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Chapter 1: Coffee and Company
"JEAN!!!" Logan shouted.
Drips of sweat rolled down Logan's body as he sat in the darkness. It was a dream. It was only a dream. Jean never was really there, but every night, she always seemed to be.
Logan had been having a similar dream of Jean every single night since the Alcatraz Island incident that changed his life 7 months ago. The guilt and pain continued to eat away at Logan for what he had done to Jean. There was no escape. His days were filled with the memory of her beautiful face and his nights with dreams of killing her.
Logan threw the sweat drenched covers off of him and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He held his head in his hands. It hurt so much. When would she leave him alone? He missed her so much. Her kind hearted personality, her quick witted thinking, her crimson red hair, and that smile. Her bright smile that always made him feel accepted and somewhat wanted. How could he have just killed her? Sure it was to save her, but at what cost? He might have been able to save her in some other way. To help her. But he killed her and he had to live with that.
Logan stood from the bed, quickly put on some sweats over his white undershirt and green plaid boxers. He needed a drink. Granted it would be much more helpful to have a beer right about now and drown his soars in the bitter tasting alcohol, but since he was the one on watch, on this cold wintery night, over the rest of the school, he couldn't just leave all the students alone while he got his drink on. So the only substitute…coffee.
There was no way that Logan would get anymore sleep tonight, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that he didn't.
The bulky X-man made his way through the halls, rubbing his eyes every now and again in an attempt to wake himself up more. It didn't take him long to get to the main kitchen on the first floor.
Before entering, he could hear someone sobbing in the kitchen. Logan leaned in just a bit to see who it was. When he leaned in, he could see Rogue sitting at one of the tables near the glass doors that led to the garden. Her cheeks were drenched with tears and dried mascara. He didn't want to disturb her, but he felt such a pull towards her, like that day he met her on the road or when he comforted her on the train when she had tried to run away from the school. Logan always felt the need to help and protect her, like some sort of little sister or important friend. He needed to see what was up. If not for her, then for his own sanity.
Logan leaned against the door frame, arms crossed. "Hey kid. You okay?"
Rogue seemed startled but she quickly relaxed when she saw who her new found company was. She quickly wiped her checks, embarrassed of how she must look, and gave Logan a wide sweet smile. "Hey Logan. Can't sleep again?"
"Looks like I'm not the only one." Logan walked into the kitchen toward the coffee pot. "Oh. Coffee's already made. Mined if I have cup?"
"Sure! Help yourself. I made plenty."
Logan quickly poured himself a cup and sat across from Rogue, who furiously fixed herself up to at least look presentable.
"So. What's up kid? Did you and that ice boy break up or something?" Logan asked after taking a sip of his black coffee.
Rogue smiled and let out a little bit of a laugh as she leaned her elbows against the table.
"How'd ya guess?"
"I had a feeling."
Rogue gave Logan a pained smile and then started with her confession.
"Bobby hasn't been the same since my powers came back. I know that he didn't want me to get the cure before, but since we were able to…," Rogue chose her words very carefully so that Logan wouldn't completely freak out, "be more intimate, it was harder for him to go back to how we were." Logan took another sip of his coffee and continued to listen, giving no sign of any kind of feeling or emotion, except pure support. "I can't say I blame him. I mean…I know that I would want to be close with another person if I could, but I guess that's not in the cards for me."
The tears started to form again in Rogue's eyes as she continued, her voice now beginning to crack. "Plus…he's with Kitty now."
Logan's grip around his coffee started to tense and tighten. "Apparently, his feelings for her have grown since the fight on Alcatraz Island, so there's nothing that I can really do…plus, it was time anyway. It would have been unfair for me to keep him away from a more normal life when we both knew it had been over between us for a while."
Rogue's tears began to fall. She tried to wipe them away, but they came on so fast that it was almost a waste to try. Logan stood from his current seat and sat on one closer to Rogue. He started robbing her back in an attempt to calm her down. She leaned her head against his shoulder as he started rubbing her hair. It really hurt for him to see her so broken.
"Shhhh. It's okay kid. He's not worth it. It's not you, it's just…relationships fade. It happens. You'll get over him, and you'll find someone who is more suited for you."
Logan could feel Rogue stop crying against his chest. "Plus, haven't you and Storm been focusing lately on controlling your powers…so that you can choose when to absorb energy and when not to?"
Rogue lifted her head, wiping her eyes before looking into Logan's. "Yeah. It's been going really well too. I can control my powers for 10 minutes now."
"That's great. I'm sure with more work you will be able to do it for much longer. It will become more fluid so that…eventually… you won't even have to think about it."
"Yeah. Your right. It just…it hurts Logan. I just want to be close with someone and it's like I'm cursed to never have that."
"I know kid. It sucks. But like I said, this pain will pass, and before you know it, you'll find someone new and better."
Logan carefully moved a piece of stray hair out of Rogue's face and behind her ear without touching her skin. Rogue and Logan kept their eyes on each other until Logan reached for his coffee to take another sip. Rogue grabbed a napkin off of the table, wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
Logan put down his coffee and started rubbing her back again. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine. Thanks for talking to me. It'll take me a little while to deal with it, but it's nice to know that there is someone that will always be there for me. Ha ha. Even for all of this emotional girly stuff."
Logan chuckled and removed his hand to take another sip of coffee. "I can't promise that I'll give you any good advice with all of your girly stuff, but I'm here for you when ever you need me."
"Thanks Logan."
Silence fell between the two. Logan could see that there was something else that Rogue wanted to say, but, in some ways, couldn't.
"Is there anything else?"
Rogue was a little hesitant but then said what was going through her mind. "Nothing pertaining to me. But I…I was just wondering how you were doing? It's been months, but I can still tell that you're hurting, with what happened to Jean and all."
Logan sat very still, staring up at the clock that stared back at him on the wall. Over the last 23 minutes, he hadn't even thought about Jean. It had been a nice escape, but now he was back in his familiar hell, full of unwanted memories.
"I'm fine."
Rogue stared at Logan with a knowing smile and raised eyebrow. There was no way that she believed him, and he knew that. Logan knew he wasn't going to win this by staying silent.
"Okay, fine. You're right. It still hurts," he paused, "everyday and every night. And… I'm still having those dreams about her. But…it does seem like I'm…at least…getting a little better. I mean…in the time that we've been together tonight, I haven't thought about her once. It always seems like that with you. When ever I'm with you, the pain becomes a nice unrecognizable numb feeling."
Rogue smiled with this new information. "Well, then that means I'll have to come down here and cry more often."
"Please don't. I'd much rather hang out with you when you're not all emotional," he stated with a sly little wink.
Rogue nudged her shoulder against his with a smile. "Well. I'll try and control myself then."
Both Rogue and Logan smiled as they took a sip of coffee from their cups. Silence seemed to drift back into the room, but neither of them cared. Even with the loud silence, the two were completely comfortable with each other. There didn't need to be words for them to enjoy each others company.
As the time ticked by, the two eventually filled their cups with more coffee and talked about other things, less important topics then lost love, and laughed about nonsense.
Rogue let out a big yawn. Logan looked up at the clock. They had been talking for 3 hours and it was now 5:35am. "My god kid! You better get to bed or you'll be sleeping in your classes later."
"No I won't. I'm not tired," Rogue yawned as she rubbed her sleepy eyes.
"Yeah right. Come on. I'll walk you back to your room."
Upon hearing this, Rogue got up from her seat, took the two cups, put them in the sink, and followed Logan out of the kitchen as he turned off the lights. It took almost no time at all for the two to get to Rogue's room.
"Well. Thanks for sitting with me and cheering me up," Rogue turned to say.
"It was nothing. In fact, you cheered me up as well. I probably would have had a downer of a night, as usual, without you there. So, I guess we're even."
"I guess so."
Rogue and Logan stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.
"Well. I'm gonna get going. I'll see you around kid."
Rogue nodded and opened her door. "Night Logan."
"Goodnight Rogue," Logan said as he started walking down the hall.
Rogue turned when inside her room, reopened the door, and leaned against the frame.
"Marie!"
Logan turned. "What?"
Rogue laughed. "The name's Marie," she said with a wink.
Logan smiled. "Sorry. I'll remember at some point."
Logan turned to go as Marie started to close the door again. Logan quickly turned and called back as he kept walking. "Goodnight Marie!"
Marie opened her door again with a big smile and loud laugh. "Goodnight Wolverine!"
Marie closed and locked her door as Logan walked down the hall. Logan made his way back to his room. He still didn't think that he was going to get much sleep tonight, but at least on his little high right now, he may be able to stay free from any thoughts of Jean.
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Thank you so much for reading! I plan on writing many more chapters for this fic, but it might take me a while to get them posted, due to final exams and planning on what I want to do next with this fic.
Sorry for the inconvenience if anyone likes this fic, but I will update as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!
