A/N: Sorry it took a while. I couldn't think of anything for Dib to say that would take up an entire chapter so...this one kind of rambles. And Zim is very self-absorbed. But when is he not? Oh yes, and before I get killed...

I own nothing. Nothing at all. Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, because no one else could make such an amazing show.

"You remember when your stupid plan for revenge turned us into bologna, don't you?"

"I remember my plan being ingenious and that it was your fault that we were both bologna," Zim corrected, "but continue."

"Well, once I was able to use my labs again and Gaz stopped trying to feed me to the neighbors' dogs, I started toying with some leftover chemicals from the bologna incident. A lot of them turned out to be either useless or lethal, so pretty much everything went to waste. But...there was one substance I hadn't yet tested. I was gonna give up, since everything else had failed."

"The Dib fails a lot, doesn't he?"

"As I was saying, I wasn't planning to run any tests on the last substance. But I figured, what the Hell, it can't hurt anything. So I did some testing, diffusions, stuff like that. I wasn't expecting to find anything, but it ended up being something unbelievable." Dib paused, assuming Zim would make some comment or other to disrupt the flow of his story. His lie, to be more truthful, but Zim appeared to be enraptured, so Dib continued. "It was...everything. It had the property of invisibility, it could be molded into anything. Its DNA reading gave the answers to almost every question; it even held the very meaning of life itself! I had the very answer of existence in my hands!"

With each word about the mysterious 'substance', Zim crept closer to Dib, taking in everything, so that by the time Dib finished his narrative the alien was greatly invading his personal space. Eager to get Zim away from him, Dib quickly added, "But it was highly explosive and imploded before I could produce more of it."

Zim's antennae drooped and he shuffled back to his own space in the room. But not without informing Dib that it was no wonder his creation had exploded, seeing as he was using human equipment and his enormous head was probably filled with air or dead rats, and that Irken technology was far more superior and so could destroy the entire Earth when the time came. Dib sighed and rolled his eyes all throughout the monologue. "Well if that wasn't interesting enough for you...I have proof that my neighbor is a werewolf."

"I am not! And it's Zim's turn to talk. What is this...where-wolf, anyway?"

"Stop flattering yourself. I mean the guy that lives next to me. And a werewolf is a person that turns into a wolf with the full moon. And my neighbor is one of 'em. I saw him trying to eat his own dog this one night, 'cept he was all giant and hairy."

"Heh. Probably an improvement, ugly humans," Zim mused, letting out a short cackle. Tapping his chin with a gloved claw, he questioned whether or not he would be able to fabricate a substance such as Dib's; not once did the idea that the human boy may have been lying enter his mind. He did notice, however, that Dib had stood silent for more than a few minutes, miraculous, appearing to want something, and Zim was prepared to ask what exactly it was that he wanted, but remembered it was his turn to speak. And it was crucial to remind Dib of this, in case he had forgotten, or if he had doubted Zim's utter greatness, and so Zim drew himself up and announced, loudly of course, "You distract me, stupid Dib-ness. It is time for you to listen to Zim! Listen and hear, wormbaby. Bask in my glow!"

"I admire your modesty."

"You should. But now you should listen, because I have something even more better to say, better even than your substance and 'meaning of life'. And it's even more amazing because I'm saying it. You could never pull it off."

Becoming revved up by his own vanity, Zim was nearly standing on his toes, his antennae lost their sweeping curve and stood straight up on his head. Dib, however, was close to either laying a fist in the alien's chest or going back to standing in the rain; he hoped the seven sins truly were deadly, and Zim sporadically stopped living due to being overly-narcissistic. Luckily, the alien soon ceased his self-praise.

"Now then. I assume you'd like to hear my story."

"Sure. Go ahead." A myriad of thoughts flooded Dib's mind. What would the alien say? Would he leak secrets of his kind? Perhaps information on his leaders, their technology? He was almost trembling with anxiety, but he contained himself. The facade would have to last a while longer. I should have been an actor...

A/N: I realize Gir has kind of fell off teh face of the earth at the moment. We'll pretend he's off doing something important. Comments and critisisms welcomed and wanted.