If you think these are dumb and want me to stop, say the word.
I'll keep doing them anyway! Muaahahahahahahaha! :D
PART II
Harry: The chamber of...wait a second! Why the hell would Snape be there?!
Dumbledore: Does Snape have a reason for doing anything?
Harry: Hmmm...good point. Let's go, Ron! Dobby!
Dumbledore: Hmmm. It seems Weasley and Potter have departed. That leaves me. Jolly old Dumbledore. Doop de doop de dooo...Naked Time!
IN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS...
Dobby: Oh no, Harry Potter! Dobby is getting bad feelings from this place!
Ron: Oh, be quiet. Harry killed the basilisk and destroyed the diary.
If worst comes to worst, Fawkes will just swoop in and save us again, or Harry'll pull a sword out of a hat, or something.
Harry: Quiet! I hear a noise!
Ron: Is it a mysterious ticking noise?
Harry:…No.
Dobby: Look!
(A long, scaly thing is curled up in their path.)
Ron: It's a...a s-snake!
Harry: Oh toughen up. It's only a snakeskin.
Ron: No! It's a snake!
Harry: Skin!
Ron: Snake!
Harry: Skin!
Ron: Snake!
Harry: Skin!
Raaaaaaah!
Harry: Um, Ron, what's a 'raaaaaah?'
Ron: Actually, I think that was the basilisk.
Harry: You idiot, a basilisk's a snake, not a 'raaaaah.'
Ron: How about, RUUUUUUUN!
Harry: No, it's not that either--OMG IT'S A BASILISK!
(They run away like scared little schoolgirls again)
Fred the Basilisk: Why's everyone so scared of me?
Harry: Pant, pant, dang it, where's Snape?
Ron: Maybe he's in that large, intimidating statue over there.
Harry: Statueus Explodicus! Nope, not there.
Ron: Hmmmmm...This is taking forever. Accio Snape!
...
Ron: Well, it might have worked...
Fred the Basilisk: Hi!
Ron, Harry, & Dobby: Aaaaaaah!
Fred the Basilisk: There they go with the screaming again. It's just not fair. I didn't ask to be a 70-foot long snake, but everyone sees me and screams. Sigh...
Ron: Um, h-have you s-seen a g-guy n-named S-s-severus S-snape?
Fred the Basilisk: Greasy?
Harry: Yep.
Fred the Basilisk: Sour expression?
Ron: Yep.
Fred the Basilisk: Looks like an overgrown bat who just ate a bucket of lemons?
Harry: Yyyyyep, that's him. Where'd he go?
Fred the Basilisk: I ate him.
Everyone: WHAT?!
Fred the Basilisk: Then I spat him out.
Harry: Phew, you had me for a second.
Fred the Basilisk: Gosh, you're a giant snake and no one lets you finish your sentences, either. Sigh...what's the use.
Harry: So where is he now?
Fred the Basilisk: I don't know.
Ron: Any ideas?!
Fred the Basilisk: I meant I didn't know FOR SURE. I tell you, why couldn't I be a cute little bunny or something. People don't listen to basilisks, oh no, they just scream and run.
Harry: Sorry. I'll be sure to put in a good word for you with Hagrid sometime.
Ron: So...?
Fred the Basilisk: Well, when I spat him through the roof, I'm pretty sure he was headed...
Harry: Yes?
Ron: Go on!
Dobby: Dobby implores!
Fred the Basilisk:...for the Forbidden Forest.
Ron: Oh, bullocks.
to be continued...