Holy cap, u guys. Sorry I didn't update. I sort of forgot. I didn't die. And sorry for all you who have been scarred for life about Rosalie's hot dog incident. I warned you! :P I hope this is an ok chapter, and I'll try to make it extra long this time. PS- I hope you guys loved breaking dawn like I did (well I've read it 5 time now.) But I'll make sure and tell you if there are any spoilers in advance just in case. In this one, the only spoiler is how Bella and Rosalie are closer, which isn't really a spoiler.
Bswan: ROSALIE!!
Rhale: what? Sheesh. Someone is a bit angry this morning.
Bswan: I wonder why. Maybe you should ask the hot dogs.
Rhale: Who, you mean Jacob? He is not a hot dog. He. Got. Food. In. My. Hair. !!
Bswan: You can be such an idiot. I'm talking about the food hot dogs. You know, the ones you had a pleasurable time with.
Rhale: I still don't get it.
Bswan: Grr. I think I have to spell it out for you. You don't have sex with hot dogs, then put them back in the fridge, then let me eat them. You don't even have sex with hot dogs period!
Rhale: Oh. I see. LOL. Has Alice told you anything about your party yet?
Bswan: No. She just ran off. Do you know anything?
Rhale: Why don't you ask Emmett. He's on the party planning committee. He knows best for a party like this.
Bswan: Maybe I will.
…Rhale has left the room…
…Emcullen has entered the room…
Emcullen: Hey Bella-hump-arella. I mean Bella-hump-edward.
Bswan: Will you stop that, retard!
Emcullen: No. I think Bella-humps-umbrella sounds kind of cool too.
Bswan: Shut up! Just tell me what your doing for my sex party.
Emcullen: But I'm a retard.
Bswan: I'll give you a quarter if you tell me.
Emcullen: Deal!
Bswan: My point exactly.
Emcullen: Ok, so my ideas were to sort of have a book club type thingy. First, you talk about your favorite positions, then how many times you've done it, then describe your best sex, describe your worst sex, and then bring your sex toys and pass them around.
Bswan: Ohmygod. I need to stop this insanity! I wouldn't touch your sex toys even for a million bucks! Do you know how embarrassed Carlisle and Esme would be? They are practically our parents!
Emcullen: So? They thought it was a good idea.
Bswan: Until they hear the 'Activities' you have planned!
Emcullen: whatever. I guess you havn't been around long enough to know how active Carlisle and Esme are. They do it more than Jasperkins and Alice x2!
Bswan: How much sex can you really have?
Emcullen: I don't know. Me and Rose do it like 10 times a day.
Bswan: And yet you have time to sit here and chat with me…
Emcullen: Just think about it geographically. There are 17 hours in the day. If each time is 1 hour, that makes like 10 hours, leaving 5 hours. Then, if we hunt for another hours, that's 4. Then we have the last 4 hours to talk and have breaks and stuff.
Bswan: You lost me at geographically. But based off of your calculations, I see that you do have plenty of time.
Emcullen: Shweet. I'm awesome.
Bswan: Oh yeah, does Edward know about this?
Emcullen: About my sex life or my geo skills?
Bswan: About the party. And its not geography Emmett, it's called math.
Emcullen: He doesn't know about the party… yet.
Bswan: Why?
Emcullen: It's a surprise party!
Bswan: But I already know about it.
Emcullen: Oh… I didn't think that through.
Bswan: Of course you didn't…
…Bswan has left the room…
Emcullen: What is that supposed to mean?? Bella?? Yoo-hoo??