!!" The knights either weren't paying attention to him or just didn't like the sound of his annoying voice.
Tears in his eyes, Link charged the Darknuts, stick in hand, in a slow motion run, which should stop soon because our cameras can only take so many frames per second. This is an NES game, not Crysis for the PC. Link stabbed forward, trying to pierce the armor of the Darknut facing him. The stick merely made a spark on his armor, somehow. I mean, really, what kind of wood makes sparks against things? Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that the Darknuts could only be attacked from the back or the sides. How annoying is that!? If I were Link, I'd punch the narrator right in the face and take his position safely from their unfair play, but sadly, the narrator would be too high out of reach, and wouldn't have enough time to help Link because he's drinking puréed hearts.
Mmm... Tingly...