The One With The Wrecked Christmas

--Chapter 9--
THE ONE WITH JOEY'S NEWS (PART II)

Hey, it's me again! So glad to start with Chapter 9. I'm so excited and i hope you're enjoying this (really, i do) and thank u for ur comments sooooo much, they really make me smile. Now read on and please Review afterwards--then feel free to check out my (finally) updated profile where you can reach me for spoilers on any fanfic i'm working on. Seriously, why are you reading this thing?! Go read the actual thing...

(Continues where Chapter 8 left us off...)

(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is watching TV on his recliner and eating Dorito chips as Rachel appears from her bedroom, a little sneaky and secretive)

Rachel: (whispering) Hey.

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Is he gone? Is Ross-is Ross gone?

Joey: Yeah. Awe, Rach, did you guys get in a fight again? Are you guys on a break again?

Rachel: (sighs) Oh, no, we're not fighting. I'm just a bit...shaken up. (goes to the fridge)

Joey: I see, y'want some Doritos and beer?

Rachel: Joey, I'm "shaken up" not "horny and drunk".

Joey: Right.. Hey, can you believe that Phoebe is pregnant?

Rachel: Yeah, I know. It just sounds sort of...weird that Phoebe's gonna have kids that she might even keep.

Joey: I know. It's-it's like, it's like non-Pheebster!

Rachel: I KNOW!

Joey: Yeah.

Rachel: I heard she might name the baby "Hercules".

Joey: He's screwed.

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: God, I still can't believe Phoebe is actually pregnant.

Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Joey, she's been pregnant before, so have I and a lot of other people. Get over it!

Joey: No, I know, Rach, it's just that...well, I mean, is it really logical for a woman to go through the whole pregnancy scare to the actual birth and raising it up in the city and all...is it really worth it?

Rachel: What're you talking about, Joe?

Joey: Look, I'm just trying to make a cover-up for why I won't be there when Phoebe gives birth.

Rachel: Why wouldn't you be there?

Joey: If-if I get the job with-with the Nurses, I might be in L.A.

Rachel: Ohh. Right.

Joey: So, alright, listen to this. Which is better, "Phoebe, I'm sorry but I'm invited to dinner."

Rachel: What, and so having dinner is more important to you than watching your friend giving birth?

Joey: Eating rotten candy and crap is more important to me than that, Rach!

Rachel: C'mon, Joey, don't say that.

Joey: No, wait, I got a good one too. "Phoebe...Mike, I'm sorry but I just found out my sister's a lesbian."

Rachel: Why--why would that postpone you not going to Phoebe's giving-birth?

Joey: Because she knows I'll have to think which sister it is!

Rachel: Ahh, witty and pretty.

Joey: Thanks. Wait, though, "pretty" not like "woman-pretty". You mean "pretty" like (in a rough "man" voice) "manly pretty", right?

(Pause--Rachel just keeps looking at him as she drinks some water)

Rachel: Yeah, yeah, Joe, manly pretty.

(Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are entering, with the babies, at night.)

Monica: Chandler, how many times do I have to say "I'm sorry"?

Chandler: A couple more times; you broke my middle finger! (shows off the band-aid wrapped around the middle finger of his right hand)

Monica: Oh, c'mon, you're not eighteen anymore. What good can it come out of now?

(They enter the house and turn the lights off. Surprise! Richard sits in the living-room, smoking and watching TV)

Monica: Oh my god!

Chandler: (pointing with his wrapped middle finger) Look, Monica, it's Richard!

Richard: Hi, Monica. (gets up) Hi, Chandler. Oh, what happened to your finger?

Chandler: Wait till you see what's gonna happen to your finger.

Monica: Rrrr-richard?

Chandler: See, Mon, I told you Richard's our buddy now! Wow, honey, you can't stop staring at him.

Monica: I'm just...shocked, obviously.

Chandler: Honey, you're not blinking!

Monica: Richard, what're you doing here?

Richard: Awe, are these your little kids? (smiles at baby Jack and Erica Bing)

Chandler: No, we found them sitting on our front door in a stroller, naked.

Richard: Na, I know that didn't happen! You're just being sarcastic! (laughs)

Chandler: Suddenly, I have new respect for Janice... (Pause) I'm gonna put the kids to sleep.

Monica: Ok.

(Chandler leaves with the babies)

Richard: (to the babies) Bye! (turns to Monica) Can they talk? 'Cause it feels like they hate me.

Monica: Richard, wha--(sighs) Why are you here?

(Long Pause)

Richard: (sighs) I really don't know. Have-have you thought of me, at ALL, in the past few...four years?

Monica: No. I'm married now, remember? (shows her the ring) And I have babies now.

Richard: Yeah, who could be speechless, you better watch out.

(Monica sighs and looks at him again. He looks back and they stare for a few seconds)

Richard: I want you back.

(Monica is shocked, puts her right hand over her mouth to cover up her stunning look and we see Chandler, eavesdropping at the babies' bedroom door, standing there looking at them.)

(He covers up his mouth too, sarcastically with the hand that has the injured middle-finger)

THE NEXT MORNING.

(Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. It's the next morning (yep, pregnancy results time!) and Joey is watching TV.)

Ross (enters, rushing in): Hey, Joey, is Rachel here?

Joey: I don't know, I've been sitting here all night, watching Baywatch reruns and laughing to myself. RACHEL!

(Rachel shows up from her room, stands at the door and shares a look with Ross)

Ross: Did you, umm...

Rachel: (interrupting) Uh, Joey, can you leave us a minute alone?

Joey: Are you kicking me out of my apartment?

Rachel: Yes.

Joey: Well, no. I'm sorry, Rach, but it's time a good-man's got his dignity back. I mean, this is so unfair, for you just to ask me like that to leave the room--

Ross (interrupting): Joey, here's twenty bucks, get outta here. (hands him money)

Joey: Woohoo! (takes the bucks and leaves the apartment)

(Long Silence)

Ross: Did you take it?

Rachel: Ross, do not outrush me.

Ross: Rach, I am not out-rushing you!

(Time Lapse. Rachel is now in the kitchen and Ross keeps following her)

Ross: Take it now! Take it now! Rach, take the test now!

Rachel: Ross! (stares at him)

Ross: Not...out-rushing you.

(Time Lapse. Ross is waiting outside the bathroom door, which is closed, and he keeps walking back and forth in the living-room)

Ross: Hey, umm, Rach? (knocks a very small quiet knock on the bathroom door)

Rachel (screaming, scaring Ross away): ROSS! STOP KNOCKING ON THE DAMN DOOR! YOU ARE NOT MAKING THIS ANY EASIER!! ...or, faster.

Ross: Oh, what, it's taking time? Do you want me to come in?

Rachel (vo from the bathroom): NO!! I WANT YOU TO LEAVE, THAT'S WHAT I WANT!

(Time Lapse. Bathroom door's still closed, Ross sits, knees up, on the floor, back to the bathroom door, depressed.)

Rachel (vo from the bathrom): (very quietly) Ross, I'm sorry. I did not mean to yell at you like that. It's just that...(sighs) You were really excited and upsetting me and-and...

Ross: Not out-rushing you.

Rachel (vo...): Ugh, I get that!

(Time Lapse. Ross and Rachel are now sitting, knees up, backs to the closed bathroom door, anxiously awaiting the results)

Ross: Please be pregnant... Please be pregnant... Please be pregnant...

Rachel: Oh, yes, absolutely. Pregnant... please god!!

Ross: (sighs) So what do you wanna talk about, y'know till the results are in?

Rachel: I don't know, anything. How was work?

Ross: (really fast) Work was good, did you pee right?

Rachel: Ugh!! (puts her hand on her forehead)

Ross: How much time?

Rachel: (looking at a timer in her hand) TWENTY-seven seconds.

(Ross sighs. A small pause)

Ross: How much time now?

Rachel: 24.

Ross: Now?

Rachel: 23.

Ross: Now?

Rachel: Ross, don't make me throw you out of that window 'cause I will, I'll do it, I swear to god I'll do it Ross!

(Another long silence)

Ross: Rachel, do you want to have this baby?

(Rachel turns and looks at him, smiling)

Rachel: Right now, Ross... I want to kill you.

(Time Lapse. They both have fallen asleep on each other, outside the bathroom)

(The timer goes on and they both jump in shock.)

Ross: Oh.. ohh god.

Rachel: What happened, wha--

Ross: It's--it's time, Rachel. It's time.

Rachel: Okay.

Ross: Do you want me to go in for you?

Rachel: No, 'cause then you'll do your stupid dramatic soap-opera slow-motion thing.

Ross: Ok, well go. Honey, go.

(They both stand-up straight, Rachel sighs and touches the handle of the bathroom door. She opens it and goes in.)

(After five seconds, she returns, Ross stands still, hands crosses to each other, head down.)

(He looks up, stares at Rachel who is looking down at the pregnancy test which is in her hands)

(Rachel fixes a strand of her hair behind her ear then looks up at Ross, speechlessly silent.)

Ross: (coughs) So?

(An awkward pause)

Rachel: It's negative.

(A very long silence. Ross seems crushed, he looks down)

--Fade to Black--

Hey, hope you likes this one! Nice cliffhanger? I hope chapter 10 will be out soon. please leave me reviews on what you thought about this!! Thank u for reading it all through!! (I found this chapter, honest opinion, the most fun to write)