SingMyLullabySweet666: Alright people! Here is Chapter 6! YAY!
Herro: Took you long enough.
SingMyLullabySweet666: Sorry but I have been so busy for the past month(s), whatever.
Duo: A likely excuse.
SingMyLullabySweet666: Do like it the fuck of you pathetic asshole!
The others: ……
SingMyLullabySweet666: Sorry 'bout that, my other side, Blood, is a little edgy today.
Herro: whatever
Duo: On with the story already.
SingMyLullabySweet666: All righty then!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. I do however own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I don't know it/their name(s).
(Kurama's POV)
I don't know what to do anymore. This whole thing is tearing me apart and I don't think I can hold on anymore. It's so hard to be close to the one you love but still so far away. As I lay here next to you I wonder what you're thinking of, what you're dreaming of. Is it me or is it you and the baby without me anywhere near in the picture. I love the chance you gave me, I really do but I can't help but feel lost and lonely. Nothing I can do will make you change your mind. I can only sit within my world that I had created for me and watch you go on by living and breathing. I can only watch from the painted window within my mind as you continue on with life as if nothing happened; as if I never existed in you life. It hurts and I wonder if this is what you felt when you would have to put up with the things, the hurt; the pain I caused you.
Right now as I lie awake I wonder what are you exactly picturing in that pretty little head of yours as you sleep away the hours. Turning over, I gently push a stray bang out of your child-like feature face. I couldn't help the small smile that came to me mouth as you mumbled into the night and tried to cuddle closer to me. Now looking back at me, I see that I never got it right. I never really stopped to think about you and how I was affecting you with my coldness. I was always wrapped up in things I could never in a million years win. You were always the antidote that got me by when I wasn't thinking and felt so down; you were something strong like a drug that kept me high and going. Now all I want you to know was I really meant back then when I would yell at you for my mistakes was I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold. I wish I knew now what I didn't know then so that this whole situation never happened. Please Hiei; forgive me and the wrongs I have committed against you.
Sighing, I pull myself free from your grasp and sit up in the large king sized bed. I can't sleep and I know I won't get to sleep anytime soon so I might as well get up. Looking over at you now I allow a shaking sigh to escape my somewhat parted lips as my vision began to blur and it hurt to keep my eyes open. Pushing back the arising sob and tears, I climbed out of bed and slowly padded down the dark lifeless hall. I flinched whenever the stairs or hardwood flooring squeaked or made a groan of protest as my weight went across them. As I reached the kitchen, I began to rack at my mind as to why I had to go and change. What force caused me to hurt the only one that was ale to get so close to me? What drove me to abuse you so bad that you filed a divorce against me as well as and unsuspecting lawsuit. Once again, the tear fogged my vision and a sob cut off my oxygen supply. Hiei…..
Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
(Hiei's POV)
I screamed and raced down the hall as the person behind me closed in on me. His laughing was echoing throughout the house, bouncing off the walls. My feet slipped out from under me and I fell to the floor as Kurama leered over my helpless figure. Shaking with fear and betrayal I stood and faced the man that I had once loved but now hated more than anything.
"Why are you doing this?" I screamed at Hiei as Kurama chuckled darkly. He only lifted his fist and slammed it against my cheek but I held my ground. The bruise on my cheek was beginning throb and it felt like Kurama broke my jaw.
"Because you have that pathetic child living in you and there is no way I am going to allow you to give birth to something so disgraceful." sneered the redhead as he grabbed me around the next cutting of my air supply before throwing me into the wall next to us.
"I thought you wanted this baby just as much as I do." I cried out as I pulled my aching frame from the floor and once again stared Kurama right in the eyes.
"I told you, the thing is damned, a fucking disgrace!" Kurama screeched as he lifted his fist and delivered a mind blowing punch to my midsection. My eyes bulged slightly and I let out an ear piercing scream.
I awoke with a start and quickly looked around the room only to find it empty. Raising a hand, I pushed back a few banks from my face as I drew in a shaky breath to try and calm my nerves. I kept telling myself that it was only a nightmare and that it would never in a million years happen but something told me that I should also be very careful around the redhead. Speaking of the devil, I glanced at the empty spot to the left of me. Kurama must be downstairs for I can hear someone in the kitchen. Standing, I felt a sudden spell of dizziness hit my causing me to almost lose my footing. Balancing myself, I walked down the hallway and down the stairs before stopping at the end of them and pausing. I swear I can hear someone crying. Slowly with great caution, I entered the kitchen to find Kurama's back to me; his shoulders were shaking with what appeared to be sobs. I knew I should try and comfort him but I couldn't help but smirk at the pain he was in. Walking slightingly behind him, I placed my hand gently on his shoulders and pulled back when he tensed up and pulled away slightly.
"Kurama, what's wrong?" I asked but only received a sob as an answer before Kurama stood from the stool he was sitting on. I backed away in fear as Kurama turned but I paused at the sudden look of pure sadness and hatred in his dull emerald green eyes. I gulped and looked away from the piercing stare; I couldn't handle that look of pain in his eyes.
"Forgive me, I didn't mean to frighten you, Hiei." Kurama said before walking over to the cabinet and opened it to get out a small coffee mug. Walking over to the sink, he turned on the faucet and filled the mug up with water before gulping it all down.
"You didn't frighten me, Kurama; I was just taken by surprise." I lied as Kurama turned to face me with that pained expression causing a shiver to run up my spine. Oh how many times hand I looked in the mirror and saw that same expression in my eyes after Kurama beat me.
"Don't lie to me Hiei. I know you." Kurama said in a slight shaky voice that didn't sound like the Kurama I once knew. I shivered and looked away from those dulling emerald eyes. I slightly asked myself how one can be so cruel and ugly on the inside but look so innocent and beautiful on the outside. An emotion passed through Kurama's eyes before it disappeared as of it was never there. 'How many times have I done that before?' I questioned myself in my mind before I looked back into those eyes that help such pain, anger, self hate, longing, and so many more emotions I can't place my finger on at the moment. "I don't like it when you lie to me, Hiei, and I want you to be open with me until the baby is born so you don't have a miscarriage because of the stress of keeping your emotions hidden from me." Kurama continued before looking out the window as a streak of lightening flashed through the skies and thunder raddled the house with such force.
"Like you would care? How dare you tell me not to lock away my emotions when you did that since we got married! How fucking cold hearted can you get, fox? I'm more afraid of you trying to kill me and the baby then me bottling up my emotions! You fucking bastard!" I screamed out and saw the flinch Kurama made by my accusation.
"Do really think I would want you dead or my child; our child for that matter too? Do really think I am that heartless?" Kurama asked in an audible whisper but just loud enough for me to hear.
"Yes, quit frankly I do! You haven't given me any other reason to believe not to." I snapped back and once again Kurama flinch but did nothing more. An uneasy silence overtook the room and I shifted uncomfortably from side to side as I waited for an answer but none was given. Kurama stood from his seat and walked over to me before stopping right in front of me and he raised his hand in front of my face before lightly tracing it over my right cheek. Expecting to be slap I flinched away from him slightly before I looked deep into his eyes searching for an answer to his action there was none. Forcing my muscles to relax I tried not push you away as you cupped my face between your surprisingly soft hands. As you leaned forward I could feel my heart pound painfully within my chest but as your rose petal soft lips connected with me cheek and then my own lips, I could feel my heart actually skip a few beats causing a painfully aftershock. As you pulled away I could feel a small part of me wanting to yell at, to smack you and walk away; to beat you until there was nothing left but an even bigger part wanted you to kiss me again but this time harder…. and it scared me half to death.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
(Normal POV)
"Kurama…." Hiei whispered as breathe caught in his throat and for the first time in a while became speechless in front Kurama and allowed him to intimate him for the shortest moment. Kurama smiled slightly but though it was sad his eyes sparkled with silent laughter. Letting go, he walked away and turned back to the counter and put his glass in the sink before brushing softly passed Hiei and down the darkened hallway and up the stairs into their room. Hiei was left in the kitchen wondering what was happening.
"Am I falling for him again? I know I love him but…." Hiei said before turning off the light and following the invisible footsteps into their bedroom. Staring at the back of his ex-lover Hiei began to ponder on what was really happening. I must not brake down and tell him that I want him again. I don't think neither of us could handle that at the moment. Hiei sighed and absent mindedly placed a hand over his slightly swollen abdomen before climbing into the bed after Kurama. Settling down, Hiei closed his eyes and waited for the never ending void of dreams overtake him but before it could he felt an arm wrap around his waist and pull him closer to the one behind him.
"Kurama, what are you doing?" questioned the slightly puzzled youth before pulling away and sitting up. Kurama sat up as well before shaking his head and looking into Hiei's fiery pools.
"Arrepentido, Hiei. I couldn't help myself. Didn't mean to scare you, I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise." Kurama said with a hint of hurt in his tone. Hiei briefly nodded before lying back down and stared up at the ceiling as Kurama settled beside him.
"Oi, Kurama!" Hiei whispered causing Kurama to roll over and prop his head up on his hands before looking Hiei straight in the eyes. Hiei continued, "I don't mind you holding me. I was just curious as to what you were doing. Anyways, good night."
Kurama nodded before scoping Hiei into his arms and snuggled closer. He could feel to tense muscles but after three minuets, the muscles loosened and soon after relaxed all together. As Kurama began to fade off once again into the dark void of nightmares, he gentle moved his hands down to Hiei's abdomen and rested it there opened palm. Just as sleep overtook him he felt Hiei place his hand over Kurama's. Finally, the duo fell into a dreamless sleep, one with nightmares of the pain and the other of giving the pain.
Dawn
Hiei lazily blinked his eyes opened only to force them shut as the bright morning sun peered through the window. Groaning in protest, Hiei rubbed away the sleep before sitting up in the large king sized bed before looking to his left. There was no sign of Kurama and Hiei was silently disappointed and slightly relieved. Wonder where he could be right now. Hiei looked at the bedside table to the alarm clock that had bright neon green numbers which he could hardly make out through the annoying glare. Sighing in aggravation, Hiei stood from the bed and made his way into the bathroom. As the door opened it connected with a solid figure before a loud thud was heard followed by a string of profound curses. Hiei flinch mentally at not only his stupidity put at the colorful curses from the mouth of 'Creeper'. Opening the door wider, Hiei tried his best not to smile at the scene before him. Kurama laid sprawled out on the floor with the hair brush tangled in his flaming red locks and toothpaste dripping down his hand from being squeezed to hard.
"Shimatta! Oi, Hiei could you please knock next time. I would kind of like to live to see my child's birth at least." Kurama said in a mocking voice but amusement danced in those orbs of emerald. Hiei smiled and nodded before reaching down and grasping Kurama's free hand before pulling him to his feet. Reaching up, Hiei began to untangle the brush before walking over to the trash can a cleaning off some of the pulled locks. Kurama thanked him before washing his hands of the sticking substance known as toothpaste before drying his hands off on the towel wrapped around his waist.
"Kurama?" questioned the shorter demon as he made his way over to the closet and walked in over sized pantry. Looking through the cloths, Hiei turned to find the so called creature leaning against the door looking at him in a seductive manner. A blush slowly crept to the child-like features before he turned around and proceeded to pick out an outfit for the day.
"What is it, Hiei?" came the answer as Kurama walked in the closet behind Hiei as he also looked for something to wear. Picking out a fishnet under shirt and a dark, dark crimson tank-top Kurama walked up behind Hiei and looked over his shoulder. Hiei tipped his head back slightly before rolling his eyes.
"What do you have planned today?" Hiei asked before picking out a black tank-top and a loose fitting pair of midnight black demi jeans. Turning around, Hiei looked up at his taller demon friend before moving to the side and grabbing a random belt and then proceeded to exit the closet followed by the said red head. Kurama's eyes looked thoughtful before the red head shrugged his tanned, well muscled shoulders. Kurama walked over to the dresser in the middle of the two windows before opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of black pair of tight leather pants. Pushing the drawer closed he pulled out another one and reached in before pulling out a back belt. After closing the drawer, Kurama walked over to the bed before throwing his cloths on it and then looked over at Hiei who was topless.
"What would you like to do today?" questioned Hiei as he turned around just as Kurama dropped the dark green towel form his waist. A smirk set on Kurama's lips before he grabbed his pants and pulled them on his slim form. Hiei rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed to sit as well as put on some socks all the while he pulled on his tank-top. Kurama sat next to him as he pulled on the fishnet under shirt before the tank-top.
"Whatever….." was all Kurama said. Hiei sighed and looked up and the red head only to quickly look away from that intensity stare that Kurama was giving him. A dance of laughter, spark of happiness were in those brightening eyes but the jab of pain, stab of loneliness, and once of hurt were still there causing a shiver to run up his spine unwontedly. Standing, Hiei walked out of the room and down the stairs leaving Kurama alone with his thoughts.
(Hiei)
I can't take that stare anymore! How long will he be giving it to me? What does he want and why is he hurting? What did I do to earn such a stare from the one that caused him all the pain and suffering that he had to go through? Kurama….. What is wrong with you? You're not acting as the cold, apathetic, distant self that I once knew but you are back to the man I fell in love with. Is this some kind of trick; some kind of game you are playing? God damn it, Kurama! I can't take it anymore! What is it that you want from me? Are you trying to tell me that you're changing or is this a head game to get me back in your grasp? Yes! That's it! You only want me back in your grasp so you can hurt me again and to control me like you use to do. You're trying to play with my head on purpose to make me think you changed but I'm not falling for it again. I refuse to be controlled and manipulated once more. NO! No more! I won't let you brake me again; not after all the courage I built up to save myself from you.
(Kurama)
Hiei, do you really believe that I am the man that you devoiced? I'm not; I changed because I now realize my mistake and I am trying to fix it but you're making this very difficult. I can't do anything when you don't trust me. Why? Why did I have to be such a jackass and hurt you the way I did. Do you feel what I feel inside? Please, Hiei, don't you dare hide yourself in this time of need. Let me show that I have changed and I'll never go back to what I once was… that so called 'Creeper'. God please! Don't leave me Hiei! I love you with all my heart and I'd die a thousand times more if I have to, to prove my loyalty to you. Don't…. Don't you wish we tried? Just tell me what I need to know. Don't let your anger grow. Please talk to me, don't close the door. Hiei…. I love you so much. Because I want to hear you, I want to be near you. Don't turn me away. Don't give up on trust. Don't give on me; on us. If we could just hold on long enough we can get through this. Please just let me love you. I promise to never hurt you! I swear on my mother's life, on my life! I swear…. Please, Hiei.
(Normal POV)
Hiei watched the sky through the kitchen window when he heard footsteps from behind. Tensing slightly, Hiei turned to look into a pair of lifeless orbs that were flowing with tears. Hiei's breathe caught in his throat as he looked deep into the fox's soul. All his pain and sorrow hit him like a ton of bricks yet he still refused to move his feet. Kurama slowly walked towards him with the smallest of baby steps. Once in front of Hiei, Kurama fell into the small frame. Hiei was pushed to the door by the surprising move but soon regained his composer as Kurama's body shook with harsh sobs. Slowly encircling Kurama within his arms, Hiei sat them both on the ground and allowed Kurama to cry the day away. This was something new to him but he did it for the sake of his safety and for Kurama's mental and emotional health.
"Kurama, what's wrong?" asked Hiei as he shifted the red head in his arms to a more suitable position. Kurama looked up to Hiei with his sorrow eyes and cried harder. The tears began to come faster and faster and the sobs took away the very breathe that Kurama survived on. He hugged Hiei tighter in the embrace before burying his head into the junction between the shoulder and shoulder blade.
"I'm sorry….. So, so sorry! I… I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry, I'm sorry….. So, so sorry." Kurama repeated over and over again as he once more took the smaller demon by surprise. Hiei held onto Kurama tighter, tears of his own streaming from the crimson eyes that he possessed.
After about an hour later the sobs weakened and the tears stopped but the sniffling continued longer for about another thirty-five and a half minutes before Kurama slowly pushed himself from Hiei's embrace. Looking away from the gaze that bore into him, Kurama pushed himself from his position on the floor before looking down at his ex-lover. Smiling weakly, Hiei stood as well.
"Do you feel better?" asked Hiei as he stretched out his aching muscles. Kurama said nothing nor did he do anything. Hiei, who was slightly, confused at this point, placed a hand on the others shoulder. Nothing happened for a minute before Kurama turned and walked out the room without as much as a 'thank you' or a glance back. Hiei mumbled something under his breathe before following the over stressed fox into the kitchen. Kurama stood and the contour staring into nothing; all most as if he was not there mentally but physically.
"Kurama, I demand and explanation about what just happened back there. I am entitled to know why you spent two hours crying on my shoulder." Hiei said but nothing was said from the mute red head that refused to even acknowledge that the fire demon was behind him. Hiei growled with impatience before forcefully turning the taller male around to face him. Those same lifeless eyes bore into him once again. "Answer me, god damn it!" Hiei shouted at the distressed male before shaking him roughly. Kurama did nothing.
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
Hiei shouted in rage before slapping the demon and stomping out of the kitchen and up the stair into their bedroom. He slammed the door shut before sliding down it in confusion and frustration.
SingMyLullabySweet666: That's all for now.