I do not own Teen Titans. They belong to DC Comics and Warner Bros.
"Okay, let me get this straight. You found a kid, in a box, in an alleyway. And it said what again?" Cyborg held a Cheshire grin across his face; it was obvious he was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Look Cyborg, this isn't a joke alright—"
"Mamma. Dada." Beast Boy fluttered his eyes as he cut Robin off.
At the moment, the Titans were gathered around the dining table, and on top of the table was a box containing a baby. Both Robin and Raven were glaring across the table at Beast Boy, who was pulling the most ridiculous faces. Beast Boy and Cyborg were having a kick out of the whole situation, especially the part where Robin and Raven had become parental substitutes. Starfire though, was cooing over the child; it might as well have been another oversized silk worm.
"It is the most precious thing I have ever looked upon!" She exclaimed. "It has the tiniest nose, and the tiniest hands, and the tiniest fingers, and the tiniest—"
"We get it Starfire; the baby is small in size." Raven interjected.
"Yes it is!" The alien lowered her head toward the child. "Oh hello there little….little…" She looked up. "Please, what is that child's name?"
"Um, it doesn't have one. Well, at least we're not aware—"
"This can not be!" Robin was cut off for a second time. "How can any being not have a name?"
"Don't worry Star," Beast Boy happily replied.
"We'll give it one." Cyborg finished for him.
"We will not." Raven stated.
Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire looked up at her with confusion in their eyes.
"Raven's right, guys. We can't keep this baby, so it's best if we don't get too attached. Giving the baby a name might bring us closer to it." Robin was finally able to finish uninterrupted.
Yeah, I guess you're right," Cyborg was the first to reply.
"But—"
"No buts Starfire. Titans Tower is not where a baby belongs. We're going to have to start searching for its parents soon, they might already be worried."
"Yeah, but Robbie, you found the baby in an alleyway. Who leaves a baby in an alleyway?"
"Cy's right, what if the parents don't want—" Beat Boy paused to sniff the air. "Do you guys smell that?"
The rest of the Titans sniffed the air. The looks of curiosity on their faces quickly became disgust as a foul smell entered each of their nostrils.
"Ehh"
The five Titans lowered their gaze to look at the wriggling baby, and, evidently, the source of the smell.
"This just keeps getting better and better." Raven drawled.
"Yeah, but uh, who's gonna change it?" Cyborg asked.
It was silent for a while as the Titans continued to look at the baby.
"Nose Goes!" Beast Boy yelled; he abruptly shoved his finger on his nose. Robin and Cyborg were quick to follow. Raven and Starfire, however, stared at the three boys. "No way. You two can not tell me that you don't know what Nose Goes is." Beast Boy was in shock. The two girls continued to look confused. "I know, what about Viking King?" The green teenager moved his hands to his temples, with his pointer fingers pointing upwards, giving him the appearance of having horns. Next to him, Cyborg began making rowing motions with his arms.
"I don't even know that one." Robin put in.
"Wow, what do you know, all of this nonsense has done nothing what-so-ever to lessen the stench." Raven growled.
"I shall do it then." Starfire offered. The other Titans looked relieved. "But I believe I am in need of one of these contraptions." Moving part of the blankets aside, she pointed to the diaper wrapped around the baby's lower body.
"Sorry Star, we're fresh out of diapers. We got rid of the last ones we had after B.B. was finally potty trained last week." Cyborg joked.
"Dude, you're hilarious."
"I'll get them," Raven sighed. "It'll take me less time. I'll also pick up some baby stuff that we may need." And with that, she teleported out of the tower.
"Thanks Star." Robin was still relived that he wasn't the one doing the dirty work.
"You are most welcome, but I am afraid to say that I am unaware of how to change a diaper."
"Oh," Cyborg muttered. "Um, well I guess I could look up "How to Change a Diaper" on the Internet. I'm sure there'll be something." He trailed off.
"Yes, that would be lovely, thank you Cyborg."
"No problem," He turned around and slowly walked over to the Titans mainframe.
"Dude, are babies hard to take care of or what?"
"You haven't even done anything," Robin looked down at the baby. At the moment it was sucking on its left foot. Yum... Robin thought sarcastically. The baby looked up at him, and then giggled; releasing its foot from its mouth it reached up to him with anticipation.
"Ehh, dada, dadaaaa."
Robin raised his eyebrows. "Um, maybe later, after you've been changed." The child continued to grab for him. Robin was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
At that moment, Raven teleported back in. She was carrying several baby supplies in a bubble of black aura. "Okay, so I've got diapers, bottles, and some rattles. We can get more supplies if we need to later."
"And I've got the instructions on how to change a diaper." Cyborg said from the mainframe. He printed out the instructions, walked back, and handed them to Starfire.
"I shall proceed then." Starfire began tugging at the diaper around the baby's waist.
"Oh, God, Star! Don't change that thing in here! Do it somewhere else." Cyborg was not up for watching a baby getting changed.
Starfire raised her eyebrows. "If you say so." She gathered up the box, the instructions, and a diaper, and headed out the door.
"Dude, I'll get some soy milk ready for the baby when it gets back."
"Are you kidding me? We're not feeding the little tyke soy milk." Cyborg argued.
"Oh yeah? Why not?"
"Babies need protein to grow, Beast Boy. It needs plenty of milk, actual milk." Robin said.
"Fine," Beast Boy muttered. "Un-soy milk it is then." He took a bottle and went into the kitchen.
Over ten minutes had passed when Starfire came back through the automatic doors. "There! Our little friend is all clean! Although he was very difficult to change…" She set the box back on the dining table.
"He?" Raven asked. She walked over with a milk filled bottle in her hand. She raised the baby's torso and began feeding it. The baby guzzled the milk. Raven didn't seem to be enjoying herself at all.
"Yes Raven, he in fact has the body part that classifies him as a male."
Raven gave her a sidelong look. She removed the empty bottle from the baby's mouth and laid him back down. He burped and splayed a satisfied look across his small face.
"Perfect," Beast Boy exclaimed. "I have the perfect name for him." He paused for effect as he glanced around at the other Titans. "Robin Junior." The green teenager wiggled his eyebrows.
"Seriously, stop it. We're not naming him; especially after me."
"Shh," Cyborg whispered. He was looking down at the baby, who was still in the box. "Robin Jr. is sleeping." Sure enough "Robin Jr.'s" eyelids were drooping.
"I thought I just said—"
"Don't bother," Raven put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll deal with the baby tomorrow."
"Right, well, it is pretty late. Titans get some sleep; we've got a lot of work to do tomorrow." He looked down at the peacefully sleeping baby. "We've got parents to find."
"I shall keep the baby in my room?"
"If you want, Star." Robin answered.
"Just as long as he isn't bunking with me." Raven muttered.
Raven and Robin were the first to leave. Starfire gathered the box containing the sleeping baby in her arms.
"Yeah, guys," Cyborg yawned. "Get a lot of rest; tomorrow we're going to be working long and hard." He headed through the automatic double doors.
"Heh, that's what she said."
"No Beast Boy, Cyborg is a he."
"You know what Star, just forget it. Seriously."
So there's chaper two. Hope you like. It was very fun to write, actually. I know nothing much has happened, I just felt like having one whole chappie of the Titans trying to get used to having a baby around. Although, I've never taken care of a six month old baby before, so I'm just winging it. If anyone has baby tips for me, I'll gladly have them! Until next time...