Chapter Three: Foolish Wand-Waving

Severus vanished the tea from the ground and the desk, and swept around behind his desk to stare imposingly at the young wizards. I conjured up a huge beanbag and jumped onto it, so I was sitting at the height of the desk next to me. "There is no foolish wand-waving -"

"Oh, no way!" Severus spun around so fast I thought he must have slipped a disc. He glared at me again. I thought I'd better keep a running tally of the times he glares at me. Four, since yesterday, I figured.

"What is it, Vialle?" He asked with clenched teeth, far angrier than he was trying to let on. He turned back to the rest of the class. "Raphaela Vialle here is an intern. She is unprofessional and incompetent, and I pray this will not distract you from your usual dunderheaded attempts at mixing the delicate brews of potions."

"If you'd let me answer before you went back to being a dick at the kids," I said, annoyed. "Oh shit, am I allowed to say dick in front of first-years?" To my surprise, a laugh erupted from the young wizards in front of me.

"No, you are not," Severus said without looking at me. "Now, as I was saying -"

"As I was saying," I continued, "I interrupted you because I couldn't believe you still use that stupid 'there will be no foolish wand-waving' speech on the first-years. Seriously, what is with that?" I was smiling. I enjoyed getting under the skin of this overgrown bat.

"Professor?" A small hand was raised in the class. The owner of this hand was bobbing up and down in her seat, and pressing her glasses further up her nose with her free hand. "Professor, there's something in my textbook I didn't understand -"

"Quiet, girl," Severus snapped. "Five points from Ravenclaw for speaking out of turn. I taught a girl like you once. Her name was Hermione Granger." There were several oohs and aahs from the classroom, as they turned to look at the beaming girl. "Shut up," Severus snapped once more. "That was not a compliment. Granger was an insufferable know-it-all of mediocre real intelligence who consistently spoke out of turn and was perpetually trying to make herself look better than the other students. She got through her classes by wasting her time memorizing every word from the textbooks and truly learning little. She was equal to a piece of slime on the bottom of a cauldron. If you strive to be like her, I warn you that will result in passing exams but failing life."

"That's not true," one young boy spoke up. "She helped Harry Potter destroy Voldemort."

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor, and if anyone else speaks out of turn in this lesson it will be fifty points removed. We wouldn't want to be in negative points so early in the year, would we?"

The students grumbled but did not fight this ruling. I glared at Severus. "You really are a dick, aren't you?" I burst out angrily. "Shit, can't say dick. You're a real wang."

"You can't say 'wang' either, Vialle," Severus muttered under his breath to me on my navy beanbag.

"Then you're a penis!"

"You can't say that in front of the students!"

"Well fuck you! What can I say?! Can I say fuck you?"

Severus glared at me once more. I had lost my temper and I knew it. I turned to look at the students. They were all gazing at me, jaws dropped. "Er…" I started. "If you all promise not to tell anybody I said those words, I'll give you back the points Severus – Professor Snape – took away."

"Perhaps, Vialle," Severus muttered so that only I could hear, "it would be better if you did not speak at all."

"Perhaps it would be better if you were not such a dick," I muttered, out of earshot of the students. "And don't tell me I can't say that, because the kids didn't hear."

"Or perhaps," Severus said, his tone becoming harder, "you could try for some professionalism. Try to act more like a teacher. And most of all, try not to undermine me in front of the kids. It gives them the wrong idea."

"Oh, come off it. We aren't a married couple. These students aren't our children. We don't have to present a united front. I don't think they really give a shit whether or not I undermine you." I shifted my position on the beanbag. I was now lying on my back, with my legs slightly raised and crossed over the hump of the beanbag, so that my short black hair could fall down the side of the beanbag.

"How old are you, twelve?" Severus asked, glaring at me again. Five glares now. "Sit up straight and try to act like a professional."

I laughed, sticking out my tongue. "Twenty-seven," I said, "And I'm very professional. It's what got me this awesome internship."

"That's a lie."

"True. I think I only got this because McGonagall knew I was fired from my job," I said flippantly, "for being unprofessional." I let out a loud laugh. "This is quite fun, actually."

"Work is not 'fun'," Severus said, shuffling his papers in front of him. "It is work. And unlike you, I appreciate this and do my job with professionalism and integrity."

"Well you might try for a bit of work now," I giggled, pointing at the students. "They've been sitting there twiddling their thumbs for the past ten minutes because you haven't assigned them any work."

This earned me my sixth glare, but he knew I was right and stood up to instruct the students on their first potions. "Today you will be brewing a mild calmative. If your work is sub-par – which I strongly suspect much of your work will be – you will take mandatory remedial potions lessons on Saturday mornings until you improve to my satisfaction."

"So no pressure," I said with a smile to the trembling first-years. Some relaxed slightly at my disposition, some remained fixated on Severus, eyes wide and fearful.

"These remedial sessions will be taught by Miss Vialle here," he said, with a nasty, grinning snarl in my direction.

"You can't do that!" I cried. I leapt off the beanbag and placed my hands on my hips. "You can't just say that… and make me do that! You suck!"

"Grow up, Vialle," Severus said disdainfully. "You are working under me, and you will do as instructed."

I snorted with laughter. "Sure, whatever you say," I said between laughs. "I'll do whatever you say while I'm… under you!" I broke out in fresh laughter, doubling over and collapsing back onto the beanbag.

"You cannot say things like that in front of the students," Severus muttered. He was still scribbling notes down on his now-dried parchment. "I think you need to at least read the contents page of the Teacher's Handbook." He turned to the students. "Instructions," he waved his wand at the blackboard, "are here. Ingredients are in the student's store cupboard. Begin."

"Shit, there's a handbook?" I asked. Nobody had told me of any handbook. Well, I supposed I had only really spoken to McGonagall since arriving here, and then it was just admin stuff, like where I'm sleeping and my class schedule. Even then, she'd just given me two bits of paper, one with a map and one with a timetable, and told me to 'try and learn a bit'. And even then, the map was poorly done. It took me two hours to find my bedroom. I wandered into the same bathroom about six times. Back in the present, Severus was eyeing me with a seething distaste in his eyes. I wondered if seething distaste counted as a glare. If so, I was up to my seventh glare.

"For the hundredth time, you cannot say that word in front of students," he sighed, as though disciplining a particularly irksome child. He drew open the topmost drawer of his desk and handed me a fairly worn-looking book. It wasn't particularly thick, but one glance in it told me Severus had read it several times. He noticed my peculiar looks at him and the book and tapped his chin with one long index finger. "Some things that I do may be slightly off-colour," he said lightly. "Sometimes I have to check to make sure it's… well, allowed."

I grinned broadly. "I bet half the stuff you do isn't allowed."

"Actually, it is. Some things I do are frowned-upon, but I'm not stupid enough to lose my job over some snotty kids."

"There is nobody more perfect than you to teach young, eager wizards, Severus," I said sarcastically, staring him in the eye. "Has anybody ever told you that you're not very nice?"

"No!" Severus said, just as sarcastic as me. He looked at me, wide-eyed and frowning. It was quite terrifying. "Nobody's told me that I'm not very nice. Thank you! I'll be sure to have a long and hard think about my decisions in life."

Well, at least he wasn't glaring at me. And he'd said 'long and hard'. Heheh.

A/N: Hey! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Now I have checked the hits for this story, and I know you guys are reading it but not reviewing! To be honest, I don't mind a lack of reviews personally, but the simple fact is that the more reviews a story gets, the more likely it is to be read. It took me a year to write this story (off and on, it wasn't like I was constantly doing it) so I'm pretty proud of myself, and I want as many people reading it as possible. It'll only take a second of your time and I'll be forever in your debt :) And if you're not enjoying the story so far, hey man, I wrote these chapters a year ago. It does get better. And if you already think it's good, then HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTS BECAUSE IT GETS LEGENDARY. See you next chapter :)