Angel felt endless tired as he laid down on his bed, his eyes drifting over to where Buffy was.
Buffy.
Buffy, his best friend of roughly the past five years. His best friend who he happened to be utterly in love with. His best friend who didn't happen to have a clue to be any the wiser about his feelings.
And his best friend who wouldn't have given a damn anyway.
She sat beside his window, staring off into the night sky. He could tell something must have went wrong today, something happened to her… that was why she was here… but it wasn't going to be discussed. It never was. She wasn't about to open up to him, and he knew better than to try pushing it.
He knew she was high and just a little drunk but this wasn't exactly uncommon for him to see. She'd been falling into a long series of bad habits long before they'd met and hadn't hit rock bottom yet.
He wished he could save her, save her from the path she was on, save her from herself… but he couldn't. He would try, and would forever fail it seemed.
OoOoO
When Buffy's mother had unexpectedly passed away, she had run away from home, ran away from the abuse at the hands of her step father she'd been left alone with. And, after a long series of bad events, she had wound up here. Surviving as another lost street kid, hanging out with the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. Along the way she'd become nothing more than a shell of her former self.
It was nothing but blind luck that caused their paths to cross, and a miracle she even bothered to stick around.
He knew she didn't fully trust him, he had long since accepted she probably never would… not him, not anyone else either. She'd never fully open up to him, wasn't going to let him in and he learned a long time ago to simply take as much as he could and not press for more.
OoOoO
What Makes Her Feel The Way She Feels
Like Everything Is Nothing Real
What Makes Her See The Things She Sees
Like Everything That's Wrong With Me
I Guess I Should Stop Trying To Figure Her Out
I Should Know By Now That I'm Not Allowed
Now I Know This Is Not Allowed
If I Want To Keep Her Coming 'Round
OoOoO
Once he had a chance with her, but it wasn't the type of chance he'd wanted. She had come over, not too much unlike tonight, drunk and stoned out of her mind, up on God knew what. She came in crying and distraught. She'd been a complete wreck.
She had tried to sleep with him that night. She had said she wanted him to save her. But as convincing as she was.. he knew she just wanted to forget everything for awhile. She only wanted him to make the pain go away.
He wanted her, but he couldn't have taken advantage of her, not like that, not ever. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop at some random passing moment with her either, and the whole system that they had built their relationship on would crumble.
She would hate him more in the end. She would hate him for loving her.
The life she was living, he wouldn't willingly let her if he crossed that line. She wouldn't put up with it and she would be gone for good.
And he couldn't stomach the thought.
She hadn't understood and she wasn't supposed to. She just got so angry with him, more than he had ever seen. She had a complete meltdown in front of him. And it took everything he had in him to turn her away.
OoOoO
She Hides Her Reflection With Pictures From Magazines
She Gets So Angry When I Don't See What She Sees
But If I'm Supposed To Sit And Watch Her
Tear Herself Apart
Then Maybe I Was Wrong
She Never Really Knew Me At All
OoOoO
She didn't come back. Not for months. Not until tonight.
He didn't know where she went that night, or where she had been since, or more so, who she went to. But he knew they gave her the saving she needed. It ate him up inside, but it wasn't anything new.
OoOoO
Hello, Hello
Did You Find Your Self Esteem
Should I Suppose That He's Giving You What You Needed
And So It Goes
And Slowly I Begin To Breath
Hello, Hello, Hello
I'm So Sorry It Wasn't Me
I'm So Sorry It Wasn't Me
OoOoO
She turned towards him and flashed him an unannounced smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes however, but, still it was a smile. Then she turned back to the window, staring back up with childlike wonder at the full moon.
He knows that's as much as an understanding he'll ever get. As much forgiveness that he'll ever get.
He knows better than to ask for anything more.
OoOoO
The City Slips Away Too Soon
Tonight She's Wide Awake
Making Small Talk With Mister Moon
He Listens To Everything She Says
And He Doesn't Try To Understand
He Never Expects To Be Let In
He Just Hangs On Every Word
That Comes From The Mouth
Of This Little Girl
OoOoO
Buffy did her best to keep the tears from falling, to hide what she was feeling. She could feel Angel's eyes on her, watching her, as she turned away. Like he always did. And it sure as hell didn't help.
She stared at the window, praying someday he'd feel the same way for her that she felt for him.
THE END.
ButImBroken:
"The city slips away too soon, tonight she's wide awake, making small talk with Mister Moon, singing louder than the rain..."