A week, a pleasant week, soon passed and the trip to Paris was soon nearing and her plan was expanding. In her mind she was having doubts, although the idea of being wined and dined by Michael, Ric and Elliot made her realise how very different all of the competitors for this job were, what must have attracted Jayne to get their applications, but what also crossed her mind is how they all shared similar traits to her. Michael was virtually her male counterpart when it came to work, flirty, rude, and sarcastic he was her in a male form. Ric was thoughtful, full of fresh ideas, a fantastic surgeon and held a deep within hate, shared by her, for Michael. Then there was Elliot, he was the creative one, imaginative, absolutely stark raving bonkers to put it politely but one of the best cardiologists she'd had the pleasure to work with. She knew that Jayne and the remainder of the board were going to have a tough time choosing who'll win the job, but Connie held all of the positive traits of the rest of the group plus some but once again she knew that the fact she had a baby to juggle with her job would be brought up and possibly overrule all of her traits and cause her to miss out on the opportunity.
Once again the thoughts of Paris crossed her mind, but instead this time the good aspects of the city were in her thoughts. Last time she'd been in Paris she'd been with Michael on their 10th wedding anniversary, just before she started working at Holby, just before she met Ric. She loved Paris, she always had and she decided that this time could easily better the time spent there with Michael. She'd not only have the beautiful city and two weeks without her daughter for the first time, but she'd have her best friend, sex on tap and the man she enjoyed stringing along to extraordinary lengths with her. It was a shame she'd have to actually attend the conference really.
Her mind then wandered to that of the sex she'd been receiving on tap for the past 8 months, deep down she knew it was that little bit more but she couldn't let herself want that again. Not after the time before with her husband, she knew that if she let him know that she'd fallen for him she'd be at his mercy, she couldn't be left out of control and by falling for him she would be. She thought back to the times she was at Michael's mercy, when he always over powered her, when he made half hearted promises to protect her, what she always believed after timeless occasions of him breaking them. She was a control freak and by falling in love again she'd loose the control she so craved, she'd loose that calm and collected front she possessed- she couldn't risk that even if she did love him.
That day was the first in 8 months where she emailed Ric and told him not to come over. Her excuse was that she wanted to spend time with Grace before she went away; it was the first time in those 8 months where she'd lied to him she did want to spend time with her daughter, yes, but the real reason was that she was scared, scared that for the first time in her life she'd gotten herself so deep into something she couldn't get out. What started out as sex, mind-blowing and regularly over kinky sex, had turned into something she was no longer in control of. It scared her.