Fifth chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update. school has kept me suppppeerrr busy. but i'm going to try really hard to update sooner. r&r please!
disclaimer: i do no own inuyasha
It had been exactly three weeks since Kagome's soul had floated into the sky, leaving behind her body for good. Inuyasha had counted each day. Every day, when the sun broke over the horizon to show it's brilliant face, the pain would wash over him again, like a freshly opened wound. He had learned to do something always, to not let his mind wander. There was only one place it would drift to. The one place he couldn't let it go.
The sun hadn't yet risen yet when Sango and Miroku started rolling their bed mats up and packing them into Kagome's yellow backpack. No, not Kagome's backpack. THE yellow backpack.
The fire was put out quickly, the leftover food was packed, and supplies were gathered. They were running low on medicine. They wouldn't be able to get anymore. They stopped patching small wounds. It wasted too much of the bandages. And the way Inuyasha kept them moving, constantly searching for a demon, any demon, trying to catch the scent of Naruku, their bodies were continually getting bruised and battered. Even so, none of them asked to stop. No one wanted to be able to think of anything other than staying alive.
And even so Inuyasha found his mind straying to other thoughts. He remembered so vividly, the day he had to take Kagome's body back home. Truth be told, had he almost been hopeful for the beating he knew he was going to get.
He wanted Kagome's mom to hate him, he wanted Sota to never trust him again, he wanted her grandpa to wish he was dead.
But it hadn't worked out that way. He had jumped down the well, and ran quickly to her house, fast enough that the people on the street's didn't see a boy with dog ears carrying a dead girl in his arms pass.
He hadn't thought that the sight of her seeing her house in front of him would cause his to heart to squeeze painfully tight. Tears had stung his eyes. He remembered the feeling of bile in the back of his throat, the way he had tipped his head up to let the falling rain wash away the proof of his tears.
He remembered so much from this house. All the times he had come back for Kagome, to see her in her room studying or sleeping or reading. He wouldn't be able to do any of that anymore. What excuse would he have for coming here? Why would he want to come here anyways? Kagome wasn't in this world any longer. She wasn't in any world that he could go to.
He remembered so well, walking into the house, pulling back the door with his foot. They were all sitting at the table, breakfast sitting on the table.
Sota's fork was poised in the air, midway to his mouth. Kagome's mom had been smiling and laughing with her grandpa.
They looked like a commercial for the perfect family. That was, until he arrived. Everything after that was slightly blurred.
When he had jumped into the well, carrying her broken body he had been so sure that he was going to tell them that it was his fault she was dead. That he had been stupid and ungrateful and had left her all alone. But seeing the look Sota gave him, pity for him, instead of himself, Inuyasha had broken down and fallen to the floor, weeping over her body.
He had grown so weak. No wonder his brother mocked him. He had all these stupid emotions. If he was a demon he wouldn't feel sorrow. He wouldn't feel despair. He wouldn't feel soul-wrenching agony.
He wouldn't feel love. He wouldn't know the feeling of being loved. He wouldn't have found Kagome, fallen in love with her.
But the pain in his heart was consuming him. It blurred everything. He would see Kagome everywhere, smiling and laughing, crying and giggling, shouting and talking in the lowest voice. She was everything he saw. Everything he thought of.
His mind wandered yet again, to bringing Kagome home. Why hadn't they hated him? Why hadn't they cursed him and thrown things him? Why hadn't they shouted at him that he was a filthy half-breed, that he was an idiot, someone who didn't deserve Kagome in the first place?
Why had they taken his numb body and walked him to Kagome's room. Why had they whispered soothing words and said they didn't blame him? Even when he told them it was him, he was the one who killed her, they wouldn't listen.
They had cried as much as he had, had asked Kami for her back, had done incantation after incantation, but they didn't once blame him. And that made the pain all the more worse.
He had woken up the next day, his eyes swollen and bloodshot, surrounded by Kagome's scent and wrapped under her blankets. He never wanted to leave. But he had too. He had to keep moving.
Inuyasha shook his head, dispelling the thoughts that lingered there. He sniffed the air, twitched his ears, and stiffened. They were here. The bird demons they had been hunting for the past week.
They carried a jewel shard, that much he knew. It had been by luck that he had spotted it in one of the bird's claws. Just like when Kagome had first arrived down the well.
'Stop it!' he commanded himself. 'Just get the shard and kill the demons. That's all the matters.'
He flicked his head to the side, motioning silently for Sango and Miroku to get on the left side of him. They followed his inclination noiselessly.
Inuyasha spared a moment to look at the demon slayer and the monk walking closely beside her.
There eyes were what he always noticed first. The was they looked dull, the way they reflected no light, no happiness, no laughter. They way they looked lifeless.
And they way, when he looked into their eyes, reflected back at him was his own lackluster eyes, that reflected only pain. Eyes that showed no emotion. Eyes of someone dead.
The houshi and taijiya walked beside him, keeping up with his swift pace. They're faces remained impassive and stoic, showing no emotion. They walked close, they're hands brushing occasionally. They thought he didn't know. They thought he didn't know that late at night, when they thought he had gone to sleep, that they dropped their façades and showed their emotions. They cried with their arms wrapped around each other. Miroku would always comfort Sango, trying to hide his own sorrow.
After the second week, they had all stopped crying. It took to much to cry. They couldn't cry anymore. There was nothing left.
So instead, Sango and Miroku talked through the night, about him, about Kagome, about each other.
They didn't know they every time he saw them huddled together, it made him remember Kagome, and the talks they would share sometimes, when he was brave enough to open up.
But it didn't matter anymore, because there was no on to talk to anymore.
Inuyasha pushed his thoughts out of his head and made his mind blank, like he always did. It was the only way to keep out the pain.
The sun was just setting when the last crow was destroyed. Inuyasha watched, disgusted, as crow after crow died, and no jewel shard appeared. He had thought one of them had been carrying a jewel shard. He had been sure that he had seen the purple glint of it shining in the light.
But after destroying the birds, not one carried the tiny fragment he so desperately wanted.
He had decided. He was going to complete the jewel. And he was going to become a full demon. Kagome hadn't wanted him too. And for a moment, he had actually thought about not being a full demon. He forgot about the reason he searched for the jewel shards relentlessly. It only mattered that they got the jewel shards before Naruku could. He had forgotten that he had set out on this journey only for himself. Kikyo had deserted him. Naruku had angered him. And now Kagome had destroyed him.
The feelings, the emotions, ones he had never shown before, were becoming too much. Before Kagome, had he ever cried? No. Before Kagome, had he ever felt sorrow like he did now? No. And before Kagome had he ever let his goal out of sight, because something more important had come along? No.
He had thought he had loved with Kikyo. He had thought no other person could compare to her. But even after discovering Naurku's betrayal, that her death was by his hand, he didn't feel the way he did now.
He scoffed. He used to be undefeatable. He had been strong, powerful, unfeeling. He didn't care who they were, if they were in he his way, he would destroy them. And now, he couldn't even find a measly jewel shard.
He was becoming useless. What would Sesshomaru think of him now? He was weaker then he ever had been before.
And that was why the jewel would be his. He could start over, with no memories left of any of these people.
That was how it needed to be. That would make it easier for them all. To move on and forget. It was the best way. The only way. And he had decided that this what would he do. And no one would be able to stop him.
They set out for Kaede's village as soon as Inuyasha became sick of scavenging the woods for a jewel shard that wasn't there. He cursed in his head and clenched his fists.
'This would be so much easier if Kag-'
He stopped that thought before it could progress into anything more and focused on the sky. Sango and Miroku followed behind him, crunching on leaves occasionally, there voices soft mummers.
"Don't you think we should stop for a bit Inuyasha?" Sango had walked forward and rested her hand on his shoulder.
"It would be easier to rest here, then continue in the morning." She spoke softly, but her voice was coming back slowly. She used to not say a word, even when Miroku talked to her. And now, for the first time since Kagome had passed away, her eyes held a tiny flicker of life. She was recovering.
He never would. She was luckier than she could imagine. He sucked in a breath and shook his head.
"No, we need to make it back to the village. Miroku needs to have his cut treated and we all need some food. It should be about 20 more feet. We can make it."
Even to his own ears, his voice sounded unfeeling.
Sango sighed and a twinge of sadness appeared in her eyes.
"If you talk about it, it'll make you feel better." she stopped and messed with the straps on the backpack, then looked back up. "I…I know….how you must feel. I….loved her. She was my sis-"
"Stop." he whispered. "Just stop."
Sango looked up at him, her eyes pleading. He looked away and the woods feel silent again.
They arrived at Kaede's village not to later. No one was wandering around outside the village and all the candles in the huts had been blown out. They were all sleeping.
Sango and Miroku walked ahead of him, heading towards their huts, that stood beside each other. Sango pushed aside Miroku's hanging door and entered, already pulling bandages from the backpack. Miroku stopped and turned to look at Inuyasha.
"We're here…if you need us. You don't have to do this alone."
He looked at him, for what seemed like an eternity, then turned and followed Sango into the hut.
Inuyasha released the breath he had been holding, and walked across the field. He didn't know where he was going but he knew he wasn't going to sleep. He never did.
The first night he had tried to sleep was the night he had come back from Kagome's.
The minute his eyes had closed, memories of Kagome being pierced by the demon's tail, falling to the ground, soaked in blood, life leaving her, plagued him.
Not sleeping was much better than going through that. Of course his body was exhausted and at any moment he would drop dead. After all he was only half demon.
But this was the price he was paying. The price he would pay until he could complete the jewel and make his wish.
Of course the first thing he had thought was to wish Kagome back. He had even gone so far to ask the houshi if it was possible to wish someone back from the dead.
Miroku had looked at him so sadly he knew the answer without being told. Of course not. That would be to much forgiveness to be granted. Too many chances had been given already. He wasn't getting anymore.
Surprisingly, he found himself in front of the well. He thought for a moment about running away quickly, before any memories could appear and haunt his head. But something made him stay, and his feet started moving of their own accord towards the wooden well standing in the middle of the field.
He ran his finger over the rough wood and felt memories come rushing back. He could see in his mind's eye, Kagome climbing out of the well, yellow backpack slung over her shoulder, a smile on her face, her hand waving.
He sighed and sank to the ground.
"Kagome, why'd you have to leave me. Don't you know how much I need you?"
It happened in an instant. In an instant his whole world was turned upside down.
From the well, a bright purple light flashed. He leaped up, preparing for a demon to appear.
Instead, two small, feminine hands appeared on the sides of the well, followed quickly by a face, a body, and two small feet.
The girl finished pulling herself from the well, and dusted off her skirt and hands.
She was wearing a school uniform, exactly like the one Kagome had always worn.
He hair was hanging in long waves down past her hips, and in the darkness, Inuyasha could make out large, beautiful, blue eyes that looked like tiny pools of water. She rested her hands on tiny hips and pouted full lips before smiling a brilliant smile.
"Aren't you going to say hello?" she said, in a voice that sounded like honey.
Who was this girl? She looked similar to Kagome, with big eyes and a round face. But she was prettier, and held herself in a more confident way.
He narrowed his eyes. Who was this girl, and how the hell did she make it through the well? Only he and Kagome were supposed to be able to make it through that well. Was this one of Kagome's friends, who had somehow gotten a hold of jewel shard. And if she was, how had she gotten it?
"Who are you?" he growled, flicking his claws out threateningly, angry at the thought of someone scavenging through Kagome's room. He didn't know this girl. And Kagome would have let him meet her if it was her friend. He glared at her. "I said, who are you!?"
"Inuyasha don't you recognize me?" the girl asked softly. "It's me…Kagome."