.

It was something I had been fighting all along, spreading through my body like a disease, taking me over piece by piece. I tried to fight it, but I wasn't strong enough.

My heart wasn't strong enough…

Leaving the Past Behind– Lenalee's POV

I felt like the biggest lunatic in the world at the same time I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of my chest. My head was spinning a bit, and the tears in my eyes were blurring my vision, yet I felt so light that I could fly, even without my boots on. I felt a little silly and confused by my mixture of feelings, but at this point, everything was so overwhelming that it didn't matter.

The next hallway was deserted, so I took a seat in the corner of the room, hugging my knees close to my chest. I leaned my head back against the wall and shut my eyes, trying to think things over reasonably.

I had just told Lavi how I felt. His reaction had been, "There's nothing I can do," in the coldest, cruelest, most heartbreaking voice I had ever heard. Part of me had been expecting that, what with the way he'd been acting lately. Another part of me thought that his attitude was just reflecting his loss of hope.

Had I actually believed that Lavi was going to pull through the operation, just because of me? Did I think that confessing my love might get him to realize that he, too, felt the same way, and that he might actually try to live, just for me? Was that conceited of me to think? What else could I be thinking at this point, though, after all we had gone through together? After he had saved my life, just the other day? What other conclusion could I have come to?

No matter what the reason, the outcome was the same. I had misinterpreted Lavi's actions, and from the looks of it, there was no choice – Lavi was going to leave not only me, but the entire world. I wouldn't mind if he never, ever returned my feelings – that was fine with me. As long as he was alive and well, nothing else mattered.

Nothing I had said or done, and nothing I could say or do could change anything. Lavi had his mind set on how this was going to end, and there was no way of getting him to think differently of it.

It was too late. I had to accept that. Why was that so hard for me?

Unwillingly, my mind filled me with all sorts of memories, one after another, tormenting me more and more, as if urging me to do something else, though I knew there was nothing I could do. My thoughts told me that as long as his heart was still beating, I had to do something. My mind knew the truth, though, and I had to listen to that part of me.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself to my feet. Even if Lavi refused to walk on, I was going to have to, and alone. I might as well start now.

I stared down the empty hallway ahead of me. It seemed so long all of a sudden, and my legs felt so weak. I wondered for a second if I could make it all the way down, by myself. What I really wanted to do was to run back to Lavi's room and try again and again and again, and to hold his hand as he left the world, just so I could say that I did everything I could, and that I hadn't been lying when I had said I loved him.

That wasn't an option, though. I had to move onward, for both of our sakes. If Lavi didn't want me, I wouldn't go back. If I couldn't go back, I had to start walking away, step by step, until it was all gone, left behind me, in the past.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself, before stepping forward.