I Am Not!
Chapter 3: I Am NOT Blind!
Itachi got to the center of the stage, and stared stonily in the wrong direction (as in, the set instead of the crowd XD).
"I have heard rumors that people are under the impression that I am blind. This is certainly not true. I am NOT blind! Why, I can see all of you perfectly fine. With my Sharingan, I can even see your chakra."
Kisame suddenly ran onto the stage and leaned over to whisper "You're turned the wrong way" into Itachi's ear. Itachi stood there frozen for a moment, and then nodded.
"Ah…"
Itachi turned around the right way, and glared stonily at the crowd, which this time, could actually see him do it.
Kisame looked nervously out at the sea of fangirls and fanboys, and rushed back off the stage.
A few people requested fish sticks. No one got any.
"I have also heard other rumors…much more unpleasant. One states that I am sexually assaulting my own brother. Foolish fangirls…I am NOT an incestual homosexual man. I am completely devoid of any sexual urges whatsoever. Uchihas don't fuck, to put it simply."
"I thought it was 'Uchihas don't joke!'" one fanboy asked (who was really just Orochimaru disguised as a random boy the snake had killed prior to the show).
"Yes…that is ALSO true. I have no sense of humor, because humor is a sign of weakness."
There was a long pause, in which people coughed, muttered other rude rumors about the Uchiha, or shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
"While we're on the subject of my sex life, I would like to clear up another rumor. I most definitely do NOT abuse animals or partake in bestiality. I do NOT enjoy quote unquote "water aerobics" and I have NEVER suffered a shark bite. In short, I am NOT fucking Kisame."
The crowd burst into laughter as one, and Itachi sighed dramatically.
Someone requested fish sticks again. Sadly, they were denied yet again.
"I believe that is all I have to say. Now I'll give this mike to Kisame, and if you make him cry, I will hurl you into your own personal hell, and I assure you…you will NOT survive it."
Itachi started walking the wrong way, tripped over the mike cord, and toppled off of the stage and into the crowd.
Fans started to tear at the Uchiha with their grab happy claws until Kisame came to the rescue, swinging his Samehada around like a stoned ape with a baseball bat.
A/N: Yeah...SURE you aren't into Uchihacest or bestiality, Itachi! Suuuure...next is Kisame, of course! What does he claim that he definitely is NOT? Wait, and you shall see!