Alright! Despite the fact that we all had serious writers block, and the fact that Rachel has been being annoying all week long, something about finals and she really doesn't feel good; we have finished this chapter! Enjoy!
How to Annoy Jacob Black
Day 1: Kitchen Appliances Want to Take Over the World! Part 1
RPOV
It's sunny out today! Great! This is just what I needed. Edward is never going to let me forget this, not that I could ever forget it even if I tried, but it hurts all the same.
This day is going to go incredibly bad. I'm going to stay over at a bitch's house for a freaking week, and I'm going to be sparkling like a walking disco ball. Sounds like fun.
"Rae, come on!" Bella yelled downstairs. Humans are so impatient.
Never the less, I grabbed my suitcase full of my clothing and of course, my weapons of mass destruction.
"Rae, stop imagining your Dr. Doom!" Edward said loud enough so I'm sure Emmett and Rosalie who were doing… things . . . could hear.
I walked down the stairs at an unusually slow pace.
"Rae, you're wearing a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, any reason why?" Bella asked, staring at me with really big eyes.
I snorted, it sounded really weird, "It's really sunny outside, and I'm going to be meeting an insane perverted werewolf, is that a good enough reason?" Sheesh, humans really don't think all that often, do they?
Edward growled and pulled Bella closer to him.
Watch it, I heard Edward think.
The ride up was a pain in the butt. I've never been a summer kind of person. This weather was WAY too warm for me. It was like, 50!
I was so caught up in my pissed off attitude, I didn't even notice the strong stench of werewolf outside. It smelled, well, sick. I groaned and got out of the Volvo Edward had driven and grabbed my suitcase. I searched inside of it for about six minutes before I found some perfume. I had put some on this morning, but I really needed the stench out of my nose.
After that adventure, I found the copper, maybe bronze-ish colored cat in the trunk of the car. The other one was, well, you get the idea. I had named the cat Edward, Eddie for short, just to kind of rub it in Jacobs face. I grabbed Eddie and my suitcase and sat on the grass.
About an hour later, a seriously nauseous smell came, making the hair at the back of my neck tingle. Eddie snarled towards a nearby tree. Which, judging by the smell, was hiding Jacob behind it.
When the bitch did show up Bella ran up and hugged him. I heard Edward growl. I watched as Jacob, still hugging Bella, stuck his tongue out towards Edward. Oh that's it! Nobody does that to Edward except for me! This dudes going down! Yeah that's right bitch, you're an infected hair on the butt of an elephant!
When Bella and Jacob were done with embracing each other, Bella ran back sheep-like to Edwards' side.
I walked up to the stupid mutt and spoke as well as I could without breathing, "Hello, I'm Rae Swanson!" I held Eddie up to Jacobs face, "And this is Eddie, say hi Eddie!"
Jacob seemed to stiffen, I laughed internally. Eddie the cat however, was quite happy with this; the brave feline jumped out of my hands and slashed Jacob in the face, leaving one heck of a mark on his right cheek.
Bella gasped. Edward and I exchanged smirks.
"AAK!" Jacob squealed.
I could not possibly contain my laughter if Edward hadn't been stepping on my foot. I tried to keep my face composed and grabbed Eddie from ripping out Jacobs's hair -don't get the wrong idea. I had no objections to that idea-
"CONTROL YOUR CAT!" Jacob half screamed.
I then noticed he was shaking. Come on! I had only just started and he's already mad? This is just WAY too easy.
But, the bitch recovered his little sanity he had and stopped quivering like a wet puppy.
"Well, are we ready to go?" He asked grabbing my suitcase full of… well… EVIL THINGS.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Rae." Bella said quietly and waved.
"Yeah, nice meeting you Edward." I had to struggle not to laugh at that statement. Edward did a funny impression of Emmett's face whenever he does a prank, and followed Bella to the car.
"So," Jacob began, placing a hand on my shoulder, clearly oblivious to the fact that I was uncomfortable. "You hungry?"
"Very."
Now if only he knew what I was hungry for.
At Jacobs House a few minutes later
"Hey, I'll go put this stuff in your room, and I'll meet you in the kitchen, alright?" Jacob said as he walked up the stairs.
I watched as he slowly walked out of sight, then I ran to the kitchen. I searched until I found what I was looking for: an egg.
Suddenly, my cell phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID; it was Edward. I hesitated for a moment, then flipped the phone and said into the receiver "Hi stranger!"
He chuckled on the other end of the line, "Wow Rae, I will never get used to that."
"What do you want? I'm kind of busy right now." I snapped.
"Well, this is just a reminder," He paused for a few seconds.
"And?" I prompted.
"You can't kill him."
Oh, I forgot about that. "FINE! Is there anything else you want to deprive me of while you're at it?"
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger." Edward said coolly.
I didn't answer; I just hung up the phone and went towards the microwave.
I set the egg inside the microwave, shut the microwave door and turned it on. (A/N: Jacob.must.die.1918 Thank you for telling us this! You rock!)
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jacob screamed, staring at the soon to be nuclear bomb reincarnate.
"Hm?" I asked, trying as hard as possible to keep the demonic smile off my face.
"That thing is going to explode!" He yelled and quickly opened the door of the microwave.
But, that was his mistake.
The egg exploded… Sweetness. To. The. Max!
"AH SHIT!" Jacob had been attacked by evil shards of an eggshell. He began screaming like a little girl.
"Hold on, I'll help!" If only I was helping him.
I grabbed a towel and poured lemon juice on the towel. I waited for it to soak in. Then, I ran back over to the bitch and handed the towel over.
When the towel reached his eyes, he squealed.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Jacob threw the towel out the window, a closed window. It somehow managed to break the window.
"What are you talking about?" I tried to ignore the fact that he was shaking more violently than when I stuffed Jessica and Lauren in the freezer.
"You put something in the towel! I can feel how wet it is!"
"Why are you shaking?" I asked innocently, I hope.
He immediately stopped shaking.
So close, and yet so far.
"How about I make us some grilled cheese sandwiches?"
Great, I'm going to have to barf this crap back up in about 2-3 hours. He is going to think I'm bulimic.
"Sure! I'll go grab the bread."
So I went to the pantry and grabbed the bread… and grabbed something else from my purse.
"Here you go!" I said as happily. This time it wasn't a lie; I was truly happy about this.
He grabbed the bread from my hands and threw it onto the pan. Approximately five seconds later, fire flew- And I mean FLEW- out of the pan. The flames burned Jacobs eyebrows, a few were singed, while the others would probably stay on, but I think it worked out pretty well, I was hoping for some burning flesh… But, I count my blessings.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jacob yelled and whacked the pan to the side.
"Are you alright?" I asked trying to keep myself from laughing.
Jacob ran in circles rubbing his face. "HELL NO!" He screamed.
Stupid pup. He burned a few hairs and it's the end of the world. He is just making this way too easy.
Sorry it's taking so long! Rachel is having technical difficulties currently. We will try to upload the rest soon! Oh, and good luck Mary! Have fun in Washington!