Chapter 4: I Am NOT a Fish!

Kisame rescued Itachi and sat him in his chair in the back of the stage. When he came back out, holding the mike, he glared out at the crazed crowd with angry little beady eyes.

"Before I rant about what I am NOT, I would like to say something to all of you fangirls out there. You're all fucking insane! Leave all of us alone! Last week, someone sent me a fish bowl wearing used panties! I will not have this anymore!"

"We love you 'Same-kun!" a quartet of fangirls said, holding up an old Jaws film poster. Kisame shook his head in disgust, sighing.

"I am SO sick of that Jaws joke…let me tell you people, I may look somewhat like it…but I am NOT a fish! These lines under my eyes are not gills! It was a bad joke, okay? Zabuza drew this shit on my face with a Sharpie when I was sleeping off a hangover one day, alright?"

Suddenly, a door in the back of the room burst open, and a chibi spouting obscenities ran in a zig zag pattern through the rows of seats and leapt catlike onto the stage. She grinned maniacally up at Kisame, who blinked down at her, shocked by her eerie fangirl-ness. When she grabbed him in a bone crushing hug, Kisame snapped out of it.

"Security!" Kisame bellowed, and the Konoha Anbu barged in, seizing the crazed fangirl and strapping her into a straight jacket.

"NO! NOOOOOO!" she cried as she was dragged away. When she was thrown out, Kisame coughed.

"Uh…yeah…where was I?"

"I heard you got banned from the beach!" someone yelled out. Kisame blushed.

"It wasn't my fault! That stupid dolphin was starting shit, alright?"

Someone requested fish sticks. For the third damned time.

"Damn you people and your fish sticks! I am NOT a fish, I do NOT read National Geographic magazines or Fisherman's Digest as if they were porn, and I certainly do NOT watch Shark Week religiously! Fuck!"

Another pause. Someone requested reenactments from "Finding Nemo." The Samehada soared through the air, promptly shaving off that obnoxious audience member's head.

Kisame caught his Samehada as it returned to his hand, and pointed it warningly at the crowd.

"Anyone else want any requests?"

Crickets chirped. A half black, half white tumbleweed rolled across the stage.

"That's what I thought. Hm…I think I ranted about the fish thing enough…I guess I'm done then."

Kisame turned to leave, but another fangirl ran up to him holding out a bowl.

"Look, Kisa-chan, I made you shark fin soup!"

Kisame paled as he stared at it, recognizing the fin.

"Oh my God…Uncle Dave!" Kisame cried in horror, sobbing as he ran off to the side of the stage.

Itachi stumbled back out, holding a kunai in his hand, Mangekyou Sharingan activated.

"I TOLD you people not to make him cry…" Itachi said darkly, and started throwing weapons in all directions.

A/N: Yeah…I sort of included ThiefSuzy in this…she's the girl that got put in a straight jacket. And I sort of included something Nekokyuurei said in his review…sort of…heh…but I'm giving him credit for the beach thing, okay?

Next chapter is Konan! "I Am NOT a Piñata!" (Among other things )

Oh, and no more requests to be in this story! If you want to be written into one of my stories, go to the garage sale! Someone needs to buy the Gumby mailbox! That would be fun! (Advertising one story in another one…shameful! XP)