Chapter Six: A Bad Start
Unfortunately, when one strives to not think of a particular subject, it is inevitably that subject that continues to stray into one's mind. So when I made the decision to try not to think about Severus and McGonagall getting it on, the visual just kept coming back into my head. It was like being told not to think of a giant pink elephant. It only worked as long as you didn't think about it, but when you congratulated yourself for not thinking about it, there it comes again. It was like having a cut on the inside of your mouth that you just know would go away if you'd stop touching it with your tongue, but you just have to, just to check if it really is healing. It was like… no, I was out of similes. My mind cleared once more and I was left only with the image of the two professors doing that. I must not have got enough sleep the previous night, because my eyes started to close and everything went a bit fuzzy. A distant voice came to me and I ignored it, though that proved very difficult when it continued to speak. I thought perhaps it was calling out my name, or something that sounded very much like my name. Then in an instant, I forgot exactly what my name was. Good thing I had someone calling it out for me.
"Raphaela… Raphaela… Raphaela… RAPHAELA!"
"IjerSevdoinit?" I shouted out, my eyes snapping open. The classroom was empty and dead silent. I turned on my beanbag to see Severus staring at me, a look of utter bewilderment on his face. "Sorry," I said. "Sometimes when I'm half asleep I shout things without meaning to. Also sometimes I drool in my sleep, which is kind of gross. It's usually only when I've got a cold though." Ah, of course. Of course when I said that, I immediately realised that I had been drooling and it was on my face. I quickly raised a hand to get it off, hoping against hope that he hadn't noticed. Granted, it was only Severus, but still. I didn't want him to think I was completely disgusting.
"That… is… fascinating." The look on his face was a cross between confusion and annoyance, and he stood up, placing his papers in the drawer under his desk. I wondered, not for the first time, what he'd been writing. "I would not have disturbed you… the lack of your voice is a pleasant break for me… but it is lunchtime, and I reasoned that if you missed it, I would never hear the end of it."
"Yeah right, Barry," I said cheerfully, jumping off the beanbag. My skirt flew up at the back and I pushed it back down hurriedly, hoping he hadn't seen my underpants. Not that there was anything wrong with my underpants, they were absolutely lovely, but I still didn't want him to see my pants. "You woke me up because you care about my stomach's feelings. Why don't you marry it if you love it so much?"
His bewildered slash irritated look seemed to double as he delivered a withering glare my way. How many was that now? Sixteen, I figured. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He turned on his heel and swept out of the classroom, and I skipped along merrily behind him. Annoying Severus was quite possibly the most fun I'd had in a long time, and as a great man once said; 'the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards'. I felt like he was a black, evil raincloud, and I was the fun rainbow bunny that sprinkled joy and happiness to all the girls and boys in his wake. An Easter bunny, perhaps? That was the visual my mind was bringing forth. It was a nice one, me in a big pink bunny suit hopping around him like I was now, pelting kids with Easter eggs disguised as atom bombs, and him in a big black cloud suit. But how would that even work? Wait a minute, Easter eggs disguised as atom bombs? My mind must have been punishing me for missing breakfast. No matter though, for we were just about to reach the Great Hall for lunch. Upon entering it, I was struck by a sudden wave of confusion – where do I sit? I wasn't really a teacher, but I was far from being a student. Eventually, my sluggish mind woke up enough to realise that there were two empty seats at the staff table and all the teachers were present and accounted for. That was that, I was sitting with the teachers. It was a nice feeling, once I'd sat down between Severus and Professor Flitwick. I'd wanted to be a teacher since I started school, and for the first time in my life, I felt at home at the staff table of Hogwarts.
"This is usually the time when we eat the lunch, Vialle," came a low, snide voice to my left, and I saw Severus watching me with an unreadable look on his face. "Or did your parents forget about teaching you to eat when they forgot to teach you when to stop talking?"
I realised I'd been sitting motionless in front of the food for a few minutes and I snapped myself out of it, surveying the lunch options. There were pies, but I wasn't really a big fan of meat. Fortunately, there were also platters of sandwiches, and I ate those joyfully. If there was one thing I loved, it was a platter of sandwiches. There was something particularly lovely about seeing a plethora of different kinds of fillings and being able to choose whatever you fancied. Before I knew it, I'd scarfed down half a platter and Severus was giving me another odd look.
"What is it?" I said, trying not to spray him with bits of sandwich. My current sandwich was particularly delicious; it was salady and chickeny with some kind of delicious spicy tomato saucy stuff. "You jealous of my awesome sandwich?"
"You've certainly got an appetite," he simply said, before returning to his own lunch. He was clearly jealous. I guess I did have the last one of that particular variety, but he could have had one that was practically exactly the same but with cheese in it. Perhaps he was lactose intolerant? Or maybe he was on a diet and he couldn't be sure if the cheese was low-fat. But which was it? I had no way of telling just by looking at him, as the steak and kidney pie he was consuming held no clues either way. It was consuming me. It was eating me up inside. I had to know. I simply had to.
"Excuse me, are you lactose intolerant?" I finally blurted out. I received a look of utmost bemusement, in fact, had I not seen this expression, I would have said that shaping your face this way was impossible. But I guess that to show me exactly what he thought of my question, Severus could just bend the laws of face-physics.
"What?" was his response, a few moments later. His face was still contorted strangely and it was beginning to unnerve me.
"Do you have a lactose intolerance?" I repeated, slightly louder this time. "You know? Maybe when you have some milk, you throw up everywhere? Get a nasty rash? Ice cream off-limits?" To be honest, I had no idea what happened when a lactose-intolerant person had lactose, but I figured that most allergies had something to do with rashes or sick. Or swelling. "Any strange swellings of the throatal glands?" Okay, so 'throatal' isn't exactly a word. But I didn't care.
"Insane," he said. "Absolutely insane."
"But… I have to know!" I cried, discarding the last of my sandwich on my plate. He glanced at it and I realised I'd been had. It had all been a clever ruse to try and lure me away from my sandwich. My delicious, sweet sandwich that never meant anyone any harm at all. He'd purposefully avoided cheese so that I'd be consumed with a burning passion to find out about his dietary requirements. "It was all a trick! You just wanted my sandwich! Well I've got news for you, Barry!" I picked up my sandwich and gave him a big, angry glare, "You get NONE!" And I shoved the whole thing into my mouth. Now, let me tell you, with a mouth very, very full of sandwich, you become very aware of what's in your mouth, and even more aware of what your teeth are doing, and even more aware of what the food must look like now it's been chewed up a bit. And on top of all that, apparently my little shouting episode had drawn some attention. By 'some', I mean 'the entire Great Hall'. They were staring at me. With my cheeks puffed out like a squirrel's, full of sandwich, and me trying to suppress my gag reflex at the sandwich mush in my mouth so that half the school's first impression of me wasn't vomit-tastic.
It wasn't the best first day at work.