Title: Ruba Dub-Dub Su's In a Tub
Author: Rhion
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Caspian barges in. Susan's happy about it.
Disclaimer: I wonder how much I'd have to scrounge to get the moolah together to own the rights to CS Lewis' work? Until that day, me no own, you no sue.
AN: You know what I just noticed? I have Susan in the bathroom alot. Like... every chapter of I Wish that she's in - she winds up in the bathroom. Wait, no wait I'm wrong (yes so adult of me to be able to say that) - in chapter 3: Caspian's Me Time, Susan's in it and she's not in the bathroom. Wow. She's in bed, but hey, if there's a handydandy bed nearby and Caspian, I'll pick the bed over a stone floor most days (unless chocolate's involved - all rules and preferences go flying out my door once sugary confections enter the equation). Also this is takes place during I Wish, as will the second one. The other two take place afterwards.
BTW - IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ATTENTION!! BTW - IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ATTENTION!!
If you have NOT read I Believe or I Wish these fluffy fics won't necessarily make total sense. (Particularly THIS ONE) There's enough mentions to plot points for I Wish and I Believe to confuse some individuals. This doesn't mean that these fluffies can't stand alone though. But even so, to get the whole story, it is advised that you read the others.
BTW - IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ATTENTION!! BTW - IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ATTENTION!!
How could he have done that? How could he have lost control like that? Hanging his head in shame, Caspian sat at the bow of the Dawn Treader. Raking a shaking hand through his hair, he resisted the urge to track Susan down to seek solace. Afterall it was her he had wronged. He'd practically ravished her, without so much as a by your leave. Sickened by how rough he'd been with the woman who comprised his whole world, Caspian gave a mighty shudder. Vowing to do better, to woo her properly, to not ever take for granted that she loved him.
So focused was he on his inner turmoil that he didn't notice Lucy leaning on the rail next to him, but to be fair she was very quiet. At least until his gaze skipped over her several times, did she speak.
"I'm not as naive as I pretend you know," it was soft, and Caspian noticed something off about her face, something that was normally well hidden. Much like how he used to hide his mental disturbance.
Worried, not wanting his little friend to fall into the same pit he had, Caspian grabbed her hand tugging her into his lap,"Lucy, what do you mean?"
She came willingly, but still her face was so very serious, "It's what you need to believe. Or what they need to." Laying her head on his shoulder, she watched the waves, "I have to always be vigilant, they need me to be innocent, so they have a reason to be strong."
Frowning, Caspian didn't want to understand, "True, protecting you has been one of the few things that kept me from truly falling into an irreperable ruin. But," shifting on the small bench, "to be able to pretend you are in such need, you must still have a spark of it."
"Did I say I was still a full adult?" the tiny smile was impish. "I just said I wasn't as naive. I don't remember alot of stuff, or really understand it," and she sighed. "It's just out of reach sometimes. But what I do know, what I do remember is this: love is hard, and hurting a loved one is the worst hell imaginable."
Caspian winced, and felt a thousand times more awful for how he'd gone at Susan.
Lucy snorted at him, "Just listen silly. I'm not saying what you think I am."
"Then feel free to clarify little sister," catching hold of her hand as it poked him.
"You think you hurt Su, don't you?" wordlessly he nodded. "Well you didn't. So you're sitting up here in pain, for no good reason. Weren't the last three and a half years hard enough? Why waste time, wallowing in needless guilt? You men are so stupid sometimes - I still remember that too you know." Lucy hopped out of his lap, grabbing him by his hands trying to get him to stand up, "And Susan will think you're angry at her if you keep on sitting on your butt like a dope. She's strong, but she's fragile too. Just like you."
Following her urgings, Caspian stood, shuffling while staring down at her, "Please do not grow up too fast little one, I would miss your childlike wonder greatly."
To this she laughed, and it warmed his heart, "Oh don't be silly! I'm going to enjoy being a kid again for as long as possible! Though I'm really going to hate puberty if I remember correctly..."
Snickering he knew more about what she meant than she probably did if what she said was true, "Ah but shamelessly taking advantage of the perks of childhood has its price. And since you are willing to pay it, then it is worth it."
"So you're going to go find Susan? She should be in her room," giving him a tight hug, and a shove.
Nodding and giving her a deep bow, "Of course Valiant Queen, this humble servant shall do so post haste."
When Lucy had told him that Susan was in her room, he was unsure of how to approach. The cabin he had set aside in what he thought was a vain hope in forcing Aslan to return Susan to him, was larger than the others. It was originally to be either the captain's quarters or a king's. Having ordered that the room be made fit and then not taking it for himself, or letting the captain take it, was something that Caspian had received many strange looks for. But by that point, Caspian was long used to odd glances and whispers behind hands, so he had not cared. A hope was a hope, and at that time, it was the only thing he had to cling to.
Standing staring at the door, Caspian would raise his fist to knock, then let it fall back to his side, only to start to knock once more. Taking in a deep breath, he held it for a long moment before releasing it, and finally giving the wood a firm rap. Before Susan could answer though, Caspian opened it and poked his head in, and froze at what he saw.
Susan was in the enamel hip bath he had toted along for no other reason than he thought she may like it. Naked. Very naked. And wet. His mouth opened and closed, unused to the sight of so much translucent flesh bared to his eye in such a fashion. Her arms were crossed over her chest, pushing her busum up, while a flush pinked her cheeks and went down her neck. Caspian thought mutely that he hadn't realized a blush could go down that far. It took a moment for him to realize what he had done - he'd committed the same sin he had when he first saw her again. Acted without thinking. Apparently he was very good at that these days.
Stammering, "My Queen, please, my appololgies, I did not mean, I am sorry, I am, forgive, please," as he stood rooted to the spot.
Of all the reactions he expected, the one he got was no where in his mind.
Susan held out a dripping hand, beckoning him, "Hurry up and get in here, you're letting in a draft."
"Uh, yes, of course," Caspian forced his feet to obey him and entered, closing the door, all the while gawking.
Susan shifted around uncomfortably beneath the intensity of his eyes on her nudity, and even though he could tell it was unsettling her, Caspian could no more stop the sun from rising than cease his ogling. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and his palms sweated. There she was, sitting there, like being in a tub with him nearby was a normal thing - despite the obvious discomfort of the weight of his eyes. Working hard to swallow, he had to remind himself to blink.
"You act like you haven't ever seen me naked before," Susan's voice shook just the tiniest amount.
Mistaking it for fear, Caspian managed to tear his gaze from her, "I am sorry, please... I meant.." trailing off as he gestured helplessly.
"Why have you avoided me the last few days? Do I.. disappoint you?" and then Caspian knew what the quaver in her voice was, as he could hear her choking on the words that came from her mouth.
Without thinking, Caspian was seated on the floor next to the tub, clasping her hand in his, trying to make her understand, "No! No, you could never disappoint me. I want you here, need you here, more than I think you could ever know... I am a broken and blind man without you." Leaning over her hand, pressing it to his cheek, "I have done so many things wrong, I have been so wrong... And I think I have become a monster, I am unworthy. But you, you are the shining moon, brighter than any star, nearer and more enigmatic. There is no way you could have disappointed me."
Susan stared down at her lap, unable to look at him, making Caspian worry that he looked afright. Reaching out to run his worn pads along the length of her jaw, to the small dip in her chin, unable to resist the need. Her eyes darted to his, and he felt as though he were drowning in sky.
"You are so beautiful," Susan's voice cracked, her chin dipping down to kiss his fingertips. "You're no monster, Caspian."
How must he look to her? Ragged and disheveled, unshaven and wild - yet seeing the acceptance in her eyes was probably one of the greatest boons a man could have ever received. Flinching when she framed his face, studying him, Caspian did his best to let her see. To see what he had tried so hard to hide until it broke him. He had tried to be a good king, to do as he'd been commanded though he hadn't been ready, and the logical part of his mind knew he had done fairly well despite loosing himself in his duty and loneliness. But Susan was a balm, easing his fears, healing the great rents in his traumatized soul. She was so strong, and he wondered where she'd gotten the strength, for he didn't believe for one moment that it was only due to her family. There was something inside her that would weather any storm if she had to, if she had a reason. Had she believed that she would see him again? Was that what had kept her going?
"No," Susan shook her head and he realized he must have spoken aloud.
"Then how?"
She smiled and it lifted his heart to new heights, "I knew I had to keep going for you. And... because..."
At first he didn't understand why her hand rested on her stomach, "Because why?"
"Our love needed me to be strong," stroking her soft belly.
Glancing down to watch the motion, brows drawn together, then looking back up at her, "I do not understand."
"Give me your hand?" surprised by the request, he placed it in hers, though she should know she never had to ask. It was guided to the lightly rounded planes and - oh. Oh.
It was firm beneath his palm, where once it had been soft over her muscles. The difference was only slight, but it was enough for him to notice. Shocked, disbelieving, his head snapped up staring, "With... you are with.. child? Our... our child?" At her nod, Caspian got up, clambering into the small hipbath with her, uncaring of his clothes, only needing to embrace her, "Our child..." And it was a happy sob.
Susan squeaked as he crushed her to him, then she clung to his shoulders, her face in his neck, as Caspian rocked from side to side, "Yes, our child."
Unabashed tears fell as he was wracked with sobs, clutching her to him, "Never letting you go, never, never."
Hiccuping as her own crying shook her, "I thought maybe you knew and you were angry..."
"What?!" alarmed, he leaned back trying to get a look at her. "What would make you think that?"
"You kept avoiding me every time I tried to talk to you."
Blinking, "Oh. No... I was... I thought that you would not want to speak with me after my unconscionable behaviour when you returned to me."
"Whatever do you mean? I don't remember you doing anything that would -"
Cutting her off with a frown, "I ravished you."
Snorting at him, "Since when is that a bad thing?" Caspian allowed her to tug his face down near hers, their noses touching, "And if you don't do it again sometime soon, I'll have to be very cross with you."
"Are you sure that would be... advisable? Afterall," shyly Caspian touched her stomach, "could it not, uh, damage...?"
The look she gave him was amused, and he shrank a bit, feeling foolish. Caspian knew almost nothing of these things, only the bare facts, and had never been in the position to be a father before. Their play could be quite vigorous at times, and there were two things he was not willing to ever do - harm Susan or harm their child. Susan's face softened, and if it were possible she became even more lovely, with damp curls clinging to her pale skin, cheeks rosy with health, eyes all the colours of life giving water.
Entranced by the way her lips moved as she spoke, Caspian didn't hear her at first, "I am remiss, please, repeat that?"
"The baby will be fine if we're together," blushing prettily when she said 'together', even though he knew she was no blushing virgin, the sweet response quickened his blood.
"May I touch you then?" feeling it was only right at this point to ask her for what he desired. He wanted to win her over again, to court her properly, to earn his place at her side, even if it was practically assured, for she deserved his very best.
"Yes, but Caspian - we're in a tub. And you're drenched," Susan pointed out reasonably. "Fully clothed."
Glancing down at his attire, chagrined, "Ah, yes, it would seem so. But what does that have to do with me touching you?"
Rolling her eyes a warm laugh tinkling like a bell curving her lips, "Because if you're going to touch me, I'm going to want to touch you, silly."
"Makes sense," peeling his shirt over his head, and tossing it to land in a wet heap somewhere. "I shall remedy it then."
Hopping out of the tub, Caspian rapidly disrobed, thankful that most days he didn't bother with shoes while on the Dawn Treader - they just ruined his balance - until he was in the same state of dress as Susan. Glancing at her through his long bangs as they fell forward, he could see her shoulders shaking, a hand pressed to her mouth while giggling. The motion did wonderful things for her breasts, breasts he'd dreamed about for years. Who was he kidding? He'd dreamed about every inch of Susan every night, every day, every breath, every second until he'd been sure he'd built her up in his mind. When he'd seen her again for the first time in so long, every memory paled in comparison to the real deal. Susan leaned forward, her arms braced on the end of the tub, head cocked to the side, devouring him with her eyes - and Caspian was reminded that he'd been very wrong. She was even better than he could remember and getting better every second as she stood up, water trickling from her waist, down her hips, down her thighs, small droplets of water laying on her skin like crystals.
The lamplight caught and was reflected a thousand times through the moisture on her, gilding her in silver and gold, a goddess of precious metals and alabaster. Susan held out her hand, and he took it as she stepped from the tub, taking her into his arms, moist flesh to his mostly dry, peaked nipples rubbing against his chest, his thick length on her hip. Caspian felt like a virgin, unsure of what he was doing, but knowing he wanted very much to do it. Hesitant, tracing Susan's collarbone, touching her as though she were spun glass. With him she could be fragile, just as he could with her. But right now she was powerful, confident in her womanhood, and confident in him. That was what her eyes were telling him without words. Leaning down, so as to rest his forehead against hers, gazes locked, they communicated with gentle touches, that built up the warmth between them.
"Caspian?" nuzzling him with her nose, lips not quite stroking his as she spoke. "Make love to me. Show me your love.. show us your love. And let me show you ours."
And he knew she was referring to the spark of life contained in her body. Determined to show them every day of his life, Caspian had things to say but no idea how to say them. Sweeping her into his arms, he carried her to the bed, laden with softest blankets Caspian could order, the best down for the mattress, and enough pillows to make a nest. The three days that had passed since her return had been enough time for her scent to permeate the covers, light and sweet. Placing her on it gently, as gently as the night he'd bound his very soul to her, before laying down beside her.
Taking the moment to gather his thoughts, "I will never fail to do so, to give you both all of me, for you are my reason and my only safety, Susan." Brushing a knuckle over the apple of her cheek, "It has been said that a man is incomplete without love, without someone to fill his days with meaning." Sighing, "Duty is a cold mistress, and I am glad to be rid of her, for she brings me no joy as she does not listen when I have done something for her, and so I have no one to share my accomplishments with her as my life."
Susan rolled into him, pushing his hair from his eyes, "And here I thought you'd married your responsibility from what Ed said."
His eyes flashed dangerously, "I have only one wife, and duty or no, responsibility or no, nothing, no one, not Aslan, not Fate, not anything could change that. Often I have had to restrain myself from destroying those who suggest otherwise, so do not do thusly for my anger is unreasonable and implacable on this subject." Seeing her worry, "Though of course you are always safe from it, I just... I become irrational and not myself and do not wish you to witness it, for those actions bring me much shame."
"I understand," but he could tell from her tone that she didn't.
Cupping her face with both hands, willing Susan to believe this if she never believed anything else he said, "It is of you that I speak, and it is you that I love. It is you who breaths life into this empty soul and I would not want to ever frighten you or make you feel ashamed to have me as yours. So I never wish to let you see the full depth of monster this poor wretch that I am, has become. Please understand what I mean -"
"No I don't understand at all Caspian. I'm here, I love you, all of you," cutting him off. "No matter what you do, you'll always be someone I'm proud of, proud to have as the father of my child, proud to have you as my lover, proud to have you at my side and be by your side. Don't be a fool Caspian and try to hide even the tiniest part of yourself from me for such a stupid reason. If you can't realize that I'm here by choice and that I want to know all of you so that you know I love all of you, then we need to have a serious talk."
Barking a laugh at that, for it struck him just the wrong way, "I thought we were having a serious talk?" A languid kiss that she couldn't help but return, as he softened his words, "You certainly seem so serious."
"And you don't?" she pouted, annoyed with him, but Caspian could see the sparkle in her eyes.
"That I do, I suppose. Should we change that?"
"Certainly, but how do you propose to do that my moody King?"
"Oh I have an idea or three, my lovely Queen," to which Susan snickered, the sound foriegn but interesting.
Sometimes he forgot that he didn't know all her manerisms, or all her favorite things. Adding that to the list of what he'd have to find out throughout the rest of their lives, Caspian rolled them over, pressing her deep into the mattress. Her thighs spread, wrapping him up in her body.
A hand ran through his hair down his cheek then to his back, and further, giving his ass a firm squeeze, startling him, "So is this one of your bright ideas? If so, I like it."
Kissing her deeply, but still not resting his full weight upon her, "I must be the luckiest man alive then."
Susan's legs wrapped around his waist, her sex parting with the motion so he could feel the moist heat along his shaft. Caspian rocked against her, letting Susan feel him pressed against her core, before allowing his tip to nudge at her channel. With a deliberately delicate shift of his hips, he sank into her body with a sigh. Her hands pressed the back of his shoulders, a soundless request for him to rest his entire weight upon her. Conceding to her wishes, Caspian slid his arms beneath her shoulders so he could tangle his long boned hands in the mass of her hair. Tight circling of her hips, Susan rode him from below, as he bore down, making love to her tenderly. Her breasts were mashed against him, the silken skin of her thighs rubbing his flesh, and the vein shivering just beneath her skin of her throat beckoned him. Following the line with his tongue before sucking, wanting to be able to see a reminder of this encounter on her. Their bodies rose and fell, moving like the waves of the ocean as Caspian lunged forward, while Susan thrust upward, swaying to some inner music.
Susan's muscles began to squeeze his cock, and she begged, "Look at me. Look at me... I need to see you... your eyes."
Stroking her lips with his once then he waited until she could see his eyes, the colour high in her cheeks, tiny shimmers of sweat her forehead, and a teardrop slipping from the corner of her eye to her temple then to be lost in her hair. Susan was ephemeral even though the reality of scratches on his back made Caspian believe that she was truly here, truly beneath him. Going faster, writhing to the tempo of his heartbeat, Susan's legs moving all around him, tugging him closer, around his waist, his hips, his thighs, he was lost in sensation, lost in her eyes. Her pupils went to pinpoints then exploded wide, until there was only the smallest ring of blue, the dark abyss pulling Caspian down, down, down, as he shuddered over her.
"Susan," her name a near silent benidiction as he poured his essence deep, and Caspian was filled by letting go.
If Caspian had ever been asked what the single most beautiful moment in his life was up until that point - he'd speak of falling asleep in her arms, with his head pillowed on her chest, knowing that he was loved and that he was safe. And it would only ever be eclipsed by the sight of Susan on their wedding day, and the births of their children.
PS I still need a beta, and I'd rather it be someone familiar with my writing, not one of those on the beta list.
Privileges of beta's include:
1 - seeing the fic before everyone else
2 - influencing the author and character portrayals
3 - making sure there's fewer dumb mistakes and word redundancies
4 - credit as beta
5 - the option to continually throw bunnies at me
6 - Caspian; though it may just come in the form of giggles and fic
That is all - over and out for now.
I'm still in the process of writing chapter 7 for I Wish - I'm feeling a bit under the weather, so it's delayed. Also - I caught up on my responses to the reviews I've gotten so far, but seems to be having problems with the alerts/pm's/offical notices so I'm not sure if y'all got them.