Seeking Solace - #5

Don't own except on DVD.

Ten minutes. Shawn Spencer had sat on Juliet O'Hara's couch for ten minutes. For ten minutes, he had not moved beyond the repetitive motion of his hand stroking the back of her cat's head. For ten minutes Shawn had not said a word. Not – a – single – solitary – word. It wasn't normal. Well, normal was a relative term when it came to Shawn Henry Spencer, but still…Shawn was a perpetual motion machine with a self-looping soundtrack accompaniment.

But not for the last ten minutes.

"Shawn?" Juliet reached out a hand, placing it on the pseudo-psychic's arm. The hand paused, mid-stroke on Shadow's neck. A disgruntled "Rowl" was heard from the cat as he jumped from Shawn's lap but still the man said nothing.

Now Juliet was really worried. She was ready to start making phone calls – Gus, Henry, even Carlton…whatever it took to reach Shawn. But then she heard his soft whisper.

"Jules? Am I a bad person?"

"Shawn, how could you even think that? You are one of the nicest, friendliest guys I know. Of course, I mainly know cops and criminals, so that kind of limits it…" Juliet froze as she realized that she had begun to ramble, something she hated doing but did way too often. At least according to her partner, she did. Personally, Juliet suspected she did it because Lassiter was way too quiet.

"Why aren't I happy?"

Juliet laughed. "You? Not happy? Shawn Spencer, you are the happiest person I know. You find laughter and joy in almost everything. You make people feel good just to be around you. Well, except Carlton, but the only thing that makes him happy is being right and shooting his gun. And since you have a tendency to be right when he is wrong and the Chief has absolutely forbidden him to draw a weapon in your vicinity unless mine is already drawn, he is never happy around you."

"I should be happy she's here, right?"

It was all Juliet could do not to make a very rude comment at that moment. "Are we discussing the assistant curator from the museum?"

"No."

Juliet waited for a moment and was about to say something when Shawn continued.

"My mom."

"Your mother? I didn't know you had a mother. I mean, I know you had to have a mother, everyone has a mother, but you never mention her. I know you have a father, although I don't know him all that well. You tend to keep him away from me. But…" Juliet sucked in her breath, amazed she had gone on that long without breathing.

Shawn stood up and walked over to the window, looking out at the rain splattering on the door step. He couldn't see beyond that.

"You need lights here. There are no street lights on this part of the street."

Shrugging, Juliet watched Shawn as he stared out into the darkness. "There was a car accident last week. Took out a street light. They haven't replaced it and they actually shut off the one next to it so half a block is in the dark." The look on Shawn's face was blank, making it clear that he really never heard what she was saying.

"She's been out of the country for over two years. They've been divorced for ages. They fought my entire life. Not bad at first but it got progressively worse. And she kept leaving. Oh, I know. It was for conferences, or some other shrink business thing." Shawn finally turned and looked at Juliet, a wry smile on his face. "Bet that surprised you. My mother is a psychologist. Dad's a cop. And I'm a nut job who solves crimes. Good mix, right?"

Juliet rose from the couch, walking over to join Shawn by the window. "Well, nut job may be a bit much. I'd go with eccentric."

A more genuine smile crossed Shawn's face at that. "Jules, my mom came back tonight. And I left the house. I should be happy to see my mom again. I…I love her, right? She's my mom. But everything is going good in my life. I have a job I love. I've never held a job this long. I feel like this is what I was meant for. I have friends. Well, I've always had Gus. But I actually have more than Gus although Gus is a lot. Really. The guy is my brother in everything but DNA."

Shawn sighed deeply and walked back to the couch, sitting back down with a thump. "I used to sneak over to Gus' house when they would fight. Mr. Guster pretended to put in the rope ladder outside of Gus' window so he could roll it down in case of fire. In truth he did it so I would stop having Gus sneak me in. It was easier."

Julie chuckled at that as she rejoined Shawn on the couch, sitting slightly closer to him than she had before. "Did your parent know?"

Sighing again, Shawn leaned back slightly. "Mom? No. She tended to be pretty clueless about that. But Dad knew. I could never get anything past that man."

"Your father had a reputation for being a good cop, very thorough."

Shawn nodded. "Yeah. He was a very good cop. Drove me nuts, still does. But we have been getting along better. I actually see him now just because I want to. We eat whole meals together without major fights. I still won't go fishing with him but I have sat on the porch with him in the evening, sharing a beer. We sometimes talk, sometimes sit there and watch the sun set. It's the best relationship I have had with my father since I started school. And…God, this sounds pitiful. Jules, I am scared that my life is gonna get messed up again. I feel like I am that scared six-year-old again, listening to my parents argue, wondering if I am going to be left behind. I don't want to trust her with the life I have now because I am afraid she'll just walk out of it again."

Juliet moved directly next to Shawn and put an arm around his shoulders. "And if she does, you can bug Gus, annoy Carlton, argue with your father, drive the Chief insane and flirt with me. Your constants won't go anywhere, Shawn. I promise."

Leaning his head into her shoulder, Shawn sighed and let the tension flow from his body. Juliet picked up the remote, turning on the TV. "What do you say we watch TV for a while? Then you can crash on the couch. I don't want to worry about how you get home."

As a mediocre romantic comedy played – Robert Downey as the reincarnated husband wasn't bad, but the rest of the cast was only average – Juliet felt the weight on her shoulder grown heavier. Looking over, she saw Shawn had fallen asleep. Sliding out from under him, she arranged him on the couch, draping her grandmother's quilt over his sleeping form.

Brushing his hair back, Juliet laid a quick kiss on his forehead. Whispering, she confided, "I'm glad that you came to me to seek solace, Shawn. I don't know what else will be with us, but I am glad you trust me to be there for you."

As Juliet turned off the lights and went to find her own bed, Shawn turned slightly in his sleep, a smile on his face. Even in sleep, the scent and sound of someone he trusted to be there gave him comfort.

a/n that concludes the trilogy but more torie are forthcoming.