Disclaimer: I don't own these characters cause blah blah blah etc. etc.

The bothering quest continues…

PART V

Ron: The Room of Requirement? How'd you figure that out, Harry?

Harry: Well, if I wanted somewhere to hide, the Room of Requirement is what I'd use. It worked for all those kids in the 7th book.

Dobby: Oh, that's genius, Harry Potter! A beacon for house elves everywhere is what you are!

Harry: Erm, right. Well, let's go!

Dobby: Yes, yes...Er, where is the Room of Requirement again?

Ron: I thought you were the one who showed it to us, Dobby!

Dobby: Well, I've forgotten. House-elves don't have very good memories, and swallowing about ten gallons of lake water doesn't really help!

Harry: Whatever. I know the way.

Dobby: Of course you do, Harry Potter! You are a shining—

Harry: Shut up, Dobby.

IN THE HALLWAY NEXT TO THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT...

Harry: So, all we need to do is think about what we need. So think, "We need to find Severus Snape"or something along those lines.

(they all think hard)

Harry: Okay, on the count of three, we run at the wall. Got it?

Ron: Uh, yeah…

Dobby: Whatever you say, Harry Potter!

Harry: Urgh…Okay, one…two…three!

(They run at the wall and hit it extremely hard, sliding to the ground and moaning like dementors with stomach problems)

Ron: Oooowwww...Deja vu, anyone?

Dobby: What? That hurt? Hm...I guess Dobby has hit himself on the head so many times he doesn't really feel it anymore.

Harry: We're talking about the time you sealed Platform 9&3/4.

Dobby: Oh, well, that was for Harry Potter's own good, of course.

Harry: Of course, right….jerk…Well, I wonder why it's not letting us in.

Ron: Maybe Snape put protective enchantments on it or something.

Harry: You're right, Ron. Hmmmm...Maybe if we make our request as confusing as possible, it'll let us in just cause it doesn't want to figure out what we just said.

Ron: Hmmmm...I may or may not possibly want to find the location of where Severus Whose-Last-Name-May-Or-Not-Be-Snape might or might not be, on the condition that is somewhere in the vicinity of the afore-mentioned person whose name is questionable and may or may not be hiding in your room.

Wall: No can do, pal.

Ron: Nice idea, Harry. 100 genius.

Harry: Let's think... Hey, I still have the Marauder's Map! It'll tell us where Snape is!

Ron: You what?!Idiot! You mean we could have just looked at the stupid map, and it would have told uswhere Snape is? And we wouldn't have to have asked any giant snakes, squids, or bloody spiders?!

Harry: Um, yeah. Pretty much.

Ron: I can't believe this. (Starts pouting)

Harry: (to Dobby) Don't worry, he always does this. Now, the Marauder's Map says Snape is….in…in the Room of Requirement. Ugh. (Puts head in hands.)

Ron: Oh, god, I turn my back for one second and you start getting all depressed? Some Chosen One you are. Dooricus Explodicus!

(The wall explodes)

Harry: Well, that's one way to do it.

Dobby: Dobby doesn't even think that's a real spell...

Ron: Quiet, Dobby, or you'll jinx us. Or I'll jinx you.

Dobby: Sorry. Bad, bad Dobby!

Ron: You know, just…ah, whatever.

(They step inside to a huge labyrinth of hedges)

Harry: Whoa! It's just like the Triwizard Tournament!

Ron: Um, didn't that end in one kid getting swallowed by a hedge, one getting Imperiused, one dying, and

Voldemort coming back to life?

Harry: Uh, yeah. But look on the bright side! This time, Voldemort's gone forever, and it's just us! And there's not even any giant spiders!

Giant Spider: ROAAAAR!

Ron: I hate you.

Giant Spider: Hey, I remember you! You're the kids from the Forbidden Forest!

Ron: Oh no...it's the talking one again...

Giant Spider: Robert Octovengian III, at your service! Again!

Harry: What are you doing here?

Giant Spider: Well, the funniest thing happened! I was in my web, happily sucking the juices out of a giant fly, when BANG! I was here!

Harry: Well, uh, could you, like, y'know, step aside?

Giant Spider: Sure! Anything for a friend!

(Harry, Ron and Dobby walk past him)

Ron: Well that was surprisingly easy.

Sphinx: Halt!

Ron: Why?

Sphinx: Well, 'cause I'm a sphinx, and that's what sphinxes tell people to do. I'm supposed to ask you a riddle, remember?

Ron: S'pose.

Sphinx: Now, what do you get when you cross a dragon and a bunny?

Ron: Uh...That's it?

Sphinx: Yup.

Harry: Um...

Ron: Well...

Harry: Er...

Ron: Hmm...

Harry: Ah...

Dobby: Singed Hare!

Sphinx: Very good. You Hogwarts students ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Out-riddled by a house-elf? Simply atrocious. What are they teaching you these days?

Harry: But that wasn't a riddle!

Ron: That sounded like some dumb joke written by a bunny-obsessed thirteen-year-old!

Sphinx: Um..well...that's not actually far from the truth.

Harry: Let's just go.

(They walk past the sphinx and into a wide clearing)

Harry: What are we supposed to do here?

Ron: Ahhh! Look! Dementors!

Harry: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

(A silver stag leaps from Harry's wand and charges the dementors)

Dementors: Ohhh...what's the use running...life is so depressing...

Ron: Uh...Dementors dement themselves?

Dementors: Ugh…that stag…I simply can't stand beautiful things...they're simply revolting...what did I do to deserve this...

Harry: Who knew being a freaky, scabbed, soul-sucking hooded monster was such a sad business?

Dementors: What's the point...You and your small friend can pass...I don't care anymore...

(Dementors float away)

Harry: Well, that was strange.

Ron: On to Snape!

(They run through a gap in the hedges to find Snape sitting in a ratty old armchair, sipping lemonade)

Snape: What? How did you find me? What kind of Room of Requirement is this, if you can't even get a moment of privacy?

Harry: We've come to bother...I mean, ask you to return to Hogwarts!

Ron: Yes, your presence is, ah, greatly missed among the, um, students!

Dobby: And your punishments!

Snape: Complete tripe, all of it. But I suppose the jig is up. I'd better return with you.

(Starts to get up, then stops)

Snape: Petrificus Totalus!

(Ron and Dobby fall to the ground, paralyzed)

Harry: Hey, that's not fair!

Snape: The wild goose chase is over, Potter. It's time for a duel. You and me, one on one.

Harry: Bring it.

to be concluded...