Xander wandered boredly down the main street of Sunnydale, with his hands in his pockets as he strolled past small shop windows, stopping every once in a while to peer through the glass at some object of desire much to expensive for him to afford. It didn't stop him from day dreaming though. With a sad smile he continued along the footpath, his shoulders slightly hunched as he stared at the ground beneath his feet, hardly looking more than a meter ahead as he went. He looked up as he reached the espresso pump, his eyes scanning over the customers seated inside till he found the girl he was looking for. Buffy was seated a table near the entrance with a view of the street, staring intently at her coffee as she stirred her spoon through in slowly in hypnotic circles.
"Hey Buff" he greeted her with a grin, pulling her out of a coffee trance as he spoke "What's up? You seem to be playing with your ice mocha more than drinking it. I thought the Buffster lived for her caffeinated beverages. Though I guess after that incident last month when you had a couple too many ice coffee's and..." he trailed off, causing the blonde to giggle as she watched him remembering. She had been a little past hyper and over excited, and then she got really jumpy.
"Hey Xan, take a seat" she offered him, pointing to the one across from him before finally taking her first sip... it had gone a little cold since she ordered it a good twenty minutes ago. She'd gotten completely lost in thought... about Willow. The red head just wouldn't leave her head. Buffy kept imagining what could happen if she told her best friend and it all went wrong. She could totally stuff everything up, and what with them sharing a dorm now and all it would be an even bigger disaster. She cringed at the thought as it yet again invaded her mind and instead tried to concentrate on Xander. He'd called her up earlier, not that long after she'd left Giles' house, and said he had to talk to her about something. Right about now, coffee probably wasn't a very good thing anyway as it would probably just make her very jumpy.
"Look Buff, it's about Willow.." he muttered as he looked her in the eyes and the blondes cheeks quickly turned a dark shade of red "and it's about you. You really haven't been yourself. What's been up with you lately?..." he continued on but by that point Buffy had already zoned out of the conversation, instead getting lost in her own worried thoughts. 'He knows, doesn't he? Oh god look at his face. He definitely knows. "It's about Willow and It's about you"?? He knows for sure. What do I do?' she wondered to herself.
"Look Xander I know what your going to say and... I just don't know how it happened. One day I loved Willow as a friend and the next, I loved her as so much more. I can't stop feeling this way. I mean she's my best friend and I don't want to ruin that. I don't what to do Xan. God... oh please don't tell Will!" she begged him, her bottom lip curling into an adorable pout as she looked up at him with big pale green eyes so innocently his heart melted. Xander stared back at her shocked. Did she just say what he thought he just heard her say?... This was perfect! He'd told Willow all along that she had a chance, as a best friend always should, but deep down he was a little unsure. He'd never thought Buffy could be, would be... gay? He smiled as he took her hands in his.
"This is great!" he exclaimed excitedly "this is perfect this is... Buff you've got to tell her" he grinned giddily, finally his two best friends could be together and be happy. Buffy just looked at him silently, very confused at his sudden and ecstatic out burst and advice after what she'd just told him.
"What? Are you insane? Will would freak! And then she'd tell me I was a freak and she never wanted to see me again" the blonde told him, hot salty tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes as her pouty lip began to wobble "And I don't ever want that to happen, even if it means loving her forever and her never knowing. I can't do it Xan... Please do you promise? Do you promise me you'll never tell her?" she muttered as a tear rolled down her cheek and dropped into the cold coffee she held in her hands. Xander scorned himself mentally. What was he thinking? Neither of them knew how the other felt yet (obviously!), and as long as they didn't neither was going to speak up because they thought there was no hope... Could he just tell one of them? But no... that would be breaking their trust. He'd vowed to Will he'd never tell Buffy. But did these rules and laws of friendship change in a situation like this? The brunette looked down at his hands and nodded sadly before looking back up and giving her a small, reassuring smile.
"Sure Buff, off course I promise. But umm... seriously, think about telling her. I don't think she'll react half as badly as you think she will. In fact, I think there's a fair chance she'll react the way you always dreamed she would" he told her, reaching out again to squeeze her hand "anyway, let's get you a nice steaming cup of hot chocolate, the best medicine for a broken heart. You seem to have cried in your coffee" he grinned at her, and the blonde allowed a small giggle to escape her mouth as he took her now cold coffee with him to the counter. Buffy sighed as she watched him go. Could he possibly be right? Could she seriously have a chance with Willow if she just admitted her feelings?
X.x.X.x.X
The library was dim, lit only by fluorescent lights, and the tall rows and rows of stacks cast a shadow over the small red head sitting on the floor way back in the geography section. She sat with her knee's to her chest, one arm wrapped around them while she used the other to hold up an old worn book. It wasn't a library book, it was one of her own. Her favorite book since she was a kid. She'd mainly read factual stuff, even from a young age. Every week she'd bought national geographic and ripped through it in only a couple of hours. When it came to fiction however, her very favorite children's book was 'Drac and the Gremlin' by Allan Baillie with it's amazing illustrations by Jane Tanner. She opened the thin book up to the first page and began to read 'Shhh! Quiet... Drac, the Warrior Queen of Tirnol Two, is in terrible danger. She is fearless, as fast as a whirlwind, as wise as the White Wizard ...' she smiled looking over at the illustration on the next page. The young blonde warrior princess from this book reminded her a bit of Buffy, of what she may have looked like eight years ago before they'd even met. She flicked through the book, looking at the pictures which told a story in themselves. She smiled before placing the book down on the floor beside her and sighing heavily.
"Xander, what are we doing in a library? We both no neither of us are particularly literary, apart from demon research!" the red head looked up at the sound of the familiar voice, leaning over to peer past the book shelf that towered over her out into the walkway down the centre of the maze of stacks "wait a second.. is this something to do with Willow? We've been over this Xander. Never-going-to-happen!" the blonde exclaimed. Willow frowned, trying to blink back tears at her best friends harsh words. Had Xander tried to convince Buffy to go out with her? Well, it seemed that if so, Buffy had no interest what's so ever. The red head couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. 'Never going to happen'? The tears trickled down her face and dripped into her lap and her breathing became hoarse and shallow.
"Will?" she looked up to see only the blurry image of her two friends standing before her through the tears distorting her vision, the blonde rushing forward to kneel beside her "Will, what's the matter? Are you okay?" she asked sincerely, tucking the other girls fiery red hair back behind her ear and wiping a salty tear from her cheek. She looked back to Xander only to find him already gone. She frowned, this was probably his plan all along. Find Willow and then leave Buffy alone with her so they could talk it out. How was she supposed to tell Willow how she really felt when she was so upset though? Was this a left over Oz thing? She bit her lip as she looked back down at the sniffling red head and wrapped the other girl in her arms.
"Never going to happen..." Willow muttered, half to herself as she found her self in the firm but gentle embrace of the strong slayer, causing her to blush as the other girl pulled back and pulled a face of slight confusion at hearing the red head repeat what she had said moments earlier "No-one will ever want me again, not like Oz did. N..never love me back..." she mumbled, her speech slightly impaired by her violent, squeaky sobs that interrupted mid sentence as her eyes began to water again. The blonde frowned and shook her head at Willow, stroking the others girls soft red hair lovingly as she spoke.
"That is not true Will! There is so much to love about you. Your gorgeous green eyes always filled with life, your adorable little nose" she reached out a slightly quivering finger to touch the tip of the red heads nose, making the other girl smile slightly "and you just have the sweetest smile, with those delicate pink lips..." Buffy's fingers trailed down to outline the other girls lips, causing Willow to shiver visibly before the blonde quickly pulled away, blushing ferociously "a...and off course your other good qualities like your hugely smart brain and cute quirkiness and the way you stutter when your nervous and the look you get on your face when you know your right and I'm wrong and my god the way you can be so stubborn and... " she trailed off, now having made herself blush even more. By now however Willow was grinning giddily. Having Buffy list all her good qualities made her feel all warm inside and gave her an adrenalin rush. An awkward silence fell over them as they sat on the library floor, neither daring to speak a word.