Okay. I swear I've written this thing at least six times. Please don't kill me for making this update take so long. I want to thank everyone who has read my story and waited patiently (or maybe not-so-patiently) for me to update. This is for you.
Disclaimer: Naruto and all other licensed characters belong to Mashashi Kishimoto. I'm only borrowing them. Besides…I have over three-hundred Naruto pictures on my computer.
What happened last time:
"Good-bye. I will give Tsunade-sama the note, don't worry. Take care!" Shizune called from her desk.
"You too." Kakashi replied with a smile.
Once outside, the mood seemed to brighten greatly. Naruto clung to Iruka's hip and shrunk himself into the blanket as much as he could to avoid the cold. Kakashi paused mid-stride to gaze at the sky. Snow had begun falling again. It was powdery snow, however, and it didn't stick to much. Both men were draped in a thin layer of fine snow by the time they reached the car.
Kakashi started the vehicle and let it run until hot air blasted from the heater. They stood huddled together outside. All of them were willing to trade a few frigid minutes for a warm car ride home. They made small talk during the entire ride home, happy for the few weeks that Naruto would be with them.
What neither man noticed was the silent, shadowy figure that had followed them out of the hospital and now stood a ways from the entrance. The person watched the trio drive out of the parking lot until they disappeared. With a toss of long dark hair and a swirl of snow, the streets were empty once more.
Chapter Four: Family
The atmosphere between the two men was solemn, but Naruto smiled brightly and the mood seemed to lift.
"So, Naruto. You're going to live with us. What do you think of that?"
A blush crept over Iruka's cheeks as the silver-haired man beside him spoke. 'Us?Does that mean he wants to move in…so soon?'
Naruto's smile sent warmth through Iruka's heart. He couldn't help but grin along with the child. Such carefree mannerisms concealed an inner chaos, but several years as a social worker allowed him to easily see through the defensive walls and catch a glimpse inside.
"I like it." he chirruped while snuggling further into the dark fleece blanket.
Kakashi's small chuckle earned a grin from Iruka. He stored the melodious sound in his mind; he wanted to memorize everything about his new boyfriend. As unsure as he was about the sudden development with his long-time friend, Iruka felt like the tiny missing piece within him had been filled.
"Are you alright?"
His lover's words woke Iruka from his trance-like state of thought. A blush crept over the collar of his jacket. Smiling softly, Kakashi snuck one hand around the headrest of the other man and gently tugged at his hair.
"Eep! Kashi-chan, stop!"
Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the nickname. Fire engine red and now further embarrassed by his loose tongue, he began to stutter aimlessly. Finally, chagrined, he gave a tiny smile. Naruto stuck his chin up from the warmth of his cocoon.
"I need to wear a seat belt, and Mr. Hatake needs to pay attention to the road." the child said wisely.
"That means you've been in a car before?" Iruka asked.
Naruto nodded blatantly, a wary shadow hovering before his eyes. Iruka could sense that the subject of driving made him uncomfortable, although he had had no apparent qualms about riding in a vehicle before hand.
Naruto climbed out of the blanket into the back seat. The seat belt snapped shut with a click. The blue-eyed child looked wisely at his new guardian.
'I have to do this right. I have to, have to, have to. I have to be good.'
"Where are we going?"
Kakashi made a right and stopped outside a small clothing store.
"We're here. We're going to buy you some proper clothes to wear, Naruto. Come on out, but wrap yourself in this, "Iruka handed Naruto the blanket, "so you won't be cold, okay."
Obediently he flung the blanket like a cape over his tiny shoulders, punched a triumphant fist into the air, and said, "Fear not, evil doers. Uzumaki Naruto is hear to save the day and rescue Iruka-san and Kakashi-san!"
Iruka chuckled as they entered the store. "Naruto. It's all right to call me Iruka now. And Kakashi is just Kakashi."
Warmth flushed his cheeks as Kakashi reached out and took his hand. With the gentle pressure of his thumb, he rubbed tender circles along the back. Skin as smooth silk met his touch.
'Kami, he's beautiful.'
Upon entering the store, Iruka's serious chocolate eyes met his gaze.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered, leaning close to Kakashi's left ear. ", but I don't quite feel comfortable yet about revealing our relationship to the public…"
"I'm sorry," he murmured again while staring shamefully at the floor. He was unable to meet his new boyfriend's gaze.
A rush of understanding raced to Kakashi's face. He gently kissed his lover's temple before ruffling his dark hair.
"It's okay. I'll ease up, alright."
Kakashi's eyes were upside down u's and Iruka smiled.
"Mr. Kakashi. C-can we go in now. Its cold. Brrrrrr!" Naruto shivered to display his feelings.
"Alright, alright. Lets go."
A gust of warm air met the trio as they entered the store. Naruto's eyes grew wide and shiny.
"Is this…what is this place. It is heaven?" he asked cutely, earning a smile from Iruka.
'I'm..doing it. I'm being good so they won't be mad. Maybe they won't hit me or tie me in the….in the…'
Naruto was swallowing to calm himself down when Iruka said, "You mean, "Is it heaven, don't you?"
'Oh no…Oh no. I messed up I messed up I messed up. Now its gonna hurt. I have…to be safe.'
His cerulean eyes became glassy chips of ice, not at all different from the eyes of a porcelain doll. Fear pumped adrenaline through his tiny body. He did the only thing he could think of. He ran.
Iruka was so startled that the boy's slender fingers slipped easily through his own.
"Naruto!" he shouted at the quickly retreating figure.
Said figure turned left down the last aisle and disappeared. Iruka was beyond worried. He began to wonder if it was something he had said.
'He fears confrontation at all. He's obviously afraid that he will be hit or punished somehow. All I did was correct his sentence. He's going to need a lot of therapy to help him accept his past.'
Kakashi mistook his boyfriend's silence for guilt; he reached over and, checking to make sure that there were no potential witnesses, slid his hand into Iruka's and gently squeezed it. This brought the younger man out of his stupor.
"Wha--?"
Iruka's face glowed and his eyes softened.
"Come on." he whispered, tugging Kakashi's hand. "Lets go find him."
Still clutching his hand, they ran down to the end of the aisle. Up ahead they could see the refrigerated section waiting for them.
Iruka tugged at the scarf around his neck. "I'm grateful to be wearing this."
"Why?"
The younger of the two shrugged. "The cold just tends to seep into me and then I can't get warm."
Kakashi's perversion took over. "I could think of a hundred things to do that would keep us both warm."
"Kakashi!" Iruka smacked the man, face growing a permanent scarlet flush.
"I meant well," he muttered, rubbing the fabric of his coat where Iruka's hand had previously hit.
Naruto was not on the next aisle. Or the next. Or the next. The men split up. Iruka went to check near toys while Kakashi searched over by the fruits and vegetables.
"Naruto…" Iruka called out softly, hoping not to further frighten the child. The first toy aisle was empty of the blonde-haired boy, but the second one held rows of plushie animals. It had an indescribable…a Naruto-like feel to it. Just as he was about to leave, he saw a tiny, grubby, peach-colored thing at the very end of the passageway. As he approached the object, he saw that it was, in fact, a small foot.
"Naruto?"
The foot jerked itself in quickly. Iruka smiled, was about to say, "Come out, come out, wherever you are," but then remembered the boy's hypersensitivity to anything spoken aloud. Instead he said, "I'm not going to hurt you. Can I come inside?"
The boy had propped up many walls of stuffed animals to create a sort of "hut" around himself.
"You have to say knock-knock first." came a reply muffled by beanie babies.
Iruka found him-self playing along and tapped on the stomach of a stuffed teddy bear.
"Knock knock."
"You have permission to enter, servant. Bow low before me and my awesome power!"
Luckily Iruka moved before Naruto sent his foot crashing into the back of the teddy bear; it flew across to the other side where it lay in quiet defeat on the floor. The child then jumped out, arms wide and eyes sparkling with happiness.
"Fear my ninja powers!" he yelled in his squeaky little voice.
The man chuckled at Naruto's silly behavior. 'Let him play his games. If he can act out his emotions like this, then its good for him. Still….I wonder if he has a mood disorder. He has many symptoms of bipolar disorder…He's different from Tobias, however.'
Playing along, Iruka faked a frightened scream, which then made Naruto freeze in his tracks. Eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, he slowly moved until he was in front of Iruka. Throwing his arms out, he clung to Iruka's leg and whispered apologies.
"…I'm sorry…I'm sorry. I'm s-s-so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Naruto whimpered into the man's leg.
Iruka scooped the crying child into his arms and began to rock him back and forth, shushing him gently. Naruto looked at him with watery blue eyes.
"I'm sorry… ," he said. "Its bad to be scared. What are those?"
The timid voice was difficult to hear, but what Iruka heard made barbed wire rent through his heart. The child didn't even know what a toy was.
"If you want, pick one. They're called toys. If you pick one, I'll buy it for you."
"Buy…?" Naruto tilted. "That means something costs money. I'm not allowed things that cost money."
'I hope I'm not going to get yelled at. I really don't want to get in trouble.' Naruto's thoughts chased him around in his head. 'That's what this is. It's a test. That's all it is. I just have to pick the right one and I won't get in trouble.'
Timorous blue eyes scanned row after row of plush animals. Suddenly his eyes caught on a bright orange fox of medium size. Slowly, as though he believed that he would be punished for choosing the wrong one, he reached out his bandaged arm and took hold of the kitsune's tail.
"…This one?" he asked rather than said.
"Is that the one you want?"
"…Hai…"
"Well, then. Lets go find Kakashi. Bring it with you so no one will take it while we look at clothes for you, okay?" Iruka's smile made Naruto feel more comfortable.
Iruka set Naruto down and they walked to the children's clothing aisle. Kakashi already waiting there and he had the lovely job of holding the plush fox while Naruto tried on many clothes. It wasn't necessary to speak a word; Kakashi knew how ridiculous he looked like cradling a stuffed animal in his arms.
'Great. I get to look loopy in public. Oh well. Suppose its no different that reading Ichi Ichi Paradise near the playground benches.'
Naruto needed a small in everything from shirts to shoes. He came out of the dressing room wearing a plain black shirt with a pair of deep navy pants. Iruka felt that the colors were too dark for his taste, but said nothing in order to avoid triggering another depressive episode.
"Is that what you like, Naruto?"
"…Hai…" he spoke shyly, twirling his fingers together.
"Good. Now, lets go pick out a jacket for you. You definitely need a jacket in this weather."
Once again dressed in an oversized shirt and a blanket cape, the trio traipsed down to the other side where there were a couple of jackets on clearance.
"This one!!" Naruto cried, jumping onto a hanger that held a brilliant orange and blue jacket as soon as he laid eyes on it. Of course the plastic hanger could not handle even Naruto's undernourished body, so it broke. He toppled to the floor in a heap of too-big jacket and laughter.
"Mine?" he tilted his head cutely to one side.
Iruka wouldn't dare voluntarily break the child's fragile smile, so he nodded.
"It looks sturdy, and it's large too. You'll have room to grow in this one, which means that it'll last longer. Lets go."
Iruka went to buy the outfits, but found himself short of cash.
"Naruto. We have to put one of the shirts back because I don't have — "
"He has enough. Don't worry, Naruto." Kakashi said as he thumbed through his wallet before passing a twenty to Iruka.
"I won't…" Iruka started to speak but was silenced by Kakashi shaking his head.
"You don't have to."
Naruto wordlessly listened to the two men talk while he slipped on a pair of new clothes in the back. His mouth twisted into a silent scream of pain as he accidentally tore the bandages from his skin on his right arm.
'Oops…'
The scratches began to bleed a little, but, having been in many similar situations before, knew exactly what to do. He held his left hand over the gauze and held it firmly. Red stains seeped through the compress, but it quickly stopped bleeding.
He slipped his poor excuse of underwear off, carefully slit the top open with a grubby nail, and removed a pair from the package. He rapidly drew them upwards while shivering at old memories that came back to haunt him. To distract himself from his thoughts, he began humming a little tune that sounded vaguely like something from Sesame Street.
He then tugged his pants on and zipped them up.
"Almost done!" he shouted cheerfully. After all, new clothes were something he was NOT used to. The clean well-fitting fabric felt sensational against his skin. Even his back wasn't bothering him for once; usually it itched like crazy due to the dirt constantly being rubbed into the wound.
A fully dressed Naruto reemerged from the back seat, complete with a brand new orange and blue jacket that almost made one want to shade his eyes against the overly bright hues. He settled stiffly upon Kakashi's lap as Iruka drove them home.
"No dresses?" his small question punctured the peaceful quiet.
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!! The car jolted to a halt. Both men looked at Naruto in amazement.
"Dresses?" came Kakashi's confused yet gentle voice.
"No, Naruto. Dresses are for girls. Did someone make you wear a dress?"
Naruto glared at them blankly. "That's none of your business. I wanna go home!"
He stuck his lip out in a cute pout, teasing a smile out of both men. It took some time before Iruka's nerves eventually calmed down.
'He has been severely abused. Neglected. There is so much he has had to deal with…Yet, there remains that fragile smile. It needs to be polished….fixed…It needs to be made whole.
I wonder if I'm capable of that. There are so many kids….teenagers too…that have never found a home and they are just shipped from place to the next like damaged goods. No one wants them.'
A tension-filled sight broke the silence. Kakashi observed Iruka from the corner of one eye.
'He looks tired…worn out…. and stressed beyond belief. He's probably sensitive to the kid's issues because of all the other cases he's taken on as a social worker. But that look in his eyes. It's the look of guilt. Love…don't blame yourself. Please don't blame yourself.'
"Focus on the road please."
Naruto's voice snapped Iruka out of his stupor.
"You're right." he laughed. "Wouldn't want to get into an accident."
"True, true." agreed Kakashi.
A pleasant quietude settled over the trio for the rest of the journey. Naruto was content with his clothes and his new toy, Iruka was tediously hanging over the edge of depression, and Kakashi was helpless to assist either. So he sat in silence, intent upon plotting a way to cheer his boyfriend up.
Every idea that came up was shot down by the remembrance of Iruka's hesitation. He didn't want to rush headlong into passionate lovemaking like so many couples often did in Ichi Ichi Paradise. That was fantasy. In reality, Kakashi found himself wanting to take things slowly.
The rest of the car ride was quite uneventful. Naruto insisted upon carrying the bags of clothes inside once the vehicle was parked.
"I'm going to carry them. They're mine…aren't they?"
"Yes." Iruka said through a sigh.
Snow had begun to fall again. For a moment, they all stood outside in the fallout of winter.
Suddenly Naruto piped up. "Was I bad Iruka? Is that why you're sad?"
Iruka put on the best fake smile he could. He couldn't bear to mention that the flashbacks of his past were coming back with fervent intensity. It just hurt too much. The last thing he wanted to do was burden Naruto further. Past damage had already warped his childish mind with nightmarish things. What would this do to him?
Kakashi wasn't fooled. He knew something was wrong and felt committed to learning what it was.
"Okay!! Lets go. And Superman flies away. Neowrrrr. Boom, boom, boom!! Take that, evildoers. I will protect the innocent from you bad people!!" Naruto stood jumping up and down until Kakashi unlocked the door. He ran inside and leapt onto the couch. Stuffing the bag of clothes beneath the couch cushion, he regarded both men with a solemn expression. The he burst into a fit of laughter.
'I just have to be silly-happy. Then Mr. Iruka and Mr. Kakashi will stay happy and I won't get into trouble. That's all I have to do.'
Iruka gave a small smile as he shut the door. He immediately went into Kakashi's bedroom to lie down. But it seemed like with consecutive blink, more memories came back. If he was crying, he didn't know it. The world around him blurred and he was back to being a child. Back to dealing with issues that he'd never really come face to face with. Back with a hysterical mother and a distant father. Back to feeling alone with his constantly dropping grades and self-injury.
He felt a slight pressure on his wrist and flinched. The universe warped again; Kakashi's concerned face came into view and Iruka noticed the hot tears building at the corner of his eyes. In a myriad of thoughts, only one really got through to him.
"Kuso." he said and began crying.
Kakashi immediately picked up on his lover's distress and came to an obvious conclusion. He needed to do something, anything, to calm Iruka down. He settled for gently caressing Iruka's back and letting the man cry into his sweater.
Iruka lay for a while, still unsure of what was happening. He couldn't feel much of anything. It was as though he were floating in a pure white purgatory. He squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't ready to face reality again.
Kakashi lay with Iruka until he fell asleep, emotionally worn out and still crying although unconscious. Slowly the tears stopped trickling down his face. The older man sat up, playing with a strand of Iruka's hair until he was sure he was truly asleep.
"Naruto." he called softly.
The boy peeked his head inside the room timidly.
"Come on, Naruto. Lets take a nap."
He crept across the room and climbed deftly onto the bed. Naruto curled into a ball on top of his brand new jacket even though he wasn't tired. He tucked his new kitsune plush beneath the covers and looked expectantly at Kakashi.
The man nodded in approval, earning a brilliant smile from Naruto. The child scooted over until he could nestle beside Iruka. Kakashi held Iruka's head in his lap and waited until the blond was fast asleep before closing his eyes. He let one hand play absently with another lock of his boyfriend's chocolate hair.
'You have a lot to explain when you wake up, love…A lot to explain. Hopefully I can help.'
Meanwhile, a stifled whimper sounded through a pile of thick fabric. Another nightmare began extending its claws around Naruto's mind.
Okay. I know I cut this chapter short, but I had to get something out there for you guys to read. I' think I'm back in my writing mode and I already have ideas for the next chapter. Woohoo. We might just meet Sasuke in the next chapter. I haven't decided on whether or not I should make a small time-skip. Thinking about it though. I'd love to hear what you all have to say about this chapter. Oh yeah, and by the way, I am trying to keep my story as congruent as I possibly can, so if you see an error somewhere, feel free to let me know. I want to improve my writing.