An update?? From me?! Your lying!! Nope…it's the truth. I know I'm bad and have been so lazy I'm really sorry. My motivation sucks, which is weird because I love to write. If you guys could do me a favor..can one person or a few it doesn't really matter PM me once a week and just harass me until I update. I think that's the only way I'm going to get this story done!! In the next chapter there will be a lot more dialogue, a lot more Edward and Bella talking. This is just an inside into Bella's mind and what she's going through. Thanks for hanging in there. I know it's been a while. I couldn't ask for more amazing fans of this story. I really truly love you guys. If you have any questions at all or just want to talk to me about the story or whatever, feel free to PM me anytime. I'll write back!! Thank you so much. Serene Twilight.
I don't know how long I sat there. When you're immortal, time has no significance to you. Hours blend into days and days into years. Don left me to my thoughts, slowly unbinding himself from my harsh embrace.
I couldn't even look at him. I felt his eyes bore into my back, his sympathy and pity surrounded the air until it was almost tangible. He was my best friend and my worst enemy. There comes a time when your heart has gone through so much strain you lock yourself away from the people who have burdened it. Like a delicate flower it can only take so much before it withers away. Dead like the pulse that once ran it.
Throughout my entire existence I always had a plan for myself. There was never a minute of self doubt or reliance. I was the one in command of my own future; I was independent unlike the rest of my family. I prided myself on it. But now, everything was different.
Never before had I felt so lost. So alone. I was backed into a corner with no way out. Where did my life go wrong? Had it been empty from the beginning? Or has it recently turned its back on me? I knew within myself it wasn't the latter. For the first time in my life I felt…alive. When I was with Edward nothing mattered. My family, my past, nothing. It was just us. Just Edward and Bella. No last names, no fighting, just blissful love.
That's what I mean about feeling alive. Even while I had a pulse I don't think I ever truly LIVED. It was as if with him, I could finally breathe and feel it in my lungs. I could smile and not feel as if I was faking emotion for the sake of others. He was the key to my misfortune yet also my demise.
In a crisis situation you always hear you're supposed to re-evaluate your life. Take out the bad and replace it with the good. But at what cost? Donavon's life? Edwards?
Unbearable. The mere thought of losing them made my heart ache in places I never knew existed. Donavon was the only family I had. The others were simply accessories to my parent's lives. They were not a part of me. But, Don…he had been there though everything. He was my protector.
I remember one night a few years ago, we took a vacation to Paris. Big brother and little sister. So to speak. I had never seen the Eiffel tower; I was so excited to go. All smiles. As the lights danced reflecting
the metal of the towers my eyes widened and brightened. The sight to beautiful I could almost feel my eyes watering. Almost. I wanted to go around to the side of the tower to see different perspectives, I told him to stay where he was. Needless to say luck never was one to stay on my side for long. We were more like polar opposites, luck and I. So when I dipped between arches and curved around corners three vampires tried to attack me. Don was there by my side in an instance. No need for my power, he took care of them before I even had a chance to realize what was going on. I was shell shocked; I had never encountered an enemy until that night. I had no idea vampires would even attack their own kind. Apparently I was wrong.
I had never seen him so bare. So raw. He was beautiful and astonishingly frightening at the same time. He was so fast, so strong. The three of them never even stood a chance against him. He was the alpha vampire. After the fight he came over to me where I was sitting on the pavement, cowering away. His hand rested on my shoulder and I remember shrinking away from him. I just couldn't get the image of his barbarian demeanor out of my head. Also I would never admit it, even if he asked me now years later, I was terrified of him. I prayed I would never have to see that side of him again. He sat down next to me and said "I will always be here to protect you, even if it's the death of me"
And now, sitting in the grass that's what I feared most. Even if it's the death of me. Those words which are used metaphorically by millions, simply as a phrase of reassurance were the ones that cut into my core.
I would lose him. I knew it now, it was clear as day. And I wondered why it hadn't hit me before. In my mind there were only three possible outcomes. Edward fights Don and kills him. Don tells the family he is leaving and they kill him on behalf of betrayal. Or the most likely…I pushed it out of my mind immediately. I couldn't even fathom it.
Losing Don would break me. But losing Edward…that would kill me. I don't think I could ever recover from a broken heart. My body didn't have enough will to fight. I would let my sorrow take me. Capture me, until I was no longer acquainted with this earth. I knew with his death would come my own.
Maybe it didn't have to be this way. Maybe I didn't have to lose either. All I had to do is warn Edward and talk to Don. We could work something out.
We had to.
I had to see Edward.
12:00 am
I sent a human boy to Edward's house. He was a pizza boy, I told him to deliver a letter to Edward and pretend he was at the wrong house. I had to bribe him of course, but I needed to see Edward. And this plan was flawless. He was to meet me at 12:00 at my cabin in Port Angeles. No one knew about this place. I bought it a few years ago to give myself some privacy. I rarely came here anymore since we moved in. I never got around to decorating it.
My back was facing the door he was so quiet, so unbelievably ghost like no one would have noticed he was there. Vampire or not. I was different though, it was as though he was already a part of me. I felt him. Every step, ever breathe so familiar to me. I turned around quickly eager to meet his brilliant eyes.
He was wet, soaked. I hadn't even noticed it was storming. In fact, I hadn't noticed anything around me for the past few hours. His tee shirt clung to his sculpted muscles beautifully exaggerating his build with every breath he drew. His hair stuck together in little pieces around his eyes, in such beautiful disarray. And those eyes. Those eyes that shown so bright it almost knocked my breath away. He was so beautiful, so statuesque.
He walked toward me slowly, his eyes never leaving my own. I was frozen, I couldn't even move if I wanted to. And just when he was a foot away from me he stopped. He looked me over. As if he was reading into me, as if the sight of me portrayed all of my secrets and all of my sorrow. All of my emotions, my entire life was an open book to him.
"Edward I-"
And he kissed me. Not in a gentle lovers embrace kind of way. This was more rough, rigid, and it scared me to death. Not because of the way he grabbed my hips and pushed his lips against mine, slowly backing us into the wall. Not because his hands caressed every part of me through the thin fabric of my shirt or the way his hand linked around my leg and hiked it up to his hip. But because it felt as if he were fighting the inevitable. As if he felt this was the last time we would ever be together.
I could feel his rage as his tongue parted my lips, his sorrow as his hand moved up and down my torso, his love as he held my face in between his strong hands.
And with all of this, all of his pent up energy and suffering as well as my own I grabbed on to him and vowed I would never let him go.
Even if it's the death of me.
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