By Selim
Rating: M
Summary: It looked like an innocent alchemy book, but it was anything but. After activating it, Edward becomes a four year old child in body and mind and the only person eligible to take care of this child is a reluctant Colonel Mustang.
Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist Pairings: Roy + Edward
Thank you (and sorry for not updating recently): (FF) Demonskid, shadows-insanity, Evil Ball of Fluff, Syao9, KeveTenjoin, Mieko8804, EmoNekoNinja, InuyashanKagomerlovers, TuffChick, Gothic-InuFluffy, KissMehYaoiLuvinArse, Kyothefallenkit, SoSickOfNyQuil, Theo Darkstar, Puppylovepyro, (AFF) Amethyst-Eyed Koneko, Eremi22, Your Burden, Anon, Rucina Dema, and Kags21
Notes: Last chapter a lot of people were like "gasp, obviously a guy named "butt-ram" can't be trusted." Thought I'd spread some light. Buttram is actually the last name of a family friend. I'm not good with coming up names, I choose last names from families close to my own. Randy Buttram, a good friend of my dads, has three children from his first marriage, two from the second and respects all the kids in my family like his own. Sorta like a godfather for us when my dad brought him home eighteen years ago in Germany and said "Honey, I found him at the comic book store, can I keep him?" (True Story).
"Mister Roy..." A squeaky voice whined. Cracking open his eyes, Roy noted it wasn't even dawn outside his window, meaning there was no reason for Ed to be up. Groaning, the adult threw his hand over his head and tried to go back to sleep, hoping the child would return to bed and wait until morning before bothering anyone else. "Mister Roy, I had a scary dream. Mommy was hurt..."
"Mm. Hm." Roy tossed onto his side.
The little voice broke with a hiccup. "Al was crying and mommy was screaming. And I was crying. And there was lots of blood. My arm hurts..." The last phrase came off in a wail. The colonel sat up, finding himself unable to sleep as his body was pounced on by a blond haired, golden eyed Ed. "I was scared!"
Full Metal's memories? Roy bit back a yawn as he wrapped his arms around the child and started towards the back room to ease the child to sleep again. "Your mother's fine," he lied smoothly, "So is Al. In fact, she called me not to long ago, wanting know how her little boy was doing." For a second, he thought the child wasn't going to believe him, but a wide smile replaced the obscure look before Ed squealed in delight. "See? Even Al was there, but he was sleeping. Just like you're suppose to be." His bedroom door was wide open and rumpled bedding greeted him on the floor. Picking his comforter up, Roy placed Ed on the bed where his hand's touched something wet. And smelly. Dear God. No! Pulling Ed off the bed and on the floor, Roy ran his hand over the wet spot again and brought it near his face. As he expected. Urine. "Ed!"
Sobbing, again, the boy grabbed his large shirt. Reaching for his bedside lamp, Roy turned on the lights. The front of Ed's pajamas was wet, meaning it hadn't been too long since he'd peed. "I had an accident." Ed finally admitted. "I was really scared!" He explained loudly, fat tears rolling down his face.
Groaning Roy dropped his head onto his chest. His bed! He'll get his revenge, the dark side of him yelled. FullMetal's paycheck was always open to shots when the boy destroyed other's property. Grabbing the blankets and sheets, Roy tossed them in a basket in the corner, reminding himself to do some clothes washing before he headed to work. "Get undressed." He instructed. Ed rushed to tug off all his clothes, replacing them with an oversize shirt from Roy's closet. Sighing, Roy lifted the little boy into his arms and returned to his couch in the living room. Ed spread out above him as the older of the two tried to fall asleep again.
"Where's your mommy?"
Roy yawned. "Probably sleeping."
"Doesn't she live with you, mister Roy?"
"I'd kill myself if she did." She was always on his ass about everything. Criticizing the choices he'd made with his life. He'd sooner live with the devil than his mother. At least then his apartment would be toasty during the cold, winter months. "But that's none of your concern, go to sleep or something." Silence fell between the two before Ed began clicking his tongue. Tensing, Roy tried to tune it out but the clicking became watery noises from the child's lips. Roy's eyes were thrown open. "What are you doing, Ed?"
The child was quiet before answering, "'nut'in."
"Ugh. Just. Go. To. Sleep."
"Okay."
One cup of coffee just wasn't enough. Groaning, Roy rubbed his temples as Ed jumped around on the couch as the radio played a story about a private eye investigating the murder of his wife. With his fingers cocked in an 'L' shape, the small blond was screeching out 'bangs' as he ran across the room, no longer concerned on who murdered the woman. Running towards Roy, the child touched the colonel's stomach. "Bang!"
The dark haired man quirked an eyebrow.
"Bang! You're dead!" Ed tried again with conviction.
Now, any parent would play along. Grab their chest and fall to the ground, all the while groaning out "Oh! You got me!" But this was the stoic colonel Mustang, a bachelor in the military. A womanizer at his best. His 'rules' simply stated there were no playing games as stupid as detectives. Besides, he would never be brought down by a simple 'boom'. That and his head hurt. "Go away, Edward."
"Bang! Bang!" Ed tried again.
"Go away!" Biting back a sniffle, the small child stuck out his tongue and ran for the door. "Don't leave the apartment complex, Ed." Roy muttered in his coffee. Again the blond stuck out of tongue, slipped on his recently purchased shoes (a gift from Hawkeye of all people) and rushed out the door. When the boy was completely gone, Roy reached his hand into a shelf, pulled out some gin and took a gulp of it. The burning sensation neutralized his headache and greeted him for the new day.
He assumed it was ten minutes later that someone started knocking on his door. Groaning, Roy stood up and wobbled towards it. "Hello?" He asked, opening the door.
Ashley Blakeman was an aging woman who'd seen so many events during the turn of the century, she was practically an encyclopedia. Her gray hair was always up in a bun and, though she needed them, she never wore her glasses considering them unladylike. She wore dresses that even Roy knew were no longer worn by women and past all her knowledge on what had happened until today, she was stubborn and never caught up on the times in her own life. "Mr. Roy," she spoke sternly, "We've been neighbors for a long time and I've put up with your antics without a question. Even when you came out of your apartment in your long johns!"
"It was a cool day." Roy reasoned.
"I'm sure, but that's not why I'm here. I went outside just a second ago to water my petunias only to find your bastard child tearing them apart." She tapped her foot.
Roy frowned. "...Bastard child?" From behind the woman, Edward glanced at him with sad eyes. "Apologize for stepping on Mrs. Blakeman's flowers, Ed."
The child frowned, running to Roy to grab the man's pant leg. Clutching on, he stared up with wide eyes full of hope that Roy wouldn't make him have to apologize, but the sharp look from the colonel said otherwise. Again, Ed turned back to the aging woman. He bit his lip. "The enemy was in it and I went in to catch him."
Smiling, Roy placed his hand on Ed's head. "See? My 'Bastard Child' was just trying to protect you from make believe bad guys." The woman frowned, her nose wrinkling before she sighed and raised her hands in the air in defeat. The child huffed with the comment that they weren't fake but really scary. "I'll have him water them if it makes you feel better."
"It's fine, Roy. Just. Don't let him outside without someone watching him. There's a lot of sick folks out there." Turning, she was gone. Ed glanced up as his fingers curled around Roy's pant leg. "Scary bad guys?"
"Uh-huh! There was this really fat man and this small guy with pointy black hair, and this girl with long black hair and..." Roy sighed as he approached his kitchen to clean up the gin bottle and his coffee cup. Reaching in a counter, he pulled another cup down and filled a tiny bit with milk. "I'll give you something good if you choke this down."
The blond stared the cup over as if it were evil.
"What are you, chicken? Or just short?"
"Who are you calling so short he stands up and is as tall as an ant?!" The child screamed. "Just watch when I grow up I'll be taller than you and squish you under my feet!"
And Roy couldn't control himself. He laughed. And laughed. Then laughed some more at the aspect of a tall Ed that could step on him with those oversize boots. The twist the toe of the boot to finish the job. It was just so funny! "If you want to grow that tall," Roy smirked, "you have to drink all your milk or else you'll be a short as, say, an ant."
Grumbling, Ed reached up and over the counter for the milk. In slow motion he brought it to his lips and dunked his head back, letting all the fluids go into his mouth. His face greened as he gagged on swallowing and Roy rushed over to pat the child on his back. Some of the milk dribbled on the floor, from being unable to swallow but Roy wasn't worried. Bringing his hand up, he touched Ed's head lovingly. "Did you drink most of it?" He smiled. The child nodded solemnly. "That was for digging into Mrs. Blakeman's petunias." Tears filled Ed's eyes, but Roy was already digging through a cabinet. "I went shopping and bought cereal," he pulled out some Kellogg's Toasted Corn Flakes. "Probably won't be good without milk, but dig in." He placed the box on the table and left to take a shower.
When he returned, pressed and ready for work, he found Ed happily eating breakfast of cereal, a little milk, and a lot of sugar. The child was avoiding the milk though, letting the hard flakes soak up some of the now sugar liquid before bringing it to his lips. Roy poured himself another cup of coffee (minus the gin) and grabbed a slice of bread. "I have a meeting today, Ed. You need to behave yourself at Central. I give you permission to take Alphonse and go...anywhere as long as you leave a message with Hawkeye where you're heading." Grabbing his wallet, he pulled out a couple of bills and handed them to the kid (The Fuhrer had given him permission to take Ed's paycheck). "Don't spend it all in one place."
Moving the money in his stubby fingers, the blond stared up. "Like toys?"
Whatever was Ed going to do with all these toys when he was older? If he was older? Maybe it was good to keep them all just in case. "Sure, get toys. But make sure you don't forget them at the office."
"Okay!" Ed jumped from his seat, abandoning his large milk bowl, in favor to rush towards the front door. "Come on! Come on!" He jumped at the door, trying to get on his shoes on. Roy glanced at his clock and took a slow sip from his coffee. "Mister Roy! I want to go get toys."
"I," Roy stated calmly, "am not your mother. Clean your bowl." Ed frowned and returned in the kitchen. Grabbing his bowl, he dropped it in the sink. Unable to reach the faucet, he called it quits and left the room. Finishing his coffee, Roy stood, fixed his tie, and approached the door. "Ready, Ed?"
"Yeah!"
Roy was not happy. Pressing the phone harder to his ear, he glared daggers at his open office door as a hesitant voice of a secretary deferred her employers message to him for the second time. "What do you mean we can't get that alchemist here until the end of the month!? We have a fucking situation on our hands! State Alchemist Edward Elric could be in more danger to the world as a child than as a snotty teen! You tell General Fhurin that I don't care about his needs, we need her here!"
The line fell silent. "Colonel Mustang. Again I state that State Alchemist Yvonne Ferington is busy in the capital. The earliest that she can arrive is at the end of the month. I'm sorry for this inconvenience." That was followed by the operator stating that the line had been disconnected. Putting the phone down, Roy leaned back in his chair. Two more weeks with a child Ed? This was horrible. Five heads were sticking around the rim of his door, waiting for him to make comment on the situation.
"She's with the General of the fifth brigade. Apparently they had a situation on their hands they especially needed her for. We'll have to wait before she makes her rounds up here. Until then, we're to remain calm with Ed. Treat him like the child he is." He rubbed his eyes. Stuck with a subordinate in his house for two more weeks. And it was a child of all things. Peeing in his bed. Making messes. Bothering the neighbors. "I'm not cut out to be a father. Someone else take him. Please."
Riza smiled. "Come on, Colonel. You're doing fine by yourself. Ed seems to like you too. Who knows, maybe this will help with your relationship later."
"I don't know," Jean sighed, "I kinda liked Ed and the Colonel's arguments."
Roy groaned as they talked around him. Past all that, he could hear the loud clatter of armor coming towards the office. He thought he'd told Ed to take all day out in town with Al? Why would they be returning so early? It was Al that rushed in the room. No Ed attached or following. Roy raised an eyebrow at this. "Colonel! Ed's gone!"
Jumping from his seat, the colonel slammed his hands on the desk. "What! You were suppose to be watching him, Al! Where did you lose him?"
"We went to the park! This one kid," Al raised his hands frantically to explain that it was a kid, "hurt himself, so I carried him to his mother across the street. I told Ed to sit still and I'd be back! When I came back he was gone!"
"What park!"
"The one on fourth street. Across from the cafe."
Shit. The same one he'd taken Ed to the night before. The same one where... "Hawkeye, get troops in that area. Leave no stone unturned! I want FullMetal back here immediately." The woman nodded and rushed out of the room, the other guys hot on her trail before they meet the colonel's wrath. "Was there anyone suspicious there? Staring at the kids? Out of place?"
"A lot of parents were there. I asked people if they'd seen Ed, but they said they weren't paying attention to him. We were playing in the sand box. He was pouring sand in my helmet so we were alone." He stared down. "I never should have left him. I knew he couldn't take care of himself."
"I'm not blaming you. Stay in here and accept all calls." Roy put on his jacket and started out of the room. "Go down to records. Have them look up a man named Tom Buttram. He might be my prime suspect, but I'm not going to dismiss that Ed went off on his own. Send orders to check every train heading to Risembool. In fact, check there too. In the time it takes to find him, he might arrive." As he walked, he continued shouting orders to the troops until he was outside. "Assemble!" He shouted.
Like clockwork, the troops pulled into neat lines in front of him. His officers in front, enlisted in back. "As most of you know, our officer FullMetal became a child recently." A couple of the soldiers chuckled amongst one another about how cute the midget was. "Today, FullMetal disappeared in the middle of the city. I ordered a full search because last night, while with me, he encountered himself a pedophile. Today, at the same place of the encounter last night, he went missing." A stunned silence fell amongst the troops as they all came to the same concussion he had. "We don't have long to find him, I want everyone out there finding him before he is turned into the wrong hands – like the enemy. Though a child, FullMetal still retains all the information about Central and our military." Years worth of forbidden text as well. FullMetal was gold to an enemy. "Get out there and bring him back. To meet your fancy, I'll put out an award who happens to find him wandering the streets. I want Platoon Alpha going to Risembool. Each train going in that direction needs to have two troops on it while the rest take other means of transport. Don't leave those trains unwatched. Platoon Alpha dismissed." The group disappeared out the gates as quickly as the came. He continued with each group, giving them orders on where to go until only he and his few officers remained.
Riza sighed. "Don't blame yourself colonel. I'm sure FullMetal's fine somewhere." She didn't look like she believed that either. "You should probably stay here. We'll call you if something comes up."
"No," Roy started towards the gate. "I'm going to join the search." He wasn't very far down the street when Riza started walked next to him again. Her eyes bright and twinkling with delight. "What?"
"I think Ed's grown on you. He's going to be sixteen again and you're going to bring him home and let him call you daddy." Roy scoffed. "Not even a little? Everybody's seen the new mold of you. You got the troops looking for him. If it were some other kid you wouldn't care. Even if the kid knew the information Ed does. You can tell me, Roy. We're friends."
Staring over his shoulder over at her, Roy sighed. "Okay. He has, but that doesn't mean much has changed." He returned his attention towards the approaching park when he saw something from the corner of his eye. Glancing around, he walked across the street and picked up the item off the ground. A shoe. To be more precise, Ed's distinctive shoe. "Here's somewhere here, Riza. Look for the other shoe." All jokes were put aside as they searched for any more signs that Ed had gone this way.