A year later

"Daddy, I hate Courtney Smith!"My 6 year old huffed on the phone. I chuckled silently; my daughter had quite the personality.

"Maddi, you know what I said about that word,"I said in a firm voice. There was a pause as she thought over it.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. But she spilt my milk all over the table on purpose."

"Well...maybe she's unhappy about something,"I smiled.

"Do you think so? Her mommy isn't very nice to her. But she makes fun of me because I don't have a mommy. That's not very nice. She said I don't have a daddy, either, but that's not true!"

I inhaled sharply. Ouch.

"Madison, honey, remember what you told me you learned in Sunday school last week?"I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Uh...do you mean about being gold?"she asked innocently. I restrained myself from laughter.

"Yeah. The Golden Rule. Do you remember what it said?"

"Treat others like you would like to be treated?"

"Good job."

"Oh. So even though Courtney's mean to me, I should be nice to her?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"But Daddy..."she started off in a small voice.

"What is it?"I asked, concern filling my voice.

"Daddy, she was making fun of you. She said that if you were a real daddy, you wouldn't be gone all the time."

I didn't say anything for a moment. That felt like a knife to my heart.

"Maddi, I have a question for you...and I want you to be completely honest about it. Okay?"

"Alright,"she agreed.

"Maddi, do you know that I love you more than anything in the world?"

"That's a silly question."

I bit my lip, waiting for her to answer.

"Of course I know that Daddy. If you didn't love me, why would you call me every night before bedtime?"

I grinned. She was a smart six year old.

"That's great to know, Maddi."

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you lots."

"I love you too, Maddi. Uncle Jason and Nate want to talk to you."

"Okay Daddy. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sweetie,"I smiled to myself as I handed the phone over to Jason.

"Make sure you guys don't talk too long; she has to be in bed by nine."

"Yes, Daddy,"Jason rolled his eyes at me. I smacked him on the back of the head as I headed to my bunk.

TKLTKLTKLTKLTKLTKLTKL

flashback

"Shane?"Nate had come up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. My vision was blurred with tears.

"Shane, you gotta eat something. Mitchie wouldn't want to see you like this."

I didn't respond.

"Shane, come on. For me?"Nate pleaded. I finally looked up at him, seeing the worry covering his face. He didn't even look like Nate. I sighed, standing up. His face immediately brightened.

I didn't feel anything as we rode down the elevator to the hospital cafeteria. Everything was...numb. It had been four weeks now, and Mitchie was still...brain dead. They didn't think I could hear them talking, the doctors' whispers of 'useless' and 'vegetable'. I made myself not feel anything, because I knew if I did, I would be kicked out of the hospital.

I watched with blank eyes as Nate ordered me a sandwich and fries. He managed to guide me to a table while holding two trays.

As soon as I sat down, I felt like I was going to throw up. I stared at the food; I really didn't want it. It felt so wrong to go on with regular day-to-day activities like eating when Mitchie was up there dying. She couldn't even eat; she was fed through a tube.

"Shane?"Nate waved a hand in front of my face. I looked up.

"You okay, man? I've been trying to get your attention for over 5 minutes now. Your food is getting cold,"he bit his lip. I shook my head, picking up the sandwich and taking a bite to satisfy him. He nodded in approval.

I mechnically forced myself to finish the rest of the meal; I just had to keep reminding myself this was for Nate. I remembered a snitchet of conversation in th back of my mind about him and his girlfriend breaking up last week.

"What happened to Kathy?"I asked as we dumped our trays. It just came out of my mouth before I thought it over. Nate looked at me, a bit shocked.

"Well, erm...she broke up with me,"he stuttered. I frowned.

"How come?"

"You know what, it doesn't really matter. She was a jerk anyway,"he smiled, but I could detect the whisper of hurt in his voice.

"It was because of me, wasn't it?"I asked. Nate's face fell. I knew it.

"Don't think of it that way, Shane. I mean, she wasn't worth it. It just made me realize she wasn't the one, you know? And, well, I'd much rather be here for you, and she just couldn't understand that."

"Okay,"I said in a monotone voice. Nate sighed.

"Come on, Shane, seriously, snap out of it. We all hate seeing you like this, and you're not making it any easier on yourself, or Connie and Max for that matter!"his voice level heightened towards the end of the sentence. I nodded, not really listening.

"What are you now, a doggie on a dashboard?! Come on, Shane, this isn't you, and I'm sick of it!"

I looked up, and for the first time in weeks, felt an emotion. Anger. My eyes blazed, and Nate could see it.

"Shut up, okay? Just shut up! My wife is dying, Nate! She's dying! So get the hell out of my face!"I yelled, realizing that I had backed Nate up against the wall. And he didn't even look scared.

"Shane, you still have a child who's going to need you,"he sighed, then walked away. Understanding filled my mind, and I just stood there, a bit shocked.

Nate was right.