I don't own anything...

For the next two years I rarely ventured off the couch, my body was lifeless as I lived Renee, Charlie and Jacob's life...The only times I would come off was when I needed to hunt, or when I couldn't handle Renee or Charlie's depression, or Jacob's bitterness. Time changes a lot for humans, Renee decided to adopt a cat to help her cope, thankfully Phil remembered to feed it so it was still alive, I was grateful it had helped her a lot. Charlie had gotten closer to Sue, and was slowly, very slowly, learning to deal with my 'death'. But Jacob still had the same bitterness he had two years ago, he tried not to think of me, but if anyone in the pack ever thought of the Cullen's he would string out a passage of mental profanities, if Charlie was upset over me he would visualise how he would make us pay. Jacob's head was the hardest to live in, especially since he had imprinted last year. Sure she was a nice girl, 15 years old at the time, Jacob was only 17 back then. But it was hard to 'feel' the way he felt about her, I remember actually sneaking into her mind quite a few times just to see what it felt like to have him treat me like that.

When I did live my own life it was hard, I wanted to know what was happening in my other 'lives', wanted to make sure my beloved ones weren't hurting too much. My other family was different too, Rosalie treated me worse than usual, Alice wasn't as happy anymore, Jasper still kept his distance so nothing had changed much there, Emmett wasn't as boisterous as I remembered him to be, Esme seemed...saddened, Carlisle was bewildered and Edward...Edward was the hardest, he seemed sad all the time, I don't even think he has touched the piano in the two years that we have been here. I wondered if this was what the Cullen's were like all the time behind the scenes? I couldn't be sure, but I didn't like it so I spent very little time in my own head. Looking back now I think I spent a total of 4 months living with the Cullen's out of the last two years, but today I needed a change. I needed to see Edward smile, now that I knew my parents and Jacob were happy I needed to make sure my other family was too.

I got up off the couch and flew up to our room. I could hear the soft music playing, a sad slow song. I pushed the door open gently and stepped in, Edward was stretched out across the couch, his right arm resting over his eyes. In a second I was sitting beside him, my hand resting ontop of his left arm by his side. He reacted in slow motion, for a vampire, he lifted his arm and gazed up at me. He looked as though he were questioning my reason for being in the room. I smiled timidly at him and he frowned. What had I done? I didn't understand his hesitance, his reluctance to be near me. I placed my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. I lay there for a few minutes before his arms came to rest around my waist, my chest ached at this sudden change in him..I remembered him always touching me when I had just been changed, taking any chance to hold my hand, any chance to hold me, any chance to kiss me. What had changed? I decided to take a peek into his head, something I would never usually do, it didn't seem fair seeing as he couldn't look into mine.

How long is it going to last this time? I don't know how much more I can take. I made a mistake, I should never have changed her, she wants Jacob, she needs Jacob, but I was blinded by my own selfishness...I should have moved away, never come back, she would be happy...and I wouldn't love her so much. Ugh, of course I would love her, I loved her from the moment I saw her, but what is my pain in comparison to her happiness, she deserved to be happy and I took that chance away from her. I can't bear anymore...I can't take it.

I pulled back into my head, Edward regretted changing me? He thought I loved Jacob more? How could he be so deluded? I skimmed over the last two years and realised my mistake. The only time I really lived was when I was in others head..Jacob's head. Any other time I was running in autopilot. To check my theory I ventured into Carlisle's head, out in the forest.

...none of the others changed this dramatically, but then I didn't know them properly before hand. Edward was sick, I knew part of his character, but not all of it. Esme I only got a glimpse. But Rosalie, yes Rosalie hadn't changed this much! So what was happening with Bella? My head feels like its going to explode, I cannot stand to see Edward like this, or Esme, it hurts her so much. And Bella, how I wish we could take back what we had done, the kiss of death in all the literal sense. Edward's lifeless, our whole family is now. How could I have let this happen?! My hand curled up into a fist, I punched the tree knocking it down and fell to my knees. My son was hurting, my family was broken, and I could do nothing to fix it.

I pulled back into my head with a gasp. I had broken my family? I buried my head into Edward's chest, wishing I could reverse these last two years. Wishing I had gone about them differently, but I could only hope to fix tomorrow. Surely Edward would understand my need to make sure my family was OK before anything else. Now they were, Edward and I had forever to be together. I knew he would understand, even if none of the others would.

'Edward?' I mumbled into his chest, 'Edward I'm sorry.'

I felt his body tense under me and I jumped into his head, trying to figure out why.

'Edward I'm sorry.' Bella whispered.

My hopes soared and I ran across the room to hold her, my lips crashed into hers. She pulled back, and smiled weakly. I smiled back at her, hoping we could finally be together. It had been 3 long months since the funeral and she hadn't been herself since then, running on autopilot and then sitting on the couch as she played in others heads. Now, she was back? I had confronted her and it worked, she felt remorse and was coming back to me...well I could only hope. We spent the night together, but then she was lifeless again. I lay there watching her for days, each second that ticked by my dead heart seemed to grow colder and colder, then it shattered into a million tiny pieces. I kissed her one last time and then I was running, with no idea where I was headed. My phone vibrated as I ran but I ignored it, after a day of it ringing continuously I grew annoyed and pulled it out.

'Hello?'

'Edward...I knew you'd pick up on the 2, 452nd ring, but thanks for making me sit here dialing your number continuously.' Alice snapped sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes as I leapt over a small stream, 'What do you want Alice?'

'Where are you going?'

'I don't know. You would see if I did.' I reminded her.

'Yeah, but...I don't want you to leave. Why are you going anyways?'

'I...I can't take it anymore Alice. It's...It feels like I'm dying all over again, but it's more painful than last time, venom included.'

'I can't see when your coming home.' She said sadly.

'I haven't decided yet.'

'Please come home soon...' Alice begged, 'I'll miss you.' and with that the line went dead.

I pulled back into my head, 'Please say something Edward...anything...'

'I...Words can't fix this Bella...I don't know what will.'