Chapter 51
Lord Inutaisho was the demon behind all of this. Kagome did not want to believe that the Lord of the lands would betray his whole family and even make her kill his mate.
"Look at Sesshoumaru," his voice commanded.
'I did not want to; I swear to Kami that I did not. I never want to see what those eyes hold but my body turned and there he was. I wanted to retreat within my pitiful soul to avoid her amber eyes; staring at me coldly and murderously. The whole world disappeared along with whatever love he held for me all because I am afraid.'
"What do you think of Kagome, Sesshoumaru?" Even though the question was asked, Sesshoumaru said nothing but his usually passive face held such anger that demons unconsciously backed away from him as his power spiked to dangerous levels. Kagome could not tear her away from him even if she did have moment. Even now after all this time she was still forbidden to do the simplest like turn her head. She had lost control of her body.
"Did you know, Sesshoumaru that Kagome is the reason that you aren't crowned at this very moment?" The fury increases in Sesshoumaru's golden orbs. "Yes, you see when I left the palace I told you to treat her well and that I have my ways of knowing. Well, I found this lovely little journal entry about how she was treated when she first came here; raped, tortured, and broken. My, my, my, my son has been busy. So, true to my word, your coronation will be postponed until I deem otherwise. Do you have anything to say to Kagome?"
Sesshoumaru growls at Kagome but then turns his head and spits on the floor, "I don't associate with traitors," is what he said and it broke Kagome a little more inside. Her world crumbles a little more as the garden dies a little bit each second. Nonetheless, tears fall down her porcelain cheeks but her face remains motionless and her green eyes are empty voids. She has lost nearly control over her own mind.
'I deserved that,' sighed Kagome inside her mind as the fog settles in.
Lord Inutaisho speaks to Kagome, "We will talk of this later, Kagome." With the wave of this hand, Kagome watches Sesshoumaru being pulled from her sight by castle guards and out the door. "I will enjoy this night," his tone drops to a low whisper, "while you have no control over your body," his voice filled with lust and need.
"Kagome, you traitor!" shouts Inuyasha from the crowd and the demons around him agree as Sango and Kikyou shake their heads in disbelief and shame. Shamed that they believed her to be the one that cared for the Ice Lord but it turns out that they wrong. She was just another Lady Kima after a throne and a title.
'Please take the pain away, it is too much!" Inside the subconscious of Kagome's mind, she falls to her knees because of all the guilt, regret, and pain that she feels. Her walls crumble and the world ends in front of her.
Kagome, you traitor.
'My life was not so bad before this point in my life, but I guess that someone else should be the judge of that.'
She has lost control over her life.
Chapter 52
Days have past since I had awoken within my own mind and witnessed my betrayal to those who cared about me. Little by little, I have found out that I made a deal with the devil and did not think the whole deal through. Since that day I have learned the loophole of my own deal, as long as body and my mind are not broken simultaneously then the deal is not broken. Moreover, as long as Shippo remains in that a protected section of the gardens with other foxes then the deal is not broken. I am trapped in my body within the boundaries of my own mind.
I have not seen Sesshoumaru since then, but I have heard rumors that he is being held in the dungeons somewhere. It is not as if I could do anything, he would probably kill himself before he wants to see me and I don't blame him.
That night Lord Inutaisho took me to his bed. His kisses were forced like a rapist's-- bruising and uncaring. His hands were rough and calloused. He tugged at my nipples until I am sure that they were red.
I wasn't allowed to look anywhere but into his eyes. He shredded my clothes and tugged at my hair. I was forced to suck on his horrid penis. His thighs bucked and bucked and his hands pulled and pulled at my hair until his cum shot into the back of my throat. I was forced to drink it all. "What a good little bitch," is what he said to me. Even without being connected to my body I could still tell that his cum was salty but my body did not reject it.
Then he pulled himself on top of me. His breath was breathing on my skin, Goosebumps arouse without my consent of course. My head wasn't allowed to look away for this either. I could have retreated to my mind, to my fog, but I did not.
His hips drove into me with demon speed; piercing my body with each thrust. I wanted to run; I wanted to hide; I wanted to escape to some place, anywhere, as long as it wasn't there but I did not have that right to want anything.
"Such a good bitch, so tight, so tainted," I looked into his eyes and saw my own lifeless green orbs; filled with nothing just like my body, just like my soul. Lord Inutaisho's soul is the same color as mine; dark as the moonless night without the stars to light the sky.
"Fuck, Kagome, you feel so good! Yeah, take it all, bitch, take it all!"
His hips continued to drive faster and pound harder until his seed set free into my body. He rolled over and pulled silk sheets across his naked body. "Not bad for a puppet," is what he said that night, "I hope that you enjoyed it, Kagome or did you flee like you do with everything else." He was right, that is why I am in the situation that I am in now because I fled from everything and everyone. I was my own fault and now my paradise is lost to my own foolishness.
I just laid there like the rugged and used doll that I am. My body did not move while he raped me nor did my eyes. I was dead to the world as I retreated to mind only to return when he took my body to bed the very next night. I felt nothing; just numb. I walk alone in the dark for a light, any light. What I would not give for a friend? All the tears that I have cried never seemed to end and my garden continued to die until it was no more.
The beautiful gardens, that I was shown back then by Lord Inutaisho, was once again a desolate wasteland like when I first entered my dream. The fog swims around me like cool water drilling into my body. I refused to change it back since I accepted my fate that night, after all I should not complain; I betrayed the people that actually cared for me and a female that was almost a mother to me.
I betrayed them all, Sesshoumaru, Lady Nami, Shippo, Inuyasha, Kikyou, Sango, I deceived them all because I did not want to see the possibilities that a perfect life would include a life of misery and isolation. As my own punishment to myself, I let myself through my eyes every time that Lord Inutaisho takes me because I don't deserve anything.
I betrayed Sesshoumaru by making a deal with his father and I took the throne from under Sesshoumaru's feet.
I only deserve to live through this pain by doing nothing but watching it all.
I don't even deserve to die to end the pain even though that is what I wish.
Happy endings do not exist for this deserter and double crosser and it should not be because I broke the golden rule: Never bite the hand that feeds you. I chewed Sesshoumaru's limb from his arm. He cared for me and took Shippo in when he was alone and I took what mattered most to him; his throne. Even after all that I have a home and Shippo is forever safe. We are no longer on the streets but I became what I said that I would not; a concubine.
Night is settling in as I remain confined to a single room and it is time for Lord Inutaisho to rape me again.
But then again, when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose and I have already lost it all.