I Am Not!
Chapter 2: I Am NOT a Sex Toy!
Sasori glared out at the audience, which was, for the most part, still laughing at Deidara.
"Ahem, are you done now? I'd like to get this over with!"
His icy stare just wasn't very scary when he wasn't in Hiruko. Sasori sighed and waited for the guffaws and cackles and snickers to stop.
"Finally. I'd just like to say that first off, I am not a ten year old boy, and no, I was NEVER sexually assaulted by Orochimaru. Honestly, people, he was after Itachi. Not me."
Sasori happened to lock eyes with just that same snaky old man, who had scored a front row seat and was flicking his tongue out as only Orochimaru can.
Sasori quickly looked away, shifting uncomfortably under the bright lights.
"Um…yeah. I'm a puppet, and I have no sexual drive whatsoever. I do NOT do perverse things with furniture polish AKA Pledge, and I most certainly do NOT let Deidara practice his ventriloquist act on me!
"You people need to be stopped! I do NOT have a collection of special…attachments for sexual pleasure! I do NOT make sex dolls of any kind….and most of all…"
Sasori takes a moment to sweep his prettily angry brown eyes around the room…
"I am NOT a sex toy, damn it!"
The crowd, as one, stood up and whooped and whistled. The very fact that Sasori, the eternally sexy puppet with the shock of blood red hair, had said 'sex toy' had sent every fangirl in the audience into an uproar.
"OMG he said sex toy! EEEEE!"
"Sh, maybe he'll say "puppet porn" next. I'll simply DIE!"
Sasori rolled his eyes and twirled on his heel, stalking away.
Deidara happened to be standing there right at the edge of the stage, and he was grinning wickedly at the puppet.
"What?" Sasori asked as he handed the microphone to the next member, Itachi, who had to grope for the mike twice before he finally found it.
"Sasori no Danna, un! Why did you lie to the public, hm?"
Sasori's eyes widened.
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Ha ha ha, Danna, you're funny, un!"
"Hey, put me down!" Sasori yelped as Deidara slung the puppet over his shoulder and ran off, giggling like mad.
Deidara planned on making good use of his Danna and his…attachments…
A/N: Itachi next! He had to grope for the mike cuz he can't see it! And if you don't understand the comment about the Pledge...you have not lived! Go read one of my other humor stories!