1SingMyLullabySweet666: Hello everyone! How are you? Good I hope.
Hiei: Quit with the small talk, Sing. Nobody cares about that.
SingMyLullabySweet666: (Sigh) You're right, but I do hope you all are doing great.
Kurama: Just get on with it Sing!
SingMyLullabySweet666: Okay, okay! (mummers) Party poopers... (smiles) Anyway, I have another chapter for ya! I won't waist anymore of your time with my senseless babbling so here's the chappy!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name. Also, I do NOT own the lyrics to the song Gomenasai by T.A.T.U.
Chapter Warnings: Excessive Language, child abuse, spouse abuse
Bold + Italic Song Lyrics
Italics Thoughts
Regular Font Script
Gomenasai (I'm Sorry)
(Kurama's POV)
It hurts, it hurts so much. I can see him, I can feel him, and I have even taken him since he decided to leave me, but... I can't have him. He refuses to come back to me, no matter how hard I try to convince him otherwise. I'm doing my best to make him happy. I swear I am! Sometimes I wonder why things turned out the way they did. What caused the rift between us? What broke us apart so much that Hiei can't stand to be near me? What happened to us? Then, I remember. I remember all the tings I had done to Hiei, all the things I never did for him. That's what broke us apart; that's what caused the rift between us. I hate it cause' I know that it is all my fault. I was the one who pushed him away, and I was the one who beat him until he couldn't take it anymore. It was me, all me. Hiei is innocent in this act of pain.
Sometimes I just want to lie down in a field somewhere and die. Not like that will happened anytime soon but it's still how I feel at times. All I ever try to do is make my lover... ex-lover happy. I give him the space he needs; I give him food and a place to stay, and I gave him pleasure when he needed it the most. Yet, in the end, I always seem to disappoint Hiei with my words, or my actions, or my behaviors. Everything I do for him never seems to be enough. I want Hiei to be happy and I am beginning to realize that maybe... maybe I can't make him happy. It scares me to think that but that's how it seems.
I want him to love me, I really do. I want to come every night from work and see his smiling face. I can't now, because every time someone leaves, all the other person ends up doing is crying his heart out. I know I do at least. Every time Hiei walked out that door, I kept thinking if he would ever come home to me. I always stay up late wondering if Hiei is coming back, if he decided to stay away. Then, with no strength left, I cry myself to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I was dead. This pain is so immense and it's eating me up on the inside, bu I know that this is nothing compared to the pain that haunts Hiei's mind every time he closes his eyes to sleep. I wake up too many times during the night because oh Hiei and his nightmares that keep him awake. I want to know what he is dreaming about but I dare not ask out of the fear of rejection. I don't want to be pushed away anymore. I'm already just a shadow of Hiei's past, I don't want to be forgotten forever.
What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was one of a kind,
A precious pearl.
My thoughts were broken, however, when I felt a shove to my mid back from someone.
Groaning in annoyance, I pulled the covers from over top of my head to see who it was. Glaring red eyes stared down my tired emerald green ones. A small smile graced my lips before I forced myself into an upright position.
While stretching my sore muscles, I look around at my surroundings. I blink in confusion for a moment or two. 'This isn't my bedroom.' I thought to myself before I looked at Hiei for an answer. He didn't say anything besides "get dressed," and "hurry the hell up you stupid fox."
As I stood on my legs, I stared into the mirror on the opposite side of the room. My face scrunched in distaste at the person staring back at me. It's not the worst I have ever looked but it's certainly not the best. My hair was in tangles and I had dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep I have been getting. I was also thinning, not bothering to eat in the last few days because of emotional distress.
Sighing, I walked over to the closet and pulled, at random, at a pair of nick dress pants and a dress shirt. I stumbled into the bathroom and took a moment to yawn and stretch once more. After getting the last of the kinks out of my swore back and neck, I turned on the shower to my right. Pulling off my boxers, I stepped into the steaming hot shower. It felt so good to stand there and let the scalding hot water loosen my tension ridden muscles. As I stood under the shower head, my mind began to stray from reality once more.
We're going to see mom today. I wonder how she's doing. It has been a long while since I last saw her and to hear her speak was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I know her and I aren't on the best of terms at the moment but I want to repair all the damage I had done.
I don't remember when it happened, but I do remember it started with Hiei making that fatal call to my mother one day while I was out getting plastered. He told her everything, from us being a demon of Makai to me beating him. I think that's what set mother off because the next day, she came over to visit us. I, of course, didn't know about the phone call at the time but boy was I pissed when she brought it up. It had taken all my strength not to walk over to Hiei and kill him right then and there. Yet, I had managed somehow but my mother and I got into a heated argument.
I think I called my mother a piece of shit, good for nothing whore. The look on her face was devastating, and before I could say anything to change my words, she slapped me, hard too. It hurt but not as much as it hurt to see her eyes full of tears and shame... shame that was directed at me. I don't know what came over me but something inside me just snapped. It was like the beast that I held a tight reign on broke free, and it charged at mother with a full frontal assault.
I hit her. I hit her and I made damn sure that it hurt like fucking hell. She looked at me with such fright and terror that Hiei, who had been watching the whole thing, stepped in and backed her up. That pissed me off even more and I began to beat him in front of my mother. IN FRONT OF MY OWN GOD DAMN MOTHER! She screamed at me, pleaded for me to stop. She even ran up behind me and began to litter my body with weak punches. It didn't work and the more I beat Hiei, the more she cried those tears of horror and shame. It just fueled my anger, like throwing gasoline onto an already raging fire. So, I hit Hiei harder; I made him bleed. I wanted so badly to kill them, both of them at that very moment but I restrained myself.
I didn't stop until my step-father walked in through my front door. He looked from me, to the battered Hiei lying on my floor, to my mother's tear stained face and bruised cheek. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground with my face stinging like a fucking banshee. Then pain just erupted throughout my body as he beat me. I guess he was repaying me the favor of beating Hiei and hitting mother. What hurt the most, though, was when my mother completely ignored what was going on right in front of her. Instead, she dried her tears and turned her back on me to help Hiei. She helped him stand and then led him out of the house and, I'm guessing, into the back of my mother's car.
When my step-father did stop, he just looked down at me and told me that if I ever hit my mother again, he was going to kill me. Then he had the nerve to tell me that I was no longer welcomed into his house again. I sneered at him, it wasn't his house to begin with, it was mother's house, not his. I was expecting my mother to come walking back in at any moment to help me up from the floor. To my disappointment, though, she never came back.
My step-father left me lying on the ground, with a broken heart and a heavy mind. Every time I tried to stand up and chase after them, unimaginable pain shot through my body. So, I just lied there like some kind of rag doll that had been thrown away. I knew I deserved it, but I couldn't get past the pain in my heart. My mother tried everything in her power to get me to stop beating Hiei, but I was the one being beaten... She turned her back on me. She turned her back on me! I think I cried all through the night until the wee hours of the morning.
My mother left me a message on my answering machine the next day, telling me that Hiei was okay and that there hadn't been any real damage done physically. She said emotionally and mentally she wasn't too sure about. She also said that Hiei would be staying with them until he decided what he wanted to do. Not only that, but at the end of the message, she said that my step-father and Shuichi disowned me from their family. Also, she recommended a therapist I could go and talk to. Do you know how much that tore me apart? I didn't want to have to hear my mother, my OWN mother, recommend a therapist to me because I had problems.
In a way, I guess that that's what ended tearing me apart in the end. I lost my step-father's love that night and I wasn't able to visit my little brother, Shuichi. Hiei had, by then, lost all faith in me and I think that's the night that he truly started to hate me. My mother, though, god what wouldn't I do to take back everything I did to her that night. I was utterly alone at the age of 19, and it was all my fault.
It haunts me every time I close my eyes for some sleep. I can see her screams and I can see her eyes clouded with shame and tears. Then the fight appears before my eyes and continues to replay the part where mother turns her back on me. It plays that over and over again like some kind of broken record. Everything fades away, the background, my step-father, and even Hiei is over come by nothing by darkness. The only thing left is my mother walking, my uninjured arm outstretched, reaching for her. All you can her is her footsteps fading away and my sobs for her to come back. Then, I wake up with sweat matting my hair to my face and tears streaming down my face. After it occurs to me that it was only a bad memory, you can't really call it a dream because it really happened; I sob into my hands for an hour or two before I can't cry anymore.
Now, all I want to do is walk into my mother's house and have her and the rest of my family welcome me with outstretched arms and open hearts. I know that that's not how it will go. My step-father will probably keep himself in between mother and me, while keeping an eye on Hiei to make sure he's aright. Shuichi will most likely take one look at me, glare, then walk away from me every time I go near him. My mother, though, she's the one I'm most worried about. I know she doesn't approve of what I did, hell I don't even approve of what I did. The fact is that I did do it and there's nothing that will erase it from any of our minds. I just hope she has forgiven me enough to allow me back in her heart. I don't know what I would do if she, too, rejected me.
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed.
A loud banging on the bathroom door interrupted my thoughts. It was then that I realized that I had lost track of time. My eyes were burning with unshed tears but I quickly pushed those away as I did with my most painful memory. Sighing, I quickly finished my now cold shower and got out. I dressed in the black dress pants and crimson button down dress shirt that I had randomly grabbed of their hangers. I dried my hair as best as I could with the towel since I didn't have enough time to blow dry it. I threw it back into a low riding ponytail before adding a tiny hint of cologne. Satisfied with the way I looked, I left the bathroom to find Hiei sitting on the edge of the bed with his right hand lightly rubbing his slightly rounded stomach.
A grin began to appear on my lips as I watched my lover... ex-lover. He seemed to not have noticed me but when I tried to sneak up on him, he lifted his head in time to see me. I stopped in my tracks, not wanting to frighten or anger Hiei in anyway. He just smiled lightly, though, and stood up from where he was sitting. He crossed the room over to me before burying his head into the croak of my neck and took a whiff.
"You're earing cologne," he stated in a fact more so then a question. I nodded my head in response and he buried his head into my neck again and took in the scent of my cologne. Hiei pulled away after a moment and slightly smiled at me.
"I like it, you should wear it more often," he said before turning and walking out of the room. It stood there for a moment, stunned at Hiei's actions. Last night, he had yelled at me because I wanted to be his lover again, but today he says my cologne smelled nice and that I need to wear it more often. Sighing, I came to the conclusion that it must be the mood swings.
I quickly followed after Hiei, only to find him already in my car. I paced out of the house but turned to lock it before proceeding to my car. I entered on the driver's side because mainly, I didn't want Hiei driving my car. It had been a rule from the get-go. Even though it wasn't a nice car, it was still something that I bought with my own money, from my own wallet, from my own job. In a way, this car was my pride and joy.
The car roared as I turned the key in the ignition to 'on'. I smiled the sound of the engine purring and it gave an adrenaline rush to the extreme. The car was nothing really special but it was imported from America and it captured everyone's eyes. I forget the year of the car, somewhere around late fifties early sixties. She was a beauty though, everyone on the sidewalks stopped and stared as we drove past them. My car was a Desoto. I bought it online from some old man in California. It said it was in perfect condition so I said what the hell, and bought the damn thing over the internet. Not long after, the car was shipped to Japan for me. Man, she was so fucking beautiful. Fire engine red paint with white decals running the length from the car door to the bumper. Chrome bumpers glistened in the sun every time I drove it. The interior was a pearl white with a crimson steering wheel. She may not look it, but the thing had some power behind the beauty.
The ride over to my mother's house was tension filled silence of agony. I hated it when Hiei would just sit there and stare out the window and not say anything. I makes me feel as if I had done something to upset him or to make him depressed. I glanced over at him every once in a while, just to see if his mood had changed at all but there wasn't a indication that he was ticked off or anything like that. I gave a silent sigh of relief and returned my attention back to the road.
After about half an hour later, we pulled into the driveway of my mother's house. It hadn't changed since the last time I came here but the flowers in the garden looked more beautiful than I could ever remember them being. Hiei unbuckled his seat belt and climber out of the car. I took a deep breath in and held it for a moment before releasing it all to quickly. I, too, unbuckled and got out of the care. I locked both doors with my keys before heading to the front door of my mother's house. Hiei was just about to ring the doorbell when I stopped him.
"Hiei, wait!" I panicked, the one thing I was trying to avoid on the was down here. 'I can't go through with this. I can't face the look of shame and disgust on my family's face as I walk through the door. I can't stand the awkwardness between my mother and me. I just can't go through with the rejection that will be sure to happen.' my mind to me as I grabbed Hiei's arm and held it in a death grip. Hiei looked at me with anger and confusion before he yanked his arm back.
"What the hell is it now, baka fox?" Hiei questioned with obvious distaste for my action. I grimaced at the anger laced in his voice but I decided that I would apologize later.
"I can't do this Hiei, I can't. I want to so badly, but I'm so scared of being rejected. I don't think I could handle that right now," I said with hope flickering in my eyes that Hiei would actually care about my feelings. I was hoping that he would say something encouraging to me but instead, he rang the doorbell, much to my dismay. As I stared into his eyes, I could see the pride and mockery within them. 'He didn't care. He didn't care one bit about what this is doing to me. Not one bit. He just brushed me off like some whore. Can't he see that this is tearing me apart from the inside out?' I was interrupted form my thoughts for the third time that day when the front door opened up. Standing in the door way was non other than my ex-step-brother Shuichi. He had gotten taller from the last time I saw him, which was four years ago. I bet he had all the girls hanging all over him.
Shuichi's smile brighten as he looked at Hiei. He gave him a giant bear hug he used to do to me when I was younger. When they let go, I could see the pure happiness shining in both their eyes. A conversation started up between the two before Shuichi invited Hiei in. I took in a deep breath, hoping it would help the sob that I wanted to so desperately suppress. 'Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't have come at all. I think I should have dropped Hiei off and just gone home. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll go home. Yeah.' I convinced myself to just turn around and return home, to save myself from the heart ache that was sure to come. 'Then again, I need to apologize for my actions and for the way I was in the past. I need to do this, even if it kills me.'
Gomenasai
For everything
Gomenasai
I know I let you down
Gomenasai 'til the end
I never needed a friend like I do now
I walked in the house and silently closed the door behind me. Looking around, I noted that there wasn't anyone here so I used my keen hearing to locate everybody. They were all in the backyard apparently, so I quickly hurried to the back door. As I reached it, I could see my step-father, Shuichi, Hiei, and my mother all laughing at something that was said. It then occurred to me what I was really afraid of. It was the fact that they didn't need me in their lives to be happy, that they didn't need me at all. Teats gather in the corners of my emerald green eyes. It hurt so much to know how little I was needed. I only cause them all suffering and misery.
I did the only thing I knew that would help me, I turned and walked away from the scene. I couldn't stand there any longer and watch as they all laugh happily without me. I would give anything to be able to laugh like that again. I would even give my soul just to have one last joyful memory of my family. A sobbed ripped from my throat, but I didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered, my family didn't need me and my friends didn't need me. I was all alone. Utterly alone.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice that was now standing in my old bedroom. Everything that had ever been mine was missing and the walls, that used to be filled with photos, were bare and boring. I sat down the edge of my old bed and sobbed into my hands. 'Why does it have to hurt so much? I want to be happy, but at the same time, I want my family to be happy to. In order for them to be that way, I would have to suffer. Either way, it's a win-lose situation. If I don't suffer then they suffer, if I do suffer, then they are happy. Either way, I end up getting hurt. I hate this!
I stay hidden in my old bedroom for about an hour before my broken sobs finally started to settle down. I got up from my bed and walked over to the closet, hoping that something of mine was still there. It wasn't. They cleaned the room bare after they removed all of my belongings from this room. They erased me completely from their memories.
My whole body jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was so caught up in my misery that I didn't notice someone else had entered the room. I wanted to smack myself for letting my guard down but that didn't matter now. Nothing did. I sighed and turned and came face to face with my mother. I smiled slightly at her but just looking at her made all the guilt come rushing back in the form of a tidal wave. My smile died shortly after that.
"Hi," I said meekly, my voice strained from crying so much and because I was physically and emotionally drained. She smiled her bright sunshine smile at me and it warmed my heart to see her this happy.
What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain
"Shuichi, it's so good to see you," my mother said as she took me into her arms. I couldn't help the smile that spread over my features as her arms enclosed around my waist and her head buried into my chest. I wanted this moment to drag on forever but I know it had to end. With disappointment, I drew away from the hug and stared into my mother's smiling face.
"How have you been, Mother?" I asked. I wanted to know if she was happy and if she wasn't then I would have to do everything within my power to make her happy. It wouldn't be easy but I know what they didn't need. They didn't need me.
"I'm doing fine, thank you for asking. But, that's not why I came up here. I came up here because I wanted to know why my son was here, crying his heart out instead of down stairs with the rest of the family, where he belongs," Mother stated and for brief moment, I felt wanted. I felt like I could anything at that moment, that I was needed in order to make my family happy. Mother led my over to the bed and sat me down before she sat next to me. I looked away from her and stared intently at the white plush carpet. Mother continued, "Tell me what's bothering you Shuichi."
"It hurts so much mother," I began and already I could feel the tears of pain at the back of my eyes lids. My mother grasped my hand and in return, I squeezed her soft, pale hand softly. A sob threatened to erupt from within me, and I fought with all my might to keep it down. I lost the battle in the end.
"Go on Shuichi, I'll listen to whatever you have to say," Mother cooed and I felt strangely calmer than I had in months. I took in a deep breath and began my story.
"I hate it, mother. I love him so much and because of my stupid actions and anger towards my life, I cause myself to lose one of the greatest gifts in my life. I lost Hiei because I couldn't care enough and when I did, I had already lost the war. I want to be with him so much it hurts, and I want to show him how I really feel about him. I can't though because Hiei will hear none of it and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I cause him pain and I made him suffer through things he never should have. I hate myself for it. Why couldn't I be more gentle and kind with him? What the hell did Hiei do to deserve a worthless asshole like me? I don't blame him for hating me, and I don't blame him for not wanting to be with me. But, I think about the child he's caring, our child. I don't want Hiei to have to tell our child that the only reason his father isn't around is because he was a fucking asshole that ruined everything. I don't want him to have to tell our kid that his father messed up when he began to beat his mother, I don't want that. I don't want Hiei to have to go through that. I'd rather have Hiei tell our child that his father was dead or something like that. Is that so wrong?"
My mother looked at me with pity filled eyes and I knew at that moment I had gotten back into my mother's heart and good graces. She wiped away my tears with the back of her thumb before giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
"Go on, Shuichi, I'm listening. Tell me everything," And I did.
"It's not only. I've been having nightmares about the day I hit you and beat Hiei in front of you," I paused, wanting to see the look of anger or shame was through those warm brown eyes but it never came. So, I continued, "It always starts out the same. It shows me hitting you, and then me beating Hiei. I can hear your screams and pleas for me to stop and I can still feel the stinging in my check where you hit me. I can see the look of terror and shame in your eyes as you pound away at me, trying to make me stop. I can still smell the fresh scent of salty tears. I hate it. Then it goes on to show when Father walks in through the doorway and sees what has happened. Then it show my beating and it seems to drag on for hours. After a while, it zooms in on you turning away form me and helping Hiei up. Then the two of you begin to walk off. Then... Then..." I pause again to try and calm the tears that are pouring faster down my pale cheeks as I place a hand around my mouth to stifle my sobs.
Mother pulled me into her chest where I laid until I could gather my thoughts, all the while, she is rocking me and gently shushing. She runs a hand up and down my back like she used to do when I was a child. Soon afterwards, my sobs quite a little and my tears seem to slow down but don't completely stop.
"Then," I started, "Then everything disappears. Hiei, Father, the living room, everything. All I can see or hear is you and your footsteps getting further and further away. I raise my hand to reach out and grab, to pull you back to me but I can't reach. I have tears pouring out of my eyes as I keep screaming at the top of my lungs for you to come back. But you never do, you left me. Then I wake up and I'm in my bedroom.
The nightmare just won't leave me alone and I have tried to take medicine to suppress my memories but it doesn't work. I asked for a high dosage and ended up over dosing on my medication so the doctors took it away from me. All I want is for the nightmares to end. That's all I want, I don't want to dream anymore. I can't take it.
Every time I tried to call you for some advice, I would just hang up in the end because I was so nervous that you wouldn't except me anymore. I figured that you hated me and wanted nothing more to do with me, like Shuichi and Father. I guess I was right, I mean... My old room is bare of any belongings that I left behind. I don't blame you though, I would have done the same thing. Sometimes, I wish I was just dead," I said and I felt my mother stiffen. I had managed to anger her, the very thing I didn't want to do.
When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself
"Shuichi, how could you say something like that? I love you; you are my son and no matter how bad you mess up, you will always be my son. I'm happy that you're alive because that gives us the chance to mend things between us. Now, I don't ever want to hear you wish you were dead, because I don't. I know for a fact that your little brother was excited that you were coming over today because all morning, he kept asking when you would get here. And you Father was also looking forward to mending the rift between the two of you. So, no more tears Kurama, okay," Mother said, her gentle voice ringing in my ears like a thousand telephones. I nodded and wiped away my tears before sitting up and stretching my back muscles. Just as my mother was about to stand up, I grabbed her arm gently and pulled her into a hug.
"Thank you, Mother. I'm sorry for everything I did to make you cry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I said before she kissed my forehead and stood to leave the room. I stood and followed behind her, matching her step for step.
Gomenasai
For everything
Gomenasai
I know I let you down
Gomenasai 'til the end
I never needed a friend like I do now
As we came to the bottom of the stairs, I came face to faces with the rest of my family. I gave them a small uncertain smile, but it grew when large grins spread over their faces. My step-father walked up to me and hugged me for a long while and I was the one who had to pull away. The minute I got free from my step-father, I was pounced on by my little brother. He nearly squeezed the life out of me but I had managed to slip from his grasp at the last minute.
"Come on, Kurama, I thought you were tough than that. Upstairs crying like a little baby, and here I thought you were a man," Shuichi said as he playful punched my shoulder. I smiled at him before my mother turned to glare at him. He giggled nervously before apologizing.
"Be nice, Shuchi!" my mother said before turning back to me and smiling. A loud buzzer rang throughout the house and Mother gasped before hurrying off, saying that the ham was done. Everyone filed off after her besides me and Hiei.
Hiei beckoned me closer with his pointer finger and I obeyed the command. When I reached him, he grabbed my hair and pulled me eye level with him before he kissed me. I was caught off by surprise but quickly responded back, kissing Hiei for all he was worth. The innocent kiss turned passionate within a matter of seconds before he pulled away to gasp for air. I leaned down and placed a butterfly kiss on his lips before he released me.
What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I walked away
"What was that for?" I questioned and Hiei shrugged his shoulders. That wasn't a good enough answer for me, so when he went to walk away, I grabbed him and pulled him into another passionate kiss. It lasted for a minute before we broke apart. I slightly gasped for air while Hiei's hands fisted into my dark crimson dress shirt. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes were gleamed over with lust. I groaned before pulling him back into me for another kiss.
Gomenasai
For everything
Gomenasai
Gomenasai
Gomenasai
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now
This was how I was going to apologize. This was my sorry from me to the only person in the world that I want to share my life with. I want to be there when the child is born and I want to be there when the child is growing up. I want to be the father I never got to have. Hiei was my everything, and every though I lost him because of my stupidity and my anger toward myself for letting everyone down, I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never stop loving him. I know that he hates my guts right now, but only makes me want him all the more. If I can prove to him that I am worthy of his time, of his care, then maybe there if a small flicker of hope for us. I just want him to be happy but I don't want to be excluded from it. I love you, Hiei, and one way or another, I will make you realize that.
For now, you will have to settle for my kisses as an apology until I can properly say I'm sorry to you. I want to apologize for every beating I gave you and for every insult I threw at you. You never deserved any of that and I apologize for it. I want to apologize for not being there when you needed me the most at for not treating you the way you should be treated. I also want to apologize for giving you hard time and for always bringing you down. I apologize for hurting you every chance I got, instead of loving you like I should have been doing; I apologize for ignoring you during I marriage, treating you like you were of little importance to me when in reality, I needed you all that time to get me through whatever life threw at me. I apologize the most for going back on my promises and breaking your heart; I apologize for being me, Hiei. I love you and I apologize for not letting you know it every night before we went to bed and every morning when we got up. I apologize for everything and I will keep apologizing until the end of time. Gomenasai, Hiei, forever and for always.
Gomenasai
I let you down
Gomenasai
Gomenasai,
Gomenasai 'til the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, that's all for now. Sorry it took so long but I am a busy person you know. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this from Kurama's point of view. It was something new and I really want you to get a feel for what went on inside Kurama's mind.
Anyway, R&R!