Epilogue: "That which we are"

Food and coffee and quiet conversation. Easy camaraderie. Something new.. something Faith thought she might could get used to one day.

One day when it stopped freaking her out a bit, maybe.

She'd been surprised to find that two days had passed while she slept, evidently exhaustion and stress knocking her out for the count in the wake of that hellish fight inside of her mind. Inside? Maybe not just... from the healing wounds and bandages she could see on her companions, and the things she could feel inside when she reached for them. Slayer healing had taken care of her cuts; taken care of all except the bone deep stiffness and ache of muscle pushed too far past its limits.

She watched King, Wesley and Abby talking together, Wes's easy laugh mixing with Hannibal's sarcasm and Abby's understated, always unexpected quips. Watched Blade watching them, ghosted smile barely curving the corner of one lip. Caught the occasional glances and comments her way, drawing her in, making her a part of things rather than leaving her outside watching. Thought about people, and connections, and things. Felt something inside unbreak just a little...

And felt the itch to be moving, still.

Not because she wasn't welcome, or had to get away. Or had to run, run fast before she could get touched by the people around her, push them away before they could push first. Because she had things to do still, and they weren't here, weren't now.

She came back to the room from a long way off, reaching back into the last few minutes for something Wesley'd been saying, dredged it up.

"Huh?" Her question drew a look. "New what?"

"Well, I'm going to have to run some more tests, of course, to be sure." He looked apologetic. "But the detection charm I used before we left last night definitely registered something."

"A new Hellmouth? A tenth one?" She boggled. "I didn't think that was freaking possible?" She looked at him accusingly.

"Well.. maybe not quite," he gave her a 'not my fault!' expression. "A nascent one, definitely Maybe a baby one, certainly."

"Fuck me."

"Ha. I share the sentiment." He looked thoughtful. "And now we know how they're born, I suppose. A weak place between worlds, influx of hell energies, desire, massive amounts of Power, and large amounts of life and death energies."

"And dreams," she made a face. "Don't forget the Dreams."

"Quite."

She looked over at Abby who was eying them with something like alarm. "Congratulations. It's a Boy."

"What?!"

"You." She snickered at Abby's expression and gave her a commiserating look that was spoiled entirely by the gleam in her eye. "You're now the proud Guardian of a Baby Hellmouth. I'm SO proud. Mommy's little Apprentice's all growed up now." She sniggered.

"But but but... " Abby shot her a glower.

"Yup." Faith gave her a dark look. "I'd run like hell if I were you," she grinned.

Blade and Hannibal were giving her dark Looks. Wes kept his face studiously blank.

"Ah. It's not that bad. No Watcher's Council idiots dumped her in the middle of it with one old middle-aged geezer expecting her to croak in a few months. She's got you guys. And with the Slayer School across the river, there'll be access to backup and other people to help patrol it." She looked thoughtful. "Might not be bad for her to make contact with them... maybe get a Watcher assigned to help with instruction in the supernatural and mystical research."

Faith frowned. "I'll talk to Vi. Make sure she understands that it's up to Abby and you guys if they do. Watcher and the Council doesn't try to take her over." She grinned: "That I'll come back and kick someone's ass if that happens... assuming Blade doesn't eat them."

Blade gave her a look. "You're not staying?"

"Can't." Flat.

Wes gave her a curious look, knowing the answer already. "Not going back to the school and the IWC, then, certainly?"

"No." She shook her head. "Too much history, and I'm not sure any longer I want to be a part of making more. Not there. Especially not with me 'n Robin still raw and B pissed over my not agreeing with her view of the Universe. Not going to back down just to please them, not when I'm right." She grimaced, "I'm a square peg in a round hole there. I'm not a teacher, or an administrator, or a whatever. I'm a hunter - this is what I'm good at. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was breaking something inside trying to be something I'm not. For someone else." She looked out through a wall, speaking softly. "If we'd not blown up... I might have worked at it and made it. Or broke from trying, and then really gone back to psycho-Slayer, and hurt someone for keeps." She met his eyes. "That which I am, I am."

She grinned, "I can't be what someone else wants. I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that."

Wes nodded.

Blade looked her over. "You're welcome here." He nodded, decision made.

She shook her head, not wanting to deal with the sense of loss having to say "no" to that was going to leave behind. "I know." She met those eyes. "But I have something to do, and it's not here. Someone I have to find."

"Someone?" Wesley gave her a curious look.

"Think back to that night, Wes. In the crowd working with us... girl in a white jacket?" She saw him puzzling at it, sorting through images from that hellish jumble. "Picture with regular clothes, not as a biker's leather fantasy. Brown hair, with gold highlights - not almost black." Saw his eyes register the memory.

"Oh." Raised eyebrow. "I did. Thought she was something from the dream images?"

Faith shook her head. "No. Came in with us, not with them later. Behind Angel... didn't have time to question then. And then she was gone with you guys, and I still hadn't had time."

"Somewhere out there, I have a double. Clone. Doppleganger. Maybe a sister? Something... " She looked off into the distance. "Have to find out."

"But how? With nothing to go on?" King looked dismayed by a thought, "And what if she's not even in this dimension?" He definitely looked like he'd bitten a lemon having to even consider 'other dimension' and have to use it in a sentence.

"Heh. Dunno. I'll find out." Faith grinned. "Have to. I can feel it." She glanced at the weapons bench... "And I need to either figure out somewhere safe to put that damned sword where no one can get to it, or how to get it back to where it belongs," Faith made a face. "Guess I'm stuck with it for now," she said, "It's too damned dangerous even for the Council vaults." Wes glanced at it himself, met her eyes, and nodded. She noticed he didn't offer to lock it up in Wolfram & Hart's vaults for safekeeping, either, or else guessed that she wouldn't agree and didn't want to argue it. Too damned dangerous to trust anywhere near W&H, either, even with Angel in charge of the place.

Blade nodded. "Come back. We'll be around."

"Thanks." She laughed. "You're not rid of me that easy. I have it on Good Authority that I make an impact," she winked.

"That you do."

Nod. "Can you guys make sure Wes gets to the airport?"

...

Goodbyes...

Abby came to her room after Faith had showered and changed, sitting cross legged on the bed while she sorted out gear and packed away items and weapons. "We'll miss you."

Faith looked at her, not showing the prick of surprise that still shot through her. Put it away to save for later. "Me too, you guys." She leaned against a door frame and studied the girl that she still saw as 'younger', even though talking, she realized in her head that Abby was a couple of years older than her. "I wasn't expecting this when I stumbled into that alley to investigate those screams."

"Ha!" Abby grinned. "Neither were we."

"I'll stay in touch," she said, and was surprised to discover she meant it.

"You'd better," Abby responded. "Can't just dump an infant Hellmouth in my lap and ride off forever without a by-your-leave. You're going to have to help me pick out baby booties and a crib."

Faith grinned, "You'll do good." She went back to putting away her small amount of possessions.

"You know... that's not going to fit in that bag," Abby started as Faith took down her sword and slid it into the leather gear bag. "Uhhhh... Never mind," she finished when it disappeared completely. "Huh?!"

"Ha. Shows you." Faith winked. "Gift from a fr... kinda acquaintance. Witch. It's lots bigger inside than it looks, but anyone except me reaching in only finds clothes and toiletries and bottom."

"Handy."

"Yeah. Keeps me from having to explain to cops why I'm lugging 25" of steel and tons of knives and axes just tooling around normally," she said. "I don't worry about it when I'm patrolling."

Nod. "You take care of yourself, Faith. Don't die." She looked at the dark haired girl seriously, "And... think about what Blade and King were saying. You're not what you keep seeing yourself as. Not any more."

"I'll... try." Faith nodded. "It's not easy." Abby nodded and slipped out, left her to her business.

Blade leaned in the doorway as she was checking over her long coat for wear. "Finding it yet?" She lifted an eyebrow. "Redemption."

"And love?" She grinned as he nodded, sobered, "Not yet. Expect to be looking for some time yet."

He nodded, slightly. "Let me know if you do." He inclined his head a fraction. "I'll leave you to it."

'Ha,' she thought. 'Too late for that. You're going to be sticking with me for a long time yet, big guy. In here.'

She had a thought and said, "Blade?" He turned back and looked an inquiry at her.

"I checked on the name you gave me in the Watcher Journals. Your mother was a potential." He raised an eyebrow fractionally, then narrowed his eyes. "It would explain a few things, maybe?"

He nodded, eyes unreadable. She sighed, "Ask Wes, if you want details. He can fill them in for you."

"Thanks," he said, nodding slightly, and left. And she hoped she hadn't wrecked that fragile trust that'd been building...

Hannibal found her as she was rummaging through the fridge in the kitchen area, grabbing a snack to go with a last mug of coffee before the road. "Bill for all the groceries is on the counter." He grinned.

"Heh." She snickered, "Put it on my tab?"

"Sure." King looked at her seriously for a bit as she slid onto a stool with her coffee and a sandwich. "So... was all of that real?"

Faith shrugged. "Going to bother you, huh? Did you really save the world and get sucked into a dreamways battle? Or just get sucked into the crazy chick's psychosis?" She laughed.

"Something like that." He nodded, smiling. "I'm finding there's more to this war than just vampires and familiars. Not sure I like it."

"Magic and demons and and slayers and evil undead-oh," She finished her snack. Stood up, and drew on something inside of her. Green fire flickered around her hands, and the two curved Valdris blades she took off the Hellspawn lord came into her hands. She tapped the counter with a blade tip and let him hear it ring.

King stepped back with a 'Whoa!' expression. "All real." Faith grinned. "Welcome to the Saving the World Club. Membership dues need to be in by Samhain, latest."

"Put it on my tab," He straightened. "Wow. Fuck me. That's... "

"Freaky?" Faith nodded and made the blades go away. "Kinda freaks me too." He nodded.

"Still think you're nuts. You just managed to infect me too," he grinned and she met it with a laugh. "Here you go." He reached over and pulled a polished wooden box from a table, and handed it to her, heavy and smooth. She examined the catch and small lock, and gaped at him. He added a smaller, thicker, leather case on top. "Put them away somewhere safe until you get a chance to examine it and think about where you want to go with it."

She closed her mouth and nodded, opening her bag to slide it in. It was about the size of a small briefcase, and he started to say something, shaking his head as it disappeared. "I don't even want to know."

She laughed and he wandered off, still shaking his head. "Damn," she said.

Wesley met her by her bike. "Where are you headed first?" he asked.

She shrugged, crossing her arms. "Back across the river, first. Settle things with Vi before I go, and make sure they're closed. Pick up a few things I left. Explain what all went down, if I can. Then... ?" She shook her head. "Don't know. South for awhile."

Wes nodded. "I'll look around through when I get back, see if I can turn anything up for you."

"Thanks."

He looked thoughtful, "I'll start with the birth records. Might not be anything there, if you haven't found it, but it can't hurt."

"Hrrm. White coat... lab coat?" She frowned thoughtfully. "When I asked if she was a doctor, she said 'something like'. Medical?"

"Maybe. Hrrm... " Wesley's eyes narrowed, thinking, "Medical school records, hospitals... Without a name, it's much more difficult."

"Maybe impossible," She nodded, eyes thoughtful. "Wes? Thanks. For all... " She made a gesture that encompassed the last several days and everything.

"You're welcome. And it wasn't anything special."

"No." She shook her head. "It was."

"Quite. Right, then." He nodded, "How about: it wasn't anything you wouldn't do for Angel, or for us?"

"maybe." She nodded, meeting his eyes. "Wes, I'm not sure I managed to say this before when... " She paused, "I'm sorry."

He smiled, "It's done, Faith. What's a little spot of hot, blunt, and sharp between friends, after all?"

Her eyes clouded and he reached and took her chin and tipped it up. "Faith. It's done. It's hard to forget, but it was forgiven a long time ago." He met her eyes. "Just forgive yourself now."

He held her eyes until they cleared finally and she said, "Right."

"Right then." He looked at her bike. "Take care, Faith. Stay in touch."

She watched him walk back in, and watched the door for a long time after it closed, seeing nothing. "Damn."

'Is that what forgiveness looks like? I don't have any way to know... ' She buried the still voice inside and kicked the bike to a start.

...

She rode out by dark-thirty, heading into New York. At some point, much later, she knew she'd stop and examine the unexpected package Hannibal'd pressed on her near the end, as she was finishing up. And spend a lot of time examining the other things left behind from that, things she hadn't expected a few days back when she rode out of another place with tears blinding the road ahead of her. Much betterer.

"'For I am become a Name'. Damn' right, Slovotsky." She laughed and kicked the bike up to speed. To seek, to find, and not to yield. "Fuckin' A."

Finis