Year Three

Jack plucked some unknown object out of his mug and flicked it away. He stole a glance toward camp where the others were sleeping. They hadn't quite forgiven him for his subterfuge over the rogue group; accepted him back as their team leader, yes; forgiven him as their friend, no.

He couldn't blame them.

He had been brutal when he had pushed them away in order to protect his cover and to protect them. He still smarted in shame over how he had treated Daniel when he had visited him at his home. No matter how many times he replayed the scene in his head, he couldn't see another way to have pushed his friend away. Well, he'd pushed him and Daniel was keeping him at arm's length because of that. He wasn't the only one.

Jack looked into the depths of the liquid. Carter had barely spoken to him since the whole rogue thing. Actually thinking about it, she had barely spoken to him since the whole Edora thing. His gut churned.

Getting stranded on another planet had been a crazy experience. He had thought he was never getting home; hadn't been certain if his team had made it or not. He hadn't considered that Carter would rewrite physics to make his return possible. He had missed his team; Teal'c's dry wisdom; Daniel's enthusiastic geekiness and Sam. He'd missed everything about Sam. He had missed her enough to go looking for comfort in another woman's arms.

He felt the sliver of guilt slide into his gut again. Laira had been a good woman and she had deserved better than being treated like a replacement or a one night stand. Yet in the end she had been both. He could feel his skin heating with embarrassment at the memory of their first and last night together; the blatant matchmaking by the rest of the Edorans, the empty house, her invitation…had he really agreed to make a baby with her? How strong had that moonshine been anyway?

The thought of moonshine had him staring up at the night sky. The planet they were visiting was had three small moons. They could barely be seen from the ground but Jack knew they were there. He wondered if Sam would ever forgive him enough to sit with him and watch the night sky again.

Jack frowned. The Edoran fire-rain experience had started out as the two of them planning to watch together but then Laira had overheard them and offered to show them a good spot and Jack had felt compelled to invite the rest of the team. He wished he had turned down Laira; wished it had remained him and Carter just watching the meteors together. He wished a lot of things.

He wished he hadn't pushed her away when he'd had to pretend that she didn't matter to him. She had been so concerned for him and so confused at his behaviour.

'I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. Now I am acting like myself.'

His words came back to him and he swallowed the bitter coffee trying to eradicate the equally bitter taste in his mouth. The strange thing was that it was the truth. He hadn't been acting like himself since he had met Carter. She had been so passionate about doing the right thing; about fighting for justice and freedom; so honourable about how she acted. There was something about her that made him want to be a better man than he was; to leave behind the lies and deceit, and the lack of conscience that had dictated his life in special ops. He wanted to become the hero he could see she believed him to be.

Returning to his special ops existence; the paranoia, the lies; that had been returning to the man he had been before Carter; before Daniel and SG1. When Hammond had assigned him to the rogue job, Jack had protested. Strongly. Forcefully. He needed his team; his team needed him. The assignment could tear SG1 apart, he'd said…

'You're stronger than you think, Jack.' Hammond had replied.

But a couple of weeks after it had all gone down and a side trip to Bedrosia later, Jack didn't think they were as strong as Hammond believed. They hadn't forgiven him.

Jack felt the bite of the cold through this jacket and he instinctively moved closer to the fire. When he'd come back from Edora and learned about everything Carter had done to get him home, he had been stunned. She had literally rewritten the human knowledge of particle physics to build the particle beam generator that had melted the barrier over the Edoran Stargate. It had made him wonder; had she worked so hard just because he was a friend, a team-mate or had there been something else? Had she loved him just a little?

He tossed the rest of the coffee away and picked up his gun. Whatever Sam might have felt he had destroyed with his undercover op; he needed to forget about it. He needed to set it aside and do a patrol. He moved through the forest silently, checking for enemies, anything that could potentially harm his team; he found nothing but he stayed away from the camp for as long as he could.

It was almost the end of his watch when he made his way back. He slowed as he caught sight of Carter. She was refilling a mug with coffee; sitting on the rock he had abandoned. He made his way over to her cautiously. He sat down and took the mug she offered with a nod of acknowledgement. He wrapped his hands around it and noted how she hadn't moved away although he had sat right beside her; too close really given their military ranks and relationship. The warmth seeped through the wool of his fingerless gloves. He took a sip.

'Thanks.' Jack murmured gently. 'It's been cold.'

Sam nodded. She took a sip from the mug that she held.

Jack had no clue what to say to her; how he bridged the chasm that had opened up between them. He kept silent; content to sit beside her.

'There's a fourth moon.' Sam said suddenly. 'It's hiding behind the third one.'

'Where?' Jack asked curious.

She pointed up at the indigo hue that passed as dark on the planet. 'There.'

'You're right.' He wasn't surprised; she usually was.

'I was thinking about it earlier.' Sam admitted. Her grip tightened on her mug. 'I couldn't understand.'

'Understand what?' Jack asked, wondering if he was going to regret hearing the answer.

'How the other three could exist without a fourth.' Sam said quietly. 'Their alignment and orbit suggested there had to be a fourth.' She looked down. 'Otherwise they would have fallen into the atmosphere and been destroyed a long time ago.'

Jack looked at her; the way her hair curled around her face, the blue eyes so cautiously guarded. 'I think all four moons need each other.'

He surprised her into looking at him. He gestured up at the fourth moon. 'All four of them are in balance. That's what's important.'

'You think so, sir?' Sam asked.

He held her gaze. 'I know so.'

Sam looked away.

Jack cleared his throat. 'You know I tried to find the constellation, the one that looks like a dog, when I was on Edora but I couldn't find it.' It had been one of the things that had bothered him; he had been so far from home that none of the constellations had been familiar.

'Edora's on the other side of the galaxy, sir.' Sam replied automatically. 'It's unlikely you would have seen it.'

'Ah.' Jack sighed.

She stretched out her finger to the right. 'There.'

Jack immediately made out the dim shape of the dog; trust Carter to pick it out of the sky.

'I still think it looks more like a bear.' Sam remarked.

Jack shot her a look.

There was a hint of a smirk playing around her lips. He warmed under it and felt the ache in his gut ease. He was forgiven. He sipped his coffee and leaned back subtly. His arm brushed hers but Sam didn't move away; she settled against him instead.

Now, Jack thought as they stared up at the sky, now he was truly home.

To be continued in Year Four