Ok, this chapter is far different from the original, so enjoy!

Oh, and anyone who gets the movie refrence gets a sticker!

Three mind-numbing months after Tomo and Yomi shared their first kiss, they decided to tell Kagura exactly what had occurred. Gods almighty, time sure does pass quickly in Toyomi Land! What about the intervening three months? Does no one care what happened during that time!? Well, fuck you who don't, I'm going to give everyone a little glimpse!

"Yomi….what's that?", Tomo said, pointing to the odd device lying on Yomi's dresser.

"N-nothing! It's nothing!", Yomi stammered, grabbing the device and immediately hiding it behind her back in a panic; the long black cord still hung to the ground behind her though.

"Don't think you can fool me, Yomi.", Tomo grinned; reaching behind Yomi's back with a single swift motion and grabbing hold of what she possessed.

Removing it from her grip, Tomo got a good look at the device. It consisted of an eight inch vertical protuberance with one end tapered into what looked like handles. A cup-like device was attached to the top of the handle area.

"Grr…Tomo! Give that back!", Yomi grasped for the object but Tomo was far too quick.

Tomo held it close to her face in confusion.

"What…is it?", she asked.

"It's….something special…", Yomi admitted, blushing furiously.

"How do you use it?", Tomo asked, entranced at the strange object.

Let us fast forward a good 20 minutes past all the boring explanation that soon becomes tedious and unfulfilling.

"So I just sit here like this?", Tomo asked, holding the object by the handles vertically between her legs as she sat on Yomi's bed.

"Yeah.", Yomi responded. "Oh, don't forget the power crystals.", she said, placing a few transparent crystals into the cup-like mechanism at the top.

Tomo flicked the 'On' switch and was immediately shocked.

"GAH!!", she cried, tossing the machine far across the room. "I didn't time travel!!"

--

Anyhow, let us return to the present time where Tomo and Yomi are confessing their first kiss to Kagura.

"Holy crap, what the hell has it taken you three months to tell me?", Kagura asked.

"…..Beats me.", Tomo shrugged.

"So….how's it been? The carpet-licking, I mean.", Kagura asked, oblivious to how awkward that statement actually is.

The other two girls stared back at her in silence so great that one could hear the waves lapping at the beach in Santa Monica, a mighty fine beach by the way. Then they began to laugh.

"BAHAH!! Kagura thinks we're dating!", Tomo choked through the tears of laughter that poured from her eyes.

"Seriously Kagura…we're friends..not lovers.", Yomi corrected.

"I think anybody would be fooled..", Kagura admitted dryly.

"See, we don't gotta be lovers to go to the movies or anything! Heck, we're going this weekend!", Tomo laughed.

'You're just adding fuel to the fire, Takino…', Kagura thought.

"Oh, really?", she asked.

"Yep, yep!", Tomo answered. "We're gonna have a great night out! A raucous time! We're gonna party like it's still the 90's!"

"Speaking of that, what year is it?", Yomi asked, honestly confused.

All three girls stared at one another, slackjawed as a cold wind blew.

"Nevermind that!", Tomo dismissed the question. "It's gonna rock though!"

At that moment the bell rang to signal that one should stop nutrient consumption immediately and head to the next class without fail. Kagura returned, boggled at whether the other two girls actually shared a romantic connection or not. All the signs pointed to it, but they still denied it. They kissed, for gods' sakes! All this began to liquefy Kagura's brain.

Oh well! Days passed and….wait a sec! Why do we miss a few days? For chrissakes! Let's take another peek into what Tomo and Yomi did during the intervening days.

"Tomo…this is really not a smart idea.", Yomi warned, adjusting the cooking pot on her head.

"Oh, c'mon! Just do it once!", Tomo chided, righting her own cooking pot on her head.

"Seriously! This isn't- GAHHHH!!", Yomi screamed as Tomo catapaulted through the air and collided her own armoured head with Yomi's, letting out a wildly painful sounding 'CLANG'!

"EHEHEHEH!!", Tomo giggled in abject amusement as she stumbled away, her brain temporarity scrambled.

Anyhow, NOW we can move on to the weekend! They had agreed to meet in a place where no one could see them, in case any more rumours abounded. So they decided upon meeting at a place least likely to be frequented by their friends: THE GAY BAR! Tomo had arrived first and immediately felt a bit embarrassed standing in front of the brightly lit façade; the thumping bass echoing through the walls of the bar behind her. A myriad of strangely dressed individuals passd by her; gays, transvestites, pre and post op, as well as someone who looked oddly like Yukari, but she passed that off as a figment of her wild imagination. Her fidgeting stopped as she saw Yomi, running at full tilt towards her.

"Hey, Yomi I-"

"C'mon Tomo!! There're hookers propositioning me!!", she said, grabbing Tomo by the arm and forcing her to run with her.

"Woah! Slow down!", Tomo called as Yomi ran with her in a panic.

"Where's the movie theatre!?". Yomi growled.

"Uhh….like three blocks over.", Tomo answered.

One could not have pulled anyone faster than what Yomi managed to do at that point in time. Some say she broke the sound barrier, but nothing is for certain. All we know is that she ran really, REALLY fast.

"Wow, Yomi! You ran really, REALLY fast!", Tomo said upon seeming to appear outside the theatre. "I guess-"

"Tomo, if you mention me being fat even once….I will slam your head in a manhole cover."

"Gotcha...", Tomo affirmed with a gulp.

Yomi scanned the movie posters outside. None of the films looked up to par with what she would deem respectable. 'Ass On Disc 3', 'Don't Open That Door!', 'Deep Space Love Affair' and others that seemed just as mindless.

"What are we seeing?", Yomi asked, mulling over the choices and not truly caring which one they actually went to see.

"That one!", Tomo said, pointing to a poster depicting….some sort of unidentifiable body part in a plastic shopping bag.

"Saw Hostel XII?", Yomi questioned, grimacing at the horrid poster.

"Duh! Critics say it has more detached body parts than any other film in history….ever!", Tomo said excitedly, dragging Yomi towards the ticket counter, purchasing the tickets and then pulling her within the theatre; not even stopping for food along the way!

'This sucks…', Yomi thought, sitting in that darkened theatre.

"COMING SOON TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU: 'DEEP-SEA WHORES XV'! A MANLY TALE OF INTRIGUE, WHALING, AND SEXXX!!"

"Oh god…", Yomi said, sighing and covering her face.

"All right! Previews are the best!", Tomo cheered.

"STARTING IN JULY! 'INDIANA JONES AND THE SEARCH FOR THE TELEVISION REMOTE'! CAN HE FIND IT BEFORE THE KLU KLUX NAZI'S DO!?"

"We're totally gonna go see that!", Tomo said, excitedly jabbing her finger towards the screen.

'These previews better end soon…'

No need to fret, Yomi! By the power vested in me as an author I shall skip through those nasty previews so you can face down something far nastier!

"Oh god…what the heck IS that!?", Yomi's teeth chattered in terror as she watched some obscure organ fly out of the chest of one minor character.

"Woah! Cool!", Tomo was ecstatic.

"GAHH!!", the movie was only five minutes in and Yomi already couldn't take it, so she bit the bullet and buried her face in Tomo's chest.

"Hehe…seems Koyomi does have a weakness", Tomo chided over the screams of characters being dismembered by a miter saw.

"S-s-shut up, Tomo!"

So, Yomi spent the rest of the movie face-down in a pair of breasts. I know a few people who would kill for that, but Yomi isn't necessarily one of them.

"That movie was great! Did you see when the guy got his Johnson torn off by garden shears?! Oh, no! You were too busy looking at my boobs!", Tomo laughed uproariously.

"Shut up….", Yomi growled through a blush.

"That's ok!", Tomo pat the girl on the back. "Wait until you see where we're going to eat!"

'Oh god…It's probably somewhere you can smell the excessive fat flowing through the air…'

She slunk along behind Tomo who was always up for anything. Sometimes she envied her absurd enjoyment of life.

"Ta-daa!", Tomo called out, presenting the building before them.

"W-wha?!", Yomi was shocked, but in a good way. She expected to be brought to 'Capt. Crabby's House of Lard' but instead they now stood in front of 'Health Palace'; the healthiest food on Earth!

"Ya like it?", Tomo questioned.

Yomi wanted to kiss Tomo right then, but not in that way.

--

In the same area strolled two girls on a mission. Dressed in their finest fatigues and alien ray shielding headbands, Kagura and Osaka staked out Tomo and Yomi to 'confirm suspicions'.

"Do ya even know where they are?", Osaka questioned as they crawled needlessly through the alleyways.

"They said dinner and a movie so…since they weren't at the theatre…we should check all the restaurants along the way.", Kagura intoned.

And thus they crawled. The Italian place they went into kicked them out with fireballs, the noodle house owner was a master ninja and nearly threw a pair of chopsticks through their hearts, and the Middle Eastern place was….actually very kind and invited them in for food, which they accepted before being on their way once more.

"Only one place left.", Kagura said, pointing to 'Health Palace'.

"Mah Gadd...it's like a heaven for fattys…", Osaka droned.

"Would make sense they would go there…Yomi is always concerned about her health."

"But Yomi ain't-"

Kagura immediately shushed her. "Shh! It is legend!"

With that they advanced to none other than the ventilation system of the building. You know, those things are surprisingly easy to get in to!

No matter how quiet they tried to be, those darn aluminum shafts made quite the racket; although, per every other vent-climbing maniac, nobody within the restaurant heard them. They crawled along until they reached a grate that looked down into the dining area.

"There they are!", Osaka pointed down to Tomo and Yomi sitting at a table and gabbing away.

"Ave Satanis….they are dating!", Kagura said, aghast.

Osaka nodded in assent. "They're too close to not be bangin' each other."

--

"Tomo, I swear…if you spit in my food I will crack your head open like a coconut!", Yomi growled.

"Not my fault you had to pee!", Tomo laughed.

"Geez…when you get fat from all that food…I'll make sure to ridicule you too!"

Indeed, Tomo's plate was stacked high with 14 veggie burgers. She had said, "You need a ton of these to equal one REAL burger!"

"Look, Tomo….if you make a scene I swear-

CRACK!

"AH MAH GADD!"

BAM!!

Kagura and Osaka literally fell through the ceiling and collided with a table occupied by two ladies beside Tomo and Yomi's table. Kagura was drenched in salad dressing and Osaka got a lobster tail to the eye.

"AH! THIS IS UNHOLY!!", Osaka screamed.

Tomo recognized the two immediately, grabbed hold of Yomi's hand, and tugged her out of the restaurant immediately. Yomi barely got a word in edgewise as they tore through the street and ended up a local park, out of breath.

Tomo was hunched over to catch her breath and to hide her massive blush.

"Tomo….what the hell was that about!?", Yomi questioned.

"You saw them!", Tomo countered.

"Yeah, so what!?", Yomi was quite infuriated.

"They wanted USSSS!", Tomo half-hissed.

"Huh? I'm confused.", Yomi said, her eyebrow cocked upward.

"Kagura WANTS us to be a couple!"

"….Doesn't she get that we're just friends?", Yomi responded.

"I dunno…but..", Tomo sighed. "She had to go and ruin my plans like that…."

Yomi approached Tomo and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"It's ok, Tomo. I had fun."

Tomo looked up at Yomi with tears welling in her deep brown eyes. The two eased closer to one another and…

Insert your own ending, I'm far too lazy to do so because it's almost time for 'M.A.S.H'…